Hey, 16%!

We had our usual routine this morning, where the dogs immediately burst outside like the house is on fire, and then when they hear me feeding the cats, through the wood and the brick and the five rooms from the back yard and the insulation, they want right back in. Then after they eat, the house is apparently aflame again.

So they were on their second trip out while I checked email–and can I just say, if you have emailed me and I have not answered? I am sorry. I am getting several hundred emails a day and I was trying to be all good and answer them (I mean, they're not all related to this blog, my email. I just mean in general) (although most are from this blog, actually. I KNOW! Who's hoity-toity all of a sudden?), but sometimes I just cannot. I know I sound like a tool.

Anyway, my point is, I was in here doing stuff when, "WOOF." It was Tallulah. It's always Tallulah. Edsel would run around like a demon in that yard for six hours, except Talu gets bored. And God forbid he let her out of his sight.

"WOOF!"

"I HEAR you!" I said, while I put dishes away and threw in some laundry.

"WOOF!"

Oh for the love of all that is holy. Except for that one NOTABLE time, I ALWAYS let her in, so do we need more than one bark? I mean, okay, if an HOUR or something has gone by, freaking remind me. But this every-19-seconds thing is obnoxious.

"WOOF!"

I go to the door and JUST when I get there, the Schnauzer and Lab behind us got let out.

"Smell Lu!" And off she went to go play with them. Oh, I was irritated.

(Once I let her out at lunchtime and went to work. I forgot about her. And she was in the back yard, in the 65-degree weather, for four hours. You'd have thought I'd thrown acid on her family. I got the silent treatment for a week.)

In other news, guess what.

Photo on 1-28-12 at 12.50 AM #3Dude, I effing love Latisse. I am unsure if I have touched on this topic enough.

Anyway. Hello, the 16% who read me on Saturday! What are y'all doing with your bad selves today? I am recovering from my big night out of partayying till 1:00. Woo! Twenty years ago, 1:00 would've been an early night. Sad.

Right after work, the new girl, Poochie, came over. She lives kind of outside town and has hens and goats and cats and dogs and yes, she does have EVERYTHING I WANT. Except she doesn't have a teacup pig, which I still desperately want. At any rate, like me, she was interested in meeting my pets, because it's fun to leave your 50 animals and meet new ones. I don't KNOW why. It just is.

100_1061Everyone liked her, including "WOOF!" over here. And do you know Lily just came out of her room and greeted Poochie? So far, Lily pretty much hangs out in the spare room. Sleeping on top of Iris' kitten bed and smooshing it, day afer day. But last night she was all, heyyy! I think Poochie has a way with the pets.
100_1065I'm pretty sure this is the first family shot I managed to get, and man, do I ever have bookend pets now.

So anyway, Poochie stayed a couple hours and we talked and played with the animals and I offered her no food, as I had a can of tuna and a box of flax, and yes I do understand I suck. I did have wine for her, which Lily drank.

After Poochie left I put on my iTunes, which do not contain a bunch of hits from the last time I went out, during the Clinton administration, or anything, and got all ready. Poochie told me to wear something swingy, and what I discovered is I own nothing swingy. Why? Why is that? So I wore black and pink sparkly jewelry. Because I am annoying.

Photo on 1-27-12 at 9.22 PM

Here is me guiding my coworker, The Spanish Editor, to my home. She had on lots of sparkly brown, which at least wasn't as making-June-look-boring as sparkly turquoise.

We get downtown to this club, and about 15 of her friends are set to meet us there. There's a huge line outside, and everyone in said line was about seven years old. "I donnn understannn!" she said. She is from Colombia. Do you enjoy my accent? If you were here, I'd sound Finnish. All my accents sound Finnish. "When we come here udder time it fill with people our age. Thirty, forty, not 15 like tonight!"

"Maybe they have different music on different nights," I offered.

"Jesss, that could be." At this point I'm making her sound like Speedy Gonzales. "But ebery udder time, it Saturday night, like tonight."

