In which June and Hulk jump the shark and become a couple

In case you just got here and you're looking around and thinking, "This is how she keeps her place?" Yes. Yes it is, and also if you just got here you may want to know who in the Sam Hill Hulk is, since I mention him 95 times a week.

I met Hulk in high school, where he was the editor of sports for our hard-hitting, award-winning, extremely famous high school newspaper and I was the features editor. If you remotely know Hulk and me you know that is perfect. All Hulk cares about are sports and all I care about is fluff.

I had a regular column in said famous, extremely professional newspaper–and I ought to stop making fun of it because sometimes our journalism teacher, Ms. C., actually reads this blog and I mean no disrespect to you, Ms. C., seeing as you were then and currently continue to be da bomb.

Can I digress? I know that's unusual as I am usually logical and linear and succinct.

Our high school was a really pretty old building built in probably the '30s, which I never once appreciated till my friend David and I walked right in there like we owned the place late one night when we were home for our 20th class reunion. The janitor had the back door open. He saw us, and we were all, We are so busted, but he nodded like we were someone. Suddenly we realized that just because we'd walked into high school, we weren't suddenly 15, and what that janitor saw were two relatively respectable middle-aged people who he probably thought were teachers.

That was jarring.

My point is, we wandered around and admired the windows and tile work and wood details, and I said, "We were here every day for three years. We were both heavily involved in extracurricular activity, too. We were here all the time. What else were we thinking that we couldn't take one second to appreciate the beauty of this place?"

"I was thinking about making out with John Munson," said David, who is as gay as a goose. A thing I never figured out in high school even though he was in swing choir.

How did I get off on this tangent? Oh! That our journalism room faced the front of the building, and a giant swatch of grass, and once Ms. C. said, "Look how fast that guy is mowing the lawn!"

The guy was right in front of the window. But he was standing on some mowing machine. Ms. C. couldn't see the machine and just assumed the guy was moving like the wind.

Thank heavens I took 89 paragraphs to tell that stupid story.

So HULK and I–geez–met in high school and lost touch after, except for one tragic night in 1988, which I would tell about but now I took 60 years to even get back to Hulk. Through the magic of Facebook, which if you ask me really is magic and WHO JUST UNFRIENDED ME? I just got unfriended AGAIN and I didn't even do anything wrong this time. Makes me so mad. Through the magic of Facebook Hulk and I reconnected and he jumped right on this blog and it's all beautiful.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! WORDS.CAN'T.BRING.YOU.DOWN! (being unfriended on Facebook can, though)

I haven't even had coffee yet.

In the few years Hulk has been a faithful reader, we have giggled and cavorted and attended Indian weddings together and fought about politics because he's wrong about everything, and just generally been excellent friends.

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I did love that sari. I really need a reason to wear it again. Is anyone out there planning an Indian wedding I can crash? Hulk and his tasteful shirt can come too.

So yesterday in the comments, Hulk mentioned he got a raise. Naturally I stampeded to email to discuss.

June: How big of a raise?

Hulk: (telling me how big but I will preserve this one shred of his privacy. I know. Did I mention I haven't had coffee?)

Gold-digger June: You are looking better and better to me. You know, I am liberal and you are not. I love cats and you do not. You love sports and…I still say we'd make a stunning couple.

(Hulk and I would kill each other with pickle forks in under an hour if we were ever a couple.)

Hulk: Why do I have a picture of that Lost in Space robot in my head about now…WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! I think we would make a good couple. …you could do all the talking to people at gatherings and such. Be in charge of buying the presents and cards. I could be the provider and have all the sex…

June: That is all I ask. Providing and sex. (Hi, mom. Hi, feminist mom.) As long as you ignore the 14 cats and we never ever discuss politics, we are all set.

Hulk: I promise to never discuss politics.  I can tolerate cats as long as I don't have to clean up after them and they don't wake me up. And don't bitch at me when I hang out the boys after softball. And want sex when I get home…

June: Cool. I will be naked, then, when you get back.

Hulk: We may have an agreement in principle…

June: It's so romantic. Wait. If we got involved and you didn't email me enough, can I text you to talk about how the boy I like doesn't email enough?

(You guys have no idea how many MILLIONS of times I have bugged Hulk this year about the mysteries of boys. AND HE ALWAYS TAKES THE BOY'S SIDE. Always.)

