For Mor Yeer. A guest post by Tallulah Blueberry Gardens

My name Lu Gardins. I live with Big Hair. She annoy Lu sometime. Big Hair say it for yearz that Lu been living here now. Lu haf no idea what yeerz be. All Lu no is she wake up here and eet here and go to sleepz heer. All time. One day Lu just standeeng … Continue reading For Mor Yeer. A guest post by Tallulah Blueberry Gardens

Flames, Hello Kitty, being 10 and The Artist

Do you understand JUST HOW MUCH Iris sits on me? With her blind self? I guess there isn't much more to do when you got no, you know, eyeballs. Oh, she gets around FINE. She sees enough. I notice she has trouble really knowing how far it is from the table to the fur-covered couch. … Continue reading Flames, Hello Kitty, being 10 and The Artist

Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.

I went out for a giant Americano with Dick Whitman yesterday, at 5:00 p.m. Guess what was a stupid idea. There I was at midnight, like Bono. "I'm wide awake! WIDE AWAKE! WIIIIDE AWAAAAKKE! I'm not sleeping." Did he really need to throw in that last line? I think we got it when you screeched … Continue reading Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.

Pieces of Wisdom. Gone with the Febreze.

We pretty much don't need a lot of dry-erase board use for yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom question, which was how much do you enjoy socializing and how much do you enjoy staying in. This is good, because as you can see, I had trouble finding a marker that would work on my board. I do … Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom. Gone with the Febreze.

Sadly, every Tuesday is fat Tuesday, over here. Oh, but I brought Pieces O’ Wizzdom back!

When did Monster become such a crappy site? It used to be the first place I'd go to look for jobs, and now they list nothing. What happened to it? Does anyone have any good ideas for looking for jobs? I go on Indeed and SimplyHired, those are good. Cragislist here is only a scam. … Continue reading Sadly, every Tuesday is fat Tuesday, over here. Oh, but I brought Pieces O’ Wizzdom back!

You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.

That title comes from my Krispy Kreme cup which is currently on my desk. Let's discuss the part where I just got an effing doughnut and yet also just spent $104 on The Tracy Anderson Method after watching an infomercial at 1:00 in the morning. Okay, technically I just spent three easy payments of $29.99 … Continue reading You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.

Did you hear Whitney Houston died?

I know this was covered ad nauseum in my comments yesterday, but maybe you're one of those people who doesn't read my comments, to which I say, "?" And also, "!" Because not reading my comments is like only eating the hard outside of the Oreo. You don't get the really bad-for-you hydrogenated deliciousness inside. … Continue reading Did you hear Whitney Houston died?

June returns from her job interview. Not that I was there all night.

I'm really not the world's best speller. I'm not. I mean, I don't do that thing where I spell definitely "definately" or anything, and I use the right form of "there" and all that, but when it comes to always knowing when to drop an "e" off a word or whatever (I always think, "Truely … Continue reading June returns from her job interview. Not that I was there all night.

In which June pets a turkey

Yesterday, when Whitney Houston was still alive, I went to the Aphrodite festvial with my friend TinaDoris. I know. TinaDoris is hot. She is drinking love tea. It was too sweet for me. And there, folks, is the story of my life. There were rose-flavored cookies and red and pink candles you could light for … Continue reading In which June pets a turkey