A funny thing happened on my way to quitting this blog. And if you have to hear that original phrase "a funny thing happened on my way to..." one more time will you stab yourself in the head? Because I just provided it for you. Here's your drink sword. I was going to stop blogging… Continue reading Bye Bye, Pie!
I am in my hometown, on mom's super-fast, really extra speedy computer that by the way--wow!--is a quick one. Honest engine, I typed in "iGoogle" to her search bar and the computer went, "ZZZZZZZZ...wut? Dude. ...Wait, wut? It's only 1:30 p.m., man. It's too early." Anyway, the funeral was really nice, as funerals go. It… Continue reading If I leave here tomorrow would you still remember me?
Lie-by-pool-at-...friend's-apartment-get-rained-on sex hair. Honestly, my hair is insane. It is certifiably insane. It's over here with a shopping cart, babbling to itself. Kiss Iris sex hair. Look at her bunny footie. Do you know why I don't put that many pictures of Iris up? She's really hard to photograph. She doesn't make eye contact with… Continue reading I wonder if Hulk met her when he was doily shopping…
I totally have sex hair right now. Hey! How are you? It's a holiday, which means it's not the 16% reading, it's the .016%. But all three of you get to see my dumb hair. Congratulations! So my plane ticket is purchased (thanks, Bank of Mom) (yes, I AM 46 years old and still needing… Continue reading “DO NOT EAT”
Y'all. I was gonna blog today about how bad this slays me, and also how I was JUST TELLING ...friend about my beloved Tinkerbell doll (you know what I must be? Is fascinating on a date) and then I walked into Jo's house yesterday and THERE IT WAS. (I sent this photo to ...friend and… Continue reading Where was Sunday? It was all suspicious (Thanks, Paula.)
edzul cryeeng about 16 pur sent. He really IS crying. He looks like a miraculous Virgin Mary statue or something. I guess it's allergies, or maybe that floor is breaking his heart. Concrete floor advice, please. I must dash; having lunch with Jo in an hour and (surprise!) not showered. Last night ...friend drove me… Continue reading Last Saturday with the 16%
"I told them," I emailed ...friend, after giving all y'all all my big news yesterday. I sent him the link, too. "I don't even read your blog that often and I'm even sad," said ...friend, after looking at yesterday's post. And it IS sad, isn't it? I like the beginnings of things, and I dwell… Continue reading The FINAL COUNTDOWN! You’re welcome.
So, I've decided to stop blogging. I know! The only people I've told are ...friend and Marvin, who both said, "Oh, you are not." I mean, for five years, five months, and nine days, I have blogged constantly. I posted from LA, then TinyTown, then here. I posted on vacations from ludicrous hotel business centers.… Continue reading Stick a fork in it
So I'm reading that dirty book 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy or whatever, and man is it dumb. And can I put it down? Why do some dumb books suck us in (see: Twilight)? I mean, I consider myself above average in intelligence. Does everyone think they're above average in intelligence, just like everyone thinks… Continue reading Random shots and a dirty book. Am totally tired of the phrase “random.” “That’s random!” Oh, shut up.
I was looking at Dooce's blog, as I am wont to do, and she did the thing I like where she links to a bunch of stuff that's interesting. Once of the things she linked to was this. What do you think of this project?
I already crossed off the "s" on my Bee Gees bumper sticker, but clearly I need a better Sharpie. Do they make waterproof ones? Also, could I be a worse person? Poor Robin Gibb. I have gotten 4595949390405 emails re this, and you'd think I was a Gibb myself. Which I am. IN MY MIND.… Continue reading I started a joke…
I never did find the lining of my uterus, so I thought maybe I'd get shelf liner today at Target or something. What say you? The other day I was at ...friend's, and he was cooking something because he does actually cook, and Ima tell you how well in just a minute, but anyway he… Continue reading Fascinating
No wonder Tallulah hates this thing. It really does hamper your depth perception. So I'm home. Does this lack of uterine lining make me look fat? I had to get there at 7:15, so Laurie, being what you'd call more organized than me, was at my house about 2:30 a.m. I really don't know WHEN… Continue reading Post Op
"Have you read that poll asking women to describe their perfect man?" asked ...friend. "I'm not it." I hadn't read that poll, and one wonders why ...friend is trying to find the perfect man, but perhaps I am jumping to conclusions. Anyway, it's a slow day here at work and so I Googled it. It's… Continue reading Tyre
Last night I had drama with ...friend, but everything is okay now. I wish I could tell you all about it, but I feel like I'd need his permission to tell the story, and I similarly feel like he'd say, "You know what? No. It was bad enough living it in real life. Why rehash… Continue reading Kobayashi Maru
Although the rest of you may still be staring at that Bee Gees video (veeedeo) from yesterday's comments, I have moved on to my stupid Monday. Okay, here. Here is the veedeo we're all obsessed with in the comments. Dudes. I can't get past Robin's fine dancing abilities. Well. And Barry's shirt. Dear Barry… Continue reading There’s a light. Certain kind of light.
If I posted today, it would just be a bunch of goopy stuff about how much I like ...friend.
I am at the car dealership, getting my headlight fixed. Marvin always took it here to get it fixed so I am too, even though ...friend just told me I was going to get gouged. I guess I should ask Marvin why I am doing this. My car's headlights are always on, so they burn… Continue reading Saturday. Horn. In the park. Horn.
The good news is, Tallulah is out of surgery already and I get to get her at 3:00. As soon as we got in the car this morning, she started shaking, so she knew it wasn't just a fun trip to dog day care. They have two doors at my vet--one for white people and… Continue reading Edsel has an underbite. News at 11:00.
It is, oddly, rather slow here today at my temporary workplace and as a result I was able to go to lunch and everything, like a normal person. Oh, and I know what I said yesterday about this place being an Everlasting Gobstopper, but guess what. Guess. Today they have asked me to stay another… Continue reading Dark, brooding, intense–sign me up!