Lip gloss. It’s my prerogative.

Yesterday at work I had to fast till my blood test at 10:10.  No human has had to endure more torment. How is it a clock can move so slowly? Oh, I was hungry. Seriously. Kwashiorkor was setting in. Sally Struthers was next to me, doing a commercial about me.

The whole workplace was doing the test. I mean, you didn't HAVE to do it, it was voluntary, but you get cheaper health insurance if you do it, so most of us were. And the other smart people scheduled their tests for, you know, 8:30 or 9:00. Why did I wait till 10:10? Why? Why do I not think?

By the time 10:00 rolled around and I had to go to the testing place next door to work, I crawled over like one of those people in the desert looking for water. And was there a LINE by that time? A LINE. Like we were waiting to go on a ride at Cedar Point. And I like how my example is always Cedar Point as opposed to Disneyland or some other amusement park. Hey. I grew up in the Midwest.

There were orange juice and Nutri-Grain bars for the people–the lucky, lucky people–who were finishing their test, and words cannot describe the lust and envy I had when I watched those people emerge and have some juice. If I could've crawled into their gullets, I would've. Others in line were chatting. One person was talking at the top of her lungs about her medical issues, and how she hates blood tests, and frankly making everyone else a little nervous.

I was speaking to no one. Because at this point I was so food-deprived that I had zero personality left. I was like one of those Macy's floats that had all the air taken from it. I just stood and stared at the ground like I had some kind of disorder.

Finally, FINALLY, it was my turn, and the very nice nurse weighed me (oy), took my measurements (they had to get an extender), and then drained the blood from my body. When I left, I ate a blueberry Nutri-Grain bar the same way Tallulah would have. As in, one bite without tasting it.

I would make a terrible anorexic person, apparently. I have a friend who used to be anorexic, and she told me all about how she ate precisely the same number of calories each day (if I recall, 250) and how she'd go to bed and listen to her stomach rumble. On night one of that I'd be all, "I'm getting up and toasting a bagel."

This is not to say that I have been stable and normal my whole life. See: hypochondria. See: barf phobia. See: panic attacks. I just never got the anorexia gene, apparently.

In other news, now that I've eaten and can think beyond the Nutri-Grain, my lip gloss is here. I got this on Amazon when I was ordering Gentle Leaders for the dogs. As I was checking out, Amazon said, "People who order Gentle Leaders also get this:

100_1072Okay, really? For your dog? Because these don't even look like Tallulah's colors. Nevertheless I fell for it, because have you met me? And yesterday Edsel's ice blue Gentle Leader came, as did my lip gloss.
100_1073Here I was on the phone with either my father or my Aunt Kathy last night, with the second-from-right color on. Dear dad or Aunt Kathy: Sorry I was playing with lip gloss and taking my own photo while we were talking.

 Please also note my gel manicure. On week two and going strong.

I guess that's all I have to tell you. Other than the part where the Real Housewives reunion was so worth my wait. Waiting till 9:00 last night was almost as hard as waiting for 10:10 yesterday morning. And now I have to wait for NEXT week for part two. I could watch the Real Housewives every day and never grow bored. Yes, I am deeply intellectual.

100_1075Some of my girlz watched it with me, when they weren't reading my beauty mags. Like either of them needs those. Tallulah effing hates Dana. We all do.

Okay. Going to shower and then be late for work because I am playing with Bobbi Brown. BOBBAYY!

101 thoughts on “Lip gloss. It’s my prerogative.

  1. Heads up about Latisse – I used it for a while religiously and sure enough – amazing lashes- I was leaving mascara trails on my eyebrows. Heck, I didn’t even NEED mascara they were so dark and lush. Then I ran out and didn’t buy it for a month. My lashes totally reverted to their blond, wimpy selves. I started using it again but my lashes have NEVER again looked as good as they did on the first go round. Latisse. It’s the new meth.

