Margaret Thatcher stalks June

So as I was SAYING, before my stupid stupid stupid post went MISSING yesterday, I have a statistics textbook that I have to copy edit due on Monday, and man. Am I ever on top of that. Because I haven't spent all week being desperately ill or anything.

The place that I freelance for is always really nice to me, and I have yet to miss a deadline for them, and in fact now that it's been 10 years–which I just mistyped 120 years and it feels like that–with them, we don't even set up deadlines for me anymore. They send me a delightful statistics manuscript–exciting!–and I get it back to them in 10 days to two weeks.

But this time they sent it to me before Christmas, knowing I wouldn't get to it till after all the holidays were over, so I emailed Monica, the beleaguered person I deal with at the publishing company.

"So, um, when do you need this, drop-dead date? We never really said."

"Monday."

"Hmmm. Yeah. See, I got really sick last weekend and didn't get to look at this at all. And you know, I never missed a deadline with you, not even that time I had a death in the family, remember? So, when can I get this to you?"

"Monday."

Crap.

This being sick thing. It's gotten me nothing this week. Ooo, except svelty-svelte svelte! This woman at work said, "You look so…what is it? You're so cute today!"

"I barfed and got skinny."

June. Always the pleasant coworker.

Anyway, so I have to, yes, proofread statistics all day, and the first person who asks, "Don't you have to know statistics?" gets slapped with Monica's liver. There is a statistician who reads for that stuff. I just check that the sentences are complete, the chapter titles are the same size, that the parentheses have a beginning and an ending, that the references are set up right, that sort of riveting thing.

Except for me that stuff really is riveting.

And you know what bugs me? Is when people use the word "grammar" to cover any error in a sentence." oh hai june luv her blawg bet my grammer is buggin ya!"

The word "grammar." Please look it up.

You know what I am? Not fun when I am in the middle of working my regular full-time job and then also freelancing.

Ooo, but you know what? After this charming project is over, the beleaguered Monica has another project for me, and I'd be the consulting editor! Doesn't that sound fancy? And she said they are gonna pay me $900 an hour. Okay, she did not say that much but it IS double what I usually make. I am fancy.

In other news, on the way home last night, the woman in the car behind me looked exactly like Margaret Thatcher. Oh, it was irking me. I kept thinking, She doesn't look THAT much like her, then I'd look in my rearview mirror and there she'd be again, totally Thatchering out. It was uncanny. It had no cans. She was driving a Lexus. Do you think Margaret Thatcher would drive a Lexus? Would she even know to stay on the right side of the road? Is Margaret Thatcher still alive?

More important, why is she following me?

Finally, I leave you with very important images which FAILED to make their way to this riveting blog yesterday, after I typed the whole effing thing and it disappeared.

I was thinking about my blush. I have this powder blush that Pal from MA talked me into getting, and I like it except it doesn't spread very well over my very opaque spackle foundation that Shields and Yarnell want to borrow. I was wishing I had me some of that liquid 8-Hour Blush from Cover Girl they made in the '70s, and does anyone remember that stuff? It came in a long round tall container with a white top.

Whenever Barry Gibb walks by a barber shop he finds himself wondering if they sell Brylcream, and now here I am wondering if I can get my hands on blush from the '70s. Or for that matter Brylcream, because I don't think I've ever seen Brylcream close up.

Anyway, I tried to Google this blush because it became an obsession, and gee, why am I gonna miss my statistics deadline? And I cannot for the life of me find that DING DANG blush, but I did find these important ads.

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I think she'd need less makeup if she stopped rubbing up against stucco. And maybe more Prozac, less foundation, there, sister. Cheer up. Remember how Love's had everything? Makeup, perfume, I think even bath stuff. Where did they go? Where did our love go?

Bonnenell09202010
Hey, will you get my jean culottes out the dryer? Ima get on my bike and go to a field with my Ten O Six Lotion. This ad makes a ton of sense. But Bonne Bell was always schlepping us out to the middle of nowhere to tout her chemicals.

I have two things to say about this ad. Other than the 14 things I already said. A man came at me with those flowers, my throat would close up and I'd die before we could get to the ER. Romantic. And if I used Ten O Six at this juncture, my skin would shrivel up like one of those apple dolls.

