squeak.

You know how pigs turn into wild boars if they're out in the woods for a week or whatever? That is just how I get if I don't have to get up early. I mean, I don't grow tusks and bristles. I mean I go back to my natural night-person ways.

I woke up at 10:00 today, despite the part where they're still putting up sidewalks in my neighborhood. You should see them digging up dead neighbor's yard. They've uprooted trees and everything. I have no idea why. Maybe because no one's there to stop them? There's a big yellow machine over there now. Hang on. I'll go take a picture.

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I was just out there in my robe like a crazy person. By the way, trash pickup was Monday. Go June! I am certain the neighbors love unworky me.

Speaking of which, my people all know the rule, that they are not to call me between 9-5 because I get excited that it's a potential employer calling and they just annoy me when they call (Oh, and Dottie, got your message DURING THE DAY and yes, send that book. Thanks.) (and by the way, Peg calls 39494994 times a day, because you can't tell Peg anything) and my POINT is, yesterday the phone rang and it wasn't one of my people flouting the rules.

It was a company. A company where I had sent my impressive resume.

"Hellooooo?" I said, trying to sound all professional. "Yes, June Gardens? This is whoo-dee-whoo company. We received your resume…"

And that is when Edsel grabbed his squeak toy.

SQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEK-A!

"The position we're seeking to fill requires–"

SKWEEEEEEEEEEK-EEEE SKAWEEEEEEEEEEEK! SKWEE SKWEEE SKWEE!

I tried to take it away from him. He thought I was playing tug of war. SQWEE! SQWEE SQWEEEEEE!

"May I ask you a few questions about your resume?"

SQUEE SQUEE SQUEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee

I mean. He must have thought I was super excited about being called. Or had dreadful gas or something.

I finally had to get that stupid spitty thing from that creature, put it on the piano where he was stretching himself and fashioning a pole vault to get to it, dig out a rawhide treat and go in the bedroom and shut the door.

Anyway, the guy I talked to is forwarding my resume to the next person and they are calling me to schedule the interview. Or they're just laughing about the odd squeaky person. In the meantime I had to send references and they sent me the job description and the amount it pays, and did you ever see in the cartoons where someone gets dollar signs in their eyes? Holy cats.

Oh, and when I was outside, I took this picture.

100_1086
My daffodils are already up. And who has to get out there and clean up her yard? The daffodils are all, We got up early for THIS mess?

So I will go. But it occurred to me it's been a long time since I asked where you at. I am in Greensboro, North Carolina. Where it has been 60 degrees all winter and the daffodils are up.

Where are you?

521 thoughts on “squeak.

  1. The written word is hard. Texts, emails, blogs & comments. There’s no inflection in what is read, like the inflection we hear in a persons voice or expression we see on someone’s face when we speak in person. There’s no slug in the arm, or pat on the back to temper words here. We all just jump in. We feel welcome here. I’ve always thought you are brave to have such a self-deprecating blog.
    Now….that being said…(is that one of the phrases you hate? That was a fun comment day, remember?)….you *will* be here tomorrow…right? Just kidding. Take a day to yourself, June. We’ll amuse ourselves.

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  2. Becky, the E rides at Disneyland were not phased out until 1982. I didn’t think being in my 40s made me that old.

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  3. PamelaSS, PLEASE don’t go back to lurking. Or anyone else who is considering it. I think June would know how to stop a commenter who really offended her (like Carin).
    I’m glad I was too busy today to read early – I probably would have been on e of the offenders too.
    Peace out, dudes.

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  4. OMG! I thought I had just imagined reading a new post this morning! I’m particularly fried today and was seriously worried that something was wrong with me. Well…outside of what’s usually wrong with me…

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  5. Peter, was it really 1982? No kidding. I thought it was in the late 60s.
    NOW who’s showing her age?
    I feel horrible for making such a crack toward such a young man. Let me make it up to you– I’ll give up my request for the beach house. Probably couldn’t keep up with the property taxes anyway. : )

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  6. Becky, I’m not at all sensitive about my age. Which is why I routinely lie about it.
    You’re only as old as you feel, or so the saying goes. Today, I feel like I’m in my 40s. But I’m old enough to remember the Kennedy assassination, which puts me somewhere on the other side of the hill. Somewhere towards the top, I keep telling myself.
    Let’s just say, my warranty expired several years ago.

