Merry Christmas, 2011 Choking Hazard–Do Not Eat.

Do you think I have some kind of issue that I am taking time out from Christmas to blog? I think I have blogged every Christmas since I started this rather all-absorbing hobby, and for that? I am weird.

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My mother and stepfather got here yesterday, and here is the part where everyone's gonna say, "Oh, your mom is so cute!" Yes. I KNOW my mother is cute, okay? And that I look nothing like her and that I am a dog. I realize that part. Did I ever tell you about my wedding day, when everyone stampeded to me to tell me, "Your mother looks beautiful." WHOSE DAY IS IT?

Anyway, I like how it looks like she is wearing a wreath on her head. Did you see my pink wreath?

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June. Being a really-super-gay gay man at Christmas since, you know, birth. June. The Elton John of Christmas.

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As has been the prevailing theme this year, my mother and stepfather immediately said, "Open one of your presents right away," so I did. It was a DVD player! As you may or may not know, I have not had one all year, and have lived like a cave woman, with my club and my loincloth and my pointy Wilma phone.

Mostly they had me open it so my beleaguered stepfather could put it together, and why are men always stuck with tasks such as this? And then after we all watched Its a Wonderful Life, for a new and different experience. We all said the lines before they got there, such as, "Say, brainless" and "George, why must you torture the children" and one wonders why we watch it when we could mime it in its entirety.

Also, and I hope you are holding on to your hat, but I commenced to cooking.

I KNOW!

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Note my ease and naturalness in with kitchen implements. I made macaroni and cheese, and as I said in the comments, if any normal person made that for Christmas Eve dinner, people would say, "Oh, is she dying of something? That poor thing. She cobbled together what she could." But when it's ME, my family was all. WOW! Get the CAMERA! There's FOOD in the kitchen and stuff!

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I know, right? Who is a chef? Low expectations, people. You gotta underachieve and then everyone appreciates you when you don't.

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Nothing says yuletide like pink plates.

After dinner, we went to my neighbor Peg's church because going to TinyTown just seemed like too far to drive after my mother and stepfather had driven 558549399 miles and all. Peg is a member of the choir and I know a lot of her fellow Preses–when she has parties, her church friends drink 7&7s, which they call a "Pres," as apparently it's the Presbyterian drink of choice.

It was a really fancy church, and the pastor had on Burberry pants, I am not making that up. Eventually they handed out candles and dimmed the lights, and as I do every year, I said, "I'm having an aneurysm." Because what's more hilarious than that?

Anyway, my mother turned to me and with the wisdom of Solomon said, "We're going to sing Silent Night now."

Really? Do you think?

I do not have kids. In case you hadn't noticed that. So maybe I am wrong about this theory. But I think if you spend a few years teaching someone how to wipe their arse and to, you know, not breathe under water and not put their tongues in sockets, it's hard to turn that off.

"I was thinking we'd all break into Beer Barrel Polka," I said, loving myself for that as much as I do my annual aneurysm joke.

At the end of church, they gave us all angel ornaments.

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Isn't that the most beautiful sentiment?

Anyway, today we, you know, opened our gifts, as one is wont to do on Christmas morning. And if you read this blog and sent me a gift, could you email me your address? I got so many lovely things, and some of you said, "Open it right away" and some didn't, and I am just telling you I need everyone's address to write thank-you notes and I don't wanna leave anyone out. So could you just do me that large favor, please? Thank you. Otherwise I will feel guilty for the rest of time.

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What would have been lovely is being able to put my gifts under the tree all this time, then anticipate what they could be, like, you know, normal people do. People who don't have Edsels.

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However, I am a person who has an Edsel, so everything had to be traditionally piled on the piano and corner cabinet. Just like in the days of yore.

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Oh, and this is apropos of nothing, but my mother brought a chair that belonged to my grandmother. When Grammy owned it, it was kind of a burgundy naugahyde, and if my friend Iain is reading, he may recall making out with Beth on it circa 1980.

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Santa came to the dogs' stockings, and I wonder if this picture could be more violently all-Christmas-all-the-time. I took this about three hours ago and Talu is at my feet now, STILL CHEWING, and she managed to steal poor Edsel's bone and has that under her foot, too. Because she is full of the Christmas spirit.

