I had a busy weekend. The end. Wouldn't that be irritating? If I just said that and hit "post"? I think of all kinds of ways to irritate y'all and then I just go ahead and be my regular self and irritate you anyway. On Friday, I had to tell my temporary workplace "I need … Continue reading My riveting weekend. Written by June Gardens. Spent with June Gardens. Because I’m stuck here inside my own self. Which is often mortifying.
Recently, I got the following text from Hulk: "You wanna know the definition of depressing? My unopened box of condoms expired." I am afraid I may have been the wrong audience for this information, as I (a) found it incredibly amusing and (2) immediately asked if I could blog about it. Then I am afraid … Continue reading Hulk. Rendering women powerless since–oh, eff it.
I wish I could tell you how much I adore my friend Chatting. I just do. Go read this. I couldn't have said it better myself. Literally, because she is a better writer than me, and a better person. Oh, and is ANYONE gonna answer me about coffee? Geez.
Let's face it. I am not happy with my coffee situation. I mean, first of all, I have to have half-decaf, which is insulting enough. But then awhile back my coffeemaker broke, so my mother gave me hers, but then THAT broke, and is it really that bad of an idea to throw your coffeemaker … Continue reading A crucial Pieces of Wisdom
So this has been a sort of harrowing few days. I hate waiting for medical test results. But finally Monday afternnoon my doctor called and said, "June? All your tests were negative." Which is about the best news you can hear. Other than, "June? This is Barry Gibb. Have finally left that wife of 42 … Continue reading Karaoke singer will survive. As will June.
I be fine!!!! Sent from my xyloPhone.
"You know there's a Hall and Oates hotline," ...friend told me, like it was just common knowledge and I was the last to know. And no, I don't know what we were discussing beforehand that led to this riveting disclosure. And who cares? THERE'S A HALL AND OATES HOTLINE? You make my dreams come true! … Continue reading Say it isn’t so
The Snowflake children down the street got a new puppy. I know. And it's a chihuahua, so you know it will bite someone just like Snowflake did. It's kind of cute, though, in an I'm-a-chihuahua kind of way. June. Repulsing everyone who loves their stupid chihuahua since 2012. And in case you just got here, … Continue reading June tries to read the waffle iron
Edsel just stuck his tongue in my mouth while I was yawning. He is disgusting. edzul very attract to mom. mom irriztible. in her graa rowbe. He's right. I am sort of irriztible in this gray robe. I may have to make out with myself, if I can get my dog out my mouth. So, … Continue reading with Turkey
I just went to sit on the front porch to wait for ...friend, and did a few more "kittykittykitty!" calls, and I heard the saddest meow you've ever heard. There she was, in all the foliage at the side of the house. I would take her picture but she is too busy eating to pose … Continue reading Geez Louise. Found her.
I just got home and Lily isn't here. She does NOT go outside; after Roger I am not letting another cat out for as long as I live. Marvin came over after work and let the dogs out cause I worked late, but he swears she did not go out. I think it was yesterday … Continue reading Lily
Your gal, June, here, just woke up. Am I 17? I was out till quite late with ...friend, and let's discuss what a grownup I am. I mean other than the part where I got home after 2:00 and just woke up. I won't go into details, but let's just say I had issues with … Continue reading In which June becomes an adult. hah!
So it was kind of fun yesterday to be back at my old workplace. Remember the guy who always had Vicks at his desk? And I'd always have to go over and smell it because I am a giant, giant freak? He's still there. As is his Vicks. And my old boss is still there. … Continue reading Vick Whitman
I have to go to work at old place not last place but place before that (OPNLPBPBT). I have to rush. So I will blog for the four minutes it takes before my french press makes coffee. A. Tallulah opened and ate an entire bag of jalapeno Cheetos last night. She is a dick. I … Continue reading June writes for four minutes
Yesterday Marvin came over with our official separation agreement, and we had to go to a notary so no one would say, "She was COERCED into signing those papers! She was totally drugged." So I shot up and off we went, to the UPS store, where they have a notary. By the way our papers … Continue reading Witness my hand
Last night I went contra dancing because my friend Charlie told me to. Charlie is my friend from work. Not that I have a job. He is my friend from not the LAST place that laid me off, but the place that laid me off before that. Have I mentioned "sigh"? Charlie got laid off … Continue reading Stepford Ex-Wife
Yesterday was kind of the perfect day, in that I got to go to the makeup counter and the doctor. You know how I enjoy doctor visits. I find them reassuring. For like a minute. Then I go back to thinking I'm dying. I had a new doctor because (sit down) my last one quit, … Continue reading June’s Most Excellent Day
I gots no idea what Ima blog about today. Did you ever try to blog every single day of your life? Because sometimes it's hard. You got nuthin'. Yesterday ...friend and I went to a movie (we saw Chico and Rita. We totally got to see cartoon sex.) then we had brunch, and there was … Continue reading In which June whips out the Johnson
I actually do not want a chocolate bunny, as I am continuing to attempt thin-ity. Yesterday was a perfect day to achieve thin-ity--and how soon do you hope I give up saying "thin-ity"?--because I got a migraine. I know I posted yesterday and was all perky-sounding, but as I was typing I was thinking, gee, … Continue reading Where the hell’s my chocolate bunny? MOM? Yes, I am 46.
Sometimes you're hard-pressed to even begin to describe what you did the night before. However, I will try. ...Friend and I got up with Dick Whitman and my pal Jo, in order that perhaps maybe I could fix up my pal Jo with the Dick Whitman. I thought of it all by myself at the … Continue reading Pink beach. April wine. LaUral humps a puppet.