Lipsmacker
It turns out I could look at old makeup ads ALL DAY. Again. Why the missed deadline. Sorry. I was in Lip-Smacker Land. I had ALL of these flavors. All of them. I didn't even LIKE some of the flavors, like root beer and Good and Plenty. Irrelevant. I had to have all of them. Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. The Beanie Babies of the '70s.

Note they had "orange pop" flavor and also Orange Crush flavor. Nice. Nice way to scam us, there, Bell.

Okay. I am going back to my statistics book, which is exactly as exciting as thinking about Margaret Thatcher and makeup in the '70s. Carry on.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

93 thoughts on “Margaret Thatcher stalks June”

  1. I am mesmerized by Lip Smacker Land. Good luck with your deadline. Hopefully you won’t be too distracted by the kids. Talu HATE deadlines.

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  2. Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. The Beanie Babies of the 70s. Heeeee
    I had a giant cherry one. I still miss it.

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  3. Very opaque spackle foundation.
    Maybe it was Meryl in the car behind you.
    Is that Geraldine Chaplin?? And Goldie Hawn??

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  4. Nice incentive. Meet Monday’s deadline and next time they will double your salary. Didn’t Scrooge tell Bob Cratchit the same thing? Only he earned his increased salary by being late to work the morning after Christmas.

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  5. Letha, I think it’d Goldie too.
    Also I bought my nieces Lip Smackers for Christmas this year and they were way less excited than I was. I was this close {} to taking them back from the ungrateful varmints. I gave them the candy packs — how could they not be excited about Tootsie Roll flavored, fairly ineffective lip balm???

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  6. I think when I was a teen, they had Chapstick. Period. And it tasted like a failed candle.
    More recently I had Pecan Passion or something from Bath and Body Works and I spent the better part of my days trying to eat my lips.

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  7. Love causes zits??? I had no idea.
    Glad they cleared that up.

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  8. I don’t remember that blush. I do remember Nature’s Blush though. It was the shape and texure of a giant glue stick.
    I once had a teacher who told the girls to whip our cosmetics out of our bags. She then lectured us on sexualization in marketing and pointed out how everything we loved was phallic shaped.
    She would have had fun with sexy lipsmacker ad.

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  9. I’m certainly old enough to remember all this stuff, but I don’t. Could be I didn’t wear makeup or have blemishes. I did wear lipstick, but that was Avon. How I miss my youth.

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  10. I am happy to report the birthday cake lip gloss was a success! Very happy girl!

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  11. Shields & Yarnell! Bah! I’m glad to hear you didn’t lose the funny when you lost your lunch. Over and over.
    I would have been so jealous of all your Lip Smackers. You must have been rich! I remember vividly that Lip Smackers were $2.50 for the big, giant kind. They didn’t have the small versions when they first came out. I would always ask my mom if I could have one and she never would buy me one because they were $2.50. I wonder what that translates to now? I does seem expensive because even at my very first job I only made $3.35 per hour. Hmmm…. maybe mom was right.
    I thought of you when I was reading a book recently. I know you are not an editor but I wondered if you read books as a proofreader, do you ever think “This editor did a horrible job!”? This particular book had all the pop culture references in it WRONG! Like she said the one of the characters from “The Lion King”, Timon, was a wildebeest. He was a MEERKAT for Pete’s sake! There is a big difference! And she thought Project Runway was a competition show for models. Irked me to the point that I wondered if I should even continue reading. Which is probably what you are wondering about this comment if you have even made it this far.

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  12. I saw the new Meryl Streep movie about Margaret Thatcher last night, and it’s pretty clear it wasn’t SHE who was following you, June. She is still alive, actually, in her mid 80s but suffering from dementia. That being said, Meryl Streep nailed the part as she always does. The cast of talented Brits, especially Jim Broadbent, are equally wonderful. But the story didn’t carry me the way it should have. Could have been that her “Let them starve” approach toward the unemployed masses seemed just a tad bit medieval in its outlook. Even the Conservative Party eventually tired of her thinking, and she was forced out of office. So, pay your $11.00 if you love great acting. But don’t expect a great movie. For that, go see War Horse.

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  13. June, I have to work all weekend too. The up-side of being stuck in my office is that I can check in on comments all day long.

