Am I breathing?!?!

I overslept today, although I didn't JUST wake up or anything, which would be pathetic. A few weeks ago, my good alarm clock stopped, you know, alarming me. It still tells the time, but the alarm stopped going off, which is an issue. And you know who doesn't care if I get up? My dogs. They just burrow in and keep with the sleeping, is what they do.

So I went to Target, as I am wont to do, and got me a Hello Kitty alarm clock for $9, which is delightful, except it has no snooze. So every morning at 7:00 Hello Kitty wakes me up and Hello Dogs burrow in and we sleep another half hour till I go OHMYGOD and bound out of bed.

Today I turned off the kitty who greets me and woke up at 7:54. I am supposed to be at work at 8:30. Nice. Looking groomed and put together today. And not at all haphazard.

Therefore I just ordered this:

 

Pinkmoon

It's a Pink Moonbeam clock, which is just like the clock I already had whose alarm stopped alarming, except that one was blue.

I think "pink moonbeam" might be my favorite pair of words in the English language. Along with "free kittens."

While I'm writing this, my $20 kitten (they were having a special at the shelter when I got her, did I tell you that? I didn't get a discount because she's blind of anything) is BUGGING ME. First she was biting my necklace, and now she's biting the camera cord.

Photo on 1-27-12 at 12.23 PM #2

Bugging. Lucky that she is a muffin muffin muffin wif white feets.

Note I still have a wrinkle in my forehead. Am waiting for Botox to kick in, and because it hasn't, have convinced self that botulism is spreading my throat as we speak and all day I keep asking myself, "Am I breathing?!" It's fun to be me.

Tonight, if the botulism doesn't kill me, I'm going dancing with some of the Spanish editors. At work we have regular English-language editors, and then we have these editors who come from all over, who speak Spanish and can edit Spanish.

Guess who's more fun, in the grand scheme of things? Sometimes a bunch of the Spanish editors will be talking, because in general they're more sociable than the English editors, (and perhaps you picture me as someone who flits from desk to desk all day, just visiting. I am not that person, in fact. My job requires QUIET and NOT BEING BUGGED, VILHELM OYSTER, MY ANNOYING COWORKER WHO IS NOT AN EDITOR!!!) and I'll walk by them in my inevitable outfit of gray. Or black. Or black and gray. And I swear to you all of them, the men and the women, are wearing

TURQUOISE!

MELON!

MMMMMAGENTA!

and they all smell really good. Good cologne must be a thing when you're, you know, not a boring editor of the English.

Anyway, we're going dancing someplace I've never heard of and I am excited.

Oh, and in other news, I might be a lesbian. I may have been watching that show where Tabitha takes over ("ova") salons, and now inexplicably she is taking over other businesses, and the other day she took over a gay bar in Long Beach. There was a woman bartender, and she was kind of manly, but not Chaz manly. But dudes, she was so hot! And like 25. So not only am I suddenly a lesbian, I am a letch.

Does that make me, you know, bi? Should I go back and change my status to bisexual on that dating site again? Seriously, every time they showed her, I was all WOW! That woman is appealing.

The first person to say, "Not that there's anything wrong with that" gets sold for $20.

I guess I had better go to work again and monitor my breathing for the effects of botulism. Because I'm delightful and fun. Oh, and if I live, the new girl from work is coming over tonight. That's before the Spanish dancing portion of my evening. I know! June. Packing her schedule and liking the ladies since 2012.

Naturally there'll be photos, and y'all missed her SO COOL turquoise high-heeled Mary Janes yesterday. No, she is not a Spanish editor.

DID MY THROAT JUST CLAMP SHUT? I guess not. …This was so worth the money.

Toxically,

June

P.S. If you did not read the comments yesterday, you missed about 959954 people discussing whether Mary Tyler Moore throws meat or danish into her cart in the opening sequence. See what earth-shattering news of the day you're missing?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

146 thoughts on “Am I breathing?!?!”

  1. I’m not gay…
    But I say how but if I stand between June and OJ and you two make a Hulk sandwich…

    Like

  2. I’m not gay…
    But I say how but if I stand between June and OJ and you two make a Hulk sandwich…

    Like

  3. I’m not gay…
    But I say how but if I stand between June and OJ and you two make a Hulk sandwich…

    Like

  4. Wow, CD, you really need to get out more if ice fishing is giving you a tingle. But, c’mon, join us. I would imagine you and your “pole” have caught a lot in the past.

    Like

  5. Cosmo and Peter…
    You go join yourselves. I may have thrown in the dating towel but I have NOT been traded to the “other team”…

    Like

  6. Cosmo's Dad.. .tingling here, me and the pole have lots of stories... "once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night...." says:

    Hulker, its all that lesbian talk getting your knickers in a twist…

    Like

  7. Cosmo's Dad.. .tingling here, me and the pole have lots of stories... "once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night...." says:

    Hulker, its all that lesbian talk getting your knickers in a twist…

    Like

  8. Cosmo's Dad.. .tingling here, me and the pole have lots of stories... "once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night...." says:

    Hulker, its all that lesbian talk getting your knickers in a twist…

    Like

  9. GOD! You guys are RUINING ice fishing for me…
    And I don’t mean “ice fishing for ME”, I mean “ice fishing FOR me”…

    Like

  10. Oh my gosh, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!!!!!!!!!!!…Hulk, Peter, D of C, killing it since Jan 27, 2012.

