TinaDoris Got Married (aka Straight men? Just go look at manlysports.com today or something)

Dudes, I have to scream through this post because …friend and I are on our way to Asheville, which is up in the mountains and, one hopes, cooler than it is here, as it is 10 in the morning and already 950 degrees.

100_1451Here I am in the hotel bathroom; I wanted you to see my ensemble. The only downside was as soon as I got in …friend's car I saw a spot right on my breastical area. "What's that?" I screeched. "Are you lactating?" asked …friend, who adores his own self and asked the minister if he could perform a ceremony of …friend with …friend while he was up.

100_1439See? Down near the bottom. See? "I wouldn't have seen it unless you pointed it out," said the other guests, the waitress, the minister, the groom's mom during the ceremony. "Everything is really nice," said …friend, admiring the decor. "Yeah, particularly my giant stain."

I started wondering if TinaDoris was gonna promise to love and honor my stain during her vows. Maybe they'd whip out unity packets of Shout.

100_1444It was around this time that …friend started to drink.

100_1448Everything really was pretty, even my stain. They had kind of a traveling theme, and the card to tell you your table was an old luggage ticket, which I would show you but they had our real names on them. We were assigned to the Dublin table, which was appropriate given that …friend was hitting the booze. Also, there are a lot of stained dresses in Dublin.

100_1454Oh, look. You can kind of blurrily see the luggage thing in the cake pop photo. We all got cake pops, which …friend had never heard of, and I switched my cake pop with some other hapless soul so that my pop matched my dress. Sadly, they didn't have any stain-colored cake pops.

100_1455Hi. I'm June. Won't you enjoy my lactation and forehead wrinkle?

100_1442Pretty centerpieces. On some of the other tables were just tall glasses of greens. Hi, straight men! Are y'all riveted? Want me to go back to my stain?

100_1463I photographed the food because my Pal from MA always is interested in the food. Here is what looks like mayonnaise-covered salad. It was a creamy herb.

100_1464I know I'm being ludicrous, but this was the best blurry bread ever. Warm, crunchy, oh Lord have mercy.

100_1466Months ago, when we got invited to this shindig, we had to choose our food. …friend totally remembered that he got salmon (the first person to think he's a vegetarian gets slapped with my stain) and I had NO CLUE what I'd ordered. I was so hoping I'd ordered the short ribs but figured I didn't in order to be healthy.

100_1467Then the waitress came and said, "I have an extra blurry short rib. You were supposed to get salmon." So I took it and really hoped I'd drop gravy on my other breasticle so I'd have matching stains.

100_1443"Why you drink so much, Mr. Bailey? Go home, it's Christmas."

100_1446The cake was stunning. I like this imploding thing it has going. So cool! I worried it'd be some dumb flavor, like lavender. "What does lavender cake taste like?" said …friend, who apparently never gets out anywhere. He was also flummoxed by the tinking of the glasses to make the bride and groom kiss. I mean, really? Really? What weddings is he going to? Anyway, "Zest" is what I told him. Lavender cake. Taste like Zest.

100_1474But yay! It was blurry orange cake! Oh it was GOOD, you guys. Good.

100_1465
I was obsessed with people going up to the couple during dinner. YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. You're supposed to leave them alone so they can actually eat. Every time someone would approach them I got irked.

…friend got another drink.

100_1481

You don't always see brides enjoying their own wedding, and I am so glad TinaDoris seemed to enjoy hers. She cried during her vows and her new husband got a handkerchief out for her. Then all of us effing cried. I mean, everyone was already crying over my stain, so.
100_1483It's a shame TinaDoris could not get wasp-waisted for her wedding. Why do I like her?

Anyway, 'twas a good wedding. …friend got home and ate his cake pop and has decided to approve of them. I scrubbed at my stain.

I must run. Forgive all typos/spacing issues. I am in such a hurry I didn't really get to tell you how my dress was stained.

87 thoughts on “TinaDoris Got Married (aka Straight men? Just go look at manlysports.com today or something)

  1. PJ, stary usung Secret Clinical TONIGHT! It works pretty well and it helps to build up over a few nights.
    What a pretty bride and wedding!
    …friend has an old-fashioned southern gentleman look about him. Very nice! You are a cute couple! ( said in a sqealing middle school voice!)

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  2. June, you and your stain crack me the heck up.
    I’m so glad you had a good time!
    But I really wanna know how you stained your dress.

