Who dat?

Hey, did you hear I went to New Orleans?

On the first night, on my way there, I stayed with Faithful Reader Sadie, who coincidentally has a dog named Sadie. You'd think she'd name her dog something different from her own name, but who am I to tell people what to do? Anyway, I had never met Faithful Reader Sadie nor her dog Sadie nor her cute husband Mr. Sadie, but she has been commenting forever, so when she said I could stay with her on my way to New Orleans, I trusted that she would not kill me and indeed she did not.

Sadie
Look at her! This is Sadie the dog, not the person. Anyway, I got a charge out of them both, because Sadie the person was all, "I got you Pop-Tarts, and I know you take your coffee half caf and half decaf, so I got that, and here's a tiara in your room if you want to play with it."

June's blog. Making her an annoying fussy guest who you have to get special things for since 2006.

Friday morning dawned early, as opposed to it dawning late, and Sadie the person and the dog made me a ltitle bag of treats to go and why does anyone like me, is what I want to know? I just come over, eat all the food, take some to go and shed everywhere. I am a delight.

Albamakitty

I stopped off at a truck stop in Alabama, or maybe Mississippi, for some boiled peanuts and coffee, as you do, and met this nice kitty there. The owner of the truck stop told me the kitty lived there and everyone fed him, otherwise who'd be owning Alabama kitty? The whole time I was petting him, I could hear Hulk's stupid voice, which sadly appears in my head way more than I wish it to: "%#@@&. Only you could find a #@$$&# cat at a truck stop."

I stay friends with Hulk out of pity, because no one else really wants to hang around him that much, owing to the fact that he says things like, "Percent pound sign at at ampersand." I'm really one of the only people who'll tolerate it.

Foodgroups(Hulk's three food groups)

At any rate, I got to New Orleans and had to drive through the city awhile before I got to the hotel, and I am telling you, I saw the phrase, "Who Dat?" 94933939495595595593837374755753 times in the first 10 minutes.

Whodat
When I got to our room, Donna answered the door and I said, "Am I already sick of the phrase 'Who dat?'"

You know what you don't want to do? Is tell Donna you are sick of something. Every 20 seconds, for the rest of the trip, Donna said, "Who dat!?" We'd be looking at a menu: "Who dat! What you gonna get?" We'd be wandering the streets: "Who dat! Did you see what she had on?" She'd walk in from the shower: "Who dat?"

No one on the planet is having a greater love affair than the one Donna was having with herself each time she irked me anew with "Who dat?" She is currently out purchasing a diamond eternity ring for herself, to show herself she'd marry her all over again.

Who dat?

And really, she is lucky she lived through the whole trip, not just because I was going to stab her through her who dat head, but also because everywhere we went, someone was trying to shove shellfish down her allergic gullet.

Barofdeath
We decided to eat at the bar (no, I DIDN'T have a drink. Calm down.) at this restaurant because it faced outside and we wanted to people-watch. You could sit there for the rest of your life and stare at people in New Orleans and never grow bored. Trust me. There are men in sparkly bras, women practically naked, people dressed as trees. One person was dressed as a piece of poop and I am not making that up.

Anyway, first Donna had to try to find something on the menu that would not kill her. "Oh! There's shrimp and clams! Or I could have scallops with lobster! How about the crayfish!" We were in hysterics. Even her old favorite, potatoes (you have never known a person to be more fond of potatoes. She would MARRY potatoes had she not already married herself over the Who Dat thing) (She would be Mrs. Potato Head) (She would be Mr. Potato Head's other woman. Mrs. Potato Head would come make hash browns out her ass. Girlfriend likes her a potato, is the point I am trying to get across to you) were cooked IN SHELLFISH.

Finally she got the catch of the day, which believe it or not did not come in a shell, and we were enjoying our dinner when WHOOOMP! The bartender slapped a gigantic thing of oysters on the bar and started, I don't know, shucking them? Whatever you do to oysters. And we thought it was maybe a one-time deal, but girl. It was like he was Sisyphus or something with the boulder and the hill. WHOOMP. Another tray of oysters. He was never-ending with his oysters.

"You know, I don't have an Epi-Pen," Donna said nervously.

ShelldonnaAnyway, she lived, obviously, or else I might have led with that.

WeddingOther than nearly killing Donna, New Orleans is a festive town. In case you didn't know. There seemed to be a tradition of people getting married and inexplicably parading down the street with their guests as a band played jazz, and every time one of those bands went by us, I'd say "I could go for some Zatarain's."

Donna usually answered me "Who dat?" Really, it is never good to have two people who get such a charge out of their own selves together like that.

BeadsandcrownOne of the wedding guests threw his beads at me, probably because I was standing there with my hoots just out and proud. Anyway it gives us all ample opportunity to enjoy my metal crown.

BookkittySpeaking of New Orleans traditions, am I the only person who goes there and heads to the book store?

RollykitAnd finds a kitty to love? Hi, Hulk. "Ampersand pound pound."

I also wanted to go to the voodoo shops, and at some point Donna actually had to work, which is why she was there (whatEVER), so while she did pesky work, I asked the concierge to send me to a real voodoo place, outside of the touristy area.

I took a cab to a real neighborhood, and went to this shopping center that seemed to cater to liberal white people. It had a yoga studio, a food co-op, a healing arts center. You know the drill. Then right in the middle of all that was a voodoo priestess's store.

And also? That day?

AdoptYay!