    Like

  11. Junie can’t talk now one of her friends just said “Uraguay” and she is all conflicted thinking she may be “guay” in a South American way….

    Like

  12. Junie can’t talk now one of her friends just said “Uraguay” and she is all conflicted thinking she may be “guay” in a South American way….

    Like

  13. Junie can’t talk now one of her friends just said “Uraguay” and she is all conflicted thinking she may be “guay” in a South American way….

    Like

  14. Oh lesbians are cool…
    Men are ugly and hairy and gross.
    Shut up shut up SHUT UP!!!

    Like

  15. speaking softly… Its ok Hulky.. its only a dream… put away your rod, breathe deeply and go back to sleep… aww…. nice….

    Like

  16. speaking softly… Its ok Hulky.. its only a dream… put away your rod, breathe deeply and go back to sleep… aww…. nice….

    Like

  17. speaking softly… Its ok Hulky.. its only a dream… put away your rod, breathe deeply and go back to sleep… aww…. nice….

    Like

  18. Yessssss, I agree about Christopher Plummer, who will always be “the captain” to me. He has just the right balance of bad boy and gentleman.

    Like

  19. Amish Annie/Paul although you have to admit it would be total hilarious to have an ice fishing picture of D of C, Peter and Hulk with their fishing hats on. says:

    Dang, just a dream.

    Like

  20. Junie just sent me a message… “I think that one woman.. Connie Linguist introduced me to a German, from Argentina, I think “it sounds like he has a thick tongue” every “s” word is thspitting at me like “thhsshh”.. and the thhssaga continues..

    Like

  21. Junie just sent me a message… “I think that one woman.. Connie Linguist introduced me to a German, from Argentina, I think “it sounds like he has a thick tongue” every “s” word is thspitting at me like “thhsshh”.. and the thhssaga continues..

    Like

  22. Junie just sent me a message… “I think that one woman.. Connie Linguist introduced me to a German, from Argentina, I think “it sounds like he has a thick tongue” every “s” word is thspitting at me like “thhsshh”.. and the thhssaga continues..

    Like

  23. Ok, so we need to watch the movie “Grumpy Old Men” with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthieu… the ice fishing scene.. of course Junie would be our Ann-Magaret
    with a voice that could shatter an ice covered lake…

    Like

  24. Ok, so we need to watch the movie “Grumpy Old Men” with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthieu… the ice fishing scene.. of course Junie would be our Ann-Magaret
    with a voice that could shatter an ice covered lake…

    Like

  25. Ok, so we need to watch the movie “Grumpy Old Men” with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthieu… the ice fishing scene.. of course Junie would be our Ann-Magaret
    with a voice that could shatter an ice covered lake…

    Like

  26. Peter, who wants AA/AP to know that he's got a very snazzy fishing hat. Think Brad Pitt in "A River Runs Through It." says:

    “Grumpy Old Men.” So that explains the rotting smell in your car, CD. I thought it was something else.

    Like

  27. Pete, car only smells of boxer dogs… out in my neck of the woods, Hagerstown, MD, the only scent here is fresh air…nostalgically…not as nice as the costal scent of So Cal…. when the grunion aren’t running…

    Like

  28. Pete, car only smells of boxer dogs… out in my neck of the woods, Hagerstown, MD, the only scent here is fresh air…nostalgically…not as nice as the costal scent of So Cal…. when the grunion aren’t running…

    Like

  29. Pete, car only smells of boxer dogs… out in my neck of the woods, Hagerstown, MD, the only scent here is fresh air…nostalgically…not as nice as the costal scent of So Cal…. when the grunion aren’t running…

    Like

  30. Poochie, I am sitting here STILL WAITING for our coworker N to show. I called her and she was all, Oh hi, yeah, I am on my way. This is a cultural thing, I think. Anyway, I have nothing swirly, it turns out. But I have on pink sparkles.

    Like

  31. It’s totally a cultural thing. When I’m in Spain I show up an half an hour later than whatever time I’m told to be at a restaurant, and I’m usually STILL the first one there!

    Like

  32. June will be dancing the night away. Especially since the party won’t start until after 10pm.

    Like

  33. Hunh. I must be from the Spain, then. I don’t wear anything but turquoise, lime green, melon or pink and the occasional all black with all aqua accents, ALL THE TIME!!
    Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I love Seville last year so much.
    Everyone always comments on the colors that I wear cos they are all wearing gray or black or brown. Yaaawwwwwn. Mix it up peeps!! In the winter we ESPECIALLY need color to brighten up the mood!
    And, also, too? I know which girl you’re talking about and she WAS hot. Gorgeous in a very androgynous way. I was similarly being a letch. But I am SO not gay! LOL!! No questions there! Lol!!

    Like

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