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  14. Also missed the Lip Smacker craze in the 70s- too busy being a little hippie chick-
    Lucky I had enough sense to use deodorant and shave my legs-
    It’s all kinda hazy…
    Being stalked by Maggie T in a Lexus-having no cans…only in Junes World!
    Good luck with the editing and congrats on the fancy shmancy promotion!
    Lip Smacker Land- prepare for the invasion-

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  15. I wasn’t in love with the flavored Lip Smackers as much, BUT I did love me some of that roll on super shiny super thick lip gloss that for the life of me I can’t remember the name of. Somebody help…..
    And, did I tell you I grew up in West Texas. Yes the one where the wind blows 34587029842 miles per hour and said wind is usually full of sand. That coupled with super thick, sticky lip gloss and I was irresistible!
    Gosh I miss Love’s Baby Soft, my shiny lip gloss, big comb for my Farrah hair and my CB radio.

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  16. I got the ginormous peppermint Lip Smacker for Christmas when I was in third grade. And I loved, loved, loved that thing. Slathered it on all day long. Apparently, the fragrance was rather potent, because my mom griped about it, all day long. Then one day, it mysteriously disappeared. My mom denied any connection to the crime.
    Liar, liar, bell-bottomed polyester pants on fire…

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  17. PJ spends enormous amounts of time pondering things like why canny means careful or shrewd and uncanny means without cans. says:

    went missing
    I ponder that expression every time I see it. Think about it. went missing.

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  18. Can you imagine if Lipsmacker Land and Candyland merged? It would be a diabetic’s heaven.
    I too had the Farrah hair that looked perfect when I left for school but never seemed to last past first period because of my bone straight hair back then. And the big fat comb that screamed, Hey Look at My Ass!

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  19. So now we’re being threatened by other people’s livers. Does God have a liver? I’d hate to be slapped with God’s liver.

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  20. There was a lemon perfume that was popular at that time, Love’s Fresh Lemon. We all wore that to complete that look; Farrah hair, big comb in the back pocket of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and white Nike tennies with the big red swoosh.

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  21. Julie Bell and her brother were in most, if not all, of the BB advertisements in the 70’s. Goldie Hawn, from what I’ve read is a fan of the lipsmack, but was never one of the models.

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  22. If I see the word Brylcream I can totally smell it, and feel so debonaire.

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  23. Cheryl Tiegs liver. Is that a flavor?

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  24. I think Margaret Thatcher is alive but has Alzehimers disease.
    Yesterday when you mentioned Bonnie Belle ten o six I immediately thought of their gel blush. It came in a tube and was bright red but when you smeared it on , you had to be fast or it would dry,it looked great. Also, I would love some yardley pot of gloss.

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  25. What would Cheryl Tiegs Lip Smacking Flavor taste like? It wouldn’t taste like food, her being a skinny 70’s model and all. Maybe drugs.

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  26. Remember Brylcreams a little dab’l do ya?
    Went to a 50s themed party years ago and a friend used it to coif a fabulous ducktail and waterfall curl in the front-
    He used THE ENTIRE TUBE-

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  27. I think it is Geraldine Chaplin in the first pic also.
    All this ad talk….I can’t get the “I can’t seem to forget you, your Windsong stays on my mind” jingle out of my head.
    Happy proof reading, June…..

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  28. Oh I love the days when we reminisce about old products! I spent hours yesterday on the damn Vermont Country Store site because of this.
    OJ, I can’t believe you are a black licorice kind of gal. Blech on the Good n Plentys.
    Just a little FYI, if y’all want your lips to smell and taste like something wonderful nowadays? Head over to Claire’s and get the Girl Scout cookie flavored lip smackers. Yep, they have the Thin Mint Goodness in a tube!
    p.s. Strudel strutting Sandra is back in the saddle!

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  29. I remember the LipSmackers, Bonne Bell, etc., but alas, I was too old to care about them even back then. PJ, I also wonder about the term “went missing.” It’s just weird to me. Another term that baffles me is if a meeting is set for three days from now instead of tomorrow, how can it be moved back? And I’m famous for picking up a pen when I’m reading my novels and correcting punctuation (to my way of thinking)and even changing or inserting words. My friends love to borrow my books when I’ve finished with them. Heh.

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  30. The other thing I had besides Kissing Potion (what a gooey mess that was) and my precious 7-Up flavored Lip Smacker was the blush that looked like the giant glue stick that was mentioned above. It wasn’t a particular color, you put it on and it would change into blush color right on your cheeks. So between those things, my Marcia Brady hair, my blue eyeshadow to match my light blue cords, a peasant blouse and desert boots, I was a walking 70’s museum!

