HATE LOST LOVES. Also? I discuss Newt. As always.

A few days ago, in the labyrinth of my comments, Faithful Reader Jan made the fateful mistake of telling us all that she used to write poetry about her boyfriends when she was sad in high school.

I told Jan she was banned from my blog until she came up with said poetry. You should know that a few years back, I had to have a stupid MRI for my migraines and it was no big deal but of course I MADE it a big deal, but Jan really DID have a big medical deal and as soon as she woke up from HER thing, she asked her sister, "Did June get her MRI results yet?"

So what I'm saying is I'm a super, super good person.

Without further ado, let's all laugh at Jan's pain and angst.


H eartbroken
A ll-consuming
T ightly wound
E ager to love
L osing something
O nce
S olid
T o
L oneliness
O nce
V ivacious, now
E verything is
S oured


Poor Jan. She lost something once solid. So did I, when I had that stomach bug the other day. Also, Jan, I work right next to a poet, and not only is she a poet, she TRAVELS THE COUNTRY because she is asked to READ said poems in major cities all the time. Also, she just won a national award.

I forwarded her your poems. Oh, you are welcome. It was nothing.


Dreams shattered,
Hearts battered,
Lives tattered,
Eyes cry,
Hearts die,
Wondering WHY???,
No peace,
Feelings cease,
Lies increase,
Marriage vow,
Forever now,
No tears I allow.


I always like a comma after 70 question marks. Poor Jan. Her feelings ceased. Or someone's did. I guess hers didn't. Her heart died and her eyes cried. I mean, I glean she was the heart-dier and eye crier from this scenario. Also, Nancy Kerrigan called. Wants her line back.

Was there ANYONE who had just a smooth time in high school? "High school? Oh, I was a cheerleader and had one boyfriend and we never broke up. My skin was clear and I had great friends and nothing bad happened. Ever. I never went around singing Open Arms like it was good."

If there is anyone who had that experience, please leave a comment and your address, so the rest of us can come toilet paper your house.

In other news, when I wasn't receiving dog flowers (see post below), I went on a date last night and could not find my skirt. I hate everything. I mean, I didn't lose my skirt DURING the date, which would have rendered it way more PG-rated than it was. But I'd planned the outfir days ago, and was going to wear my gray skirt and lacy black top, and I even HAD THE SKIRT IN MY HANDS and said, Oh, good. Skirt's clean.

Then when it was time to get ready, do you think that #$%$&#&# thing was anywhere? ANYWHERE? And have you ever tried to frantically search your house with 100 pounds of dog and two cats DIRECTLY UNDER YOU at all times? Why do I have the clingiest animals ever created?

So I wore jeans. I mean, I wore a shirt too, but the whole thing was not what I had planned and here. I took a picture right before I left.

Photo on 1-19-12 at 6.57 PM
I am in my coat, so you can see none of the outfit, except the flower pin Miss Doxie sent me that was on my coat. I note I took this at 6:57, which is nice because I was supposed to be there at 7:00.

Photo on 1-19-12 at 10.12 PM
And here I am, back home, at 10:12. No worse for the wear, really. Wouldn't it be sad if I did not go on a date at all last night and I just sat here for three hours and 15 minutes and took these photos?

Anyway, further reports on that as developments warrant. And this was not the guy who I owe a date to because I got sick. I am getting my roots done Saturday in Raleigh and am seeing him after. Although he does not live in Raleigh. I realize that made little sense.

I guess that's all I had to tell you, except I have no cavities and spent $95 on a new Oral B. I already HAVE an Oral B and if you do not have one I highly recommend it. First of all, my checkups are way better and no, I'm not getting paid to say this. Plus I'm certain its better for the environment to throw away a small toothbrush head rather than a whole toothbrush. But I've had my Oral B, and how many times can I say "Oral B," for a few years now, and the handle itself was not really clean and I couldn't GET it clean and it was bugging me. So I got another one. And my hygienist told me to stop putting so much toothpaste on the teensy brush head.

