At laaaaaaast!

Now that my life is back to normal, I mean, as normal as the life of someone with this hair and 34959502 pets can be, I can finally show all y'all the pictures you sent me on Thanksgiving day last week. Of course, it has not escaped my notice that I am finally showing these to you on Saturday, when the 16% read me, so pretty much the other 79% will be all, "You never showed our pictures from THANKSgiving. What gives, June?"

Yes, I DID get a C- in math. Why?

I would be super extra careful and show you these in chronological order but I do not feel like it.

IMG_1072Here is the first picture I got, from Hulk. It is his fireplace. I have not at all made fun of bachelor Hulk for decorating his fireplace with every season like a girly man. "My CHILD likes it," he claims. "Yes, years from now she'll be all 'My pansy-ass dad was so cute the way he decorated the fireplace,'" I said.


Photo on 2011-11-24 at 06.16Faithful Reader Mary Lou sent this, saying, "This is as close as I'll get to a Thanksgiving dinner." Mary Lou is from Canada, and therefore a Communist.

June's blog. Where you come to get accused of being all sorts of things you likely aren't. I like how all Thanksgiving-y pictures that are styled like that show a cornucopia, and yet have you ever in your life been near a cornucopia on Thanksgiving? My friend Donna had an empty cornucopia on her dining room table when we were in high school and inevitably any party she had some boy would hold it up on his man bits thinking that was hilarious.

For the record, any party Donna ever had was instigated by me. She spent the entire evening breaking into hives worrying her parents would come home, and prying the cornucopia out of drunk hands.


PIC_0349Faithful Reader Melanie in Oklahoma sent this photo of her pansy-ass, communist cat lounging on the table, which is the thing all non-cat people worry about when they come to our houses to eat. "I'll bet they let their cats on the counters when we're not there."

Dear non-cat people: We totally do.


ThanksgivingHere is Faithful Reader Mary and her Impressionist dog Molly in Omaha, Nebraska. She told me the time, because she follows the rules. It was 12:30 p.m. She also mentioned that neither she nor Molly had eaten yet, which may be why Molly is beaming up.


T-Day PupsIn Southern California, Jane D's cute dogs waited for their morning carrot. I have never felt this anticipatory about a carrot. I wonder if you mooshed all those dogs together if they'd be as big as Roger.


Dudes. I don't know why I love this one of Amy in Maryland so much. I think it's that guy's shirt, and his indulgent grin. "No idea who June is, but okay. We will take this freaking picture if it means something to Amy."


2011-11-24 15.41.42Cyn in Florida. She might be a better cook than I.


ErinfromiowaErin at 3:23 p.m. in Des Moines. Do you like her suck-uppy touch, adding the blog image? I do. I DO, ERIN!


JalaLook! Faithful Reader Unruly Hair did it too, showing my blog! Oh, you are all BRILLIANT! She had a cold, see, and did not make a tofu pie, which was her plan, and here is her cat posing with the unused ingredients in Boulder, Colorado.


LindyLindy, in Georgia. She said, "Here are my hooty-hoots with a hooty-hoot." Lindy, being funny with birds of prey since 2011.


Photo-2Here is my pal Sleeping Beauty's baby Josie, sleeping beautifully, at 11:11 a.m. in Washington, D.C. Sleeping Beauty also sent me a photo of her breast pump and all the pumped milk, which absolutely grossed me out. I realize breast milk is natural and beautiful and part of the circle of life, but if you ask me, most natural things are totally sick.


DSCN1857_2Perhaps Phyllis in Charlotte is trying to tell me something. This was at 9:30 a.m. I know linear people are getting hive-y like Donna during those high school parties that I am all over the place with the times, but I am downloading these as they came to me, folks. GET OVER IT. Put a cornucopia on your bits and get over it.


CqFaithful Reader Carpool Queen has become my friend in real life and I love this picture of her. She said she was ignoring her children so she could take her photo for my blog. You should all aspire to the same goal. Outer Banks, North Carolina, 4:30 p.m.


LJSSpeaking of friends in real life, here is Laurie, with whom I spent Thanksgiving. I took this picture. It was about 4 p.m. and we were waiting for the EFFING TURKEY to be done, which actually didn't take all that long because she has a convection oven, whatever that is, in that kitchen of hers that you all could not shut up about.


TdayLove this montage of Mary in Toledo as the day wears on. What a pleased, not-at-all-ready-to-kill-everyone-and-everything expression she has by day's end.