Hulk: Now that made me giggle…

So there you have it. I think Hulk and I are betrothed. Does this mean I have to move back to Saginaw? Maybe I could get a job cutting the lawn at my old high school…

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

183 thoughts on “In which June and Hulk jump the shark and become a couple”

  1. I know Loose Meat Sandwiches from watching “Roseanne” back in the 90s when I was in Germany. They were called “Schnetzelfleisch” in the dubbed version. From what I remember it was fried ground meat slopped onto hamburger buns. Maybe that helps solve the mystery. Maybe I should have googled.

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  2. “Schnetzelfleisch”…
    Isn’t that what Laverne and Shirley sang at the beginning of the show?
    HulkuponJuneza…dying

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  3. I’m shopping for a dress or maybe a sari. The school was built in the early 50s, possibly the very late 40s. You should have seen the original Saginaw High. It had wooden lockers. And rats. Also, I didn’t get Hulk’s joke.

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  4. Sadie - I'll have to start looking for a sari. Tee, The Chief is going to officiate. I'll contribute to the buffet. says:

    An international buffet! A potluck reception. Looks like I’ll have to schedule a trip to Saginaw. What color sari would you like me to wear to the wedding?
    Maid-Rites! AA/P, my parents courted at their local Maid-Rites in MO. I had one when we went back on a Memory Tour. Yum! This buffet is sounding better all the time.

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  5. Sadie - I'll have to start looking for a sari. Tee, The Chief is going to officiate. I'll contribute to the buffet. says:

    An international buffet! A potluck reception. Looks like I’ll have to schedule a trip to Saginaw. What color sari would you like me to wear to the wedding?
    Maid-Rites! AA/P, my parents courted at their local Maid-Rites in MO. I had one when we went back on a Memory Tour. Yum! This buffet is sounding better all the time.

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  6. Sadie - I'll have to start looking for a sari. Tee, The Chief is going to officiate. I'll contribute to the buffet. says:

    An international buffet! A potluck reception. Looks like I’ll have to schedule a trip to Saginaw. What color sari would you like me to wear to the wedding?
    Maid-Rites! AA/P, my parents courted at their local Maid-Rites in MO. I had one when we went back on a Memory Tour. Yum! This buffet is sounding better all the time.

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  7. A potluck wedding reception. Could we BE more white trash, June?

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  8. I hate to contradict Mother but I believe the AHHS building opened in 1941. At least I hope that is correct because I am pretty certain that’s what I wrote in the speech/article for the Honor Alum one year.

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  9. Amish Annie/Paul I know Sadie, with fries and a coke...to die for. Probably literally, as much grease is on them. says:

    POTLUCK! Ima bring the scalloped corn casserole. I’ll put the dish on a pedestal cake plate so it won’t look white trash.
    Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…a bride mustn’t forget that tradition.

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  10. Wait. Don’t you mid-westerners make all sorts of casseroles with tater tots? Because THAT sounds both healthy AND elegant. A tater tot casserole.

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  11. Amish Annie/Paul tater tot casserole Paula? Hmmm, might be a regional thing. Set on a pedestal cake plate though, anything can be bee-uutiful. says:

    Whatever you do, if Original Joann is coming, hide the White Zinfandel behind the cooler with the Bartles and James or you’ll never hear the end of it.

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  12. Hulkuponjuneza. Bahaha!!
    I’m clueless why *I* in particular would have a Saginaw connection and not even going to try and connect the dots with my muddled, fogged up nap brain (anyone else here nap in the afternoon and miss a lot of good stuff on Pie?).
    Anita, I don’t drink coffee usually and when I do, it’s at stupid times like at night before I go to bed. And then I can’t sleep. No, that was just a long, sloppy, lazy sentence written on my phone.

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  13. Is anyone other than me having trouble posting comments? I’m not getting captcha codes, but my comments remain in preview status and I just have to exit and try again and again later.

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  14. Is anyone other than me having trouble posting comments? I’m not getting captcha codes, but my comments remain in preview status and I just have to exit and try again and again later.

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  15. Is anyone other than me having trouble posting comments? I’m not getting captcha codes, but my comments remain in preview status and I just have to exit and try again and again later.

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  16. I used to read a blog written by a girl from Minniesooottuh and she was always saying things about tater tot casseroles. What do I know from tater tots? Here in NY, our taters are in a knish.

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  17. Beanie Wienie. Very midwestern. And look how much money June and Hulk would save on a band if everyone was making their own music?

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  18. my girlfriend’s cousin had a Twinkie cake and cans of beer at her wedding reception…I think hot dogs were the main dish.

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  19. God, I’m hungry. And I think the tater tot egg & sausage casserole someone mentioned above would break the WW calculator.
    Has June picked her bridesmaids yet?

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  20. If your cats are going to be your bridesmaids, you definitely need to go back and get that poof, Anderson Cooper.