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Santa also came to my stocking, via me getting something for me and putting it in there. Oh! Was I surprised. As are all of you, I'm certain. Wait, it's pink? It's vintage-y? It has a cat on it? And girly flowers? Who would have KNOWN?

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I also got myself this, because I adore me and I adored this cup. Both items I got at my friend Kit's store (Design Archives, because the three Greensboro readers who read this are going to STAMPEDE there and make her a millionaire, thanks to me and my plugging).

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Other people other than beloved me got me gifts. Seriously. I am so easy to buy for. Is it pink? Does it sparkle? DONE! The bracelet is from Aunt Mary. The rings are from my stepsister.

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And remember in the fall, when I so blatantly guilted my mother into giving me a mud-trapping rug? Got it. Note the destroyed candy cane already mussing it. No idea where Talu is and why she is not viciously guarding it. She is probably in the other room castrating Edsel over the other bone.

Okay, I must go shower now and continue with Christmas. I hope yours is going swimmingly, unless you do not celebrate Christmas, in which case I hope your Sunday is easy like Sunday morning.

XO,

June

 

 

 

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

74 thoughts on “Merry Christmas, 2011 Choking Hazard–Do Not Eat.”

  1. although i’m usually very non observant of things in photos i completely noticed mom wearing the wreath.
    and christmas dinner will be had on pink plates as well.
    many hello kitty things were opened last night.
    merry christmas juney. the best gift? 2011 is almost over. xoxo

    Like

  2. Merry Christmas! Your macaroni & cheese looks scrumptious. When I put out a special meal, I like to shout “Call Sunset Magazine! Here’s next month’s cover!” and sometimes I will even take a picture before I let people eat. Because I love myself.

    Like

  3. LauraL, whose "cold" turned out to be walking pneumonia. And a possibly ruptured eardrum. Makes for a lovely Christmas! says:

    Merry Christmas, everyone!

    Like

  4. Merry Christmas everyone! June, I love all your self-gifts! How did you know?!?
    I am spending Christmas on LI with family…also too, its my niece’s first Christmas. Is there anything else as magical?
    Sorry that your not having a good day Funny. I hope it turns up for you.

    Like

  5. Merry Christmas June!
    Greetings to your mom with her gorgeous red nails- and YES you do look like her- and your stepfather also too!
    Oh the tree!
    And the bling!
    And the gourmet mac and cheese!
    And the scrumptious salad!
    AND your Grammys fabulous chair and footstool-I want!
    I could go on and on but I think I’ve blathered enough!
    Have a wonderful day!

    Like

  6. It looks like you have had a lovely day so far! We’ve had fun, too. We gave our daughter a phone and I don’t think she’s heard a word we’ve said since she opened the box. We’ve seen the top of her head and that’s it. She’s delighted to say the least. Now in a few short hours, I will have about 40 people in my house! Who’s tired?
    And June, exemption from a thank you note is part of my gift. You’ve already thanked me. You are done!

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  7. Gosh, I got all verklempt when I got to the last picture in this post. Had a physical reaction, like I did not want the door to hit me in the ass on the way out of the post. What gives? Felt like I was being ushed out of your house. Like some crazy stalker who didn’t belong there. Right across that beautiful mud trapping rug.
    Merry Christmas to you and yours June!

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  8. What beautiful gifts. Love the chair!
    My daughter and I giggled all through our candlelight service too. I got the elbow to my ribs from my mom- I am 41.
    Glad you are having a good day! Merry Christmas!

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  9. : : Garden Girl : : Off to our son's in-law's house for Eggs Benedict. Yum! Are those apostrophe's misplaced? I'm so nervous. says:

    I’m loving the pink wreath….it looks like it’s made from a sweater, so maybe you could wear it later if it gets chilly.
    “We’re going to sing Silent Night now.” Hilarious……yes, mothering is a hard thing to stop….much like mouthing the script of It’s A Wonderful Life, which my husband and I watched last night with full-on speaking the lines just before they said them. Is there any other way to watch it?
    Merry Christmas, June and my virtual Pie friends. Thank you to all who brighten my day with wackyness. God bless us, everyone.

