Margaret Thatcher stalks June

So as I was SAYING, before my stupid stupid stupid post went MISSING yesterday, I have a statistics textbook that I have to copy edit due on Monday, and man. Am I ever on top of that. Because I haven't spent all week being desperately ill or anything.

The place that I freelance for is always really nice to me, and I have yet to miss a deadline for them, and in fact now that it's been 10 years–which I just mistyped 120 years and it feels like that–with them, we don't even set up deadlines for me anymore. They send me a delightful statistics manuscript–exciting!–and I get it back to them in 10 days to two weeks.

But this time they sent it to me before Christmas, knowing I wouldn't get to it till after all the holidays were over, so I emailed Monica, the beleaguered person I deal with at the publishing company.

"So, um, when do you need this, drop-dead date? We never really said."

"Monday."

"Hmmm. Yeah. See, I got really sick last weekend and didn't get to look at this at all. And you know, I never missed a deadline with you, not even that time I had a death in the family, remember? So, when can I get this to you?"

"Monday."

Crap.

This being sick thing. It's gotten me nothing this week. Ooo, except svelty-svelte svelte! This woman at work said, "You look so…what is it? You're so cute today!"

"I barfed and got skinny."

June. Always the pleasant coworker.

Anyway, so I have to, yes, proofread statistics all day, and the first person who asks, "Don't you have to know statistics?" gets slapped with Monica's liver. There is a statistician who reads for that stuff. I just check that the sentences are complete, the chapter titles are the same size, that the parentheses have a beginning and an ending, that the references are set up right, that sort of riveting thing.

Except for me that stuff really is riveting.

And you know what bugs me? Is when people use the word "grammar" to cover any error in a sentence." oh hai june luv her blawg bet my grammer is buggin ya!"

The word "grammar." Please look it up.

You know what I am? Not fun when I am in the middle of working my regular full-time job and then also freelancing.

Ooo, but you know what? After this charming project is over, the beleaguered Monica has another project for me, and I'd be the consulting editor! Doesn't that sound fancy? And she said they are gonna pay me $900 an hour. Okay, she did not say that much but it IS double what I usually make. I am fancy.

In other news, on the way home last night, the woman in the car behind me looked exactly like Margaret Thatcher. Oh, it was irking me. I kept thinking, She doesn't look THAT much like her, then I'd look in my rearview mirror and there she'd be again, totally Thatchering out. It was uncanny. It had no cans. She was driving a Lexus. Do you think Margaret Thatcher would drive a Lexus? Would she even know to stay on the right side of the road? Is Margaret Thatcher still alive?

More important, why is she following me?

Finally, I leave you with very important images which FAILED to make their way to this riveting blog yesterday, after I typed the whole effing thing and it disappeared.

I was thinking about my blush. I have this powder blush that Pal from MA talked me into getting, and I like it except it doesn't spread very well over my very opaque spackle foundation that Shields and Yarnell want to borrow. I was wishing I had me some of that liquid 8-Hour Blush from Cover Girl they made in the '70s, and does anyone remember that stuff? It came in a long round tall container with a white top.

Whenever Barry Gibb walks by a barber shop he finds himself wondering if they sell Brylcream, and now here I am wondering if I can get my hands on blush from the '70s. Or for that matter Brylcream, because I don't think I've ever seen Brylcream close up.

Anyway, I tried to Google this blush because it became an obsession, and gee, why am I gonna miss my statistics deadline? And I cannot for the life of me find that DING DANG blush, but I did find these important ads.

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I think she'd need less makeup if she stopped rubbing up against stucco. And maybe more Prozac, less foundation, there, sister. Cheer up. Remember how Love's had everything? Makeup, perfume, I think even bath stuff. Where did they go? Where did our love go?

Bonnenell09202010
Hey, will you get my jean culottes out the dryer? Ima get on my bike and go to a field with my Ten O Six Lotion. This ad makes a ton of sense. But Bonne Bell was always schlepping us out to the middle of nowhere to tout her chemicals.

I have two things to say about this ad. Other than the 14 things I already said. A man came at me with those flowers, my throat would close up and I'd die before we could get to the ER. Romantic. And if I used Ten O Six at this juncture, my skin would shrivel up like one of those apple dolls.

Lipsmacker
It turns out I could look at old makeup ads ALL DAY. Again. Why the missed deadline. Sorry. I was in Lip-Smacker Land. I had ALL of these flavors. All of them. I didn't even LIKE some of the flavors, like root beer and Good and Plenty. Irrelevant. I had to have all of them. Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. The Beanie Babies of the '70s.

