Do you know the way…

100_1082The St. Joseph candle TinaDoris got me yesterday. It's supposed to bring you employment. Or children's aspirin. I forget. You know, I never made the association between St. Joseph and San Jose before. Quick, is what I am.

I am blue. Blue blue blue. I am dark blue. I am azure. Is azure actually darker than regular blue? I never took art. Anyway, sad. Me=sad.

And don't even send me any "Cheer up, June. Things'll get better" comments. Because how many of those have you effing sent me this year? I'll tell you how many. Nine hundred thousand and fourteen, that's how many. And you know what? Every time you've told me things will get better? THEY GET WORSE. Is the thing.

My cousin called and said, "Job wonders what you did to piss God off." So do I. Seriously, am I that bad of a person?

I sat here last night and thought of all the people who have it worse than me. There are people who don't have their health, of course. And homeless people, which I will be in about a month. And there are the unattractive.

See. This is why God is annoyed with me.

Oh, but speaking of attractive, take a gander at what my Aunt Kathy put on Facebook yesterday:

422572_2559618598431_1493022808_31895182_1903873613_n
Octobr 16, 1979. My grandmother's 63rd birthday. Happy birthday, grandma! We are having a brown theme!

That's Aunt Sue looking all hot and about 15 years old, there, on the right. Truthfully she doesn't look that much different. She does not age. Then next to her in the sporty yellow stripes is my cousin Jimmy, who no longer calls himself Jimmy but James and you can imagine how those of us related to him have stuck right with that. Anyway, even though he's (OHMYGOD!) 35 now, he pretty much looks like that too, sans the bowl hair. Then my cousin Katie is hanging in her Holly Hobbie finest, there, on my lap.

Let's talk about my hair. I mean, I know we need to delve into the person who took this, who felt the need to cover the 15 feet of (brown) wallpaper rather than, you know, us, and the (brown) dishes that Katie and I TOTALLY REMEMBER, but that HAIR. Why did anyone let me go out like that? Why was some of it, you know, FLIPPING FORWARD in that fashion?

At least I had my Kraft Parmesan Cheese. Which I still love. See? Things could be worse. They could've discontinued Kraft Parmesan Cheese.

You know your life sucks when that's all you've got to cling to.

Anyway, TinaDoris and I went out yesterday to the nutty crunchy crystal store, and she got her fortune told, which she probably doesn't want me announcing the details of to tens of readers. But luckily for me it was free energy day, as opposed to Sheer Energy day–Sheer! Energeeeee!–and I got 15 minutes of reiki.

If you do not know what that is, I highly recommend it. If you feel ooky about getting your cards read or your fortune told, reiki is just someone who can tune into your body and provide healing energy.

SHEER! ENERGYYYY!

I have to stop thinking about that stupid commercial.

 

Did you really think I wouldn't find this commercial? How much coke had that stewardess DONE?

Anyway, my point is, the reiki was good. And I am throwing in her email and phone number if anyone local wants any energy healing, because she really was great. bjwike7@gmail.com 336.681.7038. She had sheer energy.

I will stop.

So after my day with TinaDoris I spent about three hours sobbing nonstop, and I even called Marvin's mother. Yes, I did. I was sad. Hi, Marvin's mom.

Finally, though, it was time to watch Tall Boy on VH-1 Classic. Did I fail to mention he was gonna be on VH-1 Classic? He was. He was on, ironically, a music documentary. Talking about Rush.

I know.

Tall Boy is kind of microcosmically famous for knowing about Rush and Tool and other bands I've never heard of, and he's written a book about all this and people are way up into him. And he is also a huge Rick James expert. Okay. I made that last part up. But that would be hilarious.

So I had to SIT there, and dry my EYES, and watch this WHOLE docuMENtary, just like the old days, about ohmygod, bands I had never heard of and never WANT to hear of, and also Rick James every once in awhile,

 

but it was so worth it because every five minutes or so, there'd be Tall Boy yammering on like he knew what he was talking about. In case you saw said documentary last night (really?), he was the only man (and yes, it was ALL MEN on this thing) who was remotely appealing on there. And I have just narrowed it down for you considerably. Because for some reason? Men who like that genre of music? Not pretty.