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  3. We in Pieland are so glad you are still here to wish you Happy Birthday! Think of how much quieter a day it would be if we couldn’t all shout at you on your blog. Enjoy.

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  4. TinaDoris has some seriously understated, elegant taste. Beautiful, just beautiful. I wish them well. Bet their home will be beautifully and elegantly appointed, as well!
    I thought a stain-on-the-nipple problem only happened to me. In the late 80’s and 90’s I had more than one breastfeeding slip. The stain is probably from one of your hair products. Dry cleaner should be able to get it right out. Don’t try yourself – I always get scolded when I finally take said item to the cleaners. Makes their job harder, evidently.
    And lastly, the dress looks great! Congrats on your weight loss. That is h-a-r-d work. Men have no idea. Ugh. Mr. Garden Girl can lose three pounds in a week. The least God could have done is give we women that ability, since we carry and birth the children and all….oh wait, I’m ranting again.
    Hope you had fun in Ashville, June.

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  5. Happy birthday to yoouuu
    Happy birthday to yoooouuuu
    Happy birthday dear Jooo-ooon
    Happy birthday to you.
    Have many moooorrreee.

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  6. Happy Birthday, June! May this your 47th year be your best one yet.

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  7. Happy Birthday, June!
    Enjoy your special day! Peace & Blessings for your New Year…it’s going to be a good one!

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  8. June, your dress is gorgeous. I am thinking about getting one, without a stain, for the wedding I am attending in September. I’m the mother of the bride and the nana of the maid of honor.
    After reading all the motion sickness advice, maybe I’ll do acupuncture to help deal with the ex and all of his family. I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything legal I could take to help me get through that.

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  9. Sounds like a wonderful evening. Too bad about the stain, that would have driven me crazy if I were you. You don’t seem to let it bother you at all.

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  10. I just got home from a week in Asheville and it was SO NICE! The only downside? It rained every day! Make sure to eat at Tupelo Honey! YUMMO!

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  11. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    fab hair, not Fab hair. I mean it’s not like it looks like you washed it in Fab or anything. Remember Fab?

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  12. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    fab hair, not Fab hair. I mean it’s not like it looks like you washed it in Fab or anything. Remember Fab?

    Like

  13. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    fab hair, not Fab hair. I mean it’s not like it looks like you washed it in Fab or anything. Remember Fab?

    Like

  14. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Thanks! I didn’t even know the non-drowsy stuff existed. I’ll give it a try tomorrow.
    By the way, Fab hair, June. Nice look on you.

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  15. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Thanks! I didn’t even know the non-drowsy stuff existed. I’ll give it a try tomorrow.
    By the way, Fab hair, June. Nice look on you.

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  16. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Thanks! I didn’t even know the non-drowsy stuff existed. I’ll give it a try tomorrow.
    By the way, Fab hair, June. Nice look on you.

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  17. OH, just spotted the stain on the breasticle part of the dress. It’s tiny. The stain, not the breasticle. You said there’s a story about the stain. I imagine it has something to do with the pets. Although if it had something to do with randy (as Letha says) Dots, then all the better.
    Finally a full frontal, facially speaking, of The Dots. Cutie, is what he is.
    A customer of ours has a cake pop business and brought over eight different flavors last year. I felt like a gluttonous medieval king taste testing, OKAY eating each one within one night. Yes, I do start a metabolic training boot camp tomorrow morning because of weight gain, is that shocking?

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  18. Loved the cake; it’s beautiful. Tina Doris is tiny and beautiful–why do you like her?–everything a bride should be. What a fun theme and even blurry the food looked good.
    SO the question is: Does Tina Doris need to have a do-over for the wedding and reception because your stain ruined it for her and all the guests?

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  19. Unity packets of Shout! Great pictures! The dress is lovely on you. And the travel theme is clever, the wedding planner could have been Martin Short.
    What with the romantic wedding, good food, wine, and such a hot date, …friend was undoubtedly randy last night.
    Congrats to Tiny Adorable and the Mr. And I agree that the cake is so like her beautiful dress.
    Lovely post for someone in a rush. Happy Asheville!