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  31. I recently purchased DQ Butterscotch Sundae flavor Lip Smacker from the Dollar Tree. It is delish.
    My mom used to read books for the blind onto audio tapes. She was a secretary before owning her own gift shop, but mom is very well spoken. Because of this, they gave her technical books like statistics. She would come home and tell us how all the other ladies lived the stories they read mom would say she had no clue what she

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  32. I just connected with my good friend from high school on Facebook. This post reminded me that I gave her a bottle of Tigress perfume for graduation, since we both practically bathed in that back in the day. That and Muget de Bois (that doesn’t look right). I can’t think of the name of the Yardley perfume, right now.

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  33. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

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  34. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

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  35. My ad is Physique 57. Does it mean this exercise regimen will give me the body of a 57-year-old or I must be 57 to try it?

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  36. Love’s Baby Soft and Tickle deodorant were always in the top bathroom drawer during my high school years. It’s funny how much time I used to spend thinking about and buying beauty products back then compared to my 32-second mascara and Burt’s Bees routine of today. My 17 year-old daughter and her friends do that but they’re all dropping big bucks at Sephora instead of at Rite Aid like we did. Ooh! and Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific. Can you still get any of that stuff? Happy proofing June.

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  37. Donna, I would use Pssssst, dry shampoo. Which I think was just sprayable baby powder. My morning shampoo would not last on my oil slick of a head.

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  38. Does anyone else remember using the lip gloss that came in little rectangluar tins? The lids would slide off the top. I want to say the name had something Village and they also had all of the cola flavors. I’ve always had an affinity for products that came in tins.

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  39. I think the phallic symbol meme has run its course. Not every cylinder is a phallus. It’s in the eye of the beholder (ew) and all that.
    Let’s fight back with a vaginal symbol meme to make people realize how ridiculous it is. Anything vaguely pocket shaped will do. Wallet? Vagina. Soup pan? Vagina. Hot dog bun? Vagina.

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  40. Unruly, sorry to hear about your ER visit and hope you are feeling much better.

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  41. Heaven Scent perfume was my favorite! I remember my boyfriend saying I was “sent from Heaven”
    awwwwwww now I have to go googgle him up!

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  42. DonnafromBoulder!! Hadn’t thought of Tickle deodorant in years; it was totally necessary in high school, along with my Short & Sassy Shampoo to keep from Dorothy Hamill doo looking perfect (no Farrah hair for me)!
    My favorite Lip Smacker was 7-Up. And, yes they have a plethora of smacker flavors today, but none of them come in the JUMBO size like they did in our day. What I wouldn’t give to have one of those so I could find it in the bottom on my big ass purse.

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  43. June, if you need a new blush you need to try Smashbox’s O-Glow, it’s marketed as ‘intuitive cheek color’ that goes on clear but changes to the pink that you blush naturally. I don’t know if this is true but every single girlfriend of mine that has tried mine has gone out and bought their own. It’s pricy -like $30 -but the tube is a fair size and is squeezes out in a gel so you put a bit on your finger tip and dab it on your cheeks.
    You can see it here:
    http://m.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P174211

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  44. Taking a statistics course this semester which I’m sure will kick my butt. They can afford to give you a raise since they are charging freaking $170 for the book. And you can’t buy it used because you need the internet access code.

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  45. Amish Paul, meh on Tebow, okay on Brady, better about Sanchez but my old crush Jim Kelly from the Buffalo Bills has been retired many years now says:

    Oh my gosh Letha!!! Too freaking funny! Stud Muffin and I just watched it and I laughed so hard my stomach hurts!! The Zadge so needs to watch this.
    By the way, I still think Tebow turns all straight male sportscasters gay as well as many straight male fans, it’s the weirdest thing. I was kidding my good guy friend about his obsession with Tebow and he got really pissed at me.

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  46. Mary Lou, yes, tomorrow I will see him again. Have been walking around with a big smile on my face all day.
    Does anyone else have the problem of chap stick actually drying their lips out more? That’s what seems to happen to me.

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  47. June – you passed the barf to me but it’s the other end here in Ohio. Sick is what I am. I have nothing else.

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  48. sandra, glad the birthday cake boy date went so well. You deserve it!

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  49. Thank you Amish Paul! Enjoy the bacon, everything is better with bacon!

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  50. I’m sorry you’re sick, Mary V. Sympathy to all of you who are sick today. And when it finally hits me I want a ton of sympathy.

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