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  21. Instead of hiring a photographer have everyone use their phones to take pictures. The images can then be placed in an album on your FB page.

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  22. Oh Hulk… your new mother in law does not get your jokes…
    June are you ready to be the third wife?
    Hulk, three strikes and you’re out..or kissing John Munson… Hi John!
    and June make sure you get the “secret knock” set up, you know being naked in hotel rooms across America.. you just don’t open the “door” to any Tom, Harry or Dick… Is “mowing the grass” another of one of the euphemism thingys?

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  23. Oh Hulk… your new mother in law does not get your jokes…
    June are you ready to be the third wife?
    Hulk, three strikes and you’re out..or kissing John Munson… Hi John!
    and June make sure you get the “secret knock” set up, you know being naked in hotel rooms across America.. you just don’t open the “door” to any Tom, Harry or Dick… Is “mowing the grass” another of one of the euphemism thingys?

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  24. Oh Hulk… your new mother in law does not get your jokes…
    June are you ready to be the third wife?
    Hulk, three strikes and you’re out..or kissing John Munson… Hi John!
    and June make sure you get the “secret knock” set up, you know being naked in hotel rooms across America.. you just don’t open the “door” to any Tom, Harry or Dick… Is “mowing the grass” another of one of the euphemism thingys?

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  25. HI Everyone,
    I’m back. My father in law passed away last week and we’ve been equal parts busy and sad. Gosh, there’s a lot to do when someone dies. THEN I had to go on a primitive backpacking trip with my daughter’s scout troop. Because there is no better way to mourn than to hike six miles through a HOT sticky Texas forest. With 11 year olds. With no water anywhere. yeah. People made fun of me for having such a heavy pack, but this girl had plennnnty of water. I’ve been reading along as I had time, but I’ve missed you all.
    I want to wear a sari.

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  26. HI Everyone,
    I’m back. My father in law passed away last week and we’ve been equal parts busy and sad. Gosh, there’s a lot to do when someone dies. THEN I had to go on a primitive backpacking trip with my daughter’s scout troop. Because there is no better way to mourn than to hike six miles through a HOT sticky Texas forest. With 11 year olds. With no water anywhere. yeah. People made fun of me for having such a heavy pack, but this girl had plennnnty of water. I’ve been reading along as I had time, but I’ve missed you all.
    I want to wear a sari.

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  27. HI Everyone,
    I’m back. My father in law passed away last week and we’ve been equal parts busy and sad. Gosh, there’s a lot to do when someone dies. THEN I had to go on a primitive backpacking trip with my daughter’s scout troop. Because there is no better way to mourn than to hike six miles through a HOT sticky Texas forest. With 11 year olds. With no water anywhere. yeah. People made fun of me for having such a heavy pack, but this girl had plennnnty of water. I’ve been reading along as I had time, but I’ve missed you all.
    I want to wear a sari.

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  28. Sadie - Now that you're back, do you want to help me figure out what Imma bring to June's potluck reception? says:

    Texas Kari, I’m sorry for your loss. No, I have never mourned by going on a primitive backpacking trip. I’m sure your FIL was looking down and either shaking his head or laughing…maybe both.

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  29. We can have Sonic cater the event with the tater tots. I’m sure they can be served on silver trays.
    We photographed a wedding that banana splits were served at the reception. The Best wedding cake I ever encountered was strawberry pound cake with white frosting. I can bake the cake, someone will have to apply the frosting.

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  30. Sadie, I suggest bringing a dish that your mother would have brought to a potluck, your folks being from a good old midwestern state and all.
    Is there gonna be a dollar dance at this shindig?

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  31. Man, I’m so late to this party. June, if The Chief can’t get certified, remember, you know Mayor McCheese. He can officiate weddings anywhere in Saginaw County.
    Da Bombbaby – love it! Would Dr. Bombay deliver said infant while Samantha twitches her nose to render June oblivious to drugs and all the horrible after effects of childbirth?
    June, any occasion merits a sari. And also too, if you marry Hulk, you’ll need to sport the bindi.
    Shutting up now.

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  32. “Render oblivious to drugs.” That’s just silly. Drugs make you oblivious. How about render impervious to pain?
    Doh.

