...friend/Ned · June's stupid life

July 4th by June on the 5th

So, that was disconcerting, right? We had a weekend, but it was one day, and now we're back (and by "back" I mean I'm in Marvin's cowboy robe eating leftover nachos) and then in two days it'll be the weekend. Wait, what?

Yes, I AM eating nachos at 10:25 a.m. Sue me. I'm a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. Can't you see from my robe? Oh, and by the way, Marvin, you left your robe here. A year and four months ago. …No, you can't. Possession being nine-tenths and all.

So, yesterday, on our 24-hour weekend, Dot Dot Dot friend and I had plans to walk around downtown, because there were going to be bands and booths with crap in it and stuff. Literally. Feces booths. "We're #2! We try harder!" "Come WASTE your time at our booth!"

What is wrong with me?

It was NINETY-NINE DEGREES out yesterday, is the thing. Hello, South.

And here's the other thing. When you get to …friend's house? He lives in this huge apartment dwelling. And you have to CALL him to come down and GET you to let you in the gate, and there's no, like, intercom or anything. Which is annoying. And I? Got all the way to …friend's effing house yesterday and realized I'd left my phone at home. So I had to drive ALL THE WAY BACK, and get my phone, which was unplugged, so I knew I'd gone IN here to the computer to retrieve it and then got distracted by Jude Law dancing naked up behind me or something.

Maybe I should have lead with that. Hello! Yesterday Jude Law was in my house, naked! No idea why! Grabbed my phone and headed to …friend's.

I'm just glad that all didn't go down in LA. Because that would have been a nightmare. I added 20 minutes to my arrival this way, but in LA I would have been just showing back up at his house.

Once I dragged …friend off his iPod–and who has created a monster? Who stares at his device like it holds the secrets to the universe? "This was my fear," said …friend. "Two people sitting here next to each other, not talking, looking at their stupid phones." Except his isn't a phone. But it does have his email and the Internet and apps and yeah. Once you get one of these, you can't stop looking.

No, I DON'T know why. Steve Jobs put something hypnotic in there.

Anyway, eventually we left, and did I tell you there's a bird's nest right outside his door up in these pipes? I don't mean there is a conglomeration of pipes that you smoke up above his door, which would be weird. Oh, and technically it's more above his NEIGHBOR'S door, and that couple are having a baby in November, so it's kind of cute and symbolic.

My POINT is, the baby robins hatched two days ago, and you see their little demanding heads when you go outside. …friend has been careful to not leave that way, so as to not disturb the nest, but yesterday we got binoculars so we could look more closely. Because who wanted to climb up on those corncob pipes and take a gander? A look-see? Can you imagine anything more horrifying if you were a baby bird than my giant hair peeking into your universe, Yoko-ing you?

As long as it's taking me to even start my day that I'm telling you about is how long it took us to finally leave …friend's building. And what a relief that we did, because cool outside? Refreshing?

"GOD, it's hot," I would say, as we strolled down that hot hot heaty hot pavement that reflected heat. "You think it is?" said …friend, as we tried not to faint.

It wasn't that crowded at the celebration/poop booths, and my theory is it was because IT WAS HOT. Did I mention that? We looked around a little, and finally came to the Greensboro Historical Museum. "Have you ever been in there?" asked …friend. "I haven't, although my stepfather has," I said. My stepfather is always doing those cerebral lofty things you wish you would really have the gumption to do, like sit around and read poetry or go to a historical museum when there is a perfectly good Ulta just miles away.

"I'll bet it's air conditioned in there," pointed out …friend. And that is how we ended up going to the historical museum and eschewed the poo booths.

And oh! It was so interesting in there! They had all kinds of exhibits about things we invented (Vick's Vapo Rub) (I KNOW! It's my favorite smell.) and people who lived here (O. Henry and also Dolly Madison, who I said, "Oh, did she live here?" about and who …friend then kept referring to as "Dolly Madison, who you never heard of." Dudes, I KNOW who Dolly Madison is. I watch the Peanuts specials. GOD.) and oooo! They had veedeo of different intersections back in the 30s and it was so cool! Every once in awhile you'd say, "Ooo! That building is still ON that street!"