    Like

  10. : : Garden Girl : : Off to our son's in-law's house for Eggs Benedict. Yum! Are those apostrophe's misplaced? I'm so nervous. says:

    I’m loving the pink wreath….it looks like it’s made from a sweater, so maybe you could wear it later if it gets chilly.
    “We’re going to sing Silent Night now.” Hilarious……yes, mothering is a hard thing to stop….much like mouthing the script of It’s A Wonderful Life, which my husband and I watched last night with full-on speaking the lines just before they said them. Is there any other way to watch it?
    Merry Christmas, June and my virtual Pie friends. Thank you to all who brighten my day with wackyness. God bless us, everyone.

    Like

  11. : : Garden Girl : : Off to our son's in-law's house for Eggs Benedict. Yum! Are those apostrophe's misplaced? I'm so nervous. says:

    I’m loving the pink wreath….it looks like it’s made from a sweater, so maybe you could wear it later if it gets chilly.
    “We’re going to sing Silent Night now.” Hilarious……yes, mothering is a hard thing to stop….much like mouthing the script of It’s A Wonderful Life, which my husband and I watched last night with full-on speaking the lines just before they said them. Is there any other way to watch it?
    Merry Christmas, June and my virtual Pie friends. Thank you to all who brighten my day with wackyness. God bless us, everyone.

    Like

  12. Merry Christmas. I didn’t get anything pink, but I got a new Cleveland Indians hat. From me. My favorite gift?
    Not Chloe got me an ice scraper that says “#1 Dad” on it…

    Like

  13. So glad you posted today, I had to have my June fix, now I’m going to eat the rest of the day away!! Merry Christmas and a much better new year!!!!!

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  14. So glad you posted today, I had to have my June fix, now I’m going to eat the rest of the day away!! Merry Christmas and a much better new year!!!!!

    Like

  15. So glad you posted today, I had to have my June fix, now I’m going to eat the rest of the day away!! Merry Christmas and a much better new year!!!!!

    Like

  16. Merry Christmas and also, too? Our family can similarly mime It’s A Wonderful Life but we are most happy when it’s time to say HEE HAW. We love ourselves then.

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  17. Merry Christmas!
    I HAVE to have that mug. I sing that song to myself all the time. Does Kit’s store take email orders? I must have it. And because I am a wealth of useless knowledge… Lionel Richie went to high school and lived (for a short time) in my home town.

    Like

  18. Merry Christmas June!
    Texas Kari, my daughter disappeared after receiving her phone for Christmas. We think she’s in her room.
    My beagle took advantage of all the gift opening frenzy this morning to zip up onto the couch and over to the end table and gobble a sausage ball. My daughter had just put it down to do a little video taping. He’s crafty like that. Didn’t I just spend a couple of hundred dollars on Wednesday at the vet for his stomach upset issues? Didn’t I just clean the carpets in the playroom after an episode of doggie diarrhea? He was really cute when he checked his stocking and found his red stuffed Christmas toy so I will forgive him this time.

    Like

  19. Thank you for taking time out of your Christmas day (with guests) to blog to your faithful readers. Have you had a chance to watch Love Actually yet, now that you have a dvd player? We watched it last night and I mentally thanked you for letting me know about this hilarious Christmas movie.
    Happy Christmas to all and thanks also for the RAoK lists yesterday. I agree with everyone else who said that I want to be doing this all year ’round. Being kind takes so little and means so much.

    Like

  20. Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you for blogging today June. I am busy moving and trying to restrain myself from punching my ex in the throat, so it has certainly been nice and peaceful around here. Like dancer said, this year is almost over, best present ever!

    Like

  21. Merry Christmas, June! Merry Christmas, June’s beautiful mother and handy stepfather! Merry Christmas, to Lu and Edsel! Merry Christmas, BBP readers! Merry Christmas, you old building and loan!
    We had a little pink and Hello Kitty here too– for my granddaughter. She seemed to really like the HK purse. Gotta admit it’s cute.