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  2. I swear a gel manicure NEVER chips. ANd you cannot get it off. Seriously. Mine finally fell off like little petals because my nails grew out from underneath it!
    So sorry, Beverly, Duffylou and Marylou. People can be so mean.

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  3. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    June, are those the glasses we bullied you about a while ago? This is a great picture of them. Very cool lines.
    My fasting blood test is this Tuesday and I figured I could sneak a half a cup of coffee before hand…do ya think? Anybody get away with that? It’s not until 10:00 AM so I figured I’ll stay in bed until 9:15 AM.

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  4. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    June, are those the glasses we bullied you about a while ago? This is a great picture of them. Very cool lines.
    My fasting blood test is this Tuesday and I figured I could sneak a half a cup of coffee before hand…do ya think? Anybody get away with that? It’s not until 10:00 AM so I figured I’ll stay in bed until 9:15 AM.

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  5. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    June, are those the glasses we bullied you about a while ago? This is a great picture of them. Very cool lines.
    My fasting blood test is this Tuesday and I figured I could sneak a half a cup of coffee before hand…do ya think? Anybody get away with that? It’s not until 10:00 AM so I figured I’ll stay in bed until 9:15 AM.

    Like

  6. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    We have a sunroom with a couch that overlooks the patio and back yard. For years we are out there sweating, slaving, stinking, digging, hauling, and the dog? Lying on his sheet, inside, on the couch watching us. All air conditioned or heated, as is appropriate. Dog is smarter than people.

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  7. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    We have a sunroom with a couch that overlooks the patio and back yard. For years we are out there sweating, slaving, stinking, digging, hauling, and the dog? Lying on his sheet, inside, on the couch watching us. All air conditioned or heated, as is appropriate. Dog is smarter than people.

    Like

  8. PJ When the angels ask me to recallllllll the thrill of it allllllll, I will tell them I remember youuuuuuuuuuuu. High school senior year. Music is powerful. says:

    We have a sunroom with a couch that overlooks the patio and back yard. For years we are out there sweating, slaving, stinking, digging, hauling, and the dog? Lying on his sheet, inside, on the couch watching us. All air conditioned or heated, as is appropriate. Dog is smarter than people.

    Like

  9. Thank you, Beverly. You, Letha and Tee are beautiful ladies indeed. Glad I’ve had a chance to meet you all. And, of course, Her Royal Highness June Gardens without whom none of us Pie Peeps would be here. So very glad to have met her gorgeous self.

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  10. Thank you, Beverly. You, Letha and Tee are beautiful ladies indeed. Glad I’ve had a chance to meet you all. And, of course, Her Royal Highness June Gardens without whom none of us Pie Peeps would be here. So very glad to have met her gorgeous self.

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  11. Thank you, Beverly. You, Letha and Tee are beautiful ladies indeed. Glad I’ve had a chance to meet you all. And, of course, Her Royal Highness June Gardens without whom none of us Pie Peeps would be here. So very glad to have met her gorgeous self.

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  12. Hulk, I would have gotten back to you earlier, but I was having a gel mani/pedi and couldn’t type before my nails dried.
    Of course I’m a guy! Silly.

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  13. Peter, Hulk, Steve et al: Any guy on this blog has definitely got a ‘little sumthin’ somewhere!

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  14. Tallulah looks tiny in that picture! She definitely doesn’t need fashion mags, she’s already got the look! I hope she enjoys her lip gloss!

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  15. If someone is eating healthy and still not losing weight, perhaps they aren’t eating enough? Without enough calories, the body will go into starvation mode and hold on to every calorie.
    Best is to amp up exercise while cutting calories to a manageable level (not extreme). Your doctor can give you an idea of how many calories you need.

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  16. Peter, who thinks Lincoln Park may be a bit too dark for his skin tone and now won't be able to get it off for weeks. says:

    Wow, June! I can’t believe you just outed me.

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  17. Thanks, Jane! I’ve actually been told by a number of people that I probably don’t eat enough, but I have a difficult time forcing myself to eat more when I’m not hungry. I guess I need to try though. And I definitely need to work on exercising more or, you know, some. Ha!

