Random shots and a dirty book. Am totally tired of the phrase “random.” “That’s random!” Oh, shut up.

So I'm reading that dirty book 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy or whatever, and man is it dumb. And can I put it down? Why do some dumb books suck us in (see: Twilight)?

I mean, I consider myself above average in intelligence. Does everyone think they're above average in intelligence, just like everyone thinks they're a good driver and that they have a sense of humor? But despite the fact I think I am relatively smart (I mean, not compared to Stephen Hawking, okay?) (or even Tim Gunn. Tim Gunn seems kind of smart. Or maybe he's just snooty, is all), I must know what happens to these stupid, not-remotely-realistic people in stupid 50 Shades and Lamps Too.

What is wrong with me?

I even took said dirty book to the BookUp last night, which my friend Jo has every month in a restaurant. I've explained it before, but everyone just comes and brings a book and orders a drink or appetizer and reads. I know that sounds silly, but she was sick and tired of people saying, "I don't have time to read" (and she's written a book, so she's particularly persnickety about this phrase) (how do we get to the e-version of your book, Jo? Tell us in the comments), so she set up an evening where we MAKE time.

 

And what did I read? Right there in front of …friend and everybody? Stupid 50 Shades of Earl Grey.

Anyway, that's my latest humiliation. In other news, I have a bunch of pictures on my desktop that I keep meaning to put up here, so without further adieu–did you ever see that Naked Gun? Where the guy says to Leslie Neilsen, "I bid you adieu" and Leslie Neilsen says, "Thanks. But I…like my hair the way it is." Anyway, without further hair, here are the photos on my desktop.

WatermelonThis is from Peg's party, which by the way was a potluck and guess who forgot that, with her empty-handed self? Nice. Guess who went to the food table three times anyway? Nice, also. Up here is a watermelon piece with, I don't know, feta, maybe? And Austin, who is the most super-great wonderful party guest possible and I love it when he comes to Peg's parties, stuck hat pins in each piece, because it was, you know, Mad Hatter. Oh, they were plastic. You couldn't imPALE yourself.

IMG_1214Here is Austin. He is a fancy designer and has really good decorating-for-rich-people stories. I heart him. And his teensy hat.

IMG_1179I mean, really? We have to be told this, now?

IMG_1187…friend lives right near my pal Kit's store, and it's exciting to see what her windows are doing whenever I stroll by. In case anyone was wondering, yes, I DO want that pink polka-dotted dress and also the leopard purse. What are you, new?

IMG_1195After my surgery, my mother sent me chocolate-covered strawberries. Oh.Hell.Yes.

IMG_1204I do not know why Edsel acts so weird in the car. He gets all shy and retiring. Yes, that IS a Chik-Fil-A cup. Shut up.

IMG_1196quar skare edzers

Friz13Here is Marvin drinking cough syrup in San Francisco in 2005. That's random!

IMG_1216Best hat at Peg's party. And for people who work at my old job, yes that IS your old coworker. I mean, I am your old coworker, but so is she.

Photo on 12-29-11 at 3.07 PMFrom when Pal from MA was here at Christmas. Seriously, I have to clear out this desktop.

Also, love self.

Okay, off to work, which is beginning to be like the three-hour tour on Gilligan's Island. Have totally made a tight SS Minnow dress at this point.

XO,

Jooooon

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

92 thoughts on “Random shots and a dirty book. Am totally tired of the phrase “random.” “That’s random!” Oh, shut up.”

  1. Edsel..so tortured but so damn cute!! And I have read all three of those damn 50 shades book. I could not put them down & yes they are stupid but they are like junk food I suppose.

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  2. Edsel..so tortured but so damn cute!! And I have read all three of those damn 50 shades book. I could not put them down & yes they are stupid but they are like junk food I suppose.

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  3. Edsel..so tortured but so damn cute!! And I have read all three of those damn 50 shades book. I could not put them down & yes they are stupid but they are like junk food I suppose.

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  4. That book ad/video are me cry a little. I will be, looking for that book. Does it come with a box of tissues, or a nice hanky? My dog is the opposite of yours in the car. He turns into a barking lunatic, who gets pissed off at me if I dare try to close the window.

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  5. I need to hug Edsel right now.
    Kit even has polka dot balloons!
    Codeine Marvin!
    I can’t make the video work, but maybe that’s just random to me.
    Lovely post, June!

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  6. June, two things:
    A(1)(c) Go back a couple of days in your comments, late in the day, where I posted a link to Gilbert Gottfried reading 50 Shades. You haven’t lived until you hear him say VAH-GYYYNNE-NUH.
    viii) Why is Austin wearing Fran’s hat and did he also have on the Uggs?