We both stood there in the street for a second, looking at each other in horror. "OH MY GOD! Eeets Friday night! OH MY GOD!" We giggled among the youngsters. Then we talked about how be BOTH fasted on Thursday this week, thinking they were having these insurance (INsurance) blood tests, but it turns out there was a MEETING about the INsurance and the test is Monday. I was so glad somebody else was all starving and peaked all morning and it wasn't just me.

So we ended up going to this bar right near my house. Dudes. It's RIGHT NEAR MY HOUSE, and it has multiple levels, and dancing, and a band, and outdoor seating with couches and WHO KNEW? I could walk there. Who needs to get out more?

After, she came over and I read her tarot cards, because that's apparently my trademark for getting babes back to my place.

The Spanish Editor is an interesting person. She used to be a journalist, and has been all over the world. She's one of those people who, if she has extra money, will spend it on having fun. I demonstrated for her my Botoxed forehead. Enough said.

100_1069

All this socializing has exhausted the Eds. I like how a puff of fur has fallen off of him. Honestly, things don't look this filthy here till the camera flashes on them. Look at that bookshelf! Guess I'll, you know, dust today.

I have a date tonight, but in the 39495589020 emails I have exchanged with said…date, we talked about my blog and I said I didn't want him to read it, and he said (a) it feels like my private business and he won't intrude on it and (2) he doesn't want to read about how much I detest him, should I do so. I believe his exact quote was he was worried he'd see, "I've been spending time with this total rube. GOD." Which would be impossible for him to read because have you ever heard me say, "rube"?

So I will not say much about my date. Going on a date. The end. (Ohmygod he is really cool. Okay. Done.)

When I started this thing five years ago, I had no idea this dilemma would come up. I didn't ever think I'd be divorced and dating again and having to worry about my blog. I mean, obviously. How could I know all that? But it is kind of a thing, because it takes up a lot of my day, at this point, and I'll be all, "One of my commentors said…" like that's just a thing people say. But how scary to be someone walking IN to all that.

I should get up now but Iris is asleep on my arm. I will post and you 16% better say amusing things, because it looks like I'm stuck for a whole purry catnap.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

133 thoughts on “Hey, 16%!”

  1. One of the 16% stopping by to catch up on June’s lovely life. I am sitting in the sunroom looking out at the squirrels having sex on a tree branch right outside the window. My own “R” rated show right here. And that is about as much excitement as we will have around here today. Not nearly as much fun as having Iris asleep on your arm.

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  2. I just got a stud piercing in my nose hole!!
    I’m so effing excited!! And I’m not even going out or seeing anyone tonight, so I have to sit here and be excited all by my lonesome. My dog does not seem to care! LOL!!
    LOVE iT!! LOOOOVE!!
    Tell us about the boy????? Date?????

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  3. ***Breaking News****
    The RHoBH reunion will be a three parter! WOOHOO!!
    and Pal…Who is this stud who violated your nose hole? BAH!

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  4. Love the Eds teef which/that show even when he’s sleeping.
    Anybody twitching over that which/that thing? That’s me being bad.
    When I refer to my Pie Pals my husband looks at me with pitty in his eyes. There she goes with her imaginary friends again. Sigh.
    I don’t read you through Google Reader. I have you in my Top Sites favorites so when you post you show up with a pretty star. I’m glad I count.
    Totally ADORE pussy cat doggies picture.

    Like

  5. Love the Eds teef which/that show even when he’s sleeping.
    Anybody twitching over that which/that thing? That’s me being bad.
    When I refer to my Pie Pals my husband looks at me with pitty in his eyes. There she goes with her imaginary friends again. Sigh.
    I don’t read you through Google Reader. I have you in my Top Sites favorites so when you post you show up with a pretty star. I’m glad I count.
    Totally ADORE pussy cat doggies picture.