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  20. PJ – no one in the world gets motion sick like I do. It’s terrible. I know about drugs, wrist bands and the like. Fortunately Dramamine does not make me drowsy unless I am already sleepy. For you, I suggest the Non Drowsy Dramamine. It’s a different formula altogether, but works for my daughter and me as well as the reg. version. Bonus – it’s a 12 hour time efficacy so once during the day should be enough for you and it is not ridiculously bitter. It has no taste at all. Here’s my other tip – whatever you decide to try, try it several days in advance. Don’t wait until the big day.
    Good luck, girl. I’ve been on a similar rehearsal dinner cruise years ago in Chicago. I survived just fine, but I didn’t eat or drink anything and I stayed out on the deck as much as possible. Fresh air is the key.

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  21. Hi Linda in CO (did you know that I’m hiding a “Laurie” behind the “L.in CA”?, as there once was too many Lori’s, Lorrie’s, Laurie’s, Laura’s, can I now come out of the closet since the crowd has seemed to go away?). Yes, these photos are so crystal clear that I almost feel that I was there. June has a knack for illustrating the moment via snapshot.

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  22. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    ML, PLP, Great recommendations. I’ve had good luck with candied ginger on airline flights.
    If I did it right I could upchuck over the railing and work it into a dance step like Elaine’s. They just think I was a bad dancer. Ha!
    June’s blog about TD’s wedding and I have managed at least 7 references to myself. Back to the important topic of how June had a stain on her dress at TinaAdorable’s wedding.

    Like

  23. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    ML, PLP, Great recommendations. I’ve had good luck with candied ginger on airline flights.
    If I did it right I could upchuck over the railing and work it into a dance step like Elaine’s. They just think I was a bad dancer. Ha!
    June’s blog about TD’s wedding and I have managed at least 7 references to myself. Back to the important topic of how June had a stain on her dress at TinaAdorable’s wedding.

    Like

  24. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    ML, PLP, Great recommendations. I’ve had good luck with candied ginger on airline flights.
    If I did it right I could upchuck over the railing and work it into a dance step like Elaine’s. They just think I was a bad dancer. Ha!
    June’s blog about TD’s wedding and I have managed at least 7 references to myself. Back to the important topic of how June had a stain on her dress at TinaAdorable’s wedding.

    Like

  25. PJ,
    I am a motion-sick kind of person too. We took a cruise in August 2010 and everyone told me, “Oh the boat is soooo big, you’ll NEVER feel it”.
    LIES! All lies!
    I tried the drugs. I tried the wrist bands. I tried everything that was offered to me. Nothing helped.
    Then I went upstairs to the spa and found Garrett the accupuncturist. He was a life saver. I have told everyone I have come across since then “If you are going on a cruise, hie thee hither to yon accupuncturist FIRST”.
    You don’t want to be a drugged-out zombie on the cruise. Nor do you want to be upchucking the meal over the railing in the photos. Go find yourself a good needle guy and enjoy yourself.

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  26. L in CA, June has been known to show a blurry pic of …, but these are the first beautifully clear ones that I can remember. Nice.
    TinaDoris and Mr. TD look very happy. Lovely wedding, lovely cake, lovely food, lovely pictures.

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  27. PJ- I did some Google investigating for you.
    SweatBlock- seems to have rave reviews.
    Sea Bands-terry cloth covered wristbands with an acupressure weight inside-you could cover them with bracelets so they wouldn’t show. They’ve worked for a number of friends.
    Also, ginger capsules help.
    Good luck!

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  28. PJ, you could write a book on How to Travel to Incredible Places and Miss Everything. You missed Vancouver Island AND the Northern Lights? I would be crying me a river over that.

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  29. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Dramamine is a great solution! Then I could sleep through the entire cruise. Missed Vancouver Island once because I took Dramamine before I got on the ferry. Woke up 6 hours later.

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  30. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Dramamine is a great solution! Then I could sleep through the entire cruise. Missed Vancouver Island once because I took Dramamine before I got on the ferry. Woke up 6 hours later.

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  31. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    Dramamine is a great solution! Then I could sleep through the entire cruise. Missed Vancouver Island once because I took Dramamine before I got on the ferry. Woke up 6 hours later.

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  32. Nice photos..you did well on this photo assignment.
    …friend??? is so hot..as you are too. But I don’t remember seeing him displayed on this blog before..you’ve been giving glimpses of views in chunks..body part by body part. Wow. He looks like a British ambassador or movie star James Bond type. June, I believe you have topped your fantasy British furniture shop owner crush. …friend is 007, London Edition with a Carolina twang.
    (of course I only can IMAGINE his twang, never meeting him. Can you record his twang for us???).

