In which Talu has become a Pom

So, like, sometimes I am sick or busy or whatever and I can't blog. If I miss ONE DAY, there is really no cause for alarm. Not that I didn't enjoy the 49595939393 "Are you DEAD!?" calls and emails while I was trying to rest.

Anyway, on Wednesday I woke up STILL feeling miserable. It was like, SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? Because I am so over this. If I even moved I felt dreadful. So I finally went to the doctor. The good news is I've lost six pounds.

Peg's Diseased Parties. The new weight-loss plan that's sweeping Greensboro.

The woman who came in to take my pulse (which I don't know how she does THAT without hurling) was in all-pink scrubs, with a pink sparkly thingamabob holding her ID tag, and a pink sparkly watch and so forth. You can imagine how she was the wind beneath my wings.

"You look so cute!" I said, noting her almost-eating-disordered thinness. I wonder if she knows Peg. "Oh, I do not," she said, being Southern. "And you–"

Here she stopped, ready to tell me something, SOMETHING on me was cute. Oh, I looked miserable. I was lucky I was able to shower, seeing as all I wanted to do was lie still as Brook Burke's delivery style when she hosted Rock Star IXS.

"Well. You have an excuse because you don't feel well," she finally said. Anyway, the doctor bustled in and listened to my stomach with a stethoscope. "Oh, it's not happy," she told me. Thanks. Thank God you're here. Looking forward to that copay. "Tell me how you think you got sick."

So I told her the story of Peg and her typhoid party, and she said it wasn't food poisoning because none of us got ill until after 24 hours had gone by. "It really takes a perfect storm for healthy adults to catch a stomach bug," she said. Naturally I was riveted, as the topic of how to AVOID them has always riveted me.

"You have to have three things: a really virulent bug, a host that hasn't been exposed before (surely Peg has removed her clothes at least once. She has a daughter), (BAH!) and enough exposure to the bug. I can't imagine how all of you got exposed so well."

"Well, Peg did all the cooking, and she made this gazpacho (which I will never eat again)–" I began. "THAT'S IT!" said my doctor, who I kind of like and who I will miss when she inevitably quits me. "Oh, that IS a perfect storm. She's making that soup while infected, then she puts it in the fridge all day. Oh! That did it all right."

Hunh. Anyway, 250 paragraphs later, she prescribed me some pills to combat nausea. After I got them–and let's talk about how quiet Target is on a January Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. Holy pecans. Last time I was there was right before Christmas and you couldn't see the floor. You just kind of let the crowd carry you through. I could have run up and down the aisle with naked exposed Peg and no one but store workers would've seen us.

As I was SAYING, after I got them, I checked in with my boss with a very phony, "You want me to come in?" and he said yes. Oh, I didn't want to go to work. I still felt awful, but with that pill in me I headed off. And you know that thing kicked in?

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And look! I had ALL of this for dinner! I mean, not that whole box of Nut-Thins, which is an excellent name. The Poet at work introduced me to these. "June, I'd like you to meet Nut-Thins. Nut-Thins, this is my coworker June."

Anyway, they are a thin rice cracker and I am happy to tell you I have little regret from eating that king-sized meal. Then I slept from 7 p.m. on.

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In other news, I got business cards. Was tired of writing my blog name on scraps of paper when I met people at the glory hole or wherever. Kind of redundant to show it to you here, as you are already here. Kind of like when they have ads for Taco Bell at Taco Bell. Not that I would know this.

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And finally, Tallulah is sending me mail. And is apparently a Pomeranian all of a sudden. Geez. That's not even how Tallulah TALKS. Shows what they know.

Oh, wait! I almost forgot. Was talking to Hulk the other night, and he said, "So I hired my mom to be my maid."

"Wait. What?"

"Well, you know I work all those hours now, and I HATE coming home to all this dust and a floor that needs sweeping," he said, somehow sounding precisely like Jane Jetson. "And at Christmas I was telling my family I'm gonna get a cleaning lady (Hulk must be fascinating at the dinner table) and my mom said she was totally bored since retiring and she'd do it."

"…Can I blog about this? I mean, your mom wears so many HATS in your life."

Does that scenario strike you as hilarious as it does me? If you just got here, Hulk is my friend from high school. Somehow, while witnessing his mom's marriage at the courthouse a few years back, he signed the wrong line and technically married his mom. So now she's his mom/wife/maid. Which is many ways is redundant for a lot of men.

