Gift of the Junegi. I realize I make less and less sense as time goes on.

In case you were thinking I was going to stampede to the topic of gifts I have received from people and am just forgetting to tell you that Roger came home, that is in fact not the case. As there is still no Roger. But thanks for bringing up that painful topic.

In fact, last night, Tallulah, Edsel and I were on the couch, catching up on another stunning episode of Real Housewives, and I had my cat trap set up on the porch with my dirty laundry on top of it.

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down.

You're welcome. I hate that song.

Anyway, I thought I heard a meow. I sat up. Then I thought I heard a second, insistent,"MEOW!" I TOSSED the ludicrous Christmas throw off of me–and really how could a Christmas throw be anything but ludicrous–sent my bowl of nutritious Tostitos flying, because when I watch Real Housewives I like to feed my body and soul, and flew to the door.

No cat. I'm telling you, I HEARD it. There was no cat howling at Kyle's white party on the show. It was not coming from my TV. So now I'm hallucinating on top of everything else.

Where is that cat? Why won't he come home? I just want him to come home. I mean, yes. I will beat him mercilessly, but after that I will be so glad to see him.

ANYWAY, today's topic is gifts. And how it is better to receive. Because friends and faithful readers alike have been sending me things for Christmas and then telling me, "You have to open it now. You can't wait till Christmas," which means on Christmas day Ima be sitting under an empty tree with crickets chirping. Because someone got me a cricket farm. Bah!

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Mrs. Oh, who could not love herself more if she tried, made me a Barry Gibb ornament crafted from a starfish. I totally put it right in front on my tree, and when Barry Gibb comes over to propose to me he will be so happy to see it. Did I mention I am hallucinating?

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My friend Melinda? Of the I-adopted-Ladybird Melindas? Made chocolates. And did I mention she's a chemistry professor, as I am? So there's a little image of the formula or whatever for serotonin on the package. Her Christmas card also had a chemical formula on it. Who sleighs me? See what I did, there?

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And she has a little list of each of the delicious flavors she made. I am trying to be good and not eat all of these and keep some for when my guests arrive for Christmas.

Dear Guests, I have already eaten 47 pieces of Melinda's candy. Don't get your hopes up. But it was really good and you should be happy that I was happy. Merry Christmas. Love, June.

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My best friend Pal from MA and I were on the phone last night. "Open two of your gifts," she commanded. "Open the two narrow boxes." "The ones that look like shoe boxes?" "They ARE shoe boxes." Look at those shoes. Are they screaming, "JUNE! JOOOOOOOON!" in giant silver letters? Who knows me? Who knows me too well?

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Okay, you cannot tell, but these have GLITTER all over them! It's like Laura Petrie went all slutty all of a sudden! I am TOTALLY WEARING THEM to work today and I don't even care. Stripper Laura Petrie is STEPPING OUT. So excited about my new shoes.

100_0923edsul simlurlee excited. could mom get fork for edsul?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

280 thoughts on “Gift of the Junegi. I realize I make less and less sense as time goes on.”

  1. June, remember a few months back you were thinking about having a party, but you didn’t know what the theme should be. Well. You need to have a wake. A Cat Wake! People can dress in mourning black and bring funeral food just like for people. You can put cat photos of Roger and Fran and your other dead and/or missing cats on display and people will talk about them kindly. It would be hilarious and make you feel better.
    June, you HAVE TO!!

    Like

  2. I sat on my bed eating comfort foods for over two years, June. I thought it helped but now I’ve got an ass the size of Milwaukee.

    Like

  3. Again…damn damn damn and f*ck and I don’t usually say that word…
    When you put the post up about Roger being taken to the vet, I got that ice cold feeling I would get when worried about my kids…then the update. Double-carp my heart plummeted to the floor.
    So sad…and so very sorry.

    Like

  4. Sadie - Please, Santa, bring June a new year that sparkles with happiness, not a repeat of crappity crap crap 2011. says:

    I know we all feel terrible for you, June. Maybe this will make you smile for just a minute before you spend the rest of the evening sitting in the dark.

    Like

  5. I don’t comment often but I read you every day… I’m so sorry for your loss. What a (an?) hellacious (hellatious?) (is that even a word?) year. I’m so, so sorry.

    Like

  6. Is the animal-loving neighbor single, by any chance? The end of the year is supposed to be horrible (check), but the new year is when your true love is slated to appear, am I right?