FawnBeautiful, beautiful Fawn in Arkansas, with her son.


The dog 1Laurie in California sent a picture of Blu, her dad's dog. Guess who I love? WHO DO I LOOOOOVE? See that orange thing? That was his tangerine he was playing with. I LOVE YOU BLUUUUUU!


CIMG4819Brenda in Yucaipa, California, after she's stabbed everyone. She CLAIMS she carried fruit in this 1970s Tupperware, but did you not read about the bloody Thanksgiving massacre in Yucaipa this year?


DarbyJessica in Dallas sent me Darby, trying to blend into the carpet. "they not notiss me here. maybee drop turkkeys."

IMG_0652Brandy in Sarasota, Florida at 3 p.m. I say Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good dog you could be. But my life, my love and my lady is the sea.

You're welcome.


Peabody2011 020Here is the Furry Godmother and her cute husband Terra in Memphis. You are looking kind of hot in that dress, Furry!


Photo-13This was the first year Tammi didn't have to feed 4959459494 people, so they went to a fancy theater that has big couches and serves good food and wine.


BobbarkerBob Barker at 3:35 p.m. in Sarasota, Florida. I hope you are sitting down because I have some big news.



LauraBehold my friend in real life, Laura, escaping from her husband's family in Duluth, Georgia. Sadly, she was not able to smuggle her bottle of Prosecco out on the roof with her. Ladders and sparking wine. An excellent combo.


JoyJoy titled this "My two babies sharing some turkey." Now, if I were her husband, I might wonder about the paternity of that fuzzy one…


LauraLaura and her boyfriend in Colorado Springs. How cute are they? And she doesn't at all admit to being "slightly tipsy" in this photo. NOsir!


Rebecca in Illinois sent me a few pictures, as did many people, and usually I narrowed it to one, but she purposely sent me uvula shots, knowing how often I like to show y'all my uvula. I could not help but share the uvulas of her people with all of you:

IMG_1778(see? Dog on the left! uvula!)

IMG_1780(ohmygod, this is the uvula-ist family EVER)


i has ooovulaa and keeyoot back feets!

JeneneneneneneFaithful Reader Jenene poses with her muffin tin daughter Sophia, who likes the bathroom.


Shot_1322180249886Faith in Connecticut captured a chess game, which really never happens when my family gets together. Monopoly? Sure. Yahtzee? Maybe. Perhaps we are lowbrow.


DSC03598Tee took a picture of the cooks cleaning up the kitchen in Sandy Springs, Georgia. I think it was genius of Tee to record the moment for posterity rather than help. Total June move, there, Tee.


DSCN5478Dear People Who Also Think We Let Our Dogs Lick The Spatulas When You Are Not Here:

We do.

These are Nancy in Austin, Texas' dogs. Also, I like her tile.


112411 Bella friends TomHere is Letha's dog, Bella, gettin' all personal with a turkey. 2:29 p.m. in Georgia.


Untitled-2Dancer in Colorado forgot to take a picture, so she did not at all Photoshop a reenactment.


SixpoundsSiren in Cape Cod had to weigh the turkey, because they threw out the how-much-this-weighs tag and…oh, who knows.


IMG_1725aThis is my favorite one. Dawn in DC not only got a new grandbaby for Thanksgiving, but here is her youngest son surprising her with a visit at 2:30 p.m.


BonnieHannahthanksgivAnd here's Bonnie, in a suburb of Chicago, holding her first granddaughter, Hannah. Hannah was released from the hospital at 4:00, and they brought her straight over to her grandmother and the Thanksgiving celebration. Word has it that baby had thirds on stuffing.


Mrs Thor's ThanksgivingMrs. Thor played a game of Apples to Apples in New York state. I never heard of it, have you?


Photo-14Faithful Reader Amanda spent Thanksgiving with her husband in the Canary Islands. As did I.


DSC_0090Here is Gracie in Jacksonville, Arkansas at 4:08 p.m. "i has underbyyte. in cayse you did not notiss."

  OnyxpickleLounging in Frederick, Maryland are Kate's dogs, Onyx and Pickle. I wonder which is which?


IMG_3714Friends-in-real-life Joann and her cute husband celebrating "pilgrim style," as she put it. Oh. And they live in Florida. As the pilgrims did.


Photo-15Brownwyn in Missouri sent her half-nutty cheeseball, and just saying that stampedes me into 7th grade. {snertle} Seriously, her husband does not like nuts. …Aaaand I'm back in 7th grade.