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  33. One word. Dramamine. Will that help prevent the nausea?
    Wishing you a successful stepmother-of-the-groom rehearsal and wedding experience. Here’s hoping the 3-hour cruise doesn’t turn into a Gilligan’s Island episode.

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  34. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    TinaAdorable’s dress is delightful and the picture is sweet, but really, the ass light cannot be ignored.

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  35. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    TinaAdorable’s dress is delightful and the picture is sweet, but really, the ass light cannot be ignored.

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  36. PJ is not one of the cry-a-river wedding people. More like, get back to me in a couple years and tell me how this is workin' out for ya says:

    TinaAdorable’s dress is delightful and the picture is sweet, but really, the ass light cannot be ignored.

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  37. That’s hilarious! She managed to be in the perfect position to hide her leg-
    1.) behind the other
    b.) on the edge of the mirror frame
    Her photo skillz are even more impressive now…wonder if she noticed?!

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  38. This coming weekend I will be making my step-son’s wedding all about whether or not I have an underarm sweat mark at the meet-the-family luncheon and then ENTIRELY, and I mean entirely, about whether or not I throw-up on the ding dang dreaded 3 hour dinner and dancing cruise after the rehearsal.

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  39. TinyDoris? Absolutely! What a beeea.u.ti.ful bride. Definitely a Say Yes to the Dress wedding gown. I love how the cake slice matched June’s dress.
    June, your dress was fabulous and a perfect choice. Your earrings and shoes look lovely, but what happened to the $7.00 necklace? Maybe for another day?
    Here you obsessed over a minuscule spot on your breastical when you could have had a light shining out of your ass!

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  40. Did you catch the bouquet? Then you’d be Mrs….friend.
    I love this wedding…all the perfect details. You are very beautiful in your dress….love the earrings.

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  41. You looked fabulous-stain or no stain-and TinyTinaDoris was a gorgeous bride! Love her dress. Mr.TD looks really sweet.
    I love weddings. Since they are few and far between, I have to settle for my Sunday morning fix of Say Yes To The Dress/Randy To the Rescue/ Four Weddings.
    Stay cool in Asheville!

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  42. TinaDoris should be known as TinyDoris from here forward. Her cake is so lovely! I adore how the frosting looks like the ruffles on her TinyDress.
    I didn’t notice the stain until you pointed it out.

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  43. Looks like a great wedding. The bride is beautiful. You look stunning and Dots looks so great all dressed up in his suit, blue shirt and fancy tie. He has good taste in clothes (and women).
    Did anyone notice that the silverware and surrounding items were in focus, but not the food. Cracked me up.
    Ashville is a great place. They have Shindig-on-the-Green every Saturday night between July 4th and Labor Day. It’s downtown in front of the fire station. There is lots of local talent (blue grass) and then dancing in the street. It is so much fun!

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  44. Both you and TinaDoris looked beautiful, and …friend looked dashing. Lovelovelove the cake. Have a fantastic time in Asheville!

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  45. Loved your dress and the bride’s dress as well. That cake is gorgeous. And the chick’s tattoo on her back is sweet.

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  46. I hope you weren’t so obsessed with that stain that it ruined your day. As I would be. Also too, I would be pointing it out to EVERYONE. The wedding looks lovely, and TinaDoris is beautiful. I love the style of the cake. I hope Dots doesn’t have a hangover today. Do enjoy your day in the cool mountain air. What stain? I would take the dress back, because I’m sure the stain was there when you bought it and you just didn’t notice.

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  47. Lactating! …..friend cracked me up! But I know how you feel, no matter how small a stain you feel like everyone is staring at it. Hope it came out.
    TinaDoris look beautiful. Gorgeous dress!

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  48. Looks like quite the shindig. You looked glorious, stain or no stain. And that little TinaDoris is adorable. What a beautiful bride! All around, it sounds like it was a wonderful wedding.
    Hope you kicked up your heels on the dance floor. That dress of yours was screaming for it, and the movement would have kept anyone from noticing your stain.

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  49. I’ve never tasted a “cake pop.” Do they crumble like cake or hold together like a Charms Blow Pop? The wedding looked like fun. What was the stain? Did I miss it? Did you purchase the dress with the stain on it, if so, take it back. I know, tacky to take it back, but if it made you lose your wedding focus, why not?

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