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  18. “…and all those small minded, insulated puny-brained, not-getting-any-sex idiots who say crap to you can shove it up their ***.”
    I was thisclose to being offended Amish until you got to the part about saying crap to Beverly…

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  19. So last fall when I turned 36 my gift to myself was a complete physical that included bloodwork and, of course, fasting. Because we were going to be in Vegas for my actual birthday, we went out with friends to celebrate a couple of days prior. And of course I chose the night before my bloodwork. They said not to eat after 9pm. So of course we went for all you can eat at the Thai-Japanese and me being the glutton I am, I ate and ate and ate until exactly 9pm.
    The next morning I went for my bloodwork and when my test results came back my doctor must have said WTF and called me back in for another urine test.
    It would appear that copious amounts of fat showed up in tests and the doctor thought I was a heart attack waiting to happen.
    If I had to guess, it was the double order of deep fried calamari and fried oysters and tempura and all those spicy tuna rolls. Oy.

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  20. I actually am attracted to many different body types of women…
    Copnversly women of all body types are not attracted to me.
    I gotta yin-yang kinda thing going here…

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  21. Having lived with two diabetics who had to have fasting blood work every three months I can tell you we have been told by the different nurses that black coffee(no cream, no sugar) will not harm the results of said bloodwork, but you should check with your own health care provider to make sure which test you are having. This was so important because my poor mother could not function without her morning coffee. Sadly I’m becoming the same way.
    June you look marhvelous today!

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  22. Well, Hulk, if you ever make it down to Atlanta we’ll have to meet up. But you’ll probably have to beat me, Letha, Sadie, Lindy, Fay and Tee off with a stick. (Am I missing anyone else?)

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  23. The new Van Halen songs (I’ve heard two now) are AWFUL. It’s so sad when old bands put out something new just so they can keep touring and singing the old, good stuff.

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  24. Amish Annie/Paul really wants to attend a VH concert but just doesn't think they can put on a good time anymore. Maybe if Michael Anthony hadn't left... says:

    I’ve seen Van Halen with Roth, Van Halen with Hagar and Roth solo. The original lineup in the late 70’s/early 80’s put on a fairly decent concert, saw them several times. Eddie’s guitar work was amazing and David Lee Roth wasn’t a shriveled up old STD infested prune like he is now.
    Saw Roth solo after their original breakup. Total boring showman with no substance. Quite frankly all I can remember is him hanging from the rafters or some crap.
    Van Halen with Hagar. Um, kinda boring too but not near as bad as Roth solo. By then, their newer songs were just too different from the first few albums.

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  25. When is the Atlantafest?
    Beverly, I just had my physical and was discussing w/the PA about my weight and how disgusted I am because Hubby has lost weight and I haven’t lost and ounce and we mostly eat the same thing, except after dinner he grazes until he goes to bed and I don’t. She ask about my sleep and I told her I don’t. She said that could be the problem. Also, I never thought about not eating enough calories each day. Humm, I might have to start counting.

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  26. I have a lot of sleep issues and have been told that may be part of my problem as well.
    We can have Atlantafest anytime! Are you on facebook, Tee? We could all private message each other there.

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  27. Beverly and Mary Ann (and others) I am with you! The other night a friend came up to me at a party, patted MY STOMACH! and said “looks like you have put on a few holiday pounds.” And she never was a close friend, certainly not close enough to ugh, touch my gut.

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  28. I was on Amazon looking for a harness for my kiddo, when I noticed what came up under the “Other customers suggested these items” section. Initially my husband thought I was objecting to the dog harness. I still don’t quite understand how someone would suggest a female strap-on harness for someone looking for a baby harness.
    http://www.amazon.com/Jeep-90107R-3-In-1-Backpack-Harness/dp/B002GWVDN8/ref=sr_1_5?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1328065470&sr=1-5

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