I overslept today, although I didn't JUST wake up or anything, which would be pathetic. A few weeks ago, my good alarm clock stopped, you know, alarming me. It still tells the time, but the alarm stopped going off, which is an issue. And you know who doesn't care if I get up? My dogs. They just burrow in and keep with the sleeping, is what they do.
So I went to Target, as I am wont to do, and got me a Hello Kitty alarm clock for $9, which is delightful, except it has no snooze. So every morning at 7:00 Hello Kitty wakes me up and Hello Dogs burrow in and we sleep another half hour till I go OHMYGOD and bound out of bed.
Today I turned off the kitty who greets me and woke up at 7:54. I am supposed to be at work at 8:30. Nice. Looking groomed and put together today. And not at all haphazard.
Therefore I just ordered this:
It's a Pink Moonbeam clock, which is just like the clock I already had whose alarm stopped alarming, except that one was blue.
I think "pink moonbeam" might be my favorite pair of words in the English language. Along with "free kittens."
While I'm writing this, my $20 kitten (they were having a special at the shelter when I got her, did I tell you that? I didn't get a discount because she's blind of anything) is BUGGING ME. First she was biting my necklace, and now she's biting the camera cord.
Bugging. Lucky that she is a muffin muffin muffin wif white feets.
Note I still have a wrinkle in my forehead. Am waiting for Botox to kick in, and because it hasn't, have convinced self that botulism is spreading my throat as we speak and all day I keep asking myself, "Am I breathing?!" It's fun to be me.
Tonight, if the botulism doesn't kill me, I'm going dancing with some of the Spanish editors. At work we have regular English-language editors, and then we have these editors who come from all over, who speak Spanish and can edit Spanish.
Guess who's more fun, in the grand scheme of things? Sometimes a bunch of the Spanish editors will be talking, because in general they're more sociable than the English editors, (and perhaps you picture me as someone who flits from desk to desk all day, just visiting. I am not that person, in fact. My job requires QUIET and NOT BEING BUGGED, VILHELM OYSTER, MY ANNOYING COWORKER WHO IS NOT AN EDITOR!!!) and I'll walk by them in my inevitable outfit of gray. Or black. Or black and gray. And I swear to you all of them, the men and the women, are wearing
and they all smell really good. Good cologne must be a thing when you're, you know, not a boring editor of the English.
Anyway, we're going dancing someplace I've never heard of and I am excited.
Oh, and in other news, I might be a lesbian. I may have been watching that show where Tabitha takes over ("ova") salons, and now inexplicably she is taking over other businesses, and the other day she took over a gay bar in Long Beach. There was a woman bartender, and she was kind of manly, but not Chaz manly. But dudes, she was so hot! And like 25. So not only am I suddenly a lesbian, I am a letch.
Does that make me, you know, bi? Should I go back and change my status to bisexual on that dating site again? Seriously, every time they showed her, I was all WOW! That woman is appealing.
The first person to say, "Not that there's anything wrong with that" gets sold for $20.
I guess I had better go to work again and monitor my breathing for the effects of botulism. Because I'm delightful and fun. Oh, and if I live, the new girl from work is coming over tonight. That's before the Spanish dancing portion of my evening. I know! June. Packing her schedule and liking the ladies since 2012.
Naturally there'll be photos, and y'all missed her SO COOL turquoise high-heeled Mary Janes yesterday. No, she is not a Spanish editor.
DID MY THROAT JUST CLAMP SHUT? I guess not. …This was so worth the money.
P.S. If you did not read the comments yesterday, you missed about 959954 people discussing whether Mary Tyler Moore throws meat or danish into her cart in the opening sequence. See what earth-shattering news of the day you're missing?