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  33. Cosmo’s Dad, mow the lawn seems to be a euphemism thing:

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  34. WoW anananandamy… I knew it! I am shouting ALL YOU ALL TRIM THAT SHRUB! into pretty shapes

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  35. WoW anananandamy… I knew it! I am shouting ALL YOU ALL TRIM THAT SHRUB! into pretty shapes

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  36. WoW anananandamy… I knew it! I am shouting ALL YOU ALL TRIM THAT SHRUB! into pretty shapes

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  37. Ladies, thanks for the condolences. We did not backpack in the storms. The rough weather didn’t make it this far south for a change. In fact we got no rain until this morning.
    My freezer is full of funeral food. I can easily serve that for a wedding, too, right?

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  38. Ladies, thanks for the condolences. We did not backpack in the storms. The rough weather didn’t make it this far south for a change. In fact we got no rain until this morning.
    My freezer is full of funeral food. I can easily serve that for a wedding, too, right?

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  39. Ladies, thanks for the condolences. We did not backpack in the storms. The rough weather didn’t make it this far south for a change. In fact we got no rain until this morning.
    My freezer is full of funeral food. I can easily serve that for a wedding, too, right?

    Like

  40. I guess I should have said boobs. 32DDD’s. But we were talking about food for the reception, guys.

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  41. I guess I should have said boobs. 32DDD’s. But we were talking about food for the reception, guys.

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  42. I guess I should have said boobs. 32DDD’s. But we were talking about food for the reception, guys.

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  43. Heather P, that sounds awful!
    Food. Boobs. Poop. The words all look alike and most days usually end up with one of ’em being the main topic on the Pie playground.

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  44. Wow! So much to comment on!
    TX Kari, so sorry about your loss! Deaths of loved ones are surreal and sad a exhausting, all at the same time.
    Thank god someone mentioned marshmallows, the truffles of the Midwest. I learned about Made Rites from my Central Ilinois college roommates. You’ll need a Michigan cherry pie at your reception, June. I’ll make that for you.
    Oh! Pie Girlfriends! We need to have a shower for the Bride!!!!

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  45. Looks like we got the food covered for the reception. Now what about the entertainment? I think we might be able to get Barry the Gibbz and if he sang Tragedy it would be so appropriate.

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  46. Amish Annie/Paul crying from laughter. I have a poster of Mo if June and Hulk want to use it for reception decor. They must promise not to use it for a drinking darts game though. says:

    Or I Started A Joke, which started the whole world crying.

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  47. Fay (I believe the midwestern tot creation is sometimes called "tater tot hot dish." Which is hilarious.) says:

    JUNE. The next time you come to Atlanta, you have to go to the Vortex and get Nacho Tots.
    It’s exactly what it sounds like. And it’s spectacular.

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  48. Fay (I believe the midwestern tot creation is sometimes called "tater tot hot dish." Which is hilarious.) says:

    JUNE. The next time you come to Atlanta, you have to go to the Vortex and get Nacho Tots.
    It’s exactly what it sounds like. And it’s spectacular.

    Like

  49. Fay (I believe the midwestern tot creation is sometimes called "tater tot hot dish." Which is hilarious.) says:

    JUNE. The next time you come to Atlanta, you have to go to the Vortex and get Nacho Tots.
    It’s exactly what it sounds like. And it’s spectacular.

    Like

  50. I’ll bring some Ritz crackers and Cheese Whiz for the hors d’oeuvres. I’d also be happy to climb up on a chair and hang some pink crepe paper, those big white wedding bell things, and the disco ball. I can see Not Chloe now….in a pink dress and pink flip flops that have been all bedazzled. June in a Hello Kitty veil….of course we’ll toast the happy couple with pink champagne. Gosh it’s gonna be awesome. *sigh*
    But, Hulk……Cooperstown, N.Y. really had me laughing. Just visited last June.

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  51. I’ll bring some Ritz crackers and Cheese Whiz for the hors d’oeuvres. I’d also be happy to climb up on a chair and hang some pink crepe paper, those big white wedding bell things, and the disco ball. I can see Not Chloe now….in a pink dress and pink flip flops that have been all bedazzled. June in a Hello Kitty veil….of course we’ll toast the happy couple with pink champagne. Gosh it’s gonna be awesome. *sigh*
    But, Hulk……Cooperstown, N.Y. really had me laughing. Just visited last June.

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  52. I’ll bring some Ritz crackers and Cheese Whiz for the hors d’oeuvres. I’d also be happy to climb up on a chair and hang some pink crepe paper, those big white wedding bell things, and the disco ball. I can see Not Chloe now….in a pink dress and pink flip flops that have been all bedazzled. June in a Hello Kitty veil….of course we’ll toast the happy couple with pink champagne. Gosh it’s gonna be awesome. *sigh*
    But, Hulk……Cooperstown, N.Y. really had me laughing. Just visited last June.

    Like

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