whY mom sAy the bAD wurdSS?

GuestposterWritten by Edsel Gardens, guest poster

Edsul wait. He wate for mom to get home. Edsul stand on cowch. When mom get home? When mom get home? Yousalee she home by now. Where mom. Chew on cowch a little.

Mom get home. "I work late" mom say. "I work hard today" mom say two. "It rayning. Do Edsul and Taloola want to go outs?"

Edsul go out. It wet in sky. It wet a lot. Edsuls run around Nyway. It fun. Taloo not like when it wet from sky. Taloo stand at door. BARK say Taloo. BARK! she say. BARK! BARK! BARK!

"Okayyyy, Taloo," say mom. She have book in her hand. "Mom work lots. Mom want to reed her book now."

We go in. Mom makeeng soups. She feed dum cats. She feed Taloo. She feed Edsuls. It brown crunchy food, which is Edsel favorite. crunch crunch crunch. Good is food.

"STOP IT RODGERS!" I heer mom say. Rodger have head in pan. He eating mom soop. "STOP IT!" she say. Rodger keep eeting soup. Taloo is giggling. Rodger is giggling. Mom put Rodger on floor.

"Mom just want to eat soop and reed #$%&# book" she say.

We all go over to mom an her soop. Catz climb on mom. Taloo put foot on mom. Edsel show mom bottom teefs.

"EVryone leeve mom alone" mom say. "Mom JUST WANT TO READ BOOK AND EAT #%$$@@# SOOP."

Catz still climb on mom. Eds still show teefs. Mom put bowl away. She sit on cowch.

crunchcrunchcrunch

"EDSEL WHAT YOU HAVE" say mom. She sound mad. Edsul run. Mom take screw out Edsul mouf. Screw left from when mom put new curtains up in sky.

"MOM JUST WANT TO REED BOOK! #&%@@&##" she say.

She sit on cowch. She open book.

Skrinkle! Skrinkle! Skrinkle!

WHAT NOW!! mom yell.

Rodgur chewing plastyc bag. He have head way in there. "GET OUT OF BAG!" mom say. She put bag away. She open book. She close book. This time mom stompeeng.

"GET OUT OF CAT FUD!" mom yell. Andersun in cat fud bag. He tear big whole in there. He standeeng in hole.

"MOM JUST WANT TO REED BOOK" say mom. She look upsets. "$@@#%^&!" she say.

Edsul come to help. He lay on mom. He watch mom reed book. Taloo come lay on mom too. Taloo say, Hmmm. Hmmmm.

…HMMMMMMMMMMMM.

"We not going on walk Taloo" mom say. "IT RAINING RELLY HARD. NO WALK."

Hmmmm, say Taloo.

I JUST WANT TO REED MY BOOK, yell mom.

Edsul get kind of nervus. Chew mom blanket just a little. Mom say LEEF IT and read her book.

HMMMM, say Taloo.

Mom get big nostril. Her face look mad. Edsul come in heer and write post.

Think mom just want to reed book.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

86 thoughts on “whY mom sAy the bAD wurdSS?”

  1. Edsel, hon? You have a couple of typos. For one, we learned the other day it’s spelled, “herre”, not “heer”.
    You are welcome.
    Great save though. You’re a good dog for helping out your mom.

    Like

  2. Just Paula. (Still amazed that no one asked if June's new curtains match the carpet. Since we are all twelve.) says:

    What a lovely post!
    The #%$$@@# soup. Is that a cream of #%$$@@# soup, or is it more of a #%$$@@# broth? Or is it #%$$@@# noodle soup?

    Like

  3. Just Paula. (Still amazed that no one asked if June's new curtains match the carpet. Since we are all twelve.) says:

    What a lovely post!
    The #%$$@@# soup. Is that a cream of #%$$@@# soup, or is it more of a #%$$@@# broth? Or is it #%$$@@# noodle soup?

    Like

  4. Just Paula. (Still amazed that no one asked if June's new curtains match the carpet. Since we are all twelve.) says:

    What a lovely post!
    The #%$$@@# soup. Is that a cream of #%$$@@# soup, or is it more of a #%$$@@# broth? Or is it #%$$@@# noodle soup?

    Like

  5. HI-larious. I love the Edsel is a nervous chewer examples. And that the dog food makes the same crunch, crunch, crunch as the screw. It’s all food, right?
    Lovely post, Edsel!

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  6. Edzul rite gud. Teefs mite need pacifier. Tell mom go to #%^*$# pet stor git yu sum.

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  7. Oh, Edsel- Tank yoo fur yer wuffly poste!
    Hope eers not berning frum Moms #%$$@@# BAAD wurds!!
    Maibee she feeles betur turday Wen shesh washt hayrs?
    PS- I wuff yu, Eds-biggs timz!!

    Like

  8. Edsel, yu funnee dawg. Mayd Sadie laf. Yu give yur mom run for the monee. Bee guess postr anytime.

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  9. Edsel, yu funnee dawg. Mayd Sadie laf. Yu give yur mom run for the monee. Bee guess postr anytime.