Note they had "orange pop" flavor and also Orange Crush flavor. Nice. Nice way to scam us, there, Bell.

Okay. I am going back to my statistics book, which is exactly as exciting as thinking about Margaret Thatcher and makeup in the '70s. Carry on.

93 thoughts on “Margaret Thatcher stalks June

  1. The other thing I had besides Kissing Potion (what a gooey mess that was) and my precious 7-Up flavored Lip Smacker was the blush that looked like the giant glue stick that was mentioned above. It wasn’t a particular color, you put it on and it would change into blush color right on your cheeks. So between those things, my Marcia Brady hair, my blue eyeshadow to match my light blue cords, a peasant blouse and desert boots, I was a walking 70’s museum!

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  2. I recently purchased DQ Butterscotch Sundae flavor Lip Smacker from the Dollar Tree. It is delish.
    My mom used to read books for the blind onto audio tapes. She was a secretary before owning her own gift shop, but mom is very well spoken. Because of this, they gave her technical books like statistics. She would come home and tell us how all the other ladies lived the stories they read mom would say she had no clue what she

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  3. I just connected with my good friend from high school on Facebook. This post reminded me that I gave her a bottle of Tigress perfume for graduation, since we both practically bathed in that back in the day. That and Muget de Bois (that doesn’t look right). I can’t think of the name of the Yardley perfume, right now.

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  4. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

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  5. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

    Like

  6. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

    Like

  7. Love’s Baby Soft and Tickle deodorant were always in the top bathroom drawer during my high school years. It’s funny how much time I used to spend thinking about and buying beauty products back then compared to my 32-second mascara and Burt’s Bees routine of today. My 17 year-old daughter and her friends do that but they’re all dropping big bucks at Sephora instead of at Rite Aid like we did. Ooh! and Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific. Can you still get any of that stuff? Happy proofing June.

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  8. Does anyone else remember using the lip gloss that came in little rectangluar tins? The lids would slide off the top. I want to say the name had something Village and they also had all of the cola flavors. I’ve always had an affinity for products that came in tins.

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  9. I think the phallic symbol meme has run its course. Not every cylinder is a phallus. It’s in the eye of the beholder (ew) and all that.
    Let’s fight back with a vaginal symbol meme to make people realize how ridiculous it is. Anything vaguely pocket shaped will do. Wallet? Vagina. Soup pan? Vagina. Hot dog bun? Vagina.

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  10. Heaven Scent perfume was my favorite! I remember my boyfriend saying I was “sent from Heaven”
    awwwwwww now I have to go googgle him up!

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  11. DonnafromBoulder!! Hadn’t thought of Tickle deodorant in years; it was totally necessary in high school, along with my Short & Sassy Shampoo to keep from Dorothy Hamill doo looking perfect (no Farrah hair for me)!
    My favorite Lip Smacker was 7-Up. And, yes they have a plethora of smacker flavors today, but none of them come in the JUMBO size like they did in our day. What I wouldn’t give to have one of those so I could find it in the bottom on my big ass purse.

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  12. June, if you need a new blush you need to try Smashbox’s O-Glow, it’s marketed as ‘intuitive cheek color’ that goes on clear but changes to the pink that you blush naturally. I don’t know if this is true but every single girlfriend of mine that has tried mine has gone out and bought their own. It’s pricy -like $30 -but the tube is a fair size and is squeezes out in a gel so you put a bit on your finger tip and dab it on your cheeks.
    You can see it here:
    http://m.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P174211

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  13. Taking a statistics course this semester which I’m sure will kick my butt. They can afford to give you a raise since they are charging freaking $170 for the book. And you can’t buy it used because you need the internet access code.

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  14. Amish Paul, meh on Tebow, okay on Brady, better about Sanchez but my old crush Jim Kelly from the Buffalo Bills has been retired many years now says:

    Oh my gosh Letha!!! Too freaking funny! Stud Muffin and I just watched it and I laughed so hard my stomach hurts!! The Zadge so needs to watch this.
    By the way, I still think Tebow turns all straight male sportscasters gay as well as many straight male fans, it’s the weirdest thing. I was kidding my good guy friend about his obsession with Tebow and he got really pissed at me.

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  15. Mary Lou, yes, tomorrow I will see him again. Have been walking around with a big smile on my face all day.
    Does anyone else have the problem of chap stick actually drying their lips out more? That’s what seems to happen to me.

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  16. Thank you Amish Paul! Enjoy the bacon, everything is better with bacon!

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  17. I’m sorry you’re sick, Mary V. Sympathy to all of you who are sick today. And when it finally hits me I want a ton of sympathy.

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