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  7. I really like this random photo post!
    I mean, Parenthetical Porn is fun too, but I like the funny photos.

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  8. Crap. Now that June is reading 50 shades of Gray, I have to go to the bookstore and get it. Trashy novel anyone? Yes, please.
    Love your random photos. I really need to kiss Edz nose. He is so cute.
    Also? You go to the most fun parties. Lucky.

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  9. You should buy the polkie-dot dress. Very cute. And the Eds just melted my heart a little more. Have a, like, totally random day, June!

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  10. Okay, now I must, MUST, have a theme party. It looks like too much fun and I haven’t had any lately. Fun, that is.
    And also, too? I must kiss Edsel right on his sweet snout.
    Couldn’t do Twilight, can’t do 50 Shades of Grey Whale, either.

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  11. I bought a polka dot dress to wear to a wedding on Monday! So glad that I will be in style. But just watch, everyone will be in a polka dot dress. Crap.
    Are you standing outside the car in your pj’s taking a picture of Edsel quivering? Poor Edsel. I want to hug him too.
    Also too, did you close comments yesterday? Did I miss something? Again?

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  12. JP, I not only watched that horrid video, I also sent it to …friend. I told him that the sex in that book is kind of hot, but now all I can hear is Gilbert Gottfried talking. CLITORRRRIS! Good gravy.

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  13. No! I didn't close the comments! Are they closed? WTF? Also, no. That is a very expensive shirt, thank you, that actually does look like pajamas. I have thought that about it, too.

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  14. Love the hat! And Kit’s store. What is it about polka dots that spells f-u-n? Thank you, dear June, for mentioning my book, posting the trailer AND coming to the BookUP. (You and …friend are so cute together. May it last as long as you desire.) Oh, and for the quote in the new ebook! When I Married My Mother is available through Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble Nook. For a personally inscribed hardcover copy click on the amazon collectibles tab and look for SecondsSoundsandReads. And now I’ll shut up.

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  15. Yes, that’s exactly who you want to think of during sex. Gilbert Gottfried. I’m thanking God right now that Sam Kinison is dead. NNNNNNIIIPPPPPPPPPLLLLLESSS!!!!!!

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  16. Random thoughts:
    14. Edsel is afraid you will take him somewhere and leave him.
    III. Peg has fun parties as long as the guests don’t turn 50 shades of grey afterwards.
    7. All best wishes to Becky and Pamela SS#2 with their pathology reports and further treatment. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  17. Have not read 50 Sheets To The Wind but my friend has and she loves it. If Kit’s store were in my area, I would be visiting often, love it. Note to self; get Jo’s book. Love Hat Lady’s red sunglasses in her hand. The picture with you and Pal kills me. Love Edsel. And is it me or does Austin look like the human reincarnation of Fran?

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  18. My stomach is in knots today. Have to take my youngest son to college orientation. It’s a 2 day thing. I’m nervous for me and I’m nervous for him. I’m just not good in big crowded situations when I don’t know anyone. And he’s a lot like me. Plus, leaving Henry.
    Blech.
    Just blech.

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  19. …..50 Shades of Earl Grey. Spicy!
    You’ve talked about Jo’s book before and the video is very enticing. I should read it this summer. Just started reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.
    That’s not random.

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  20. umm ok, sorry about the above comment. No idea WTF it means or how I managed to do it.
    Random, man, random.

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  21. Yes to Jo’s book but Gilbert Gottsauted’s reading and Ellen’s sound effects were enough 50 Shades of G for me.
    I want ALL of Kit’s dresses-gorgeous!
    Glad Peg is back in your good junes- it looked like a fun party.
    Thanks for the Eds photo!

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  22. ummmkay. went and read a few reviews on the 50 shades and i’ll be passing that one on by. or buy. whatev.
    love edsel’s teeth. and the dots. and i would be HAUNTING that store every day.

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  23. And then, dear Hulk, you will have to wear the cone of shame.
    Can we have a 50 Shades of Grey book club meeting??? I want to dissect it. I liked it and the sex is hot but good gravy after a while the sex was boring and so was the author’s phrasing.
    Going to listen to Gilbert now. Praying I hear him say “aROUSal”. Because that word really started to grate my nerves after a while.

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  24. 50 Shades of Grey sounds classier than 50 Shades of Gray.