Maybe it's because Tall Boy wears glitter in his braids.

I need to get over stuff today.

I have to go get ready because Dick Whitman and I are going out. We are gonna take advantage of the fact that everyone else will be watching TV today so things'll be uncrowded. By the way, I talked to Hulk last night and asked him about the Super Bowl and who he wanted to win and things like that. I think he is still talking and has no idea I hung up 15 hours ago.

Okay, pulling on my Sheer Energy pantyhose and getting out of here.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

198 thoughts on “Do you know the way…”

  1. Yanno how you read the comments and have a comment to comment upon someone else’s comment and then when you get to the end of the comments ya forget what you were going to say in the first place?
    *thinking* Ahhhh…June likin the assy artsy types. Liking Rockymentaries does not make one artsy but it does make them assy. I suggest some Sheer Energy for the men in your life 😉

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  2. Barb from Milwaukee, just read what you’re making…PW Spicy Whisky Sliders, looked it up, and promptly asked Stud Muffin to go and buy some hamburger right now. He is obliging. Can not wait to make these, thanks for mentioning it.

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  3. No. Did not invite Marvin over as he spends nights with his girlfriend. The end. Oh and also, Dick W and I just went to the movie and it was a weird arthouse movie–and we went out for Indian first, swear to the God who is bugged by me, Hulk–do you wish you had been with us all day, Hulk?–and anyway there were two other people in the theater and guess who was one of the people? That boy I do not mention who I may or may not be dating. So we all sat together. It was fun!

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  4. Fun! Especially if The Boy Who Shall Not Be Mentioned was NOT on a date. Still – no shoe size? Nothin?

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  5. Your life is a HOOT!

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  6. Your life is a HOOT!

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  7. Your life is a HOOT!

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  8. Amish Annie/Paul said yesterday that she was not the brightest crayon in the box, never was, that statement continues to be true says:

    June’s Grandmother’s birthday at June’s AUNT KATHY’S house. Got it.

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  9. Wow! A chance encounter! It does sound fun. Did DW get to talk to That Boy enough to give you a review of sorts?
    What weird movie? Because you know the Spirit Awards will be on the night before the Oscars, and is everyone going to fart if I talk about awards shows yet again? Anyway, maybe you saw one of the Indy nominees.

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  10. It was a French movie about prostitutes. It was dumb. Also DW said he liked new boy and that he thought New Boy was a good-looking guy. And if Hulk were not obsessing over sports we would be hearing about THAT right now.

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  11. Now aren’t you glad that you actually did leave the house today? Did you wear your sad robe to your dinner and a movie non-date with DW?

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  12. Now aren’t you glad that you actually did leave the house today? Did you wear your sad robe to your dinner and a movie non-date with DW?

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  13. Now aren’t you glad that you actually did leave the house today? Did you wear your sad robe to your dinner and a movie non-date with DW?

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  14. OMG June, you realize that scenario would only happen to you. Amish Annie, you will love them. oh and I throw in a few extra jalapeno…just have a few more refreshments nearby.

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  15. Hah! Are we surprised? Hee. Is he answering? Pretend you are crying. Or maybe you are.

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  16. I AM watching. And then asking him Qs. Like, I asked if they flipped a coin to decide whether they were gonna play today or not. He smores me. Smores! I meant amores.
    Sent from my iPhone, because I have scads of money.

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  17. I liked the one where the kid thinks he got a Camero for graduation, but he really got a dorm fridge.

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  18. I liked the one where the kid thinks he got a Camero for graduation, but he really got a dorm fridge.

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  19. I liked the one where the kid thinks he got a Camero for graduation, but he really got a dorm fridge.

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  20. I hear tell that they make something called the Puppy Bowl. So the wimmins will have something to do while the men are shouting at the tv.
    However, we don’t have real tv here so no puppies for me. Am sad. Is anybody watching it? Do you need insulin?

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  21. Wait, how does Marvin get a girlfriend but not Hulk? Does that not make sense to anybody else? Although of the two I’d have to pick Marvin for political reasons alone. And cat love. That too.