North Carolina also had 380,000 slaves before the Civil War. Go, us! We had fewer than Alabama, though. That band loves them some slaves.

Eventually, …friend and I went to my neighbor Peg's house, as she was having another of her throwdowns.

I wish I had taken a picture of her huge–oh, what is it called? Theromostat? Is that the word I want? That thing that tells you the temperature. She had fans blowing on her deck, but the guest who helped her set them up said that it read 120 degrees when they were first out there. As the evening wore on, we kept announcing the dropping temps. "It just went to eighty-eight!" someone would shout, and we'd all say, "YAY!"

It's a sad day when you celebrate 88 degrees.

…friend had never met Peg or her cohorts before, but have I mentioned how nice he is? And outgoing? And also Southern? So he chatted up people and I didn't have to worry, oh, is …friend okay? Also, Peg's friend The Most Interesting Man Ever was there. He was not drinking Dos Equis.

This guy has been at other parties of Peg's. He has no bucket list, because he's done everything. He has been all over the world, he's rescued giant turtles from fishing nets, he's made friends with purple-and-gold crabs on a beach, he's been sniffed by coyotes while he was meditatinging in the desert. I mean, you could sit there and listen to this guy all day. His (gorgeous, of course) girlfriend is an old friend of Peg's.

Peg collects interesting people. I mean, have you met me?

Our big finish to the day was that …friend and I were gonna walk down to Proximity, which is a hotel near me where I have watched the fireworks pretty much every year. Marvin's parents used to get a room there and from their window you had a perfect view. One year, his parents and Marvin and I sat out at the pool and saw them. So my theory was, as long as we nabbed one of the outdoor tables or couches, we'd see the fireworks without all the riffraffy other fireworks watchers.

Here is a really really really good picture I took of …friend and me walking in the twilight, on our way to Proximity. "Oh, it came out blurry," I said.

"You? Took a blurry picture?"

I had two words for …friend at that moment, and they weren't "Let's dance."

We TOTALLY got the best couch outside that they had to offer at Proximity,

and here's a super really good picture of …friend at said hotel. You know, the iPhone people. They need to work on their camera's ability to take photos at night. Or I need a really teensy convenient good camera. Because my real camera is good but not portable. It'd be like making Tallulah one of those purse dogs.

My point is, my brilliant Proximity idea? Was great till we heard fireworks going off and could not see a ding-dang thing. "Oh, yeah, the fireworks," said the waitress. "They moved them. First time this year."

Why does no one tell me anything? So we HEARD them. Which is, you know, just as good.

Finally, we went to Steak n Shake to get, you know, shakes? Except it was King Kamehameha busy in there, and our waiter who looked like Prince was way overwhelmed. And 25 minutes later we had not even water, much less fattening shakes, which are a good idea at midnight.

"We should go up to the counter and complain. 'Yeah, we never got our shakes. Prince is our waiter.' They'd know exactly who we meant," said …friend. But we didn't. Instead we left. As did the table next to us who similarly were not getting bathed in the purple rain.

So that pretty much sums up my 4th, and I hope yours was just as stunning. Except for the heat part. I would not wish the heat on even Prince our negligent waiter. Did I tell you it was warm yesterday?

Independent June, out.

40 thoughts on “July 4th by June on the 5th

  1. I, too, immediately thought of Siren and her ladder when I read about …friend’s robin’s nest. June, that mama bird will think she’s found a new nesting place if she sees your thick head of hair.


