Roger at 16

You know those annoying days when I have 20 things to tell you?

Hi.

First of all, I have some news about our little Roger. Remember a few months back, when I got a little innocent kitten?

Babyrog i teensee. also, I be in bucket. ant lauree not put me in bukket. just naturlee in here.

So, yeah. Baby Roger.

The other night I was on the phone and I heard "MrrrrowowOWOWWW!" outside. "I think there's a cat fight! I gotta go!" Poor baby Roger!

Anderson is not one for going outside a lot. He kind of likes to stay in with his mother. Watch musicals. Think about my window treatments.

So I grab a flashlight and head to the noise, which is decidedly less angry-sounding and more "WOW! Wow wow WOOOOW! sounding.

And I shine a light? On…

 

Roger was totally gettin' him some…you know. Tail. The moon had hit his eye like a big pizza pie, apparently.

And you GUYS. I KNOW! I TOTALLY VEHEMENTLY think you should spay and neuter! I've just been, you know, thinking he didn't need it yet and yeah. I guess I was wrong.

Roger. Heading in to the vet for his fixing. Anderson. Needlessly going as well.

June. Secretly hoping she gets handed a basket of gray huge kittens from an angry neighbor.

In other news, remember my coworker, Debb Killjoy, who sent us all the email on the terrible things a margarita does to your body that night when everyone was going out for margaritas? I swear she is likable other than the whole having-to-be-healthy thing.

Recently I saw on the vending machine that she had lost 50 cents. She'd left a note for the guy who fills the machine with my Mallow Cups and Pop Tarts. Yes, MY. "I GOT her!" I enthused. "Debb! I see you lost money at the VENDING MACHINE!"

"Oh, yeah. I was getting gum."

Sigh.

So, there's a bakery nearby that we've all been talking about, and this past weekend after her NINE-MILE RUN, Debb stopped in. And got–

are you ready? Are you?

–coffee. COFFEE. And she'd run NINE MILES. I mean, she had an EXCUSE!

Coffee. Am force-feeding an extra-value meal down her healthy gullet if it's the last thing I do before my arteries give up on my Mallow Cupped self.

And see? Now we have to stampede to another topic because I am all over the place today. My cat is sexing up the neighborhood, my coworker can eat no fat, I mean, you'd be scattered, too.

  100_0643My pal Jane West and I went to Michael's after work and got our stuff for our Snow White and Rose Red costumes. It turns out like three people have heard of the fairy tale Snow White and Rose Red. If one more person says, "I've heard of Snow White…" Oh, really? Have you? HAVE you, genius? NOT THAT SNOW WHITE. Can't everyone just pretend they know? Anyway, note Roger thinking Anderson looks kinda hot, over there. Note Anderson enjoying the floral arrangement.

I got all white flowers, and Jane West got pretty much the same stuff, only, you know, red. We're gonna glue gun everything to our dresses and be all wood nymphy and we heart ourselves.

100_0641Rodger over the flawers. Got any hot chicks up in herre?

Shellacking
I also purchased a paint-by-numbers kit, because I am ridiculous. And by the way, I never think I'm gonna like going to Michael's and I always have the time of my life. And I've never felt this way before. Well I swear, it's the truth. And I owe it all to Michael's.

You may not be able to see that the package claims it's for ages 8 to 88. I'll bet people who buy it when they're 89 feel mighty stupid when they get home.

I like how I bought a dog to paint. Because that's not at all redundant. And a GOLDEN dog, too. And it's bringing in the paper, just like my dogs do in real life. Ever. Oh, and it's not PAINT by numbers, it's PAINTING by numbers. It's active. Okay.

Anyway. Am looking forward to my artistic journey. This beats my puppet shellacking all to hell.

Finally, I leave you with a ludicrous site that my next-cubicle neighbor sent me to yesterday and which forced me to heave up my Pop Tart yesterday, I was giggling so hard. I do not know where she finds these things but this is the funniest thing possible. Go look. You will die. Incentive!

 

235 thoughts on “Roger at 16

  1. Sadie - Actually, Mr. Sadie would be quite happy to get a meatloaf birthday cake, but without the sweet icing. I know, I can make it look like the slaughtered fish shown in the WW cards. says:

    Meatloaf is one of our favorite meals, but I always make boring loaf size. Beverly is giving me ideas.

    Like

  2. Sadie - Actually, Mr. Sadie would be quite happy to get a meatloaf birthday cake, but without the sweet icing. I know, I can make it look like the slaughtered fish shown in the WW cards. says:

    Meatloaf is one of our favorite meals, but I always make boring loaf size. Beverly is giving me ideas.

    Like

  3. Sadie - Actually, Mr. Sadie would be quite happy to get a meatloaf birthday cake, but without the sweet icing. I know, I can make it look like the slaughtered fish shown in the WW cards. says:

    Meatloaf is one of our favorite meals, but I always make boring loaf size. Beverly is giving me ideas.

    Like

  4. June, it’s from Best in Show. When Jennifer Coolidge is talking about the ancient man she married and how he still pushes her buttons, etc.

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  5. Drain a little more out of the pool. Oh, I know I am high on the Whoppers TinaDoris left on her desk, but that is the funny, right there. And note to TinaDoris–you are out of Whoppers.

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  6. CRAP, late to the game today and I was getting all excited reading the comments thinking no one knew what June’s title referenced but NOOO, someone beat me to it. Somebody TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH. Double crap. And I remember Lance Kerwin but I remember an even more obscure 1970’s reference…The Keane Brothers which I have mentioned here before but everybody ignored. Just like Mo. Keane Brothers were some hot boys around the age of 12 or 14 and they had a short lived variety show and they were all up in Tiger Beat for like a summer.