I know that was riveting.

And I do have one more thing I almost forgot. I would never vote for Newt Ginrich. You know how I feel about political things. I HATE the attitude that people who don't agree with us politically must be idiots, or the enemy, or pure evil. But I do not agree with him and would never vote for him based on that. However? I am 100% in support of him on this.


I do! What someone says to his WIFE, while they are struggling to keep their MARRIAGE afloat, is (a) none of our business no matter what and (3) does not make him lacking in character. It just doesn't. It's ridiculous. And petty. And I similarly didn't care what Bill Clinton was doing over there with a dress from The Gap, either. Could we move on from people's personal lives? 

If we looked at ANY of our personal lives, we'd find something that looked not-so-great. Geez.

That's all I have to say about that. Jan, could you write a poem about it?

275 thoughts on “HATE LOST LOVES. Also? I discuss Newt. As always.

  1. Lake Forest? Chino Hills? Both close by! This will be driving me crazy now. But I won’t pry.


  2. Cosmo’s dad, please accept my apology for calling you Cosmo earlier when I said I wanted a house next to Cosmo’s parents. I know you are not your dog. Your childhood home sounds gorgeous– and kudos on your mini protest against Tricky Dick.


  3. Pal. Spill. Not on Peter, but his beautiful wife. Unless the beautiful wife wants to present herself. Or not.


  4. AA/AP, no one said my wife was beautiful. Just mysterious. However, she is beautiful (okay, she told me to say that, but she really is).
    And Mrs. Oh, I assume that anything between 3 and 5 carats will suffice?


  5. I will take a house over a diamond any day! Im happy for you, Mrs. Oh! I really am. Hopefully this will help make your condition a little more bearable.


  6. Oh Yeah, Julie, married her Father’s former boss’s grandson, an Eisenhower….
    Pete and Becky.. use the google for Abalone Cove in California… its scenic
    Mrs Oh… ABC’s John Stossel did a great Tourets story a few years back…. “your underwears on fire” was a new trained phrase for a man who said “other” things…


  7. Oh Yeah, Julie, married her Father’s former boss’s grandson, an Eisenhower….
    Pete and Becky.. use the google for Abalone Cove in California… its scenic
    Mrs Oh… ABC’s John Stossel did a great Tourets story a few years back…. “your underwears on fire” was a new trained phrase for a man who said “other” things…


  8. Oh Yeah, Julie, married her Father’s former boss’s grandson, an Eisenhower….
    Pete and Becky.. use the google for Abalone Cove in California… its scenic
    Mrs Oh… ABC’s John Stossel did a great Tourets story a few years back…. “your underwears on fire” was a new trained phrase for a man who said “other” things…


  9. Wow, thanks for sharing that, Cosmo’s dad. It looks GORGEOUS, and I must drive over and see it. I’ve been in LB for 2 years now and it’s unforgivable that I haven’t yet been over to experience the beauty of RPV.


  10. Hulk, that is awesome. You guys must feel great about that.
    I believe I may have broken the record today for most comments posted in one day, but I wanted you to know that I saw it.


  11. Seriously, the man who nearly brought down a president for cheating WHILE CHEATING HIMSELF is allowed to keep his marital life private? Newt is the one who made character and marital fidelity an issue, he doesn’t get to hide now. I’m really disappointed in your take on this. Ron Paul’s marriage, that’s truly not relevant because he didn’t make it a hallmark of his political career. Newt did, so his is fair game.


  12. 9.5 ozs! That’s hard to even imagine a baby that tiny. Good work Hulk!
    Tammy. You don’t distinguish between what a man did years ago versus the activity engaged in by a sitting president in the oval (or oral, as it apparently became for a time) office? And how about lying about it under oath? No difference?


  13. Nice work, Hulk and colleagues. The Buddhists call this kind of work Right Livlihood. Making your living with something that helps the world.


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