Happy birthday, Mr. Presiwhitman. I realize that made no sense. Quel suprise.

Thanks, everybody, for being nice to me. I feel better. You know. Ish.

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I woke up this morning and all my pets were in the bed. Roomy! I guess they felt needed. Here is Iris patting Lu's head.

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And here's everyone's favorite power duo, Lily and Edsel.

IMG_0710why you must pare Lily with that one? Why she not powur duo with Lu?

IMG_0707lu her own power duuuwo. just not rite now. lu not morning gal.

Anyway, I had no time to gab with my 6,000 pets, because

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It's DICK! WHITMAN'S! BIRTHDAY!

I know! And nice gettin' your drink on at noon, there, Bub. It's not just his birthday, it's his binge day.

We all got up with each other to celebrate this momentous day: me, Dick Whitman and his drinking problem, Dick Whitman's sister and her partner, and DW's mom.

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I may or may not have forced everyone to wear orange, because that is Whitman's favorite color. Who is annoying? Hey, come join our family get-together, June. Okay! And let me just take over.

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Okay, the waitress didn't wear orange. WhatEVER with her. Well, some of her tattoos are orange. And note DW's orange watch in the corner.

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Everyone was irked at me, though, because they said MY shirt wasn't remotely orange. See. In my head, it was melon. Maybe coral. But everyone said no. That is pink. You wore pink. As per usual.

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I got Dick W. a robot. A wooden robot. The midcentury modern guy said to, so I did.

I asked DW's mom to tell me the story of when DW was born, and that is how a 52-year-old man found out he was adopted. No, no.

DW's mom said there was a giant snowstorm the day he was born, and they took her to the hospital even before she was in labor because ambulances and such were not going to be able to get through. So she went there as kind of a preemptive move because she was two weeks overdue and lo and behold it was a good thing she did because out popped DW.

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She said back then, they really drugged you when you gave birth, which is as it should be. "Women think it's magic to give birth naturally now. And it is magic. You end up in hell."

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Anyway, once DW was, you know, born, his mom looked down at him. "Oh my god! That's the biggest penis I've ever seen!" she said. She was really concerned. How was he going to be able to even walk with that thing?

"Ma'am. That's his umbilical cord," they told poor drugged DW's mom.

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After lunch, we all stampeded to Dick Whitman's house for cake. Coconut cake. Life is good to me. I mean, other than the husband-leaving-me-no-job-why-is-my-hair-stupid thing.

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DW's family left and he and I went to Reynolda House, which is a fancy mansion and garden and so on owned by the Reynolds family. Today they were having an exhibit of photos of fancy grounds, and they had Edsel Ford's home and grounds on display. I wonder if Edsel Ford looked anything like Edsel?

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Did I ever mention that the Whitman is a professional photographer? Maybe one could have waited for him to email me actual good photos of our day, but I have other fish to fry. I am a busy executive. And other things that are so not true.

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For example, perhaps he has a better photo of the silver pitty pit bull puppy we met. I mean what could be better than a photo of a puppy, my shoe, and the camera lens? I.am.good.

Anyway, happy birthday to the Whit, man. And thanks for letting me come along on your special day. With your giant umbilical cord.

100 thoughts on “Happy birthday, Mr. Presiwhitman. I realize that made no sense. Quel suprise.

  1. PS Is there some hidden symbolism in DW’s photo with that plant that resembles long, upward-growing… oh, dear God, I’m becoming Cosmo’s Dad.

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  2. Frouple! Becoming Cosmo’s Dad. Is that anything like Being John Malkovich?

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  3. Hi Juney, Thanks for clearing up the whole penis/umbilical cord confusion… I continue to hope my penis will grow to catch up with that log-like umbilical cord!

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  4. Amish Annie/Paul NAH!!! Come to think of it, the nice gay guy who works in the department store I frequent does the same thing to me. Maybe he really means beyotch instead? NAH!! The older I get the more I like to be called hon and girl. But, that's just says:

    I call female customers hon or honey or girl when I am enjoying being around them. And none that I know of have taken it in a bad way. Perhaps I need to rethink that.

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  5. Honey is fine. The one that gets me is “with all due respect.” That always, always means the person uttering those words has not one modicum of respect for whomever/whatever.

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  6. I, for one, like it when someone calls me hon or sweetie or my favorite, darling. I much prefer those to M’AM. I hate m’am. I’m nowhere near an effing m’am. But I am a hon, a sweetie and a darling!

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  7. You guys crack me up with your analyzing. I call my daughter “hon” all the time. But I know when our June says it, she means, “Bless your heart,” (in that not-so-good way). I wasn’t offended, it made me laugh, when she called me hon.

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  8. June, HON, I can’t remember if you said that DW watches Mad Men. If he does, the season premiere is on the 25th. Maybe there should be a Mad Men premiere party at your house.

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  9. Amish Annie/Paul they have been advertising the heck out of that Mad Men premiere Letha; you'd think it was a reunion tour of the Bee Gees with a ghostly Mo joining in or something says:

    Hulk hon, I’m sure she doesn’t mean it that way, bless your heart.

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  10. For MONTHS Dick Whitman and I had plans to watch the premiere together, and now some phony relative of his is having her ENGAGEMENT party that night. WhatEVER. You get engaged eight, nine times in this life. Big deal. But Mad Men only premieres once. Well. You know what I mean.

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  11. June, the Edsel and Eleanor Mansion is wonderful, especially the grounds. Next time through here (on way to Saginaw) you should stop and see it for real… I’ll buy the tea and snacks.

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  12. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

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  13. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

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  14. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

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  15. Yes, that is it. And here is a tip, right click over the “email me” and then click on copy email address. Then you can paste it wherever you compose emails.

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  16. I’m one of those obnoxious readers who reads every day, comments every once in a while and only has time to come back and read all the other comments once every couple of weeks. NONETHELESS. I felt it necessary to note on the public record that your pictures have been awfully crisp and clear lately. Whaddup with that?

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  17. Okay, this simply must be said: Dick Whitman is hot and has a super cute butt. There. I said it. This also must be said: June’s ding dang eyelashes are to-die-for. Just sayin’.

    Like

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