Happy birthday, Mr. Presiwhitman. I realize that made no sense. Quel suprise.

Thanks, everybody, for being nice to me. I feel better. You know. Ish.

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I woke up this morning and all my pets were in the bed. Roomy! I guess they felt needed. Here is Iris patting Lu's head.

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And here's everyone's favorite power duo, Lily and Edsel.

IMG_0710why you must pare Lily with that one? Why she not powur duo with Lu?

IMG_0707lu her own power duuuwo. just not rite now. lu not morning gal.

Anyway, I had no time to gab with my 6,000 pets, because

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It's DICK! WHITMAN'S! BIRTHDAY!

I know! And nice gettin' your drink on at noon, there, Bub. It's not just his birthday, it's his binge day.

We all got up with each other to celebrate this momentous day: me, Dick Whitman and his drinking problem, Dick Whitman's sister and her partner, and DW's mom.

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I may or may not have forced everyone to wear orange, because that is Whitman's favorite color. Who is annoying? Hey, come join our family get-together, June. Okay! And let me just take over.

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Okay, the waitress didn't wear orange. WhatEVER with her. Well, some of her tattoos are orange. And note DW's orange watch in the corner.

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Everyone was irked at me, though, because they said MY shirt wasn't remotely orange. See. In my head, it was melon. Maybe coral. But everyone said no. That is pink. You wore pink. As per usual.

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I got Dick W. a robot. A wooden robot. The midcentury modern guy said to, so I did.

I asked DW's mom to tell me the story of when DW was born, and that is how a 52-year-old man found out he was adopted. No, no.

DW's mom said there was a giant snowstorm the day he was born, and they took her to the hospital even before she was in labor because ambulances and such were not going to be able to get through. So she went there as kind of a preemptive move because she was two weeks overdue and lo and behold it was a good thing she did because out popped DW.

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She said back then, they really drugged you when you gave birth, which is as it should be. "Women think it's magic to give birth naturally now. And it is magic. You end up in hell."

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Anyway, once DW was, you know, born, his mom looked down at him. "Oh my god! That's the biggest penis I've ever seen!" she said. She was really concerned. How was he going to be able to even walk with that thing?

"Ma'am. That's his umbilical cord," they told poor drugged DW's mom.

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After lunch, we all stampeded to Dick Whitman's house for cake. Coconut cake. Life is good to me. I mean, other than the husband-leaving-me-no-job-why-is-my-hair-stupid thing.

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DW's family left and he and I went to Reynolda House, which is a fancy mansion and garden and so on owned by the Reynolds family. Today they were having an exhibit of photos of fancy grounds, and they had Edsel Ford's home and grounds on display. I wonder if Edsel Ford looked anything like Edsel?

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Did I ever mention that the Whitman is a professional photographer? Maybe one could have waited for him to email me actual good photos of our day, but I have other fish to fry. I am a busy executive. And other things that are so not true.

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For example, perhaps he has a better photo of the silver pitty pit bull puppy we met. I mean what could be better than a photo of a puppy, my shoe, and the camera lens? I.am.good.

Anyway, happy birthday to the Whit, man. And thanks for letting me come along on your special day. With your giant umbilical cord.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

100 thoughts on “Happy birthday, Mr. Presiwhitman. I realize that made no sense. Quel suprise.”

  1. Ok. Ima just come out with it. I love the Dick Whitman Man. And no. I didn’t go all PW and obsess over the shot of his butt. Okay – fine. I did.
    Happy Birthday DW!

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  2. PJ had a crappy day at a crappy workshop and then came out exhausted and her crappy car wouldn't crappy start. But the AAA guy was so cute I wanted to ask him to come home and be my pool boy. Do you have to have a pool to have a pool boy? says:

    I’m just relieved that everyone has eyebrows.

    Like

  3. PJ had a crappy day at a crappy workshop and then came out exhausted and her crappy car wouldn't crappy start. But the AAA guy was so cute I wanted to ask him to come home and be my pool boy. Do you have to have a pool to have a pool boy? says:

    I’m just relieved that everyone has eyebrows.

    Like

  4. PJ had a crappy day at a crappy workshop and then came out exhausted and her crappy car wouldn't crappy start. But the AAA guy was so cute I wanted to ask him to come home and be my pool boy. Do you have to have a pool to have a pool boy? says:

    I’m just relieved that everyone has eyebrows.

    Like

  5. Soooo, I was lying on the hammock reading Entertainment Weekly today, and Mad Men is the cover story. I’ve never watched that show, never had the oomph to delve into catching up, yada yada. Anyway, now I know who Dick Whitman is, and aren’t you relieved?