    Like

  22. Tell Edsel that I received three gifts that had been pre-chewed by Max, our chocolate lab. The gift cards were none the worse for the wear but the handmade soap looked like it had been riddled with bullets. I, in turn, nibbled the end of the Jumbone from his stocking. Only seemed fair.
    Your mom IS adorable. My mom is cute too. We went to Florida together when I was 16, and every single guy who approached us on the beach, came up to talk to her, not me. I’m now having the opposite experience with my gorgeous 17 year-old daughter. It must have skipped a generation. Sigh.
    Ruth/June: I did not get my RAOK turned in on time so am going to mention it here. I unexpectedly received a little cash from someone I work for this year. I changed it into small bills and walked down Pearl Street here in Boulder and handed it out to each person who was busking and begging until it was gone.
    Merry Christmas June and all you crazy Pie people. Hope it’s happy and peaceful.

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  23. Your Mother looks ok. You, however, look fabulous. I like the decoration on James
    Brown.
    Merry Christmas to you, Mother and handy step-father and all Piers everywhere.

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  24. I, too, have dog(s) issues and had to keep the gifts up out of their reach. They each got a bacon-flavored nylabone for Christmas, so that kept all three of them busy for a while, at least while we opened our gifts. I also see the resemblance between you and your mom. She is lovely. And count me in as loving your new/old chair. Have a sparkly rest of the day and also too a sparkly 2012.

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  25. I was so pleased to come here today and see that you had indeed blogged on Xmas Day. I’m Jewish but non-observant, and I’m Caucasian, so I don’t celebrate *anything* this time of year. I suppose I could celebrate the winter solstice, but I hate winter, so I refuse. Bah, humbug.
    Anyway, just to say that I thank you for your gift to me of something fun to read and look at today, when I thought everyone out there would be too busy celebrating Christmas.

    Like

  26. You and your Mom are both stunning.
    Your grandmother’s chair looks so inviting. I can picture you and Merry snuggling together on it.
    Best wishes for a very Merry Christmas.
    I sent you cookies, but as long as you enjoyed them or passed them on to someone who enjoyed them, I’m good. No note necessary. They were guilt-free cookies.

    Like

  27. Thanks for posting today, with pictures! Funny, before I read the first paragraph, I was thinking, “Wow, June and her mom look a lot alike.”
    I LOVE that chair!!
    How’d the mac and cheese taste?
    And how does everyone have your address? I feel left out.
    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    Like

  28. LauraL, hope you feel better soon. Being sick on Xmas is wrong.
    And yes I write Xmas. Preacher’s wife? Taking Christ out of Christmas?Why, no it does not. X is the Koine Greek symbol for Christ. As in, the language Jesus spoke. It’s more Christ than Christ. (rant over/pet peeve)
    Have a Merry Xmas Pie Peeps!

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  29. LauraL, hope you feel better soon. Being sick on Xmas is wrong.
    And yes I write Xmas. Preacher’s wife? Taking Christ out of Christmas?Why, no it does not. X is the Koine Greek symbol for Christ. As in, the language Jesus spoke. It’s more Christ than Christ. (rant over/pet peeve)
    Have a Merry Xmas Pie Peeps!

    Like

  30. LauraL, hope you feel better soon. Being sick on Xmas is wrong.
    And yes I write Xmas. Preacher’s wife? Taking Christ out of Christmas?Why, no it does not. X is the Koine Greek symbol for Christ. As in, the language Jesus spoke. It’s more Christ than Christ. (rant over/pet peeve)
    Have a Merry Xmas Pie Peeps!

    Like

  31. MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU DRAFTY OLD HOUSE!
    And to Snapper, “Here’s your hat. What’s your hurry?”
    Your line would be, “I’m all right! I’mmmmm allllRIGHT!”
    We clebrated our overindulgence of eachother this morning, went to eat chinese, had a drink with the ducks a thte Peabody and are getting ready to open stockings and go see the Zoolights exhibit.
    It’s been a wonderful (day).
    XOXO,
    Furry

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  32. Is your Mom’s head crooked or is the lamp lopsided?
    Yeah, I sent the puffy package, send me a thanks next year sometime,
    10 minutes, and put the timer on for rawhide chews, otherwise uggh… it can spew…
    Oh yeah I sent the chair too, thank me sometime next year….
    all I got for Xmas was a hernia… thanks alot!

    Like

  33. Is your Mom’s head crooked or is the lamp lopsided?
    Yeah, I sent the puffy package, send me a thanks next year sometime,
    10 minutes, and put the timer on for rawhide chews, otherwise uggh… it can spew…
    Oh yeah I sent the chair too, thank me sometime next year….
    all I got for Xmas was a hernia… thanks alot!