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  7. I hope you hang with one one of your homeboys or homegirls tonight. Puma Roger would not want you to be crying in the dark all night. He seemed like the type of soul who would grieve a tiny bit over a loss and then five minutes later start terrorizing Edsel and then move onto stealing Talu’s food right from under her. Roger was a character and very brave too, you’d have to be trying to steal food from a pit/beagle!

    Like

  8. Sh#*. I’m so sorry. That news just sent me officially over the edge. It’s been an emotional month here. I just cried enough tears for you, me and a few others. You know the new year has to be better, it would have a hell of a time being worse.

    Like

  9. June, so sorry about Roger. What a shitty end to a shitty year. Here’s to a better 2012.

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  10. June-if it makes you feel any better, I had a fantastic year. Except for the hummus…

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  11. My family already thinks I’m nuts getting so wrapped up in a blog written by a person I don’t know…loving June and all the blog village from afar. Now I’m crying over a cat, I didn’t know, but yes, loved from afar. They think I’ve gone over the edge…

    Like

  12. June – I’m not a pet person, but love this blog. It’s so clear that you are loving and loved. By humans, felines, canines, and probably gangs of other species! Do what you need to to grieve.

    Like

  13. Zadge-I’m standing in my living room. Unless you wanted to meet somewhere…

    Like

  14. Zadge-I’m standing in my living room. Unless you wanted to meet somewhere…

    Like

  15. Zadge-I’m standing in my living room. Unless you wanted to meet somewhere…

    Like

  16. Pal in MA: RAoK update: I bought six pair of gloves and 3 hats for a women’s shelter in Denver.
    I also did not kill my annoying co-worker, and that’s the biggest AoK of all, as she burps, farts, talks with food in her mouth, and horks around ’cause of some kind of sinus problems. Oh. AND she sat by me at our Christmas luncheon so I had an up-close view, and could see the spit flying out with every word.
    Oh. I guess it wasn’t kind to tell you all about that, so I may have cancelled myself out. 😦

    Like

  17. Oh June, NO! I am heartbroken for you. Tears streaming down my face, knowing your grief. My husband and I fell apart in the right lane of our four-lane road when we found our Oscar. I know your hurt. I will pray for you.

    Like

  18. June, my sincerest sympathy for your loss of Roger.
    All I can say is 2012 just has to be a better year for you.

    Like

  19. Cosmo's Dad have cereal out of the cat's bowl in the AM, and then lap up the milk, I will suggest you pass on the cat box... says:

    Cuddle with the pups they will lick your face and make you feel better…
    rip open one of your throw pillows in front of Edsul, that will freak him out,
    go out and find a Ouiser and hit her Mi-liver….
    And I thought the B Gibb was a pinata… you could hit the crap out of a pinata!!!

    Like

  20. Cosmo's Dad have cereal out of the cat's bowl in the AM, and then lap up the milk, I will suggest you pass on the cat box... says:

    Cuddle with the pups they will lick your face and make you feel better…
    rip open one of your throw pillows in front of Edsul, that will freak him out,
    go out and find a Ouiser and hit her Mi-liver….
    And I thought the B Gibb was a pinata… you could hit the crap out of a pinata!!!

    Like

  21. Cosmo's Dad have cereal out of the cat's bowl in the AM, and then lap up the milk, I will suggest you pass on the cat box... says:

    Cuddle with the pups they will lick your face and make you feel better…
    rip open one of your throw pillows in front of Edsul, that will freak him out,
    go out and find a Ouiser and hit her Mi-liver….
    And I thought the B Gibb was a pinata… you could hit the crap out of a pinata!!!

    Like

  22. Zadge and Mary V, who asked this question yesterday, and I don’t think anyone answered.
    June told us a story about how she is not a hugger. When a dear friend of hers had cancer and June flew out to CA immediately to see her, she (June) just stood in the hospital room door and waved at her.
    So people don’t come in to hug June. They stand in the door and wave since that is an expression of love and concern and caring with which June appears to be comfortable.