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  25. I am reading the stupid Earl Grey book too and wow the writing is crap. But the story has me sucked in so I will finish all three books. Like an idiot. I don’t see why I keep hearing that these books are getting women interested in the bedroom again – unless they are all into the dom/sub thing and then, well, good for you.
    LOVE the picture of Edsel in the car, poor little sweetykins that he is. Where was he going that he was in the car if he doesn’t like being there?
    Glad you’re feeling back to normal. Oh and chocolate covered strawberries? YUM (check out Sherry’s Berries online. I think that’s the name. Biggest berries I’ve ever had and soooo delicious).

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  26. Every time I see Edsel’s adorable mug, I want to take him out for a big steak and some braces.
    Seriously. He is just the right combination of underbitey and cute as heck.

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  27. My inner goddess says that 50 shades is some of the worst writing ever…that I can’t seem to stop reading.

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  28. 1) I knew a woman who was super proud of her 103 IQ and would boast constantly about being perfectly average. I still don’t get it.
    2) There’s a book coming out in July that sort of makes fun of 50 Shades called “Fifty Shames of Earl Grey” your addition of Earl to the title made me think of it.

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  29. Not going to read Fifty Shades of Grey Hounds. The excerpt I read was written by a twelve year old.
    Is Kit the one who lost her Chihuahua a few days ago? That’s tough. So very sorry. June, you need to purchase that leopard bag and poka dot dress to cheer her up.

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  30. Oh thank God, I am not the only one who is sincerely sick to death of the phrases “he pulls my hair” and “inner goddess” and “the way his pants hang off his hips”. Tell the man to either a) pull his goddamn pants up or b) buy a belt already. Seriously.
    I read books. A lot of different books. I have read all 4 of the Twilight books and thousands of gloriously cheesy romance novels. And yet, without a doubt, Fifty Shades of Grey (Gray?) is the absolute worst writing in the history of book writing.
    I’m ashamed to say that I will be reading the 2nd and 3rd books. I do not care about either of the main characters or how they are broken and/or fixed; I have to know just how badly the writing can get. It can’t get any worse than the 1st book right? Right?

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  31. I was also peer-pressured into reading the 1st of the Shades books. It was without a doubt the most poorly-written and formulaic piece of shit coming down the pike. No, I will NOT be buying books 2 or 3. And yes, I DO want those hours of my life back that I spent reading and hoping that drivel would get better.
    p.s. I linked to another blogger who wrote exactly the book review on this that I would have written. If you want someone else’s opinion, click on my name and link on over to her review.
    p.p.s. poor handsome skeered little Edsel!

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  32. And hey, did you lovely ladies know that his tousled hair has copper highlights? And that just a look from his steely gray eyes makes her muscles clench way down deep?
    *sigh* And yet I am still going to read the trilogy.

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  33. At one point, about halfway through the book, I turned to my husband who was reading his own book at the opposite end of the couch and bit my bottom lip suggestively. Once I cleared my throat a few times to get his attention, he stared oddly at me for a few moments and said “Um, why are you biting your lip like that?” I said “Does this make you want to do me baby?” and he replied “Um, sure okay. But can I finish this chapter first?”
    Bite lipping FAIL.

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  34. Okay, I’m not getting why you guys are buying books 2 and 3 if the first one was so bad. I barely have time to read good books, I have no time to waste on crappy ones!

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  35. I was wondering the same thing, Anita. Lisa Pie is the only one who seems to have saved herself. Maybe the it’s like the Real Housewives vortex. Or maybe it’s just hornyness.

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  36. Anita, they are reading porn. June, we ARE cool, but all y’all have made me so NOT want to read this.

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  37. Sounds like an updated version of the heaving bosoms and stirring in the loins books. GAG!

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  38. Then our job is done. Because really, at the heart of it, what we want most is for others NOT to read these books. We’ll read them (but like June said, we can quit anytime we want!) and suffer on your behalf.
    Also, if it makes me look any better I may have bought the first one but I will NOT buy the 2nd and 3rd. I’m going to borrow them from a friend. Ha!

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  39. I LOVE a good bodice-ripper, set in the Highlands, with lusty honorable warriors. Fifty Shades wasn’t that. I’m not sure it’s really porn, either. Maybe porn lite? It’s a love story, if you take away all the “shock” factors (Red Room of Pain? Sign me up!). And yes, we all agree is is horribly written and not worthy of its sequels, but how many of us also sit down with a bag of cookies and a diet soda for dinner instead of broiled fish and a salad? Sometimes the junk food wins and it’s fun!

