Girl, I got no time to talk today. I am meeting Dot Dot Dot Friend, and I like how that's become his name, for lunch at noon, and it's 10:23 and guess who just woke up 23 minutes ago? So I have to shower and put makeup on and dry my hair, which I assure … Continue reading Rain hair
My name Lu Gardins. I live with Big Hair. She annoy Lu sometime. Big Hair say it for yearz that Lu been living here now. Lu haf no idea what yeerz be. All Lu no is she wake up here and eet here and go to sleepz heer. All time. One day Lu just standeeng … Continue reading For Mor Yeer. A guest post by Tallulah Blueberry Gardens
My favorite thing last night was when Angelina Jolie struck that stupid pose with her leg out, and when the writers of The Descendants came on stage, the one guy posed just like her. heeeee! Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a picture of your own leg? Oh look. I … Continue reading The Blogist
Do you understand JUST HOW MUCH Iris sits on me? With her blind self? I guess there isn't much more to do when you got no, you know, eyeballs. Oh, she gets around FINE. She sees enough. I notice she has trouble really knowing how far it is from the table to the fur-covered couch. … Continue reading Flames, Hello Kitty, being 10 and The Artist
Good gravy, I love Sex and the City so much.
I went out for a giant Americano with Dick Whitman yesterday, at 5:00 p.m. Guess what was a stupid idea. There I was at midnight, like Bono. "I'm wide awake! WIDE AWAKE! WIIIIDE AWAAAAKKE! I'm not sleeping." Did he really need to throw in that last line? I think we got it when you screeched … Continue reading Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.
Faithful Reader Mrs. ridiculous Oh made this. She is berserk. Speaking of my dogs, and I know you are all happy I just started that way, last night we played a rousing game of where's the treat, where I hide treats around the house like it's dog Easter, because it was raining and Edsel was … Continue reading The point is…
We pretty much don't need a lot of dry-erase board use for yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom question, which was how much do you enjoy socializing and how much do you enjoy staying in. This is good, because as you can see, I had trouble finding a marker that would work on my board. I do … Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom. Gone with the Febreze.
When did Monster become such a crappy site? It used to be the first place I'd go to look for jobs, and now they list nothing. What happened to it? Does anyone have any good ideas for looking for jobs? I go on Indeed and SimplyHired, those are good. Cragislist here is only a scam. … Continue reading Sadly, every Tuesday is fat Tuesday, over here. Oh, but I brought Pieces O’ Wizzdom back!
That title comes from my Krispy Kreme cup which is currently on my desk. Let's discuss the part where I just got an effing doughnut and yet also just spent $104 on The Tracy Anderson Method after watching an infomercial at 1:00 in the morning. Okay, technically I just spent three easy payments of $29.99 … Continue reading You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.
I know this was covered ad nauseum in my comments yesterday, but maybe you're one of those people who doesn't read my comments, to which I say, "?" And also, "!" Because not reading my comments is like only eating the hard outside of the Oreo. You don't get the really bad-for-you hydrogenated deliciousness inside. … Continue reading Did you hear Whitney Houston died?
I just woke up. I know. What am I, 14? I went out last night and partayyed with my ...friend. And who is getting tired of having to call him my dot dot dot friend? Here is my dot dot dot friend pouring honey in his tea last night. I know! Raise the roof! … Continue reading Hold on loosely
I am telling you right now. If anything had been wrong with my Aunt Sue, that would've been it. I'd have been like Mr. Zipsky. I am not even kidding you. I am on edge, dawgs. Edge. It will just take ONE MORE THING to get me waving the choppy thing or the knife … Continue reading June Zipsky
We thought my Aunt Sue was really sick. It looks like everything is okay. She just got back from the doctor. I am so glad. I honestly could not have handled one more damn-ass thing.
I'm really not the world's best speller. I'm not. I mean, I don't do that thing where I spell definitely "definately" or anything, and I use the right form of "there" and all that, but when it comes to always knowing when to drop an "e" off a word or whatever (I always think, "Truely … Continue reading June returns from her job interview. Not that I was there all night.
My mother sent me this Valentine and wrote, "I'm not sure what the one on the ground has in mind, but happy Valentine's Day anyway." Nice. My Aunt Mary also sent me some beautiful old Haviland plates that have pink roses on them, and I took pictures of them and now I cannot find the … Continue reading Valentine’s Day. Pfft.
You know, I...hate to like anything about Katy Perry. I do. She bugs. With her wide eyes and her oh, I'm so cute! thing and her cat named Kitty Purry. Oh, and she married my husband, Russel Brand. However, she seems to have given him back. But she was on the Grammys last night and … Continue reading Katy Puffy
Yesterday, when Whitney Houston was still alive, I went to the Aphrodite festvial with my friend TinaDoris. I know. TinaDoris is hot. She is drinking love tea. It was too sweet for me. And there, folks, is the story of my life. There were rose-flavored cookies and red and pink candles you could light for … Continue reading In which June pets a turkey
I have to hurry and type this before my 6 a.m. spinning class. What if after one day at the gym I suddenly became one of those people who was always rushing off to kickboxing or one of those other things I don't know how to do? In fact I am going to type this … Continue reading Ji!
Can't talk long--I have to get to the gym. I know. You guys have spoken to me many times about my exercise bulimia. I mean, I just SAID I was going to the gym...never. In five years of writing this blog. I did belong to a gym in LA, but you had to in order … Continue reading June Gardens, gym rat