  2. Linda in CO, who needs to read up on her American history so she knows about Dolly Madison, because isn't Dolly Madison an ice cream or something like that? says:

    A. Did anyone else think of Siren when June mentioned baby birds? Dang I miss that girl.
    Z. I stand by my assertion that June is taking unclear pictures of …friend so we are not blinded by his supercooliciousness.
    66. I think we set a record for number of days over 95 in a row yesterday, I think it was about 15. Blessed 80s for the five-day forecast – hip hip hurray!
    i. Thinking of you & sending happy thoughts to NJ, PamelaSS#2. Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” goes thru my head as your anthem.


  3. Sounds like a perfect day. Well, except for the fireworks not leaving a forwarding address.
    Did Prince have someone carry him over to your table?
    Baby robins! I watched a video recently of a nest in a hanging basket on a couple’s porch. They recorded the eggs hatching, mom feeding the babes and all of them eventually flying away. Poor mom looked a bit confused when she flew back to an empty nest.
    Peg is so cute and her friend does look like my man, Jeff. Oh, that hair.
    While you’ve all been dying with the heat, we’ve had the coldest June on record. It’s finally warming up. Going to be a blistering 75 tomorrow.


  4. I get confused by the Dolly Madison and Hostess brands. All I know is some Quik Trip or Kum-N-Go better have some white powdered donuts or chocolate covered ones when we are traveling through in the morning. Or even the cinnamon coffee cake ones are fine, generic even. Maybe Dolly Madison is the generic of Hostess. T’aint matter; I love all starch.


  5. Those red ones (strawberry?) were creepy looking. I may have gotten a sugar high on Dunkin Stix once or twice, though.


  6. I was going to say Dolly Madison is my favorite first lady, but that’s a lie. Weezy Jefferson is.


  7. The 4th was certainly full of interesting activities at your place. We made a point to stay inside, it was rather crowded at the party we attended late in the afternoon, but was just too hot to be outside. Right now it’s 110 on our porch, which is cooler than last Saturday at 119. I’m looking forward to fall. This heat is why we are walking at 6:00 AM.
    Those photos take the cake, if you can call them photos.
    Mary V hope you fell better soon.


  8. “Because my real camera is good but not portable. It’d be like making Tallulah one of those purse dogs.”
    This line cracked me the hell up.


  9. One one hand I’m heaping pity upon all of you shweatty Pie Peeps. On the other hand I’m thinking Welcome to Texas!! It’s like that ALL THE TIME here. Remember last summer when Lisa Pie and I were complaining every five minutes about the heat and no rain? yeah. It’s rough. Get thee to a mall or movie theater. For us, those are the coolest places in town.


  10. One one hand I’m heaping pity upon all of you shweatty Pie Peeps. On the other hand I’m thinking Welcome to Texas!! It’s like that ALL THE TIME here. Remember last summer when Lisa Pie and I were complaining every five minutes about the heat and no rain? yeah. It’s rough. Get thee to a mall or movie theater. For us, those are the coolest places in town.


  11. One one hand I’m heaping pity upon all of you shweatty Pie Peeps. On the other hand I’m thinking Welcome to Texas!! It’s like that ALL THE TIME here. Remember last summer when Lisa Pie and I were complaining every five minutes about the heat and no rain? yeah. It’s rough. Get thee to a mall or movie theater. For us, those are the coolest places in town.


  12. It was a wonderful 82 degrees here yesterday in Honolulu. There I sat, wearing my sweater, thinking about all of those HOT southern 4th of Julys. I laugh every time you refer to King Kamehameha! There are tons of things here named after him and they are always very packed due to the toooourists.


  13. Don’t get me started on living in a place as hot as the hammered hinges of Hell. Because it WORSE than that here. Gah.
    A one day weekend was too weird so Terra took off today and tomorrow for a little vacation at home. Tonight we’re going to our favorite Creole chef’s restaurant for a cooking class! Crab meat gumbo!
    I wish my fourth had been as jam packed as yours, June.


  14. It is a weird interlude in the week. One day weekend or something.
    Anyway! Lovely post! Peg is looking good and her guests are good looking so it all works out!
    And that robe? Looks way better on you anyway, I’m sure!