    Like

  23. so sorry, June, this sucks. I am a lurker. Husband just walked in and asked why I was crying. He is a huge animal lover but the emotion is too much to explain right now. No hugs, standing in the doorway…

    Like

  24. Cosmo's Dad Big rig truckers... great folks... what about those showers at the truck stops? what if everyone looks like the ZZ Top Guys? says:

    How about a flashmob/occupy Junie’s front yard…all to the great song “Convoy”
    “I Say Big June, this here is the Rubber Duck, I’m a put the hammer down”
    “cause we gotta little ole convoy rocking through the night”

    Like

  25. Cosmo's Dad Big rig truckers... great folks... what about those showers at the truck stops? what if everyone looks like the ZZ Top Guys? says:

    How about a flashmob/occupy Junie’s front yard…all to the great song “Convoy”
    “I Say Big June, this here is the Rubber Duck, I’m a put the hammer down”
    “cause we gotta little ole convoy rocking through the night”

    Like

  26. Cosmo's Dad Big rig truckers... great folks... what about those showers at the truck stops? what if everyone looks like the ZZ Top Guys? says:

    How about a flashmob/occupy Junie’s front yard…all to the great song “Convoy”
    “I Say Big June, this here is the Rubber Duck, I’m a put the hammer down”
    “cause we gotta little ole convoy rocking through the night”

    Like

  27. ooooohhhhh. no no no. My stomach plummeted. I feel as sad as if it were one of mine. So sorry June. There are no good enough words.

    Like

  28. ooooooh.. I just googled Hagerstown MD to you and its only 5 hours and 34 min. hey we could hang I have no plans… Lucy and Cosmo and Me and You and Talu and Ed… it might be ackward at first and the dogs will “tussle” (my new favorite word”… but heck, I’m not doing anything else… let me know your plans

    Like

  29. ooooooh.. I just googled Hagerstown MD to you and its only 5 hours and 34 min. hey we could hang I have no plans… Lucy and Cosmo and Me and You and Talu and Ed… it might be ackward at first and the dogs will “tussle” (my new favorite word”… but heck, I’m not doing anything else… let me know your plans

    Like

  30. ooooooh.. I just googled Hagerstown MD to you and its only 5 hours and 34 min. hey we could hang I have no plans… Lucy and Cosmo and Me and You and Talu and Ed… it might be ackward at first and the dogs will “tussle” (my new favorite word”… but heck, I’m not doing anything else… let me know your plans

    Like

  31. I don’t drive a truck….I wear a shirt and tie to work…any trucker people out there who wear a shirt and tie don’t be offended, and those who drive naked… well heck party on…

    Like

  32. I don’t drive a truck….I wear a shirt and tie to work…any trucker people out there who wear a shirt and tie don’t be offended, and those who drive naked… well heck party on…

    Like

  33. I don’t drive a truck….I wear a shirt and tie to work…any trucker people out there who wear a shirt and tie don’t be offended, and those who drive naked… well heck party on…

    Like

  34. I have been lurking – kept checking in for good news. Have not ever commented but I am so sorry, that is just awful news. He was beautiful.

    Like

  35. I very rarely post but I am so heart broken for you June. You gave Roger a beautiful life. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Like

  36. My heart is broken for you. My husband and I discussed today how sad our lives would be without our Tater(shihtzu). I can’t imagine how you must feel. Sending you a non-hug hug!!!

    Like

  37. “Roger, meet Francis.” Becky, you hit the nail on the head. Those two will be getting into a lot of mischief together.
    So, so sorry, June.

    Like

  38. Oh, June-just got home late from work- I’m so sorry that Roger is gone.
    I had a feeling when I started catching up on the comments and when I scrolled down to yours,that was it. I read the rest of yours then I couldn’t read any more…it’s too sad.
    He had a great life with you…

    Like

  39. I am so very sorry about Roger. I’m so glad he lived with someone who loved (and continues to love) him so very much.

    Like

  40. I posted this on the Pie on the Face page but thought it was worth repeating here for those that haven’t joined up (and why haven’t you!)
    June.
    I know you just have a blog. And most of us are just strangers that love reading your spin on things. And 99% of us will never meet you or each other but….you have brought us all together. We love when you love, we suffer when you suffer and every single stinkin’ one of us wants you to be so damn happy your hair goes straight. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Thanks for sharing Ed and Lu, Fran, Rog, Anderson, Henry and Win. I have cried rivers today over this little kitty and just wanted to let you know Rog did more in his little life then most damn people do. He made us laugh and now he has made us cry. Blessings be heaped upon you a thousand times over.

    Like

  41. Came back to see if there was an update and I’m heartbroken to hear this news. I’m so sorry June. I wish there had been a better outcome. Sending you lots of love.

    Like

  42. I’m so very sad for your loss. I’ve lost two dogs and 3 cats and the heartbreak is untenable – especially the dog (Lily, curb-side terrier) that was hit by a a car, neighbors that witnessed said the evil mean neighbor did it on purpose. It’s something about a life cut short that hurts so much – I’m so sorry June. Prays to you and Roger tonight.

    Like

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