Edsel has an underbite. News at 11:00.

The good news is, Tallulah is out of surgery already and I get to get her at 3:00. As soon as we got in the car this morning, she started shaking, so she knew it wasn't just a fun trip to dog day care.

They have two doors at my vet–one for white people and one for black people. It's the South. No! One for dogs and one for cats. They probably also have to have a separate door for gay people now, too. Stupid North Carolina.

My point is, I should just bring her in the cat side, because you can imagine what a charming Southern lady she was when we walked in and there were other dogs. It's so dumb. On the leash, she is an absolute dick. If I had unhooked her? "Oh heyyyyy! How you do? I Talula. You want see my canser lump?"

Anyway, the worst was the poor woman holding the little dog, but fortunately the vet tech came right away to get Lu. I wonder why. BARKBARKBARKBARK! BARK! YOU LITTLE AND STOOPID! YOU NOT ENTER THRU STOOPIT DOOR? STOP BE LITTLE! GROW! GRRRRROW!

Humiliating.

Anyway once they put the official sad blue vet leash on her, I started to cry, and hug her neck, and humiliate her in front of stoopit little dog. One hopes she won't remember that when she gets out.

Tonight …friend is coming and bringing Thai food and we are gonna stay in, because I don't want to leave Luis the gracious dog. I want to lord over her and poke at her incision and pet her head, which she hates, and kiss her, which she also seems to kind of hate, and generally bug the crap out my own sick dog.

And eat Thai.

In other news, I got up with Dick Whitman last night. I been working in the Winston-Salem for a month now (yes. A month. It was supposed to be a three-hour tour.) and he wrote, "I had all these dreams that once you started working in Winston we'd hang out all the time after work, just talking shit. Literally. I thought we'd talk about bowel movements."

Well, once THAT opportunity was presented I got Marvin to let the dogs out (who, who who) (you're welcome) last night, and I had me the coffee with the Richard. Of Whitmans.

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I had peppermint tea. Whit and his man had a coconut latte, because he is female. It was delicious, though! I had a drink before he put his disgusting lips on it.

IMG_1168A pensive Dick Whitman.

Afterward, I made him take me to a card store, because I needed to get, you know, cards. I wanted to send his mom a Mother's Day card.

Dear Actual Mom: I sent you a very nice and rather costly thing from Etsy, but never did find time to buy you a card. I know, dude. I been busy.

Oh! But before we get to the card store, and you know how I ADORE people who say, "Let me back up" when they tell a story (do you EVER want them to back up? Ever? You do not. Most stories are just for getting through till you can tell your own), but the place where we were having coffee apparently used to be Dick Whitman's orthodontist's office.

"You had braces?" I asked, learning a new thing about Dick Whitman, seeing as we had exhausted the subject of our bowel movements.

"I did. I had a terrible underbite."

"Just like Edsel!"

"Edsel has an underbite?" he asked.

….!

Y'all. Most of you have not even MET Edsel, and how many of you are incredulous right now?

I mean,

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Photo on 9-26-11 at 8.09 PM #2 (original)

 
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you can't NOT see that underbite. YOU CAN'T NOT SEE IT. And yes, that picture of him holding hands with Roger IS killing me, thank you.

How indifferent to dogs do you have to be to not see that underbite? Dick Whitman. Irking me since whenever he started irking me, but particularly yesterday.

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At any rate, once we got to the card store, I forced Whitman to get a card for his mom. Dear Dick Whitman's mom: He thought the part where he is taking you to lunch counted as his Mother's Day gift to you. As a girl, I know how cards matter to us. You are welcome. Oh, and don't look at the photo above cause I'm pretty sure that's the one he ended up getting you and your surprise will be ruined.

Love, June.

All right. I had better go. I feel guilty that I have a whole day off and all I've done is nap and blog and email with …friend. Who probably wishes he hadn't asked, "What can I do to help the day of Talu's surgery?" because now he has to fein interest in every detail of that dog and also run hither and yon for Thai food. Southern people. Too nice for their own good.

Unless you're gay.

0 thoughts on “Edsel has an underbite. News at 11:00.

