June Gardens, gym rat

Can't talk long–I have to get to the gym. I know. You guys have spoken to me many times about my exercise bulimia. I mean, I just SAID I was going to the gym…never. In five years of writing this blog.

I did belong to a gym in LA, but you had to in order to get your driver's license there.

Friend in Real Life Kit–not that I have a kit that you put together and boom! you get a friend, which would be convenient, wouldn't it? Gee, I want to go to that new restaurant and everyone's busy. Hey! I'll get my Friend in Real Life Kit!

Am annoying today. It's the endorphins. They are pumping from all my 'roids.

My friend in real life, whose name is Kit, has a gym membership eight inches from my front door, and perhaps you wonder how I've managed to take photos out my front door without including a giant gym eight inches away.

100_1095Sryisly mom? Could be more annoyinger?

So she got a 30-day pass for me, Kit did, and asked me to join her at said gym. I have always wanted to join that gym, actually. It was the one Marvin went to all the time. Do you remember that? How he was always traipsing off to the gym at like 9 p.m.? Maybe you got here after Marvin. [A.M.] Anyway trust me. That happened a lot.

How did I pick a grownup cat and a baby cat who look so ridiculously alike? Kills me.

And in other nice-things-people-are-doing-for-me-because-people-are-nice-and-what-gives news, someone who reads this blog, with whom I have corresponded many times and become friendly with, emailed me a few days ago. Seems she kind of added up in her mind the whole year of shingles, dead cats, gone husband, surgery, lost job, broken heart, ass of a time I have been having and she wrote me.

"You know," she said, "I get frillions of miles from my job. I will never use them all. Why don't you go somewhere? Get out of town," she said, but not in that "get out of town" way people are always saying to me.

"Miles of what?" I wondered.

Anyway, my point is, I am going to HAWAII. And LOS ANGELES. To see my friends. Can you even stand this?

CAN YOU EVEN STAND THIS? Really. Can you? Because I am still in shock. Do you have any idea how bad I need to see my friend Renee, who had to go and move to Maui like it's pretty there or something? Renee was my best friend in LA, and we moved from there at the same time. Every story about us ends in us in hysterics on my kitchen floor, on in a spa's quiet room, or on a running trail. Or in a dressing room. Or at a hospital. Twice. Still. Hysterics.

I met Renee when we were both training for a marathon, back in 2000 when I was not a lumbering pituitary case. Do you like how I've blamed the pituitary and not chilupas? We were in a running group that met desperately early on Saturdays to run ludicrous numbers of miles.

My cat, Francis, had this thing called pica, where you eat stupid stuff, and his stupid thing of choice was plastic. I barely knew my running group, but there we were, the dawn barely breaking. "Huff," we'd say. Then "huff." I couldn't stand it so I broke the silence.

"I pulled a dry cleaner bag out my cat's ass before I got here this morning," I said.

Renee was the only one who had to actually stop running because she was laughing so hard. She was all doubled over and I said, Ooo, good audience. And a friendship was born.

Anyway. I am planning to go in August, in case I get this job for which I am interviewing. It is technically a 6-month-plus contract job (yes, mom, with benefits, through the agency) and so I thought I should plan for six months from now. I know that's a long way to wait but just the THOUGHT that IMA SEE RENEE, then IMA SEE LOS ANGELES AND ALICIA AND MY FRIEND DAVE AND IN-AND-OUT BURGER AND WHY IS MY PITUITARY ACTING UP is so exciting.

Does it seem like I am a person who gets really good and really bad things? Not just, oh, I won six dollars playing Lotto. Oh! I caught a cold.

Speaking of which, and then I have to pull on my sports bra and gee I hope it's clean (bah!), as you know I have this…friend, of whom I am not speaking in order to try not to JINX it like I have done with everyone else. On Sunday, Dick Whitman and I went to a movie, and it was a French movie with subtitles so needless to say the room was not packed, in fact two people were in the theater. Guess who one of the people was? Was it my…friend?