    Like

  34. Is your Mom’s head crooked or is the lamp lopsided?
    Yeah, I sent the puffy package, send me a thanks next year sometime,
    10 minutes, and put the timer on for rawhide chews, otherwise uggh… it can spew…
    Oh yeah I sent the chair too, thank me sometime next year….
    all I got for Xmas was a hernia… thanks alot!

    Like

  35. Cosmo's Dad I've actuall for all these years been a mousey large breasted housewife from Dubuque named Cecilia, I weave cloth says:

    I’m so tired of the fun code word thingy am I the only one? I’m changing my name to …
    Cecelia from DuBuque

    Like

  36. Cosmo's Dad I've actuall for all these years been a mousey large breasted housewife from Dubuque named Cecilia, I weave cloth says:

    I’m so tired of the fun code word thingy am I the only one? I’m changing my name to …
    Cecelia from DuBuque

    Like

  37. Cosmo's Dad I've actuall for all these years been a mousey large breasted housewife from Dubuque named Cecilia, I weave cloth says:

    I’m so tired of the fun code word thingy am I the only one? I’m changing my name to …
    Cecelia from DuBuque

    Like

  38. Cosmo’s Dad aka Cecelia from DuBuboopdeboop-
    Hulk’s REALLY gonna love you now!
    And if they’re REAL ,ARE they SPECTACULAR?
    And also, do you weave your own chonies and bras?
    Enquiring minds want to know-

    Like

  39. Merry Christmas June and Pie-ers! We had a good weekend and got a lot of great goodies and now I am ready to move on. Next up – hubby’s birthday on the 1st. Then daughter’s on the 7th. The fun never ends.

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  40. Merry Christmas Pie World, I’ve decided Ima gonna TRY to be kinder on into 2012. I like all these RAoK’s. Made me feel good reading them and doing them, so I shall continue on with the best of intentions.

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  41. Ahhh, all our guests just left. My seven hours of entertaining are over. We had a great day, but I’m exhausted. OMG I can’t believe how dirty my floors are. Trying to ignore it til the morning.
    And to all a good night!

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  42. Amish Annie, OMG don't even get me started on my crazy "Marie Barone" MIL today, never again will I go over there another holiday, NEVER!!! says:

    CliffClavin, your beagle ate a sausage ball this morning? Uh huh. My beagle ate 1/2 a freaking very expensive, totally yummy, perfect, New York Style cheesecake this morning while we were sleeping. Fortunately it had no chocolate in it, just rich, creamy dairy. I’m still pissed.
    Cecelia from Dubuque, hey, I think I stayed at your Bed and Breakfast in Dubuque a few years ago. You had twelve kids and each kid had their face plastered on each hour of the humongous clock on the wall above the fireplace, no?
    I absolutely love Grammy’s chair and ottoman!!!

    Like

  43. On a road trip today…read BBP first thing this morning, and continuously checked comments as cell phone internet coverage allowed…I knew I loved June and all the BBP family, but I didn’t realize how attached I was until I started counting the number of times I checked back!! Thanks to June and all of you for being so much fun to “talk to” every day!!
    Merry Christmas! And Merry is going to love that chair!!

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  44. Let us know how that mud trapping rug works out for you.
    Missed the little 12 days of Christmas snow globe things that were on the window sill last year. Did I remember that right?
    11 hours of entertaining here. Except for the 3 times I slipped away to lie down for juuuusst a minute.

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  45. Now I’m wondering if Amish is my sister in disguise. She’s got the same MIL. figured out the Bailey now. Duh. Finally did my RAoK today Sadie! It took a long time to find the family that needed us, but just under the wire 🙂 Merry Christmas George!

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  46. Yep Annie I remember those kids for an hour a day, because the minute my husband gave for each one lasted 9 months

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  47. Hi June! just catching up….thank you! Yes we take mail orders…call me 336-272-1800..
    My son and daughter were at the same church service, I went to bed (I raised good children)…did you notice a girl passed out during the service? that wasn’t you, was it?
    So glad Christmas was happy.
    Merry New Year to all.

    Like

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