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  6. Does DW have a picture of a nekkid person in his dining room? I guess you can do that when you don’t have children…. Anywho, happy birthday DW!

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  7. Happy Birthday DW!
    I think yesterday was Jon Hamm’s birthday and I tried, OH I TRIED, to post this bunch of pictures of him on Pie on the Face, most especially because of picture #24, but it would not post.
    Wait.
    I will try to post it here. To cheer up our June.
    http://tinyurl.com/79799av
    Seriously. Photo #24. Is that a birthday gift in your pocket or ….

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  8. Dick Whitman so does not look 52.
    I’m a little concerned about the nekkid lady on a cutting board on his wall there in the kitchen. I don’t know that I want to see that while I’m eating.
    I ADORE how you made everyone wear orange while you wore pink.

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  9. Amish Annie/Paul why oh why isn't there a spark between you two? I don't get it. My sense is never wrong except once, and I'm still waiting for that married cousin to come out of the closet. Am I crazy? Is it just me? GAH!!!! says:

    *Hyperventilating here*
    I am SO not getting rid of my June.and.Dick cheer, pom-poms, hopes OR dreams. Although originally I typed hoes instead of hopes which I think is funny. Junie June June, are you aware your photos of the man of the hour are very sensual. Just sayin’. Hi DW’s Mom.

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  10. Yay for an orange (and pink) birthday. Although I think it is more of a coral too…sort of. Happy birthday DW and I am glad your day was better. It had to be with all that snuggle this morning!

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  11. Great post, June. So many thoughts…
    4. I love, love your sweet pets cuddling with you in bed. They knew their mama needed them and they responded.
    PPPP. The pitty pit bull puppy appears to be wearing pearls.
    O. After seeing DW’s mother wearing orange and your remark that you may or may not have forced everyone to wear orange because that is Whitman’s favorite color, I scrolled down to see you wearing orange because it is so NOT your color…and there you were wearing pink with a touch of melon. Now exactly how does that count as orange?
    52. DW does not look 52. Are we certain his mother remembers his birth date what with the drugs and the shocking size of his umbilical cord?

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  12. June, please don’t take offense, but your photography skills are almost as hilarious as your writing. The last one with the camera lens, camera strap and your shoe had me rolling.
    And I agree. I don’t know if I would want to look at those pubes while eating breakfast.

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  13. Okay, so it’s *not* the professional photos we come to your blog for. I’m glad you got out and that you have friends to get your mind off the crap of life, June. Coconut cake. Wish I’d been there. Happy Birthday, DW!
    I love women’s birth stories, including DW’s Moms story. I assume it is factual….mostly. *wink* My 80 year old mother likes to tell how inhumane it was giving birth in the 50’s. Basically leaving you pretty much alone in a room to labor, labor, labor. Hard to believe.
    Wow, that Jon Hamm….

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  14. I failed to mention that your blouse is gorgeous and looks beautiful on you no matter its color.

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  15. That may just be the scariest waitress I have ever seen.
    And I love the fact that you showed up wearing pink… Hilarious!
    Happy birthday DICK! (see what I did there with the big dic… Oh, never mind!)

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  16. So happy you had a good day helping DW celebrate his birthday!
    His mom is a hoot, with the penis/umbilical cord story- can imagine how much fun you had at lunch although your server kinda scared the crap out of me-Yikes-
    That man gets better looking with every new photo and I love his Elvis sideburns!
    Happy Birthday D-Dub!

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  17. Laughing so hard over DW’s mom’s birth story, I totally lost sight of the fact that he’s 52. He’s so youthful looking and his spirit seems youthful as well!
    I can’t believe how your waitress looks, that seems like too much skin showing to be serving food.
    Lily is so pretty!

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  18. DW is so lovely, glad you had a good day out. You can just tell his family’s fun. Also it says a lot about your brain that you thought that top would pass for orange.
    I know the rest of you looked at the JH photos to perve (unlike me who went for…research) but I LOVE number 31! He’s such a funny man. Can’t believe his character in 30 Rock is played by the man who is the classy Don Draper.

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  19. A good-looking man, is the Dick Whitman. Happy birthday, DW. What’s with the woman sitting behind DW’s mom? Is she angry because she forgot to wear orange? As you did. I’m glad you had a good day, June.

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  20. Actually she really was a good waitress. Its the kind of place where no matter what you order, there are a million questions. You want that toasted? (I did.) Whole wheat? A pita? Chips or vegetable sticks? (What do YOU think?) Anyway she remembered all the Qs to ask and did not screw up anything.

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  21. I think the waitress chick looks cool; the tank, the tattoos, dark hair and the necklace. Love it!