  1. Granted that was a bit soon, but when is it okay to toss the cards? I don’t hang onto them like I used to. Unless my kid wrote something especially touching. Which isn’t all that often.

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  2. He was an a-hole anyway. I guess it’s personal preference on when to ditch the cards. I have some from years (and years and years) ago my kids made me when they were in school. I also have some on my kitchen table from two weeks ago that I’m ready to toss.

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  3. It was uninjured (by the cat/s who brought it inside) so I carried it outside and put it in the front garden. It was especially adorable for a wild bunny—it had a little blaze of white fur on its forehead.

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  4. You are all so wonderful. (And sorry June for hijacking the comments.) Just Paula and LauraL, I’m totally with you!! Furry, I hope he slips peacefully, like Amanda’s Zues, but that you’ll be there for him unlike Amanda and I.
    …friend isn’t a vegan? I must be losing it. I thought he was. Hope Lu is recovering nicely.

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  5. He’s not a vegetarian. He just orders salad. ALL the time. Like any good carnivore…

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  6. I have to admit I adore me some Dick Whitman. Even though I did tell you not to cry over spilled Dick, he did turn out to be pretty awesome. Of course I loves me some spots like his favorite shirt. Maybe I’m just attracted to chicken pox.

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  7. Yeah, we don’t want to hear “let me back up” from a story teller…..we want to hear “to make a long story short…”
    Happy almost Mother’s Day, June. Mother of dogs & cats, that is. Glad you are staying in tonight to mother Tallulah.
    And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY weekend to all the pie peeps!

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  8. Hey June, Remember me? I’m annie from the street, not the city….
    anyway – I am recently divorced and spending all his money on an epic 47 state road trip (not Alabama) this summer and you once said “if you’re ever in the city not the street….”I forget the rest, but… I will be in the city not the street in mid June and would like to take you up on the “if ever…” if you can remember what it was.
    So, if you find this comment, at all, or interesting… Please email me.
    Love always,
    Annie from the street

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  9. I’m so sorry for everyone’s pet heartbreaks. Gosh.
    I love cards, the funnier and more inappropriate, the better.
    And I love, love, love DW’s sideburns. Yum.
    I hope Lu is doing well this morning.
    And those gel masque strips are HILARIOUS. Even more hilarious is the review LauraL linked to.
    If I may be incredibly inappropriate, I’d like to quote the reviewer: (She’s reviewing the strawberry flavor)
    “Once I started to get some momentum, my spit actually foamed up into a strawberry juice lather, so I feel like a rabid dog gnawing at my boyfriend’s crotch.”
    Hey, whatever happened to that thing a few years back where June was going to try out products we suggested for her. Might be a good time to start that up again.

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  10. Joann, are you back from the 7 a.m. blueberry picking?
    How did that go?

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  11. June was …busy, sorry. Talu is kinda dopey and out of it and whined a little but after her pain pill she went to sleep. Effing hates the cone.
    Sent from my phone. You happy now?

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  12. Although it looks like it could rain, I think it may hold off until tonight or tomorrow.
    Furry, we will be attending the Dunwoody Art Show this afternoon and will think of you. How is Terra doing?

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  13. OH.MY. That review is too much….and I just can’t help but thinking….does the boyfriend really want a rabid dog gnawing at his man parts? Quite the visual this Saturday morning. Made me laugh out loud.
    Hoping Lu is alright. And that June and Dot Friend enjoyed their Tai.
    No rain here. A gorgeous sunny day THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE. It is prom day here – my daughter would have had the melt down of all melt downs had rain dared to touch her hair and makeup.
    Happy Saturday.

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  14. It did not go, Barbinmilwaukee. At 4:00 AM, after tossing and turning, mainly because I had a house of teenagers making entirely too much noise upstairs, I texted my friend and said, “I’m out.”
    I like to be spur of the moment and fun, but 7:00 AM blueberry picking just didn’t feel fun any more, once the wine wore off. I paid big time though, with the incessant phone calls starting at 7 from all my friends, especially my friend who owned the blueberry farm. He wouldn’t let up, trying to get me out of bed.
    I don’t even like blueberries. Unless they’re in pancakes. That someone besides myself has made.

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