Just got laid off. Again. I swear I am not a bad employee.
Yesterday at work I had to fast till my blood test at 10:10. No human has had to endure more torment. How is it a clock can move so slowly? Oh, I was hungry. Seriously. Kwashiorkor was setting in. Sally Struthers was next to me, doing a commercial about me. The whole workplace was doing… Continue reading Lip gloss. It’s my prerogative.
I can't remember where I left off. Where was I? Oh! I was busy because I had to go hiking with Tall Boy. Yes. So, he comes over and somehow the dogs already know something good is going to happen. They're prancing and leaping and Edsel is whining and they're throwing streamers and Tall Boy… Continue reading Aspire to expire
I didn't get to bed till around 2:00--I know! June the partayyer. And now Tall Boy is on his way over to take the dogs on a hike with me. So I'll catch you tomorrow. And will you remind me to get real wine glasses? Humiliating.
We had our usual routine this morning, where the dogs immediately burst outside like the house is on fire, and then when they hear me feeding the cats, through the wood and the brick and the five rooms from the back yard and the insulation, they want right back in. Then after they eat, the… Continue reading Hey, 16%!
I overslept today, although I didn't JUST wake up or anything, which would be pathetic. A few weeks ago, my good alarm clock stopped, you know, alarming me. It still tells the time, but the alarm stopped going off, which is an issue. And you know who doesn't care if I get up? My dogs.… Continue reading Am I breathing?!?!
Marvin suggested I paint black spots on Edsel and give HIM to the firemen for saving my life the other day. Now, see? That's why Marvin makes the big dollars. Allllways thinking. What a valuable asset to a fire Edsel would be. "Oh! Oh Edzul God! Oh no! Edzul flap paws uselisslee! Maybe we play… Continue reading In which the Feenies and DeFazios are mentioned a bit often
I did not mean to insert this photo. Typepad has some cockamamie new thing where they present photos to me really small, but anyway I love this picture as it pretty much sums up my while world. Edsel being involved in being an IDIOT, and Tallulah being sympathetic to my plight. Look at Edsel's muscuLAture,… Continue reading A linear, one-subject post. As per usual.
Guess who got a new app for her iPhone? It has old photos and then you put your own face in there. Apps. The new way to find yourself looking up seven hours later, going, wait, I'm supposed to be just be HOME FOR LUNCH! Crap! I always kind of wanted my hair to… Continue reading Money, Pinterest, and Tallulah in a flip
So, last night I was here, minding my own business, and I love it when people start stories that way. I mean, how many times are you minding someone else's business? Granted, right now you are sitting there minding my business, but whatever. So, last night I was here, with my binoculars pressed to the… Continue reading How many firemen does it take to change a smoke detctor?
I set the damn alarm for 8:00 and not 7:00 and I woke up at 7:45 with a start because it was light out and I knew that was not right. This means I have to wait till tomorrow to tell you why there were four firemen in my house last night. I hate everything.… Continue reading And not in a good way. Well. And not in a bad way, either, so I should shut up.
Before I tell you about the worst date of all time, which in fact is not even true because once in 1988 a guy picked me up already drunk then told me I was white trash before appetizers, and really THAT one was worse, I have two important details to tell you, even though last… Continue reading Coincidentally, I actually HAD the opportunity to say, “My ass would make you a Sunday face.”
I am sad about Heidi Klum and Seal, which is not at all pathetic of me, because I know them really well and Heidi Klum and I are like this. But they always seemed so happy, and like such a hot couple, and once again I'd like to remind you of the many times they… Continue reading My grandma used to say, “Your ass would make him a Sunday face.” I know that takes like 15 minutes to figure out.
A few days ago, in the labyrinth of my comments, Faithful Reader Jan made the fateful mistake of telling us all that she used to write poetry about her boyfriends when she was sad in high school. I told Jan she was banned from my blog until she came up with said poetry. You should… Continue reading HATE LOST LOVES. Also? I discuss Newt. As always.
Thank you, Faithful Reader Peter. I GOT DOG FLOWERS! Dying.
I just got back from having dinner with The Other June, and I am writing this before I go to bed. I have a dentist appointment early Thursday morning, so I am writing my post at night, and let me tell you. Things are fascinating over here at House of June. I hate getting my… Continue reading A post about everything and nothing. Aka what else is new.
I hate it when I'm dreaming about work and then the alarm goes off. I really should be getting paid for that time. Also? I cannot begin to tell you how annoying it is that the moment I wake up, Edsel straddles me and licks me on the lips. It's disgusting. I feel all Lucy… Continue reading Iris is a blind tramp
My life has been redackulous since before Christmas. Have you noticed that? Have you gone around thinking of little else other than my life since Christmastime? Why not? First I had the incident with the money, where I accidentally sent $1,600 to a credit card, when I meant to send $200 (I clicked the wrong… Continue reading Recapp of ludicroup lyfe. Ludicroup. I MEANT to type ludicrous but ludicroup sums it up too.
I had a dream. I had a dream that I was vehemently arguing with someone that "e.g." was really a thing. No, seriously, I had a dream about that. "It's LATIN!" I was yelling. And this is why there isn't a June Gardens Day. Anyway. In honor of dreams, and Martin Luther King, I bring… Continue reading I had a dream, too. Mine just sucked, is all.
Do y'all remember that hot hot hot hottie hot man who owns the midcentury modern furniture store here? And how I love him and wish to bear his--okay, let's not go crazy. I would bear his grudges. In case you never read about it because you were busy with your FAMILY at Christmas, to which… Continue reading Area Man Tortures Area June