Snow White and Rose Red eat cupcakes in the suburbs

So, Jane West and I spent 97 hours getting our Snow White and Rose Red costumes ready for our party yesterday.

And just to review, NOT THAT SNOW WHITE.

Different story. I'll bet Snow White of Snow White and Rose Red got PISSED in real life. "Are you that Snow White who lives with dwarfs?"

SnowandroseThey lived in the woods. They befriended a bear. Bear turned out to be a prince. You know how that happens. Snow White got to marry him and Rose Red got stuck with the prince's brother, Harry, who seemed more fun anyway. The end.

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Here's poor Rose Red, who brought over a dress dummy, and I am not calling you "Dummy" right now like I am Fred Sanford. She lugged that thing in and I was all "IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!"

I am more obsessed with Silence of the Lambs than I think I am. Also? Perhaps I should admit to myself that it's probably time to put away the mosquito repellent. There in the background you can see where I bought the Earth-friendly natural stuff and then hauled my welt-covered self back to the store and purchased chemicals. Do not write me to tell me to buy that Avon stuff. I have no Avon lady.

Anyway, not only did Jane West bring a dress dummy, she brought a glue gun, a sewing box, wire cutters, that guy Tim Gunn from Project Runway who says, "Make it work" — the bitch brought everything. She assumed I'd have none of this stuff. I.AM.SURE.

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You can imagine how a bag full of leaves, silver and gold dangly things, and plastic bags did not interest the kittens in the slightest. I was in here adjusting the music or something and I heard Jane West say, "Drop it!"

"You can't say 'drop it' to a cat."

"Yeah, I guess I know that."

Uncat people are funny.

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It was kind of me to insist we work in the same room as the litter box. That's me. Always thinking of my guest.

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After about 90 hours of Jane West burning herself with the glue gun repeatedly (it was like I was hanging with James Brown. "OW!" …."OW!") and me idly clipping a flower every once in awhile, we were ready to go.

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100_0658I had a bird in my hair.

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You'll be amazed to hear that thing went in there with no effort. It was like my head is meant to be a…bird's…nest. Oh, hell.

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I am one shopping cart away from being insane, aren't I?

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Here is Rose Red at the party; for some reason she is shy about having her face on my blog. As I am. People at the party took pictures of the two of us together, and I do not know why they haven't stampeded to email them to me this morning. What about MY needs? Note the Hello Kitty Band-Aid I had to give her for one of her glue gun injuries. Nothing says, "I am a wood nymph in the 16th century" like a Hello Kitty Band-Aid.

Also, when we were getting into the car, we were all, "The BIRD on my head is knocking into the car roof" and I pointed out that the real Snow White and Rose Red must have run into these difficulties all the time.

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In the meantime, there were other tasteful costumes there.

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Am certain Mr. Walt Disney would not approve.

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ACK.

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Oh, good. Do you have a website in case I need you later? BAH!

But I did meet someone special last night. Someone I could not get enough of.

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"Where did you get that dress?" she asked me, as though she were headed out to Ross Dress for Less, to Single White Female me as soon as humanly possible.

"Well, it's really my nightgown, and I spent a long time gluing these flowers to it," I said, throwing the blistered Jane West under a bus.

"It's really pretty," she said, touching a rose.

"Thank you," I said, "I like your costume, too." I mean, she had sparkles, she had layers, there was a princess involved on her necklace. What wasn't to like?

"Do you like my necklace?" she said, whipping out her medallion, there. She told me who the princess was, but of course I've already forgotten. What I remember is the princess had SPARKLE HAIR, and my new favorite person at the party and I both agreed we want sparkle hair in real life.

I got up at one point, and she said, "Where are you going?"

"Well, I was just getting off the floor to sit with you on the couch, if that's okay."

Girl, we gabbed about just everything. And if it's disturbing I had much in common with a–well, how old is this child? You know how I have no idea about these things. What is she, four? Twelve? Anyway, the fact that we like all the same things probably means that she is incredibly mature. Also, am getting pink glasses tout suite.

Oh, and when she left? Pink leopard coat. Enough said.

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The food was fabulous, by the way, and the decorations left no stone unturned. This here is a brain made with raspberry Jello. It was a raspberry br-ain! The kind you find at a Halloween bash! Raspberry br-ain!

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It was cold out last night, so I wore tights and a 1960s slip that I got at my friend Kit's store. I totally want to go around in 1960s full slips now. They're so sexy and you feel all Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Without the part where Paul Newman is mad at you and glowering at you with piercing eyes.

I have to wear this whole ensemble again to work tomorrow, so I'm glad I didn't stain it with raspberry brain or anything. If anyone else in the world EVER gets up and EVER sends me a photo of Snow White and Rose Red together, I will post it tomorrow. But be sure to complain about it today. Because I love busting out a whole post and then hearing about what I DIDN'T do. LOVE that! Not gonna send the guy with the ax over or anything.