So we all sat together. It was beautiful.

Then last night, I went to the cool Carolina Theater with said…friend. It's one of those old wonderful theaters. My point is, we get in there, and WHO IS IN THE NEXT ROW? Was it Tall Boy? I mean, can I go anywhere and not run into someone I've dated? I've hardly been Fonzie this year. I haven't dated THAT many people. And yet here they all are, like it's This is Your Stupid Slutty Life or something.

Okay, I gotta hit the gym. I am going to end every post like that from now on.

173 thoughts on “June Gardens, gym rat

  1. So tickled that you are getting to go to Hawaii June!
    Unruly, I’m sending you prayers.
    Our Hallie cat ate some of the Easter grass stuff that was red, dear Lawdy did it cause me to panic when I first saw it coming out of her. I thought she seriously had some type of intestinal disorder going on. Had a good laugh when I figured out what it was.
    Now Hulk and the rest of you boys please ignore the rest of this comment.
    Ladies, did we ever decide if we were going to sync up our periods? My “Aunt Flo” came screaming into town at 2AM this morning! LOL!

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  2. Funny, I’ve never heard of the shark liver oil, but our doctor told my husband to put caster oil on his elbow and wrap it with a cotton or wool cloth for tennis elbow. Don’t laugh, it worked.

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  3. Can you Hula? Are you going to a Luau? Bring back some Maui-wowee, its medicinal. Why go to the gym when the upcoming Muumuu season will be upon us. Maybe you will get leid.

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  4. Can you Hula? Are you going to a Luau? Bring back some Maui-wowee, its medicinal. Why go to the gym when the upcoming Muumuu season will be upon us. Maybe you will get leid.

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  5. Can you Hula? Are you going to a Luau? Bring back some Maui-wowee, its medicinal. Why go to the gym when the upcoming Muumuu season will be upon us. Maybe you will get leid.

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  6. Peter, who gives June some credit for trying to unscramble the language that is uniquely CD's, but it helps to have a Y chromosome. says:

    June, when you get to Maui, you will see books, CDs, and t-shirts with the name Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. He’s to Hawaii what Tony Bennett is to San Francisco.
    One very fat man. One iconic song. And 64 million You Tube views.

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  7. They played that at my cousin’s young daughter’s funeral and it always makes me cry to hear that song. I do think it is beautiful and I love it. But I always always think of my cousin when I hear it.

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  8. It is beautiful. I never knew who sang it so thank you for the link, Peter. June, I know what you mean by some songs being forever linked to loss.

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  9. I knew by D of C’s second sentence that the author of the comment was going to be Cosmo’s Dad and I started laughing while I was in line at the Post Office.
    And D of C, how do you come up with the most obscure refernces??? Arthur Godfrey? I haven’t heard that name since I was a kid!

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  10. Peter, I could hyave that song on a continuous loop and never get tired of it. And cry each time. I really would end up crying a river.

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  11. K. So so so sooooo very excited for your trips??? Can you come and see meeeeeeee? You MUST meet Dallas, or as I call him now, Mr. D. (as he is gay as the day is long. And fannnntastic and faboo and all those things. No offense to anyone, all of my gay friends have CERTIFIED him as a fellow brethren in the fraternity…I’m not the only one who sees him as a major fancy boy. I have no issue with it. I’m a proud momma of a gay boy! LOVE!)
    Ok. So i have gifts to lift you up but now they will not compare with the trips…Hmpfh.
    Jeez. Your readers. Are so spectacular. Jeez.

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  12. Stopped back in to check in on Unruly, too.
    Thanks for posting that song, Peter. I had forgotten it and I love it.
    Yes, beautiful songs + sad times can = ruined beautiful song. I’ve said it on here before that that is why I am going to have Barry Manilow songs played at my funeral. Everybody already hates them so no beautiful music will be harmed.
    Can’t smile without Oh, Mannnn-dy, you are the music and I write the songs, etc. etc. gag.

