squeak.

You know how pigs turn into wild boars if they're out in the woods for a week or whatever? That is just how I get if I don't have to get up early. I mean, I don't grow tusks and bristles. I mean I go back to my natural night-person ways.

I woke up at 10:00 today, despite the part where they're still putting up sidewalks in my neighborhood. You should see them digging up dead neighbor's yard. They've uprooted trees and everything. I have no idea why. Maybe because no one's there to stop them? There's a big yellow machine over there now. Hang on. I'll go take a picture.

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I was just out there in my robe like a crazy person. By the way, trash pickup was Monday. Go June! I am certain the neighbors love unworky me.

Speaking of which, my people all know the rule, that they are not to call me between 9-5 because I get excited that it's a potential employer calling and they just annoy me when they call (Oh, and Dottie, got your message DURING THE DAY and yes, send that book. Thanks.) (and by the way, Peg calls 39494994 times a day, because you can't tell Peg anything) and my POINT is, yesterday the phone rang and it wasn't one of my people flouting the rules.

It was a company. A company where I had sent my impressive resume.

"Hellooooo?" I said, trying to sound all professional. "Yes, June Gardens? This is whoo-dee-whoo company. We received your resume…"

And that is when Edsel grabbed his squeak toy.

SQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEK-A!

"The position we're seeking to fill requires–"

SKWEEEEEEEEEEK-EEEE SKAWEEEEEEEEEEEK! SKWEE SKWEEE SKWEE!

I tried to take it away from him. He thought I was playing tug of war. SQWEE! SQWEE SQWEEEEEE!

"May I ask you a few questions about your resume?"

SQUEE SQUEE SQUEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee

I mean. He must have thought I was super excited about being called. Or had dreadful gas or something.

I finally had to get that stupid spitty thing from that creature, put it on the piano where he was stretching himself and fashioning a pole vault to get to it, dig out a rawhide treat and go in the bedroom and shut the door.

Anyway, the guy I talked to is forwarding my resume to the next person and they are calling me to schedule the interview. Or they're just laughing about the odd squeaky person. In the meantime I had to send references and they sent me the job description and the amount it pays, and did you ever see in the cartoons where someone gets dollar signs in their eyes? Holy cats.

Oh, and when I was outside, I took this picture.

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My daffodils are already up. And who has to get out there and clean up her yard? The daffodils are all, We got up early for THIS mess?

So I will go. But it occurred to me it's been a long time since I asked where you at. I am in Greensboro, North Carolina. Where it has been 60 degrees all winter and the daffodils are up.

Where are you?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

521 thoughts on “squeak.”

  1. So you threw a virtual temper tantrum when commenters couldn’t read your mind? Even though you asked people to post and decided of your own volition to tally, why would you NOT expect people to be upset if they were left out?
    June: losing intelligent adult readers since yesterday
    PS: No need to flame me in comments, I won’t be back and neither will the co-workers I’ve recommended the blog to. We’re all disgusted by the pre-schoolish foot stomping and door slamming. One hint June, if you can’t take a group of commenters, DO NOT write a book. You’ll never survive the process and you can’t delete a book once it’s out there.

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  2. Really, Sagie? Maybe you and all your chummy co-workers should go look in that mirror to find the pre-schoolish,temper tantrum dweebs. And I know you’ll be coming back to check the comments – you are just begging to get flamed because that is how small your life is. Why don’t you link to your own awesome blog & show us how it’s done?

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  3. Let he/she who has never had a bad day, been kicked in the groin by the jackasses of life, experienced loss or overwhelming sadness throw the first verbal stone.
    I actually never knew anyone got through life without experiencing at least one of the above.

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  4. Hi June!
    Sagie, what a positively shitty thing to say, kicking a sister when she’s down.
    June, don’t pay any attention to Cagie, or Sarin, or whoever she is.

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  5. Lordy- last time this happened a laaate commenter referred to the peeps as “June’s Vigilantes”, which I thought was hilarious-
    Time to saddle up and ride, folks-
    No one messes with our June and gits away with it!!

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  6. Scraps and Anita:
    I’m in Tallahassee, FL (in my original comment I put “north Florida” – trying to be all mysterious and such) – and we already have love bugs flying around our neighborhood. WEIRD!

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  7. I’m glad to hear (well, not really glad) that I’m not the only one who lost yesterday’s post. I was blaming my #&*()& computer, which causes me all kinds of grief.

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  8. I don’t understand why some people only choose to delurk to come out and kick June when she’s already feeling down. Sagie, I don’t think you’ll be missed if you do choose to go away since you haven’t been commenting before this that I’m aware of.

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  9. I agree, Beverly. Why delurk to be mean? In my earlier comment, I was assuming the Sarins and Cagies of the world must live in a protective bubble to not have compassion for someone who is down.

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  10. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  11. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  12. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  13. Sagie girl, chill. You really need to look inside yourself and figure out why you would even make the comment you did. I feel sad for you and hope one day you will actually choose not to be mean anymore.

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  14. I would totally be up for a DFW Bye Bye meet up!
    In fact we should put our money together and fly June out here for it. A bonus — if she would stay with me it will give me a good reason to re-do the guest bedroom!

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  15. I didn’t realize there were that many of us in Colorado. Lisa, I always think of Highlands Ranch as where the rich folk live. I read something online once that said Douglas County was the 8th wealthiest county in the U.S. Whatever, they’re snooty. I’m in Littleton!

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  16. Oh, June. I so look forward to your posts. Sometimes, I have a dog or two, I just can’t get here from here. But when i do come around I chuckle at all that you share.
    Here’s hoping you get that big old, good paying jo.

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