100_0692Rodgur not to care it hallowiin. bring in girl catz to rogur bachelor basket, pleez.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

71 thoughts on “Snow White and Rose Red eat cupcakes in the suburbs”

  1. Lovely post, June.
    Roger down there at the very end catches my eye. My cats always insist on putting their heads through the handles of bags and then scaring themselves silly. Roger is definitely taking it up a notch by sticking his head through the handle of a basket.

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  2. Amy, it was the end of the night and I walked in there and found him like that. I was all, did he pull that thing on himself like he was on a ride? What was he up to, over there?

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  3. What about cupcakes? I don’t see anything about cupcakes. You tease us in the title about cupcakes, but no mention again of cupcakes. Just old jiggly jello, sigh…

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  4. See, I’m still here OCCUPYING BYE BYE PIE! (In case you didn’t get enough of that line yesterday)
    Lovely costume, full slips are wonderful. I know I have one jammed in a drawer somewhere, but I was four sizes smaller when I bought it, so I’m sure it still fits…

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  5. First of all, yeah. Harry always looked waaay more fun than William.
    Second – vintage slips are amazing and I don’t understand why people complain about having to wear slips.

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  6. Like he was on a ride! Now I am commenting on your comments. Oh, wait.
    I love those lacy white leggings. And the mini-princess sporting the hot decolletage.
    Lovely post, June. After reading, I felt like I’d had a lot of coffee.
    Great costumes, cupcakes.

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  7. Wheeeee! So many pictures! And none are fuzzy!
    I think the little girl is about five or six, but my kids are old now, so what do I know.
    That raspberry brain is definitely a Weight Watcher special.
    I have to go shake heavy snow off tree limbs that are threatening to break and move numerous already-broken tree branches now. Oh, who I am I kidding. I’ll be watching my husband do that crap. Because we got a foot of snow. In OCTOBER. Or, as my father used to say, Focktober.

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  8. There were maybe two people who knew who the Sam Holy Hill we were. You know, how is it she and I both totally knew who that was and it just so happens that is the costume we thought of and we are the only people who ever had that book as kids? It is weird. It is like the year my friend Lisa and I went as Anais Nin and June Miller. That went over big. Next year Ill just be sexy devil and call it a day.

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  9. June, What is the white tower like thingy in your cat pan room? Were any of those cute guys single? Or are you back on the not dating scene?

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  10. I really am on a man break and it is a filter to make the cat poop smell not so bad. And Target Steve? Yesterday I was looking for a new filter for it, and the very nice boy there, and I really should not say boy because he was black but he was young so help me out here, searched and searched and you guys were out of my filter. He said, We will probably have your filter in a week, but have you tried Lowes? I dont know if he was supposed to say that, but I liked that he did.

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  11. June,
    You look positively VIRGINAL in your Snow White costume!
    Your hair is lovely-also, isn’t a bird in the hair worth two in the tush or something?
    Little princess is too cute-can just see the two of you discussing fashion, sparkle hair and accessories-
    Love the igloo litter box-
    Anderson is, well…Anderson-but I’m starting to wonder about Roger-
    He looks a bit Adam Lambert-y in the photo-
    Is he wearing eyeliner now? Hmmm…
    NOT that there’s anything wrong with that-
    Thanks, Jane for the fabulous costumes- sorry about your burns!
    Also too in ending-Thanks for Raspberry Br-ain…now I’ll have that song etc. etc.

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  12. Those dark tights were an interesting choice. It is like Aretha Franklin meets Snow White on your bottom half.
    Also, too the bird in your hair comment was FUNNY. You look gorgeous.

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  13. Aren’t somebody else’s kids wonderful? What a cutie. And so is the little brother trying to cop a feel in the background. And the other Snow White’s decollete (sp?).
    Sounds like a fun party. Now I’ve got to go find the Snow-White & Rose-Red story that I never read.
    Also love Anderson & Roger in the basket. It doesn’t look like they will fit in it together for much longer.

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  14. So the lacey things are the tights? I thought you had brownish tights on because your feet look so dark. My bad.
    I hadn’t had a diet coke or coffee yet…

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  15. Built like she was, she had the nerve to ask him if he planned to do her any harm…
    This, THIS is all I have in my head.

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  16. The green cupcakes with the ghoul head on top – very creepy. My 9 year old would love it. Same with jello brains. The axe. It was real. Looks real on my computer. Alcohol and a real axe would not be a good combination at some parties in VA. Pink fur leopard coat would rock. Also, your hair looked very nice. Bird was just an added bonus.

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  17. The green cupcakes with the ghoul head on top – very creepy. My 9 year old would love it. Same with jello brains. The axe. It was real. Looks real on my computer. Alcohol and a real axe would not be a good combination at some parties in VA. Pink fur leopard coat would rock. Also, your hair looked very nice. Bird was just an added bonus.

    Like

  18. The green cupcakes with the ghoul head on top – very creepy. My 9 year old would love it. Same with jello brains. The axe. It was real. Looks real on my computer. Alcohol and a real axe would not be a good combination at some parties in VA. Pink fur leopard coat would rock. Also, your hair looked very nice. Bird was just an added bonus.