  15. Lisa Pie is right…so many references! My favorite Bon Jovi song, my husband’s favorite commercial character, baby birds, SLAVERY (!)(don’t get me started…July 4th a painful reminder for Black Americans), a Peg party, Prince, the HEAT!
    It was/is hell a hot here in central NJ, too. We had 2 families over for a cookout, but no one wanted to stay “out” very long! Thankfully, our food and company made up for being stuck inside…and our central AC was pumping!
    Stay cool, everyone…off to treatment #3! Feel better Mary V 😦


  16. You know Minnesota? Where it has snowed in May? It was 99 degrees here yesterday…and HUMID. It has been this hot for the past week. The picnic was moved indoors. Both at my house and at my parent’s country club. It was HOT. It it still is. I think the low overnight was 80 degrees. Your night sounded fun-filled! Sorry you missed the fireworks. I was picturing a romantic viewing for you two. Because, you know what? I think you like each other.


  17. What a relief to have escaped from the nightmare of HOT, HOT, HOT without electricity. What good friends you have, Dawn in DC.


  18. We are of the many, many, who have been without power in the DC area since last Friday night. Luckily, we have nice friends who own a beach house on the Chesapeake Bay. That’s where we’ve been. Thank gawd, because Holy Mercury Rising Batman, it is flippin hot on the east coast.
    Watching the DC fireworks on the HDTV was perfectly acceptable.


  19. I thought …friend was Wilson from the show Home Improvement.
    How cool do you have to keep the air conditioner at your house to be able to wear Marvin’s flannel robe?


  20. Oh, he was fascinating. …friend said I was flirting. I didn't mean to. Well. Okay. But you can't HELP yourself. He gots the charisma. But he's no …friend. Who I may or may not like quite a bit.


  21. Lovely post, June! Glad you are here today, as you are WANTED. Come WASTE your time. Bah! Peg’s Most Interesting guest looks a little like a fit’n’trim Jeff Bridges.


  22. Have you ever thought about using the Photoshop app on your iPhone to brighten up some of those darker pictures? I use it all the time and it only takes a minute to enhance a photo so we can at least see what …friend looks like. It won’t help the blurry photos but will with the darker ones. (PS: loving my Jergen’s suntan lotion…thanks for the tip!)


  23. Peg loves her a theme party, doesn’t she? Sounds like a fun-filled fourth with …friend.
    We avoided the outside activities and opted for a movie, which was fine except the person behind me kept kicking my seat. When I asked him to stop, he said he couldn’t help it because his legs were so big. What the what??? He’s the only person in the world who cannot control his legs at the movie theatre???
    We live outside the city limits so got to enjoy the fireworks displays put on by our neighbors up and down the country roads.


  24. You certainly know how to utilize every minute of a holiday. Too bad you had to wear that heavy coat. If only it had been a hot summer day. Did you ever find out where they moved the fireworks?
    Jan, I’m dying at your comment, “(Is that noise I keep hearing in the distance your dad crying?)”
    Mary V, sorry you are in pain. Hope you feel better soon since Hulkapaloosa is just around the corner.


  25. Was it the 4th yesterday? I barely knew as all I did was pop pain killers and take naps. I think that slap from June’s pancreas may have helped as I’m feeling a bit better today.


  26. Yes, it was hotty hot-hot over here, too. The neighborhood pool, which usually is of a temperature that enables me to cut glass with certain body parts, actually felt slightly warm.


  27. I DID tell …friend, “I have been to about 20 of Peg’s parties, and only one made me barf. So you’ve got a 19 out of 20 chance of surviving this party.”


  28. It was still 102 when we left the fireworks at 10:30 last night. ONE HUNDRED AND EFFING TWO. We had a breeze and shade, so it wasn’t too awful until the very minute you got up to move even an inch. Then you were covered in a fine sheen of sweat. We were delightful when we left.
    So, when are you offering those photography classes again? I keep meaning to ask you. Because sign me up! Those are some great photos. (Is that noise I keep hearing in the distance your dad crying?)


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