June tries to read the waffle iron

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The Snowflake children down the street got a new puppy.

I know. And it's a chihuahua, so you know it will bite someone just like Snowflake did.

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It's kind of cute, though, in an I'm-a-chihuahua kind of way.

June. Repulsing everyone who loves their stupid chihuahua since 2012.

And in case you just got here, about three blocks away from me live these extremely loud children, who I am pleased to say you see playing–actually playing–outside all the time like it's 1969, and I always stop and talk to them. Mostly because as we walk by they scream, "HI LALUUULAH! HI ETHEL!" and they always want to pet my dogs. They had an absolutely beautiful big dog named Snowflake but it bit someone (allegedly) and the dog got taken away to the pound.

The end.

And yes, person who just got here and asks the obvious questions, I DID go looking for Snowflake to snatch her up myself. Because in a million years I can't see her biting anyone. She was a sweetheart.

I have no idea what that child's t-shirt says. Something at the beach. I left my dog at the beach. I stay inside with a Wii like the other kids in America only when I'm at the beach. I will finally learn your dogs' names at the beach.

In the meantime, I been talking to them four years and know NONE of their names. They have told me, but (a) they aren't pets so it's irrelevant to me and (4) you really can't understand them half the time because they all scream at once.

In other news, …friend sent me this:

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Wait. What?

Recently, …friend, who is a tasteful as me, was trying to make a Helen Keller joke and accidentally said "Anne Frank" instead of Helen Keller. Which (a) makes no sense and (b) is horrible. I mean, I act like making jokes about Helen Keller is so much more wonderful. But anyway, the terribleness of that sent me into hysterics, because you know how I am, and this is probably why he thought of me when he saw this article.

"Oh, June is a bad person! She'll appreciate this!"

Will somebody please get me some Helen Keller sunglasses? Please? I need them. As badly as I need w-a-t-e-r.

I guess that's all I have to tell you, but really, that should be enough.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

267 thoughts on “June tries to read the waffle iron”

  1. There’s no deep meaning. I needed a title and my husband would not stop farting.
    – Margaret Mitchell

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  2. Big Hands, Big Feet, Big Disappointment by Camille Grammer

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  3. And You Thought the Countdown was in Poor Taste by the BBP Commenters, dedicated to Mother and Jan’s sister

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  4. Winning! Means Winning! by Charlie Sheen

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  5. I’ll Have What She’s Having; A Guide to Ordering in Restaurants by Estelle Reiner

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  6. Off topic, but the ad that I’m seeing on your blog is for conscallhome.com.
    Save on those high cost prison calls! First time I’ve seen that one!

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  7. Reading today’s post (which was lovely!), I remembered that the towheads lost a dog to heartworm. All you pet owners, here is a website where you can order heartworm and flea preventatives at a great price. It’s in AU, and they use all the same products we use here, but there is no prescription required in AU. Even with shipping, I save a bundle, particularly on the Frontline Plus. I have been ordering from them for five years, and my dog is flea and tick free, and has tested negative for heartworm every year.
    Check it out. This year is supposed to be bad for fleas, ticks, and mosquitos.
    http://www.pets-megastore.com.au
    Love,
    Letha
    http://www.pets-megastore.com.au

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  8. Thanks to everyone for a Fabulous Friday. June, if we don’t hear from you again for several days, Imma reread this post and comments every day until then and laugh myself silly again.

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  9. Crap! What Do You Mean, What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas? by Jeffrey Neely

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  10. Wow, checked in, saw 228 comments, wondered what the heck was going on. This is a truly inspired Pie Friday!

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  11. Letha, went looking for Comfortis and it says this: ** Not available to USA customers due to manufacturer restrictions on selling this product into the USA.**
    That’s a bummer because it’s a lot less there!

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  12. Anita, sorry, I didn’t know that. I’ve only used them for Frontline Plus and Heartgard Plus, and just assumed that all their products were available to US customers. Pooh.

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  13. Thanks Letha, he used to be on Advantix but it stopped working for the fleas so we switched to Comfortis. I haven’t gotten his hair cut this spring yet because the extra fur seems to help but soon it will be too hot!

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  14. Vegan, Schmegan; My Secret for a Gluten-Free Diet or What’s for Dinner? by Jeffrey Dahmer with foreword by Dr. Hannibal Lecter

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  16. You guys are all so clever, I need your help– my sis in San Diego has been involved in rescuing feral and abandoned kitties for 15+ years and paying for it all out of pocket. She has a large enclosure in her garage/yard and usually has about 100 kitties that she’s rescued; she has paid for vet bills, medicine, food, kitty litter, all out of pocket, as well as finding homes for lots of kitties. Now she’s trying to start a non-profit foundation and needs a name for it. Any ideas?

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  17. Deb said…
    What the hell is up with the new way the comments are presented? Do not like.
    Becky, have your sis check out pro bono lawyers first. Many will give her advice without charge. Tax laws/non-profit status are tricky issues. She needs to make sure she does it right or the IRS may be a problem.

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  18. From Soup to Nuts; The Unauthorized Biography of Jeffrey Dahmer by Kitty Killey

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