    Like

  19. Sadie - Jane is a true friend to bring all supplies and injure herself for the sake of beauty. At least, she gets Harry. says:

    1. Your makeup is gorgeous!
    17. Your hair is fabulous!
    23. You look beautiful, even if you weren’t Sleeping Beauty.
    31. No wonder mini-June was enthralled. She wants to grow up and be as pretty as you.
    19. The Ax Man Cometh is indeed hot.

    Like

  20. Sadie - Jane is a true friend to bring all supplies and injure herself for the sake of beauty. At least, she gets Harry. says:

    1. Your makeup is gorgeous!
    17. Your hair is fabulous!
    23. You look beautiful, even if you weren’t Sleeping Beauty.
    31. No wonder mini-June was enthralled. She wants to grow up and be as pretty as you.
    19. The Ax Man Cometh is indeed hot.

    Like

  21. Sadie - Jane is a true friend to bring all supplies and injure herself for the sake of beauty. At least, she gets Harry. says:

    1. Your makeup is gorgeous!
    17. Your hair is fabulous!
    23. You look beautiful, even if you weren’t Sleeping Beauty.
    31. No wonder mini-June was enthralled. She wants to grow up and be as pretty as you.
    19. The Ax Man Cometh is indeed hot.

    Like

  22. I LOVE your costume. Gorgeous, just gorgeous.
    And yeah… little girls are awesome. I have one child, a daughter, now 25, and it’s just been the two of us for years. She’s my best friend, no question. Keeps me young.
    Does Roger have a seductive French meow? He looks like he would.

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  23. PS- I see Sadie beat me to it, but I also had to comment on how gorgeous your look in that pic. Your eyes look HUGE.

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  24. Yes, I know the story of Snow White and Rose Red! You two looked great. Too bad the princes didn’t show up.
    Roger’s looking quite seductive there in his bachelor basket. Better get that boy fixed pronto or you’ll be a grandmother in no time.

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  25. You are a beautiful wood nymph June.
    Axe man looks a bit like Harry Hamlin I think.

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  26. You do look very pretty as Snow White! Your hair and make-up look fantastic! I see the Latisse is working too.
    Roger is adorable! When is his appointment? Are you going to have a party for his de-balling like you did for Edsel?

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  27. You look beautiful, love the shiny lipgloss! I grew up with the real Grimms Fairytales so I know the difference between “Schneewittchen” and “Schneeweisschen und Rosenrot”. I have my mother’s book of Grimms Fairytales and some other books with classic childrens stories from Germany. I grew up with them and did not understand the violent parts, I think kids don’t think about stuff like that, it is too abstract for them. What is more damaging for kids is having to actually see violence, like when parents let kids watch violent movies on tv.
    Better get off my soapbox I guess.

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  28. Wooo! Fun party with great costumes.
    I just returned from a backpacking trip and am getting caught up. I have no costume. I do however get to start mowing through the Halloween candy. Yay!

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  29. You looked lovely. Maybe the costume won’t need an explanation at your literary workplace?
    Can’t wait to see what we get tomorrow, after last year, I won’t be surprised if we have flamethrowers and a rocket launch.

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  30. June Meat Cleaver! At our Halloween party, we had a Cereal Killer. She wore an apron covered with cereal boxes that had been stabbed and carried a knife dripping with cereal.

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  31. June Meat Cleaver! At our Halloween party, we had a Cereal Killer. She wore an apron covered with cereal boxes that had been stabbed and carried a knife dripping with cereal.

    Like

  32. June Meat Cleaver! At our Halloween party, we had a Cereal Killer. She wore an apron covered with cereal boxes that had been stabbed and carried a knife dripping with cereal.

    Like

  33. See all the money I save by not being a cool kid? I don’t have to worry about designing and making an expensive costume to wear to a party.

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  34. Sadie - We had meatloaf for dinner tonight. All the talk of meatloaf the other day made me hungry. Thanks for solving my dinner dilemma. says:

    Ax Guy, here your missing E as well.

    Like

  35. Sadie - We had meatloaf for dinner tonight. All the talk of meatloaf the other day made me hungry. Thanks for solving my dinner dilemma. says:

    Ax Guy, here your missing E as well.

    Like

  36. Sadie - We had meatloaf for dinner tonight. All the talk of meatloaf the other day made me hungry. Thanks for solving my dinner dilemma. says:

    Ax Guy, here your missing E as well.

    Like

  37. Yes, Tee…bless their hearts.
    We “air” our cats when they are naughty. You know the compressed air that you clean out your computer key-board with? They hate it…all we have to do is get the can out when they get on the counters or bother breakables now. It’s super cold, so don’t get too close with it and don’t spray it in their face. It works much better than a spray bottle of water.

    Like

  38. Finishing up the book club book tonight…so…
    Codswallop!
    and Happy Halloween!

    Like

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