Random shots and a dirty book. Am totally tired of the phrase “random.” “That’s random!” Oh, shut up.

So I'm reading that dirty book 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy or whatever, and man is it dumb. And can I put it down? Why do some dumb books suck us in (see: Twilight)?

I mean, I consider myself above average in intelligence. Does everyone think they're above average in intelligence, just like everyone thinks they're a good driver and that they have a sense of humor? But despite the fact I think I am relatively smart (I mean, not compared to Stephen Hawking, okay?) (or even Tim Gunn. Tim Gunn seems kind of smart. Or maybe he's just snooty, is all), I must know what happens to these stupid, not-remotely-realistic people in stupid 50 Shades and Lamps Too.

What is wrong with me?

I even took said dirty book to the BookUp last night, which my friend Jo has every month in a restaurant. I've explained it before, but everyone just comes and brings a book and orders a drink or appetizer and reads. I know that sounds silly, but she was sick and tired of people saying, "I don't have time to read" (and she's written a book, so she's particularly persnickety about this phrase) (how do we get to the e-version of your book, Jo? Tell us in the comments), so she set up an evening where we MAKE time.

 

And what did I read? Right there in front of …friend and everybody? Stupid 50 Shades of Earl Grey.

Anyway, that's my latest humiliation. In other news, I have a bunch of pictures on my desktop that I keep meaning to put up here, so without further adieu–did you ever see that Naked Gun? Where the guy says to Leslie Neilsen, "I bid you adieu" and Leslie Neilsen says, "Thanks. But I…like my hair the way it is." Anyway, without further hair, here are the photos on my desktop.

WatermelonThis is from Peg's party, which by the way was a potluck and guess who forgot that, with her empty-handed self? Nice. Guess who went to the food table three times anyway? Nice, also. Up here is a watermelon piece with, I don't know, feta, maybe? And Austin, who is the most super-great wonderful party guest possible and I love it when he comes to Peg's parties, stuck hat pins in each piece, because it was, you know, Mad Hatter. Oh, they were plastic. You couldn't imPALE yourself.

IMG_1214Here is Austin. He is a fancy designer and has really good decorating-for-rich-people stories. I heart him. And his teensy hat.

IMG_1179I mean, really? We have to be told this, now?

IMG_1187…friend lives right near my pal Kit's store, and it's exciting to see what her windows are doing whenever I stroll by. In case anyone was wondering, yes, I DO want that pink polka-dotted dress and also the leopard purse. What are you, new?

IMG_1195After my surgery, my mother sent me chocolate-covered strawberries. Oh.Hell.Yes.

IMG_1204I do not know why Edsel acts so weird in the car. He gets all shy and retiring. Yes, that IS a Chik-Fil-A cup. Shut up.

IMG_1196quar skare edzers

Friz13Here is Marvin drinking cough syrup in San Francisco in 2005. That's random!

IMG_1216Best hat at Peg's party. And for people who work at my old job, yes that IS your old coworker. I mean, I am your old coworker, but so is she.

Photo on 12-29-11 at 3.07 PMFrom when Pal from MA was here at Christmas. Seriously, I have to clear out this desktop.

Also, love self.

Okay, off to work, which is beginning to be like the three-hour tour on Gilligan's Island. Have totally made a tight SS Minnow dress at this point.

XO,

Jooooon

92 thoughts on “Random shots and a dirty book. Am totally tired of the phrase “random.” “That’s random!” Oh, shut up.

  1. Is this book like that crapfest movie 9 1/2 weeks? I hope the copper tousled hair guy is better looking than Mickey Rourke. Does the bite lip woman get on your nerves like Kim Basinger did in that movie? If this book is chosen for book club, to cleanse ourselves after, can we read a good old classic Russian novel by, like, a good author like Dostoevsky or Tolstoy?

    Like

  2. If he told her once to not bite her f*ucking lip, he told her 2321435890458917 times. And every. single. time after the first time I wanted to punch both of them.

    Like

  3. Have you been spying on me? Except that’s not a cookie bag, it’s a chip bag. These books were like porn-lite, brain candy for me.