Also, he told me that his mom came over to peruse the house and discuss what she would and would not do, and she was wearing sweatpants. "This is how you come to a job interview?" Hulk asked her.

I can see this will go places we will gleefully explore. Hulk doesn't see why it's funny. I mean, really? How can you NOT see it? And how happy is Hulk's mom gonna be to be cleaning up after HIS grown-up ass once again? She probably thought she was done with all that.

Anyway, further news as developments warrant.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

140 thoughts on “In which Talu has become a Pom”

  1. You don’t think leftovers of your client are hiding out in a dark refrigerator somewhere? Just be sure to wear a haz-met suit during any meetings you might have with said client. FYI, I also have biohazard stickers that could be used for labeling leftovers. Of course that would be an inappropriate use of supplies provided by my university. Nevermind.

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  2. Amish Paul it's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just that, never mind, she actually gets worse instead of better as she gets older. Stud Muffin knows anybody else would have divorced his nice, sweet self just because they couldn't put up with her. says:

    MissPam, I’ll send her over to your place immediately. She’ll be riding a broom.

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  3. Peter, I work at a law firm if you need to use our resources. But I still don’t think I’m on Team Gazpacho. Gazpacho sounds very guilty to me.

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  4. June! You didn’t put your phone number on your business cards. At least, that’s what I’d do. I want to win some lunches.
    Also, that is hilarious Hulk hired his mom to be his maid. “Mom, remember all those good times you had, cleaning up after me? Wiping down counters and toilet seats? Let’s go back to that.” Sounds like a cush deal!

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  5. I have a cleaning lady every other week. She is a godsend, Mija. I still clean, though, and every time I do a bathroom, I end up plotting the gruesome murder of anyone who has hair or has ever peed.

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  6. Not so bad for Hulk’s mom/wife/maid as long as he pays her. Mom’s are not just automatic free help, you know. As a matter of fact, this coming semester I will finally be paid to be my son’s homework/typing assistant. Only took till his 4th year of college to finally make some money from that pain in the butt “job”.
    Hope you’re on the mend June. I thought you died yesterday but didn’t email ya cause if you really were dead, you wouldn’t have answered anyhow.

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  7. So glad you are on the mend! I may never eat gazpacho again after hearing that story. Oh and now that you’re in my reader {and you should feel honored because I only have 4 blogs in my reader} I don’t miss a post…which means I was among the worried masses yesterday when you didn’t blog.

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  8. I, too, am now afraid of gazpacho. And I used to like it.
    I was recently in the ER and had an IV in and everything. After I was discharged and cleared to go, I got up to start getting dressed…and started hurling. The nausea was sudden and horrible. Once I stopped puking and lay back down, they brought me a zofran pill. Five minutes later, it made me feel nauseous and I puked it up. They repeated this scenario. Finally, they came in and said, “Huh. Zofran works for most people.” Then they had to put in another IV and finally, via that, they gave me something marvelous…I don’t know what it was but it killed the nausea and made me feel delightfully relaxed, like floating on a fluffy cloud.
    Wish I could get me some of that to take on a regular basis–whatever it was. And why the hell didn’t they use that to start with?
    It also pisses me off to get charged for meds that I puked back up.

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  9. PJ's parents' Independent Living place has been on total lock-down for 2 weeks because of this bug. Meals delivered, no activities, trash picked up. They can't leave their apartments. says:

    Zofran does dink for me. Worthless. Phenergan…ahhh, now there’s a drug I can happily sleep with.
    I don’t think it’s a generational thing. My mother is horrified if anybody who is sick even walks by her house. And we were brought up to TRACK DOWN exactly WHO gave us the bug and BLAME them forever! 65 years ago a friend of hers came over with a kid who played with us and then the mother said, “I think she has whooping cough.”
    My mother still hyperventilates over that. And yes, my mother is that old.
    My husband? Who is a physician? Coughs, sneezes, drinks from my glass, kisses me. Yuck yuck! Get away! Fortunately he’s not the kind of physician who sees patients live and in-person.