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  7. Hey, June, as long as you’re thinking of moving for a job, how about coming back out to LA? I could take you to lunch and we could have fun calling the pigeon man and pretending we were casting agents.
    I know, there’s just that small matter of the stupid cost of housing out here. And such.

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  8. Hey, June, as long as you’re thinking of moving for a job, how about coming back out to LA? I could take you to lunch and we could have fun calling the pigeon man and pretending we were casting agents.
    I know, there’s just that small matter of the stupid cost of housing out here. And such.

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  9. Hey, June, as long as you’re thinking of moving for a job, how about coming back out to LA? I could take you to lunch and we could have fun calling the pigeon man and pretending we were casting agents.
    I know, there’s just that small matter of the stupid cost of housing out here. And such.

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  10. Speaking of housing, I’m starting to wonder whether a real-life Golden Girls household isn’t actually a great idea for those of us who are getting up there. (Not meaning you, June, you are still a child, comparatively.)

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  11. So you threw a virtual temper tantrum when commenters couldn’t read your mind? Even though you asked people to post and decided of your own volition to tally, why would you NOT expect people to be upset if they were left out?
    June: losing intelligent adult readers since yesterday
    PS: No need to flame me in comments, I won’t be back and neither will the co-workers I’ve recommended the blog to. We’re all disgusted by the pre-schoolish foot stomping and door slamming. One hint June, if you can’t take a group of commenters, DO NOT write a book. You’ll never survive the process and you can’t delete a book once it’s out there.

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  12. Really, Sagie? Maybe you and all your chummy co-workers should go look in that mirror to find the pre-schoolish,temper tantrum dweebs. And I know you’ll be coming back to check the comments – you are just begging to get flamed because that is how small your life is. Why don’t you link to your own awesome blog & show us how it’s done?

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  13. Let he/she who has never had a bad day, been kicked in the groin by the jackasses of life, experienced loss or overwhelming sadness throw the first verbal stone.
    I actually never knew anyone got through life without experiencing at least one of the above.

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  14. Hi June!
    Sagie, what a positively shitty thing to say, kicking a sister when she’s down.
    June, don’t pay any attention to Cagie, or Sarin, or whoever she is.

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  15. Lordy- last time this happened a laaate commenter referred to the peeps as “June’s Vigilantes”, which I thought was hilarious-
    Time to saddle up and ride, folks-
    No one messes with our June and gits away with it!!

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  16. Scraps and Anita:
    I’m in Tallahassee, FL (in my original comment I put “north Florida” – trying to be all mysterious and such) – and we already have love bugs flying around our neighborhood. WEIRD!

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  17. I’m glad to hear (well, not really glad) that I’m not the only one who lost yesterday’s post. I was blaming my #&*()& computer, which causes me all kinds of grief.

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  18. I don’t understand why some people only choose to delurk to come out and kick June when she’s already feeling down. Sagie, I don’t think you’ll be missed if you do choose to go away since you haven’t been commenting before this that I’m aware of.

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  19. I agree, Beverly. Why delurk to be mean? In my earlier comment, I was assuming the Sarins and Cagies of the world must live in a protective bubble to not have compassion for someone who is down.

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  20. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  21. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  22. Awwweee…Sagie. Are you an arse because you’re ugly or is it because you’ve never been laid?

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  23. Sagie girl, chill. You really need to look inside yourself and figure out why you would even make the comment you did. I feel sad for you and hope one day you will actually choose not to be mean anymore.

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  24. I would totally be up for a DFW Bye Bye meet up!
    In fact we should put our money together and fly June out here for it. A bonus — if she would stay with me it will give me a good reason to re-do the guest bedroom!

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  25. I didn’t realize there were that many of us in Colorado. Lisa, I always think of Highlands Ranch as where the rich folk live. I read something online once that said Douglas County was the 8th wealthiest county in the U.S. Whatever, they’re snooty. I’m in Littleton!

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  26. Oh, June. I so look forward to your posts. Sometimes, I have a dog or two, I just can’t get here from here. But when i do come around I chuckle at all that you share.
    Here’s hoping you get that big old, good paying jo.

    Like

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