So, that was disconcerting, right? We had a weekend, but it was one day, and now we're back (and by "back" I mean I'm in Marvin's cowboy robe eating leftover nachos) and then in two days it'll be the weekend. Wait, what?
Yes, I AM eating nachos at 10:25 a.m. Sue me. I'm a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. Can't you see from my robe? Oh, and by the way, Marvin, you left your robe here. A year and four months ago. …No, you can't. Possession being nine-tenths and all.
So, yesterday, on our 24-hour weekend, Dot Dot Dot friend and I had plans to walk around downtown, because there were going to be bands and booths with crap in it and stuff. Literally. Feces booths. "We're #2! We try harder!" "Come WASTE your time at our booth!"
What is wrong with me?
It was NINETY-NINE DEGREES out yesterday, is the thing. Hello, South.
And here's the other thing. When you get to …friend's house? He lives in this huge apartment dwelling. And you have to CALL him to come down and GET you to let you in the gate, and there's no, like, intercom or anything. Which is annoying. And I? Got all the way to …friend's effing house yesterday and realized I'd left my phone at home. So I had to drive ALL THE WAY BACK, and get my phone, which was unplugged, so I knew I'd gone IN here to the computer to retrieve it and then got distracted by Jude Law dancing naked up behind me or something.
Maybe I should have lead with that. Hello! Yesterday Jude Law was in my house, naked! No idea why! Grabbed my phone and headed to …friend's.
I'm just glad that all didn't go down in LA. Because that would have been a nightmare. I added 20 minutes to my arrival this way, but in LA I would have been just showing back up at his house.
Once I dragged …friend off his iPod–and who has created a monster? Who stares at his device like it holds the secrets to the universe? "This was my fear," said …friend. "Two people sitting here next to each other, not talking, looking at their stupid phones." Except his isn't a phone. But it does have his email and the Internet and apps and yeah. Once you get one of these, you can't stop looking.
No, I DON'T know why. Steve Jobs put something hypnotic in there.
Anyway, eventually we left, and did I tell you there's a bird's nest right outside his door up in these pipes? I don't mean there is a conglomeration of pipes that you smoke up above his door, which would be weird. Oh, and technically it's more above his NEIGHBOR'S door, and that couple are having a baby in November, so it's kind of cute and symbolic.
My POINT is, the baby robins hatched two days ago, and you see their little demanding heads when you go outside. …friend has been careful to not leave that way, so as to not disturb the nest, but yesterday we got binoculars so we could look more closely. Because who wanted to climb up on those corncob pipes and take a gander? A look-see? Can you imagine anything more horrifying if you were a baby bird than my giant hair peeking into your universe, Yoko-ing you?
As long as it's taking me to even start my day that I'm telling you about is how long it took us to finally leave …friend's building. And what a relief that we did, because cool outside? Refreshing?
"GOD, it's hot," I would say, as we strolled down that hot hot heaty hot pavement that reflected heat. "You think it is?" said …friend, as we tried not to faint.
It wasn't that crowded at the celebration/poop booths, and my theory is it was because IT WAS HOT. Did I mention that? We looked around a little, and finally came to the Greensboro Historical Museum. "Have you ever been in there?" asked …friend. "I haven't, although my stepfather has," I said. My stepfather is always doing those cerebral lofty things you wish you would really have the gumption to do, like sit around and read poetry or go to a historical museum when there is a perfectly good Ulta just miles away.
"I'll bet it's air conditioned in there," pointed out …friend. And that is how we ended up going to the historical museum and eschewed the poo booths.
And oh! It was so interesting in there! They had all kinds of exhibits about things we invented (Vick's Vapo Rub) (I KNOW! It's my favorite smell.) and people who lived here (O. Henry and also Dolly Madison, who I said, "Oh, did she live here?" about and who …friend then kept referring to as "Dolly Madison, who you never heard of." Dudes, I KNOW who Dolly Madison is. I watch the Peanuts specials. GOD.) and oooo! They had veedeo of different intersections back in the 30s and it was so cool! Every once in awhile you'd say, "Ooo! That building is still ON that street!"
North Carolina also had 380,000 slaves before the Civil War. Go, us! We had fewer than Alabama, though. That band loves them some slaves.
Eventually, …friend and I went to my neighbor Peg's house, as she was having another of her throwdowns.
I wish I had taken a picture of her huge–oh, what is it called? Theromostat? Is that the word I want? That thing that tells you the temperature. She had fans blowing on her deck, but the guest who helped her set them up said that it read 120 degrees when they were first out there. As the evening wore on, we kept announcing the dropping temps. "It just went to eighty-eight!" someone would shout, and we'd all say, "YAY!"
It's a sad day when you celebrate 88 degrees.
…friend had never met Peg or her cohorts before, but have I mentioned how nice he is? And outgoing? And also Southern? So he chatted up people and I didn't have to worry, oh, is …friend okay? Also, Peg's friend The Most Interesting Man Ever was there. He was not drinking Dos Equis.
This guy has been at other parties of Peg's. He has no bucket list, because he's done everything. He has been all over the world, he's rescued giant turtles from fishing nets, he's made friends with purple-and-gold crabs on a beach, he's been sniffed by coyotes while he was meditatinging in the desert. I mean, you could sit there and listen to this guy all day. His (gorgeous, of course) girlfriend is an old friend of Peg's.
Peg collects interesting people. I mean, have you met me?
Our big finish to the day was that …friend and I were gonna walk down to Proximity, which is a hotel near me where I have watched the fireworks pretty much every year. Marvin's parents used to get a room there and from their window you had a perfect view. One year, his parents and Marvin and I sat out at the pool and saw them. So my theory was, as long as we nabbed one of the outdoor tables or couches, we'd see the fireworks without all the riffraffy other fireworks watchers.
"You? Took a blurry picture?"
I had two words for …friend at that moment, and they weren't "Let's dance."
We TOTALLY got the best couch outside that they had to offer at Proximity,
and here's a super really good picture of …friend at said hotel. You know, the iPhone people. They need to work on their camera's ability to take photos at night. Or I need a really teensy convenient good camera. Because my real camera is good but not portable. It'd be like making Tallulah one of those purse dogs.
My point is, my brilliant Proximity idea? Was great till we heard fireworks going off and could not see a ding-dang thing. "Oh, yeah, the fireworks," said the waitress. "They moved them. First time this year."
Why does no one tell me anything? So we HEARD them. Which is, you know, just as good.
Finally, we went to Steak n Shake to get, you know, shakes? Except it was King Kamehameha busy in there, and our waiter who looked like Prince was way overwhelmed. And 25 minutes later we had not even water, much less fattening shakes, which are a good idea at midnight.
"We should go up to the counter and complain. 'Yeah, we never got our shakes. Prince is our waiter.' They'd know exactly who we meant," said …friend. But we didn't. Instead we left. As did the table next to us who similarly were not getting bathed in the purple rain.
So that pretty much sums up my 4th, and I hope yours was just as stunning. Except for the heat part. I would not wish the heat on even Prince our negligent waiter. Did I tell you it was warm yesterday?
Independent June, out.