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  22. yep, June WHAT, is up with your hair?
    I use this stuff called shampoo… unless you were sporting the Jeri-curl?

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  23. yep, June WHAT, is up with your hair?
    I use this stuff called shampoo… unless you were sporting the Jeri-curl?

    Like

  24. yep, June WHAT, is up with your hair?
    I use this stuff called shampoo… unless you were sporting the Jeri-curl?

    Like

  25. The waitress, was a fountain of knowledge about ALL food items. Was swift, no nonsense and very professional! I am not a ‘tat’ lover, but with her extensive arm art, she really needs to wear something that shows off her ‘tats’. Actually, she is not the bully she looks, but a real sweetie pie.
    Back in the cupboard.

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  26. What I love about photography is the many scenarios a single image can conjure up in one’s mind without knowing the back story, as evidenced here by the picture of the waitress.

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  27. June, it looks like you had a fun day with great friends. Love the animals having a snuggly Saturday with you.

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  28. Thanks for coming out of the cupboard with the info, DW’s Mom!
    Just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover or a waitress by her expression-
    I love tats-ESPECIALLY sleeves!

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  29. Amish Annie/Paul btw, love all the pictures in this post starting with Lu and Iris and ending with the beautiful silver pitty. says:

    Reason number five thousand seven hundred fifty three….
    Dick Whitman’s Mom uses the word tats.

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  30. In that one picture, it looks like Lu has a shiny ring on her hand. I thought that was actually pretty cool photography.
    Happy Birthday again to Dick Whitman! (Loved that story… is that why she gave him his name?) You two make a nice-looking friend-couple. Frouple.

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  31. PS Is there some hidden symbolism in DW’s photo with that plant that resembles long, upward-growing… oh, dear God, I’m becoming Cosmo’s Dad.

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  32. Frouple! Becoming Cosmo’s Dad. Is that anything like Being John Malkovich?

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  33. Hi Juney, Thanks for clearing up the whole penis/umbilical cord confusion… I continue to hope my penis will grow to catch up with that log-like umbilical cord!

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  34. Amish Annie/Paul NAH!!! Come to think of it, the nice gay guy who works in the department store I frequent does the same thing to me. Maybe he really means beyotch instead? NAH!! The older I get the more I like to be called hon and girl. But, that's just says:

    I call female customers hon or honey or girl when I am enjoying being around them. And none that I know of have taken it in a bad way. Perhaps I need to rethink that.

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  35. Honey is fine. The one that gets me is “with all due respect.” That always, always means the person uttering those words has not one modicum of respect for whomever/whatever.

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  36. I, for one, like it when someone calls me hon or sweetie or my favorite, darling. I much prefer those to M’AM. I hate m’am. I’m nowhere near an effing m’am. But I am a hon, a sweetie and a darling!

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  37. You guys crack me up with your analyzing. I call my daughter “hon” all the time. But I know when our June says it, she means, “Bless your heart,” (in that not-so-good way). I wasn’t offended, it made me laugh, when she called me hon.

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  38. June, HON, I can’t remember if you said that DW watches Mad Men. If he does, the season premiere is on the 25th. Maybe there should be a Mad Men premiere party at your house.

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  39. Amish Annie/Paul they have been advertising the heck out of that Mad Men premiere Letha; you'd think it was a reunion tour of the Bee Gees with a ghostly Mo joining in or something says:

    Hulk hon, I’m sure she doesn’t mean it that way, bless your heart.

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  40. For MONTHS Dick Whitman and I had plans to watch the premiere together, and now some phony relative of his is having her ENGAGEMENT party that night. WhatEVER. You get engaged eight, nine times in this life. Big deal. But Mad Men only premieres once. Well. You know what I mean.

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  41. June, the Edsel and Eleanor Mansion is wonderful, especially the grounds. Next time through here (on way to Saginaw) you should stop and see it for real… I’ll buy the tea and snacks.

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  42. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

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  43. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

    Like

  44. I need to email June! What’s the blog email? That “Email me” link doesn’t work for me!

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  45. Yes, that is it. And here is a tip, right click over the “email me” and then click on copy email address. Then you can paste it wherever you compose emails.

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  46. I’m one of those obnoxious readers who reads every day, comments every once in a while and only has time to come back and read all the other comments once every couple of weeks. NONETHELESS. I felt it necessary to note on the public record that your pictures have been awfully crisp and clear lately. Whaddup with that?

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  47. Okay, this simply must be said: Dick Whitman is hot and has a super cute butt. There. I said it. This also must be said: June’s ding dang eyelashes are to-die-for. Just sayin’.

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