I am eating a piece of toast, my dear 16%, and on said toast is chocolate hazelnut peanut butter. To say I am enjoying it would be an understatement. The neighbors are probably about to call the police. "Someone is too joyous over at the white house near the corner." I didn't mean to buy … Continue reading In which people are nice to June. Heaven knows why. I guess cause I’m a PRINCE of a gal. A PRINCE! You don’t have to watch Dynasty to have an attitude.
Last night, ...friend cooked for me, and one of us is better at cooking than the other. One of us makes poison pies. The other makes delicious chicken things. And by the way, that was my plate. What am I, a linebacker? I have pretty much half of that to eat for lunch today. In … Continue reading Bless her watermelon
In all my 92 years, I don't think I've ever met a person who was so adorably grateful for a simple (!) birthday celebration as ...friend was. He was so delighted! And I THOUGHT I had veeeedeotaped his big arrival, which would have meant you'd have had to watch us making out, but in fact … Continue reading In which June did not kill …friend with her cooking, and also potato talk
It's ...friend's birthday, so I got no time to talk to you, girl. Ima make the apple pie he requested. A few of you said, "Why don't you videotape (veeedeotape) (my poor grandmother. You screw up ONE WORD...) yourself making pie," because this is like a wedding or graduation in that it is rare and … Continue reading …friend turns 89. Also, hi, hi, pie!–Update with a news flash: June can’t cook.
At 2:00 p.m. today, my marriage will be over. I mean, it's been over for some time, but, you know. Legally. I am sad that I failed. I didn't do so badly, though, marrying Marvin. I will always be glad I married him. Even though it's done, and I accept and even welcome that it's … Continue reading If I weighed more, I’d sing.
Guess who's sick of me. Is it ...friend's cat? Did she not sign on for this being-a-blog-star thing and really wishes I'd stick that iPhone in my nethers? The good news is I brought her fleas. She lives in an apartment, never even really sees the outdoors, and we over here at dogs-in-the-yard land are … Continue reading Tense, creepy and unsettling
Dudes, I wasn't even gonna blog at you today, but this happened and we need to discuss. Honest to GOD. With the afro already. Who am I, the white Angela Davis? It's exciting that I'm blogging at you from this angle, isn't it? Did I tell you how moving my computer resulted in me accidentally … Continue reading Junela Davis. Your bad-ass blogger.
First of all, I have half a migraine, so the part where I make 20 errors and am dull as dishwater today is not my fault. And let's talk about that anyway. I am a readist, not a typist. Sometimes I will make a typo even though I am a copy editor. OH CALL THE … Continue reading Altered June at her altar
You wanna know what's weird about Edsel? Well. I mean, we'd be here all day. But you wanna know one thing that's weird about Edsel? (And YES. I CALLED THE VET about his eyes. Waiting for call back.) One thing out of the 39494949 that is weird about Edsel is that although this dog does … Continue reading Green Bean. Also, Brooks bought me a mink. Did I mention Brooks? Mink? Brooks?
I have been very busy working on a new project. I created a folder on my desktop called, "Hi. I've slept with you." Then I went on Facebook and downloaded photos of my exes. Do you have any idea how many people I have dated who were in bands? In fact, most of them are … Continue reading Bloop de Bloo Bloo
"You have a whole week worth of blog posts in one night!" said Dick Whitman when I took leave of him last night, and he is right. It was quite the eveeeevening. And by the way, hey, Dick Whitman, you jerk. He only reads my blog when I post about him. Annoying. So last night, … Continue reading Mad Whitmen
You know, when I embed videos (veeeedeos) for you, I do my best to find the ridiculousest version of said veedeo. I just want you to know, I want that man in my house at all times, screeching, "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?" I want him in the bathroom when I am … Continue reading In the dark
Am taking a break from my hard-hitting morning of reading BOOK RIDICULOUS THREE of that stupid Fifty Slaps of Grey or whatever, and I guess hard-hitting was an appropriate term. Do you know who I'd like to spank? That author. As if reading THAT trilogy of fine literature weren't enough, yesterday I went to Barnes … Continue reading Q.E. + B.W. = TLA
I wish you all were here right now, which might get crowded and I haven't nearly enough dip, but I cannot BEGIN to tell you how idiotic the dogs are being and I wish you could just see it. There is an orange cat positively strolling--strolling! Like she's on the Champs-Elysees, taking her sweet time--across … Continue reading Only service animals permitted.
Yesterday I had dinner with Marvin because he is feeling blue. Yes, he IS overdressed, with that jacket, although it was a rainy day yesterday. But on top of everything else, he is sick, and let me tell you something about Marvin. He NEVER gets over a cold. He'll get a cold, then cough for … Continue reading “Food Just Right”
Thank you all for participating in yesterday's highly scientific and also deeply important survey, in which you selected teams for no apparent reason. Below are your results. Your highly scientific and deeply important results. Because I have spent all morning buying songs on iTunes, I have not culled my photos for flattering pictures of the … Continue reading Your Teams Revealed
Today is my last day working at that freelance job. wut we gone eat? And since 94956739 people in my real life asked me, I will tell you. The reason my last day is a Monday is because the other editor went on vacation and she'll be back tomorrow. I guess we can always hope … Continue reading Team Annoying
That title is only funny if you know When Harry Met Sally by heart. To which I say, why on earth don't you know that movie by heart? Yesterday I went to Hillsborough with ...friend, who I know I'm being super-not-obvious about, but just between you and me I kind of like him. I mean, … Continue reading Where had I left Sunday. They never make Sunday. Didn’t I already title a post with this? Where had I left my originality.
Last night, America's favorite couple got together to celebrate their forehead wrinkles. What the EFF? I pay $275 to get that thing out of here, although in all fairness, my dermatologist HAS rendered that portion of my head motionless, and warned me getting "the deep wrinkle" out would take some time. That's what she called … Continue reading Two fine people who hate each other
Today is the one-year anniversary of my first date with Dick Whitman. Even though we ended up being physically repulsed by each other, we are excellent friends. Tonight we celebrate our lack of spark at the same restaurant, and I am wearing the exact outfit I wore last year. Sent from my iPhone. Because it's … Continue reading My date with Dick