PittyHello, pitty pit pit! I love you and your big big head! I hope a white liberal person gives you a home very soon.

Anyway, I went to the voodoo shop and oh, I looked in there for probably an hour. There were powders you could bathe in to, like, put a spell on your own self. There were candles you could buy shaped like a person, and then you buy oils and anoint the candles. So, if I wanted Hulk to love me, which I do not, I'd buy a boy candle and then I guess love-me-Hulk oil and put it on the candle or something.

Oh that store was packed with voodooy thingamabobs. Finally I was drawn to a pink envelope. "What's in here?" I asked the priestess, who looked like a liberal white person. "There's an amulet in there. It draws love to you."

"How much?"

"Three dollars."

"Sold.

So I bought my three-dollar amulet, and sat in the food co-op and read the directions. You had to read the little chant that went with it, so I did, and I put the amulet in my wallet and went outside to hail a cab. A truck with two men riding in back went by, and one whistled while the other screamed out, "I LOVE YOU!"

So there you go. I got my three dollars' worth.

ArchHere's a place where I stopped off for a decaf after my dabble with the dark underworld…

Coffeekitty…and here's the kitty I met at the coffee shop. "Pound pound pound sign! Percent!"

On my last night there, we were pretty tired, and we went down to the hotel restaurant to get a late-night salad. Partayy! We ate up at the bar, where AGAIN I did not have a drink and I really wish you'd relax, and some drunk guy next to Donna said, "So what are YOU two planning on tonight?"

Donna didn't tell me this till we were back up in the room. Not wanting to let on that we were the most boring duo in New Orleans, she said, "We're going up to the room to discuss our game plan" knowing full well that without a word between us, we were headed upstairs to put on our pajamas and sit on our beds and talk, which was precisely what we were in the midst of doing when she relayed the story.

"After careful consideration," she said hysterically, as we fluffed our pillows to lean up on them, "I think we're staying in."

Donna had to go back to work the morning I left, so I penned a note and left it on her bed.

"Hey Donna," I wrote. " I can't believe I forgot to ask you this, but,

WHO DAT?"

 

240 thoughts on “Who dat?

  1. Jane, where do you live that you are just waking? Are you in Australia?

    Like

  2. Jane, where do you live that you are just waking? Are you in Australia?

    Like

  3. Jane, where do you live that you are just waking? Are you in Australia?

    Like

  4. Um, hmm. What else is there to tell? He has two kittens, did I already tell that part? He lives LOCALLY. No more schlepping to Raleigh or Winston or Nova Scotia for a date. I am certain he has to have a huge terrible flaw but I am still waiting for that shoe to drop. DROP, shoe. DROP! It is KILLING ME.

    Like

  5. Oh, you answered my question already. I was going to ask if he had any pets. Hmm. He has a job, GOOD. He likes animals, GOOD. He can cook, GOOD. He’s tall enough that you can wear any shoe you want, GOOD. (That was a requirement I had for my husband. And that he have bigger thighs. And no wearing my clothes. Or at least have the decency not to look better in them.)
    OH! What are the names of his kittens??
    Does he have any (human) children?

    Like

  6. Aw! I was thinking, though, that we always shorten the June boys’ names to initials. Tall Boy would be TB. Which is a disease. So how about Tall Guy, as Laurie said. TG. Like thank goodness.

    Like

  7. Aw! I was thinking, though, that we always shorten the June boys’ names to initials. Tall Boy would be TB. Which is a disease. So how about Tall Guy, as Laurie said. TG. Like thank goodness.

    Like

  8. Aw! I was thinking, though, that we always shorten the June boys’ names to initials. Tall Boy would be TB. Which is a disease. So how about Tall Guy, as Laurie said. TG. Like thank goodness.

    Like

  9. Amish Annie is so happy to hear that faithful reader Sadie did not end up to be a serial killer; that would have been so disappointing says:

    Once again, late to the game here. Freaking work and home life have been getting in the way of my fun time. YOU try raising a 17year old out of the blue! I’m too old for this crap and I’m not even 48 yet!
    I must say that I love the pictures of all the animals though! I particularly love Sadie the beautiful doggie with the gorgeous soulful eyes.
    I don’t have a good grasp yet on Tall Boy or Big Guy or whatever his name is; am confused by the Marvin connection. Maybe have been wrong all along about the DW love connection. I KNOW, you’re not dating! I do think The One Who Is Tall is pretty cool for loving kitty cats though.
    You and Donna look an awful lot alike; Donna is so pretty and has great hair too.
    PAL from Ma; sorry to hear about your situation but you seem to be handling it admirably!

    Like

  10. Amish Annie staying up late to make sure the 17 year old gets home safe. Dude I'm old, I should be in bed, how will I ever get rid of these dark ring s under my eyes if I don't go to bed? says:

    Shat Anita, raised my own kids and they were relatively easy, but still we celebrated for TWO whole years not having kids in the house. Oh, the fun we had *waxing nostalgic*; listening to the music WE wanted to listen to as loud as we wanted to, wearing limited clothing, not feeling pressured to have milk in the fridge…you know, the usual empty nest stuff.
    Chicken parm without the sauce would definitely not be the same. Although parmesan chicken cutlets sound fantastic; tasty, salty protein at it’s best. Yum.

    Like

  11. You know that part where you said the photo gave us all ample opportunity to enjoy your crown? I had to scroll back up to the photo because my first thought was “Hmmm, I didn’t think she was wearing a tiara in that photo….”

    Like

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