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  4. In addition to June’s always hilarious self, Kelly made me laugh out loud with “Um, why are you biting your lip like that?” I said “Does this make you want to do me baby?” and he replied “Um, sure okay. But can I finish this chapter first?”

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  5. Aww, thank you! Sadly, it’s a true story. However, being a voracious reader myself, I was not offended that my beloved wanted to finish a chapter of his book before whisking me off to the Red Room of Pain, uh, I mean our bedroom.

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  6. Let me tell you what I think of Fifty Shades. I am about 3 chapters into the third book, and I want to kill myself.
    The writing is awful. A.W.F.U.L. “I frown.” “He frowns.” “She frowns.” “Kate frowns.” “Taylor frowns.”
    He frowns at me again.” Honestly, you’d think that a frown was the only way to show displeasure. Also, Ana bites her bottom lip 50 gazillion times. And you know what that does to Christian. You know, because you’ve read that same sentence 232554241 times. Oh, and her “inner goddess” does a lot of dancing. And seriously with the phrase “just-fucked hair”. Christian always seems to have “just-fucked hair.” But don’t worry, it’s totally sexy on him. Oh, and how many times can a man “run his hands through his hair.” That phrase? I’ve read 25477895452 times. I can’t get past the third chapter of the third book. I just can’t. I am BORED. I want to bonk that woman on the head with a thesauras. Her AND Stephanie Meyer! Come up with some new damn words/phrases/ideas! BORED!!

    Like

  7. I’ve been gone all day and just sat down to read all these hilarious comments. Y’all are cracking me up! These phrases out of context are so so so funny!! However, Kelly and her husband take the cake. I can NOT stop laughing!

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  8. Me: Honey, I told some random internets people about you wanting to finish reading your chapter before handing out the sweet, sweet love.
    Him: Did you point out that it was a chapter of the Kama Sutra?
    Me: You were NOT reading the Kama Sutra. You were rereading A Brief History of Time for like the billionth time.
    Him: To a physics teacher, that IS the Kama Sutra.

    Like

  9. Edsel looks pitiful. Why does he look so frightened? Loved the dresses in the window and Peg’s party looks like a real hit. I thought the watermelon was a piece of raw fish with the feta on it. Marvin measured the cough syrup? I would have just turned the bottle up and had a swig.
    Kelly and Honey are hilarious.

    Like

  10. omg worst book ever! i wanted to slap her inner goddess into next week! story of o is way better. you know….if you like that sort of thing.

    Like

  11. Me: Honey, June loves you.
    Him: This June you speak of, is she single?
    Me: Um… you’re not.
    Him: True. But you did mention that I can quote entire passages from A Brief History of Time right?
    Me: Baby, I kind of lied when I told you that was a turn on.
    Him: WHAT?
    Seriously though, you guys are wonderful for my ego! Thanks for being so kind to a long-time lurker, turned non-stop commenter.

    Like

  12. hey, thanks for the window photo from the shop! Dots are fun and funny. Hate I missed the bookup……..You guys will love Jo’s book.
    the hat lady was wearing a dress she bought at my shop, too!
    Anybody going to the beach this weekend?

    Like

  13. I think Hulk should finish When I Married My Mother before worrying about whether 50 Shades of Grey has pictures or not.
    Kelly, you and your husband made me laugh a lot!
    I love the huge flowery hat your old co-worker is wearing. It looks like it was a great party.

    Like

  14. Kit, the beach? Is anyone going to THE BEACH you asked. Yes. Yes, I am. Saturday I get to go alone – just me, my chair, a diet coke, and a book. But, the book will not be 50 shades of color me gray on the beach. Sunday my teenager will be down there with her swim team. And guess what? Her mom, dad, and little brother will be on the same beach. Horrors. Monday will be a family beach day where the teenager will actually have to ride to the beach with her family. Torture. I am a tad excited, can you tell.
    Also, I love the items I see pictured from your shop. I will be visiting UNC Chapel Hill with the teenager this summer. Is Chapel Hill 46583756 miles from your shop?

    Like

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