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  13. Oh my word Hawaii? You so deserve it, your reader friend is amazing!
    I know it must actully be awkward for you but I love that you’re bumping into your potential suitors all over the place. It’s how soap characters must feel when they live in towns with a population of thirty and can’t even go to the shops without bumping into someone they have history with.

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  14. Where is Unruly? I hope everything is ok.
    Original PJ-I totally love the idea of Barry Manilow at a funeral! Because yes, we all hate his music. Gee that’s brillant-wish I’d thought of it!
    June you haven’t said anything else about Chris & Lilly and the baby horsey. Will they put up a webcam so we can all see? Do they have an outlet for you to plug in your coffee pot? OH I am dying over baby horsey!

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  15. Oh oh. Actual Fanilows. Then when you come to my funeral you will be happy and swaying and holding up your cell phones or lighters or something. Do Fanilows do that?
    Anyway, that will be cool.

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  16. I’m PJ. Original PJ because PJ from Michigan posted earlier and even though I am originally from Michigan I am not PJ from Michigan but original PJ from NC. Plain old PJ.

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  17. Fanilow too.
    Last summer we went to a funeral and as the family left the service they played “Under the Boardwalk.” Never heard that before, well not at a funeral.

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  18. kit in the 'boro who went to the gym with june and i went in the whirlpool but june did not so i got the germs but june stayed healthy says:

    i got to meet the bookend pets today…made my day..Edsel seriously is the funniest looking thing with that smiling underbite.Thanks June….and the workout was so much more fun with a friend, i didn’t notice the pain or watch the clock…and your curly hair is really cute up in a ponytail! june is fun

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  19. kit in the 'boro who went to the gym with june and i went in the whirlpool but june did not so i got the germs but june stayed healthy says:

    i got to meet the bookend pets today…made my day..Edsel seriously is the funniest looking thing with that smiling underbite.Thanks June….and the workout was so much more fun with a friend, i didn’t notice the pain or watch the clock…and your curly hair is really cute up in a ponytail! june is fun

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  20. kit in the 'boro who went to the gym with june and i went in the whirlpool but june did not so i got the germs but june stayed healthy says:

    i got to meet the bookend pets today…made my day..Edsel seriously is the funniest looking thing with that smiling underbite.Thanks June….and the workout was so much more fun with a friend, i didn’t notice the pain or watch the clock…and your curly hair is really cute up in a ponytail! june is fun

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  21. June, I am so jealous of your upcoming Hawaii trip! Go snorkeling for me!
    Thanks, everyone, for the good vibes. After all those nerves, not much really happened at the meeting. The judge seemed rather uninvolved at this point. There may be another meeting in a month or two…or maybe not until June. The month, not the woman.

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  22. That song was forever ruined for me by a terrible, terrible video I accidentally watched. It was titled Stop the fur trade or something of that sort; I had no idea how horrific it would be, I cried for literally an hour. Now every time I hear that song, it brings back the images of that video (they used it to make a point in the video).

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  23. I checked back in to catch up on comments and am glad to see Unruly survived the first meeting. Thanks for checking in with us all.
    PJ with her Manilow music plans! Even though some songs are now tied to funerals for me, I’m not sad when I hear them again because the music brings loved ones to mind and I think they are saying, “Hello”.

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  24. Sadie, I’m sure they weren’t. Considering June’s readers, I won’t discuss the contents, but it was designed to shock and hurt and hid under the guise of an informational video. I tried to listen to it again just now and have to fight the images. I know I can break the association, but it will take time. Funny how that works huh?

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  25. Sadie, I like that way of looking at it. I’ll see if I can’t make that adjustment in my mind.
    WickedStepMel, thanks for sparing us the details. I hate when that happens. Music is so powerful.

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  26. June, lots of great instructional videos on YouTube about how to Hula!! Oh what a natural you will be. Can’t wait for the video.

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