    Like

  10. Edsel, yu funnee dawg. Mayd Sadie laf. Yu give yur mom run for the monee. Bee guess postr anytime.

    Like

  11. My favorite part is when Edsel says, “Mom get big nostril.” Not only did it make me laugh, but I had one of those “ooh I can relate” moments because I am a nostril-flarer too. In fact I can totally do it on command. So there.
    I AM DOING IT RIGHT NOW.
    Flaringly,
    Siren

    Like

  12. Edsel, I love you and your teefs. You are a sweet, lovely dog. But you should probably stop chewing on the couch. Mom would probably appreciate that. All the best, Auntiekim

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  13. I love it! Edsel, it was nice to hear about life from your perspective. Can you tell me why the couch and blankets taste better than bones and chew toys? My dogs prefer blankets and Sheetrock to dog toys.

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  14. When Marvin posted his chapter of Marvin’s Ashes about the horrible pain he experienced at injustice toward his patrol boy, rule following self, we were told it really and truly was Marvin. Really and truly.
    So I guess we are also to belief dis reely truuuly Eds.

    Like

  15. When Marvin posted his chapter of Marvin’s Ashes about the horrible pain he experienced at injustice toward his patrol boy, rule following self, we were told it really and truly was Marvin. Really and truly.
    So I guess we are also to belief dis reely truuuly Eds.

    Like

  16. When Marvin posted his chapter of Marvin’s Ashes about the horrible pain he experienced at injustice toward his patrol boy, rule following self, we were told it really and truly was Marvin. Really and truly.
    So I guess we are also to belief dis reely truuuly Eds.

    Like

  17. You guys are lucky…If I’da done that at Hulk’s house? I’d be down to about two lives by now.
    I am MUCH happier at Not Chloe and her mom’s house. Plus I have a new playmate named Bubba and we like to leave our fur everywhere. Hulk must be happy for us too because every time Not Chloe tells him about how we like to leave our fur around the house, he just laaaaaaaughs…

    Like

  18. I love reading pet-speak! A whole post of it was so much fun…and cracked me up!
    Smooches, Eds!

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  19. When I first glanced at the title today, the arrangement of lower and upper case *bAD wurdSSS somehow read *badass* to me.

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  20. THE MOST ADORABLE POST OF THE YEAR!! June, you have the cutest pet speak I’ve ever read. Give all the animals loves from me. 🙂

    Like

  21. Edsel—–Furgut to tels yu—-
    Dat commint frum ML wuz frum MEE—
    Humpfree Weenerz-nects doer houz—
    Inn cace Mom Joon gets #%$$@@# mads ovur peeplz tawkeng lykes yu—
    PZ—iss Mom Joonz noztril bakk tu smal nouw?

    Like

  22. I read it as Badass too. Is that some kind of trick the eye thing? If it is, I am not happy, because I can NEVER see those magic eye picture things! Why can Badass trick my eye but a 3D cube can’t??

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  23. I can see the magic eye pictures, but I did not see Badass. Edsel was warning us that June was cussing big time.

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  24. I can see the magic eye pictures, but I did not see Badass. Edsel was warning us that June was cussing big time.

    Like

  25. I can see the magic eye pictures, but I did not see Badass. Edsel was warning us that June was cussing big time.

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  26. Edsel, I love your teefs, and Lu’s hhhmmmmmmms, and anything the cattins do. Thanks for filling us in on the excitement.
    **note: once a cat has gotten “the taste of blood” of ripping open a new bag of cat food, this will happen again and again. I have to keep my cat food in a Tupperware cereal container.

    Like

  27. Totally off topic, but I just read an article on Marlo Thomas. I am repulsed by what a douche her boyfriend, Donald, was in That Girl! Ann Marie would never have bothered with that weenie! Ugh!

    Like

  28. Totally off topic, but I just read an article on Marlo Thomas. I am repulsed by what a douche her boyfriend, Donald, was in That Girl! Ann Marie would never have bothered with that weenie! Ugh!

    Like

  29. Totally off topic, but I just read an article on Marlo Thomas. I am repulsed by what a douche her boyfriend, Donald, was in That Girl! Ann Marie would never have bothered with that weenie! Ugh!

    Like

  30. *Unsolicited advice alert*
    We keep the huge bag of dog food in a cheep garbage can with a lid. I used to keep the cat food in the same type of container. Win/win for animals and bugs.
    I know you know this info already just reiterating in case it slipped your mind with all of the pawing and barking and chewing and teef showing.

    Like

  31. Eds, you are so sweet to post for you Mom today. Maybe you can talk Roger and Anderson into posting as well. You and your brothers and sister need to behave so Mom can read her book.
    Roger just wanted some soup. Give that baby some warm unsalted broth.

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  32. So, I tell the old man most every day how, if it weren’t for my daily reading of my two essential cultural news blogs, I would be a piece of lost luggage. They keep me as well-informed as any one person ever needs to be, and the yucks keep me in traction.
    They are (forgive the namedrop):
    sippicancottage.blogspot.com and byebyepie.typepad.com.
    Huffpo, eat yer heart out.

    Like

  33. Lucy and Cosmo thing Ed would be a fun friend… I’m sure he would appreciate all their licking…. wet head is good head, we like to say!

    Like

  34. Lucy and Cosmo thing Ed would be a fun friend… I’m sure he would appreciate all their licking…. wet head is good head, we like to say!

    Like

  35. Lucy and Cosmo thing Ed would be a fun friend… I’m sure he would appreciate all their licking…. wet head is good head, we like to say!

    Like

  36. Ima go to bed here in a moment, but re-reading comments from today, my favorite is from Zadge:
    *Sounds like Roger was half in the bag.*
    HEE. How did I miss that?

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