June decorates. Because this is a crafting decorating blog. Tomorrow we’ll discuss recipes.

Yesterday, my friend Laurie and my non-boyfriend Dick Whitman came over, because I forced them to decorate my house for Christmas for me.

It was good to see the old decorations again. You kind of wonder what they do all year up there, in their boxes. Do they chat amongst themselves? "What month do ya reckon it is, reindeer?" "Ohhh, it's pretty hot, still, Santy. It can't be past September."

Am I the only person who thinks this way? I had trouble prying two of my ornaments apart and I decided they fell in love this year and didn't want to be separated. Seriously, am I touched in the head? You don't think about this stuff?

Laurie didn't think about anything but getting more mimosas down her gullet all afternoon. And you know I have no pictures of Dick Whitman. Laurie took some of us with HIS camera, but he hasn't sent them to me yet. I swear he was there and we didn't invent him like he was George Glass.

Also, you can imagine how fascinating it was to have professional photographer Dick Whitman and sometime-professional photographer Laurie in the same room. "Oh! Is that the hoody-hoo camera?" "Yes, and it has a bleee-dee-blee with it!" "Ooooo! Did you hoo deee blooo dahhh deee deee not about June not about June not about June?"

I mean, even EDSEL was bored.

So I decorated him.

I not only got my helpers drunk, I served cookies and cheese and crackers. Of course I didn't make the cookies myself. They were Milanos, though, and Laurie said, "Oh, I have Milanos at home. I dipped them half in melted white chocolate, then I crushed peppermint and coated them in that. Just for fun."


Anyway, we got out the many containers of Christmas decorations and Laurie suggested we lay everything out on the table first to see what gee-gaws and doo-dads I had, which had never occured to me to do. Usually I just pull everything out and slap it up wherever.

(Faithful long-time readers will see the ovaries inside a hamburger paddy ornament made it through the year. Yay!)

She also said, once everything was out, "Okay, how do you want to start? Do you want to put just the silver ornaments up first? Or do you just want to take it in sections, like triangles?"


Has Laurie met me? I generally stand in the dining room, throw everything at the tree, and whatever doesn't break makes it as my decoration that year. Survival of the fittest, man.

I'd like you to enjoy the garlic ornament on the top left, purchased when my Aunt Mary and I attended the Garlic Festival in Somewhere, California a few years back. Gilroy? Gilford? Gilgarlic? Anyway, we had garlic ice cream. It was not good. I know that is stunning info.

It wouldn't be an afternoon if Edsel and Talu didn't cause drama. Here they are trying to tear apart the Christmas bear my neighbor Peg gave me. Honest engine, Dick Whitman was there. Mostly he was drinking mimosas and saying, "Wow, you have a lot of pink ornaments."

Note Talu's Christmas collar. It's a little…snug this year. Must have shrunk with the heat of the attic.

I don't know why I can't have nice things.

I treat my stuff with respect.

And dignity.

At any rate, 29 hours later, everything was decorated.

My house is beginning to look a lot like drag queen, sparkly, over-the-top Christmas. Just how I like it.

Thanks to Laurie and my imaginary friend Dick Whitman.

And of course I couldn't have done it without my not-at-all irritating canine companions. Who are always pleasant and intrusive never.

Merrrrry Christmas!

129 thoughts on “June decorates. Because this is a crafting decorating blog. Tomorrow we’ll discuss recipes.

  1. However, Junie is tough and I bet she has some awesome ankles….


  2. Firstly, reindeer humping. Awesome. I would have done that too except we only have one of those reindeer. And he gets to sit on the kitchen window ledge and wish he had opposable thumbs or whatever reindeer wish about.
    Second of all, I’m gonna have to ask Santa for a bleee-dee-blee this year! Second only to a hooty-hoot, because I love saying it. A lot.


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