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  22. Am I the ONLY one that still likes and wears Sheer Energy pantyhose??? They feel awesome on, up here in New England where bare legs in winter is inconceivable. People, those suckers stay in place and keep the jiggly bits from jiggling. I have to say though, I did give up the Suntan shade for Nude many years ago. Deb, slowly moving into the new millenium…

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  23. ok the I Love Madonna marching band was dumb dumb dumb. The rest of it was cool.

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  24. ok the I Love Madonna marching band was dumb dumb dumb. The rest of it was cool.

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  25. ok the I Love Madonna marching band was dumb dumb dumb. The rest of it was cool.

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  26. It semed Madonna was genuinely happy to be performing but I agree, Texas Kari, it was a Madonna Loving Madonna LoveFest until the last two songs.

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  27. Are you kidding? Uncle Jessie can have my um, yogurt whenever he wants it.
    And yes, Anita, Downton Abbey 9pm

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  28. I haven’t worn pantyhose since my wedding….back in 1998. And that was the first time I had worn them in years. If my boyfriend ever returns from Brazil and we end up getting married, it will be a casual wedding where no pantyhose are required. Because I hate!

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  29. Grape Ape. I loved that cartoon. I missed Madonna tripping. I will look closer when I watch the half time show again with the youngest.
    Go Giants. Right Hulk ?

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  30. these comments are the best part of this year’s super bowl. (omg or is it “years”???) well this and Uncle Jessie getting the head butt, that’s only because I was sitting at the table with DH wanting to do the same thing……

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  31. these comments are the best part of this year’s super bowl. (omg or is it “years”???) well this and Uncle Jessie getting the head butt, that’s only because I was sitting at the table with DH wanting to do the same thing……

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  32. these comments are the best part of this year’s super bowl. (omg or is it “years”???) well this and Uncle Jessie getting the head butt, that’s only because I was sitting at the table with DH wanting to do the same thing……

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  33. I saw it too, but I think it was a balance issue. Because she has, you know, only 99% core strength.
    Also, love the last name Woodhead.

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  34. Oh, Ferris, we didn’t need to see that.

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  35. oh, the David Beckham commercial. My goodness, that is a beautiful man! I am not watching the superbowl, googling the commercials, I did like the car one with the sandman and the crazy dream, thought it was cute! I think it is hillarious that you are texting Hulk!

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  36. I saw the trip too, just thought she lost her balance getting up on the bleacher. DH and I were trying to figure out how much work she’s had done to look that good at what, 54? She looked like she was in pretty good shape too. Loved all the costume changes.
    Too bad the Pats couldn’t pull it out, but I was mostly watching for the commercials. The later commercials were definitely better than the ones at the start.

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  37. We watched the whole Stupor Bowl because Downton Abbey was rerun at 10. Just finished watching. Matthew! Patrick??? Carson! Bates! Great, great show.

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  38. I had a male geology professor in university just 4 years ago who referenced those kinds of commercial when he was talking about sheer energy relating to earthquakes. He also had a hard time saying “magma” without sounding like Dr. Evil.

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  39. Y’all should know that Junie kept up with the Super Bowl and she cheered for my over. Which did not hit.
    We chatted about commercials…

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  40. Y’all should know that Junie kept up with the Super Bowl and she cheered for my over. Which did not hit.
    We chatted about commercials…

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  41. Y’all should know that Junie kept up with the Super Bowl and she cheered for my over. Which did not hit.
    We chatted about commercials…

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  42. I did? I cheered for your over? See. I did not even know I was doing that. I feel bad they have to go home without coffee, is all. AND DONT COCK BLOCK TOMORROWS POST. Its either gonna be about us texting or my depressing divorce. Whichever I feel like talking about tomorrow.

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  43. a day late to the party … but today’s post isn’t up yet … so i’ll just say that “and then there’s the unattractive.” killed me. like i had to go 3 paragraphs back and read aloud to my husband.
    and regarding us wishing you well and it not working … maybe we need to take the theatre approach … you know … instead of “good luck,” we say things like “break a leg.” (do my multiple uses of ellipses in that sentence make you crazy??) so i think we should start cursing you, and see how that works.
    so today, i hope your hair is extra puffy.

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  44. For some reason, it completely amazes me that those candles are always at Wal-Mart. Cookie dough, diet coke, saint candle-that’s not on every shopping list?

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