Thanksgiving 2011 007Dudes! Were you worried I would leave this out? Faithful Reader Kari in Houston did NOT let us down. She took a picture of her mom's '70s wallpaper AND she threw in the nice Italian coastline painting. Kari, will your mom pleeeeeeeease let us have a giveaway of the Italian coastline painting? Pleeeeeese? It is awesome.

We all need it.


Thanksgiving 2011 006While we're up? At Kari's mom's house? She took a picture of the turkey butter and OHMYGOD I also need turkey butter! I realize I never actually, you know, HAVE butter, but if I did I'd want it turkey-shaped. ALL THE TIME.


Lucy, Cosmo and MeAnd look! It's everyone's favorite esoteric commentor, Cosmo's Dad, with Cosmo himself and Lucy also too! Dad of Cosmo refused to say his locale but it's somewhere East Coast-y. Maryland? I forget. It's 949430244 miles from his new job, I know that.


CarolineLonghornWhat I like about my blog is finding out my people are, in fact, all over the place. Here is Faithful Reader Caroline Longhorn in Waco at 9:00.


Jackie copyAnita sent a picture of her nephew's dog Jackie getting all likkered up in Jacksonville. "i also haff underbyyte. eff whyy eyy."

IMGA0655Pamela Soul Sister's view. Not what you'd call shabby.


Photo-16Faithful Reader Laura, who lives here in Greensboro, and whose kids and dogs I have met. HI, Y'ALL! DO YOU REMEMBER ME!?!?!?


SheriW Midland
Sheri is practically a hometown girl. She is my homie. Here she is in Midland, Michigan with her cat Charlie. She couldn't decide whether to photograph the cat or her autumn cheesecake. Then she remembered her audience.

And finally? Finally? My best friend, Pal from MA, emailed me. "Will you put up a video of me playing with my new dog for your Thanksgiving montage?"


"Oh come ON! I didn't take it on Thanksgiving but close enough!"

"I can't PUT videos on unless they're You Tube."

[Ten seconds later] "Okay! It's on You Tube!"


I just want y'all to know? My best friend is a PAIN IN MY ASS, and just because I sent her the WORLD'S MOST INCONVENIENT CHRISTMAS GIFT last year is no excuse.

(See, I sent her this friendship bird. But the thing was, there were two. And she had to MAIL BACK the other one to ME, so that every time she'd look at the effing bird she'd think of me and every time IIIII'd look at MYYYY effing bird I'd think of her, but now every time we look at those birds, all we think about is how much she hated my every gut for making her traipse out into the bitter Massachusetts winter to mail me a bird.)

(The end.)

Anyway, there were your Thanksgiving photos, and please let me know if I skipped yours. I sat here for THREE HOURS going through all the emails and I tried VERY HARD not to miss any and I PROMISE I will mail you the friendship bird VERY SOON.

Thanks for participating! And tomorrow? The good deeds list!

107 thoughts on “At laaaaaaast!

  1. Thank you, June for all the work to put this together for us. It is so fun to see everyone’s pictures. I’m sorry I didn’t participate. I thought about it when I got up and still had to clean and cook and didn’t think of it again until midnight when everyone had gone and I snuggled up with my doggie to go to sleep. I hosted 10 at my home with too much food, playing Apples to Apples after dinner, and even some salsa dancing in the living room.
    I loved the pictures of the babies- human or furry, loved the owl, and thought Mary’s chronicle was great. Somehow I was surprised there weren’t more pictures of escapes to hide on the roof or in the bathroom. Maybe in their dash to escape they forgot their cameras. I think my favorite also was Dawn in DC.


  2. Anita- yes, the boat is an old (1965) wooden something or other. My boyfriend likes him some antiques. Last time we took it out, we almost sunk in the Hillsborough River (where there are LOTS of gators). Good times!


  3. Steph, I think a little clarification is in order a ’65 birthdate may be OLD and ANTIQUE (not really has to 100 years or older to be called that) for a boat, but certainly not for us humans who have birthdays a little beyond that!


  4. Hi Jane, sorry if I offended you! What I meant was that his boat is old in comparison to the majority of the other boats we see on the water.
    As far as the antique terminology goes (for boats and autos, anyway)- the state of FL actually classifies anything over 20 yrs old as an antique and will issue you an antique/collectible plate if you so desire.


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