    Like

  6. Love the Eds teef which/that show even when he’s sleeping.
    Anybody twitching over that which/that thing? That’s me being bad.
    When I refer to my Pie Pals my husband looks at me with pitty in his eyes. There she goes with her imaginary friends again. Sigh.
    I don’t read you through Google Reader. I have you in my Top Sites favorites so when you post you show up with a pretty star. I’m glad I count.
    Totally ADORE pussy cat doggies picture.

    Like

  7. As a new reader, it is comforting to know that other readers speak to family members about what you read here, because I am doing that. Cue the husband rolling his eyes. . .
    June, you are captivating with your lovely family of fur babies and your posse of witty friends, those in the flesh and those that are cyber-anonymous. So delighted to have found all of you, and to be among the 16% .
    Knock Ruben dead with those spankin’ lashes and have yourself a grand time tonight.

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  8. June, I heard a rumor if you have light blue eyes, (the opthalmologist calls them blond eyes) the Latisse can darken the eyelid and frost, I mean iris, just from regular use. I have blond eyes even though I’m a brunette, heh.
    I know, I am a font of useless information. Any drivel you want to know about? Ask me first.

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  9. June, just wanted to thank you for posting on Saturdays. I work on the weekends (and I have a job that allows me to be online constantly) now and the rest of blog world is extremely boring on Saturday.

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  10. Your lashes are mahvelous!
    I got up at 4:30 a.m. today because my son was invited to a conference 3 hours away and I thought I’d keep him company on that long ride. It’s almost 7:30 p.m. and I’m getting ready to call it a day. It’s an exciting life I lead.
    Enjoy your date!

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  11. Tee, hope your mum’s ok.
    Your lashes are amazing. My sister has eyelashes like that naturally and I’m painfully jealous of them. I’ll leave it to you to guess if I’m a) complimentary about them or b) call her camel face to make me feel better.

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  12. Yeah ima tarot card reading as well. Can this be done via web. You could make a nickel ot two in the jar for that.

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  13. We watched Ides of March last night. It was… meh. The scenery however was quite nice. It was rather sad to see the loveliness of George Clooney being downplayed by the hotness of Ryan Gossling. George is better looking in my book but Ryan oozed some serious charm and sex appeal.

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  14. Just to test drive the theory… having friends over for dinner tonight, I added to the conversation, that “my friend Junie went salsa dancing last night, but it was teen night so she and her friend Connie the Linguist and Editor went back to her place and played with Ed and Lu”… deep breath… and how my other friends, like Amish Annie who after a stint on Hollywood Squares, became Amish Paul because Paul Lynde rocks.. and Hulk who doesn’t sleep and Paula from Hookers and Blow and the Furry G and D-Lou and how, well, all, thought something…. no one batted an eye.. as usual.. I’m ignored… the wine was good

    Like

  15. Just to test drive the theory… having friends over for dinner tonight, I added to the conversation, that “my friend Junie went salsa dancing last night, but it was teen night so she and her friend Connie the Linguist and Editor went back to her place and played with Ed and Lu”… deep breath… and how my other friends, like Amish Annie who after a stint on Hollywood Squares, became Amish Paul because Paul Lynde rocks.. and Hulk who doesn’t sleep and Paula from Hookers and Blow and the Furry G and D-Lou and how, well, all, thought something…. no one batted an eye.. as usual.. I’m ignored… the wine was good

    Like

  16. Just to test drive the theory… having friends over for dinner tonight, I added to the conversation, that “my friend Junie went salsa dancing last night, but it was teen night so she and her friend Connie the Linguist and Editor went back to her place and played with Ed and Lu”… deep breath… and how my other friends, like Amish Annie who after a stint on Hollywood Squares, became Amish Paul because Paul Lynde rocks.. and Hulk who doesn’t sleep and Paula from Hookers and Blow and the Furry G and D-Lou and how, well, all, thought something…. no one batted an eye.. as usual.. I’m ignored… the wine was good

    Like

  17. Anita! I really liked Ides of March. I think they downplayed George’s gorgeousness because he was losing his scruples. They are funny like that with makeup and lighting and character. But Ryan always looks hot no matter what.

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