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  40. Is this book like that crapfest movie 9 1/2 weeks? I hope the copper tousled hair guy is better looking than Mickey Rourke. Does the bite lip woman get on your nerves like Kim Basinger did in that movie? If this book is chosen for book club, to cleanse ourselves after, can we read a good old classic Russian novel by, like, a good author like Dostoevsky or Tolstoy?

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  41. If he told her once to not bite her f*ucking lip, he told her 2321435890458917 times. And every. single. time after the first time I wanted to punch both of them.

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  42. Have you been spying on me? Except that’s not a cookie bag, it’s a chip bag. These books were like porn-lite, brain candy for me.

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  43. In addition to June’s always hilarious self, Kelly made me laugh out loud with “Um, why are you biting your lip like that?” I said “Does this make you want to do me baby?” and he replied “Um, sure okay. But can I finish this chapter first?”

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  44. Aww, thank you! Sadly, it’s a true story. However, being a voracious reader myself, I was not offended that my beloved wanted to finish a chapter of his book before whisking me off to the Red Room of Pain, uh, I mean our bedroom.

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  45. Let me tell you what I think of Fifty Shades. I am about 3 chapters into the third book, and I want to kill myself.
    The writing is awful. A.W.F.U.L. “I frown.” “He frowns.” “She frowns.” “Kate frowns.” “Taylor frowns.”
    He frowns at me again.” Honestly, you’d think that a frown was the only way to show displeasure. Also, Ana bites her bottom lip 50 gazillion times. And you know what that does to Christian. You know, because you’ve read that same sentence 232554241 times. Oh, and her “inner goddess” does a lot of dancing. And seriously with the phrase “just-fucked hair”. Christian always seems to have “just-fucked hair.” But don’t worry, it’s totally sexy on him. Oh, and how many times can a man “run his hands through his hair.” That phrase? I’ve read 25477895452 times. I can’t get past the third chapter of the third book. I just can’t. I am BORED. I want to bonk that woman on the head with a thesauras. Her AND Stephanie Meyer! Come up with some new damn words/phrases/ideas! BORED!!

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  46. I’ve been gone all day and just sat down to read all these hilarious comments. Y’all are cracking me up! These phrases out of context are so so so funny!! However, Kelly and her husband take the cake. I can NOT stop laughing!

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  47. Me: Honey, I told some random internets people about you wanting to finish reading your chapter before handing out the sweet, sweet love.
    Him: Did you point out that it was a chapter of the Kama Sutra?
    Me: You were NOT reading the Kama Sutra. You were rereading A Brief History of Time for like the billionth time.
    Him: To a physics teacher, that IS the Kama Sutra.

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  48. Edsel looks pitiful. Why does he look so frightened? Loved the dresses in the window and Peg’s party looks like a real hit. I thought the watermelon was a piece of raw fish with the feta on it. Marvin measured the cough syrup? I would have just turned the bottle up and had a swig.
    Kelly and Honey are hilarious.

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  49. omg worst book ever! i wanted to slap her inner goddess into next week! story of o is way better. you know….if you like that sort of thing.

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  50. Me: Honey, June loves you.
    Him: This June you speak of, is she single?
    Me: Um… you’re not.
    Him: True. But you did mention that I can quote entire passages from A Brief History of Time right?
    Me: Baby, I kind of lied when I told you that was a turn on.
    Him: WHAT?
    Seriously though, you guys are wonderful for my ego! Thanks for being so kind to a long-time lurker, turned non-stop commenter.

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  51. hey, thanks for the window photo from the shop! Dots are fun and funny. Hate I missed the bookup……..You guys will love Jo’s book.
    the hat lady was wearing a dress she bought at my shop, too!
    Anybody going to the beach this weekend?

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  52. I think Hulk should finish When I Married My Mother before worrying about whether 50 Shades of Grey has pictures or not.
    Kelly, you and your husband made me laugh a lot!
    I love the huge flowery hat your old co-worker is wearing. It looks like it was a great party.

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  53. Kit, the beach? Is anyone going to THE BEACH you asked. Yes. Yes, I am. Saturday I get to go alone – just me, my chair, a diet coke, and a book. But, the book will not be 50 shades of color me gray on the beach. Sunday my teenager will be down there with her swim team. And guess what? Her mom, dad, and little brother will be on the same beach. Horrors. Monday will be a family beach day where the teenager will actually have to ride to the beach with her family. Torture. I am a tad excited, can you tell.
    Also, I love the items I see pictured from your shop. I will be visiting UNC Chapel Hill with the teenager this summer. Is Chapel Hill 46583756 miles from your shop?

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