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  7. For whatever reason, June just friggin’ killed me with the Whoppers story. I canNOT stop giggling…

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  8. For whatever reason, June just friggin’ killed me with the Whoppers story. I canNOT stop giggling…

    Like

  9. For whatever reason, June just friggin’ killed me with the Whoppers story. I canNOT stop giggling…

    Like

  10. Sadie needs to remember to buy some tomorrow for a neighborhood party tomorrow night. If I buy it before then, there wouldn't be much left. Too much temptation for me. says:

    And, Texas Kari, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you bought your Halloween candy early and, if so, is there any left?

    Like

  11. Sadie needs to remember to buy some tomorrow for a neighborhood party tomorrow night. If I buy it before then, there wouldn't be much left. Too much temptation for me. says:

    And, Texas Kari, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you bought your Halloween candy early and, if so, is there any left?

    Like

  12. Sadie needs to remember to buy some tomorrow for a neighborhood party tomorrow night. If I buy it before then, there wouldn't be much left. Too much temptation for me. says:

    And, Texas Kari, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you bought your Halloween candy early and, if so, is there any left?

    Like

  13. Sadie,
    I did buy the candy last weekend at my daughter’s insistence. It’s GOOD candy – snickers, reese’s, m&ms. And yes, I’ve been eating a little, but not as much as I’d like!!
    Am ashamed.

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  14. Okay, I DO like meatloaf (even have a great recipe for Italian meatloaf), I was just trying, IN VAIN again, to be funny. Meatloaf…I CAN’T DO THAT.(song)
    It was in the same tone, JUNE, as my *totally getting the title, always* comment.
    No one gets my ironic font.

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  15. Furry, I can’t believe you remember the Keane Brothers too!
    Sadie, little Guy is doing very well. Apparently he seems not to be the hell-on-wheels child I wished upon my daughter when she was a teenager 🙂
    And wasn’t that jello stuff from the 70’s called jello “aspic” or something?
    Regarding Halloween/Fall candy; Hershey’s Kisses in the Pumpkin Spice flavor is gross.
    And last but not least, Letha, what is up with your chest? I think I must have skimmed comments too quickly or missed a day….your chest seems to be very popular.

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  16. Letha, you are always funny. Sorry I didn’t get your Meatloaf humor, but I’m sure June did.
    Granny Annie, give that baby time. He will be a teenager some day and then payback will be yours. Yes, there was something called “aspic”, but what an awful sounding word for a food dish.
    Lisa Pie and Texas Kari, I know myself too well to purchase Halloween candy in advance. Believe me, I’ll be eating any and all leftovers.

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  17. Letha, you are always funny. Sorry I didn’t get your Meatloaf humor, but I’m sure June did.
    Granny Annie, give that baby time. He will be a teenager some day and then payback will be yours. Yes, there was something called “aspic”, but what an awful sounding word for a food dish.
    Lisa Pie and Texas Kari, I know myself too well to purchase Halloween candy in advance. Believe me, I’ll be eating any and all leftovers.

    Like

  18. Letha, you are always funny. Sorry I didn’t get your Meatloaf humor, but I’m sure June did.
    Granny Annie, give that baby time. He will be a teenager some day and then payback will be yours. Yes, there was something called “aspic”, but what an awful sounding word for a food dish.
    Lisa Pie and Texas Kari, I know myself too well to purchase Halloween candy in advance. Believe me, I’ll be eating any and all leftovers.

    Like

  19. I’m glad that you bought that paint-by-number, June. Hopefully the children’s children of one of we Pie commenters will take it to Antiques Roadshow one day and it will just please one of those appraisers to no end. Now get busy.

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  20. June, do you know what Roger’s paramour looked like? If so, I’d suggest giving a heads-up to the neighbor whose cat it is. And also tell said neighbor to get their slutty Puss in Boots spayed. Roger will be one of the rare kitties these days who won’t be a virgin when he gets neutered.
    The kitty-litter cake is…unbelievable. Really.
    The numbers on the paintING-by-number kit make me wonder what’s up with their paint numbering system.
    If I saw a guy in Polo glasses, I would assume he’s gay. No offense meant. (And NOT that there’s anything wrong with it…!)
    I am going to take a guess and bet that the AKC is sexist. I bet if a purebred female gets raped by a male mongrel, then she is considered ruined for life, and will have to go live in a trailer park in New Jersey with her unwanted brats. But what if a purebred (Nazi) male dog goes a-wanderin’ and gets him some mongrel bitch action? Is HE “ruined”? Somehow I doubt the AKC would see it that way.
    I would love to see the expression on Gordon Ramsay’s face if one of his contestants served him spam covered in peanut butter and raisins.
    Ass meatloaf!!!!!!!!!!

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  21. Thanks, Letha-too funny!
    Dang- will probably miss all the action today as it’s time to hit the shower and get ready for work-
    Oh well-trick or treat day at all the shops in our area so it’ll be fun seeing the wee ones in their costumes!

    Like

  22. I love that video Letha. I googled Skidboot and watched other videos. It looks like they’re trying to get a movie made. I hope they’re successful.

    Like

  23. Sleeping off a glue hangover?
    Maybe she decided to start her ornament re-do last night-
    Or she OD’d on Smoky Mackerel Pudding-
    Off to work- have a great day all!

    Like

  24. How about 4 inches of snow on the ground here in Maryland… had to shake the crepe myrtle so it branches don’t break

    Like

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