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  10. PJ's parents' Independent Living place has been on total lock-down for 2 weeks because of this bug. Meals delivered, no activities, trash picked up. They can't leave their apartments. says:

    Zofran does dink for me. Worthless. Phenergan…ahhh, now there’s a drug I can happily sleep with.
    I don’t think it’s a generational thing. My mother is horrified if anybody who is sick even walks by her house. And we were brought up to TRACK DOWN exactly WHO gave us the bug and BLAME them forever! 65 years ago a friend of hers came over with a kid who played with us and then the mother said, “I think she has whooping cough.”
    My mother still hyperventilates over that. And yes, my mother is that old.
    My husband? Who is a physician? Coughs, sneezes, drinks from my glass, kisses me. Yuck yuck! Get away! Fortunately he’s not the kind of physician who sees patients live and in-person.

    Like

  11. PJ's parents' Independent Living place has been on total lock-down for 2 weeks because of this bug. Meals delivered, no activities, trash picked up. They can't leave their apartments. says:

    Zofran does dink for me. Worthless. Phenergan…ahhh, now there’s a drug I can happily sleep with.
    I don’t think it’s a generational thing. My mother is horrified if anybody who is sick even walks by her house. And we were brought up to TRACK DOWN exactly WHO gave us the bug and BLAME them forever! 65 years ago a friend of hers came over with a kid who played with us and then the mother said, “I think she has whooping cough.”
    My mother still hyperventilates over that. And yes, my mother is that old.
    My husband? Who is a physician? Coughs, sneezes, drinks from my glass, kisses me. Yuck yuck! Get away! Fortunately he’s not the kind of physician who sees patients live and in-person.

    Like

  12. I can’t see my parents right now. I have a horrible cold. If I were to even whisper in their general direction, BAM! instant elderly sickness. Carry that guilt. The second to last time my dad was in the hospital for kidney failure, it was due to a sinus infection he caught from me.

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  13. I hope June is on her anti-nausea medicine as she is reading all of our comments today. We are such a supportive and healing bunch.
    Peppermints and ginger, June!

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  14. Letha, you’re so thoughtful. I thought it was all about us. As you can tell.

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  15. Wow, Hulk if all your porn is on your computer or the internet, then your Mom may not discover your stash. However, she may look in your nightstand and with motherly concern leave you some lube or refill you large kleenex box.
    On the other hand (the non-active one), if you are getting so much action that you don’t need an occasional release… then God bless your mother/wife/cleaning lady… she takes care of all your needs.

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  16. Wow, Hulk if all your porn is on your computer or the internet, then your Mom may not discover your stash. However, she may look in your nightstand and with motherly concern leave you some lube or refill you large kleenex box.
    On the other hand (the non-active one), if you are getting so much action that you don’t need an occasional release… then God bless your mother/wife/cleaning lady… she takes care of all your needs.

    Like

  17. Wow, Hulk if all your porn is on your computer or the internet, then your Mom may not discover your stash. However, she may look in your nightstand and with motherly concern leave you some lube or refill you large kleenex box.
    On the other hand (the non-active one), if you are getting so much action that you don’t need an occasional release… then God bless your mother/wife/cleaning lady… she takes care of all your needs.

    Like

  18. Amish Paul..,
    Thanks man.
    I don’t have Internet porn because my laptop is work-issued so,,.

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  19. : : Garden Girl : : Having help in your home is nothing to be embarrased of, either. Life is short. Get some help. I support you, Hulk! says:

    Yes, Hulk’s mom acting as “cleaning lady” for him is hilarious. And if my mother cleaned my house I would always be concerned that I was underpaying her….because really, can you ever pay your mother enough? I mean, she’s YOUR MOTHER! Can’t wait to hear the blogging repercussions of this business arrangement, though.
    Your business cards are adorable.

    Like

  20. : : Garden Girl : : Having help in your home is nothing to be embarrased of, either. Life is short. Get some help. I support you, Hulk! says:

    Yes, Hulk’s mom acting as “cleaning lady” for him is hilarious. And if my mother cleaned my house I would always be concerned that I was underpaying her….because really, can you ever pay your mother enough? I mean, she’s YOUR MOTHER! Can’t wait to hear the blogging repercussions of this business arrangement, though.
    Your business cards are adorable.

    Like

  21. : : Garden Girl : : Having help in your home is nothing to be embarrased of, either. Life is short. Get some help. I support you, Hulk! says:

    Yes, Hulk’s mom acting as “cleaning lady” for him is hilarious. And if my mother cleaned my house I would always be concerned that I was underpaying her….because really, can you ever pay your mother enough? I mean, she’s YOUR MOTHER! Can’t wait to hear the blogging repercussions of this business arrangement, though.
    Your business cards are adorable.

    Like

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