Friends · June's stupid life · My pets

Ned flosses. Video at 11:00. Or, hello. I’m Doggy Cash.

Some of you suggested yesterday in the comments that if I start putting videos on here of Ned flossing, you were so gone. Who was wildly tempted to do just that, because she is asshole of the week? Speaking of asshole of the week, Cancer Victim Edsel P. Underbite hosted a dog play afternoon at… Continue reading Ned flosses. Video at 11:00. Or, hello. I’m Doggy Cash.

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets

It’s a red-letter day, over here, as none of my pets have managed to fall over dead today! Wooo!

lillee wish to point out she not cawse any troubel this year. lille wish to point out she smug about dis. also she pretty. lillee soupeereer pet.She really is the only pet not causing me trouble this year and now I've cursed myself for saying that out loud. Edsel will have surgery on Tuesday to… Continue reading It’s a red-letter day, over here, as none of my pets have managed to fall over dead today! Wooo!

I hate everything · June's stupid life

In which June has the Midas touch, where everything she touches turns into a muffler. (copyright, my friend Jerry)

Yesterday morning I got a text from my boss, who used to be my real boss and now is my kind-of boss since I'm just freelancing. I don't know why I just said all that and I'm becoming one of those terrible storytellers. Maybe I'll start saying, "Wait, let me back up" somewhere in the… Continue reading In which June has the Midas touch, where everything she touches turns into a muffler. (copyright, my friend Jerry)

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets

Kicky Johnson

It's 8:30 in the morning, it's kind of cold in here, and Tallulah is sitting next to me, annoyed, that I'm blogging and not participating in feed-Tallulah time. Photographic evidence. The evidence is clear. Sort of. So that about sums up this morning, except that as I was typing this I got an email from… Continue reading Kicky Johnson

Hulk's sex life · June's stupid life

Haven’t they published letters between famous smart people? Like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir? Why do I feel like Hulk and I will never be published, with our brilliant texts?

HULK: Listening to the radio and the DJ says, "This is the last song of the summer." Then he played Two Tickets to Paradise. Thinking of you! Hulk. JUNE: When we get married, and what a great day that will be, that can be our first dance. It'll set the tone for how pretty that… Continue reading Haven’t they published letters between famous smart people? Like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir? Why do I feel like Hulk and I will never be published, with our brilliant texts?

...friend/Ned · Health · June's stupid life

I said, “Otto..”

Tallulah and I are like Elliott and E.T. She has hurt her foot. Okay, and really? You're going to say, "How're you two like Elliott and E.T.?" Are you really gonna do that and be all young and not know? Because that is the last straw. At my old workplace, where I am freelancing, there… Continue reading I said, “Otto..”

Friends · June's stupid life · Tracy Quartermaine

Cats love it

My friend Steve (who is not to be confused with Faithful Reader CVSteve nor my old boyfriend Steve who I saw this summer, but ANOTHER friend Steve who we decided in the comments should ID himself as Huge Member Steve) sent me this image yesterday. Last night I was trying to sleep, and kept thinking… Continue reading Cats love it

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Everything should be a home fry

Tallulah so enjoyed writing that advice column that she told me she is thinking of volunteering at a crisis hotline. tell lu your woah I mentioned to her that a few more people asked her questions after I'd gone into comments and said, "Talu is composing now. No more questions" and she said, more problem?… Continue reading Everything should be a home fry

June's stupid life

Talu giff you the advices. You welcomes. (Another guest post by Tallulah Gardens. Which begs the Q, where the hell is June? Is she Howard Stern, taking eleventy days off every week?)

wate. whuts? lu say she do whut? lu vury bizzy person. not haf time to think about your stoopit problems. when lu say all this? Oh. Yesturday? Lu totlee drunk yesturday. shitz. Okay, heer your stupit advices. Lu, how do I calm the chaos in my life? And what kind of dog food would Radley… Continue reading Talu giff you the advices. You welcomes. (Another guest post by Tallulah Gardens. Which begs the Q, where the hell is June? Is she Howard Stern, taking eleventy days off every week?)

Ask Lu · June's stupid life

cat poup delish. and other advice. (A Guest Post by Tallulah Gardens.)

lu not no if you aware that she the smart one of this operashun. first, lu gotta live with mom. she not so dum, but there some theengs she maybe culd fix in her lifes. you eber seee lu hair looking like petur framton? you do not. lu keep her hair tydee all time. even… Continue reading cat poup delish. and other advice. (A Guest Post by Tallulah Gardens.)

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

In which June hopes Ashley Wilkes does not secretly read her blog. Cause he’s totally got his period right now and he’s gonna get emo about this one.

Sorry I did not blop at you this weekend. I was Ned-ing. On Friday, we, um, crap. What the hell did we do Friday? OH! We went to a play. There's a theater right near Ned's house, because he lives downtown and he's near everything, including heroin dealers, no doubt, but we never go in… Continue reading In which June hopes Ashley Wilkes does not secretly read her blog. Cause he’s totally got his period right now and he’s gonna get emo about this one.

June's stupid life · Not Grace Kelly

Freshy prepared royal crown

Did you see they have pictures of poor Kate Middleton topless? Naturally I stampeded right over to them. Because I love her and I admire her, but if there's a chance I can see her beefeaters I am going to do so. I realize this makes me a terrible person. Surprise! Anyway she is very… Continue reading Freshy prepared royal crown

June's stupid life · Photo essays

One of my stupider posts. Read on! Aren’t you encouraged?

I am in something of a rush today, but fortunately not listening to Rush, so this post will be stupid, as opposed to all the times it is profound. I went out with Ned last night--we had salads. Oh, gee, I guess I should have warned you to sit down first, with the salad unusualness.… Continue reading One of my stupider posts. Read on! Aren’t you encouraged?

I hate everything · June's stupid life

In which everything is stupid

On my first day back at my old workplace, where I am now freelancing-- --and YES, people who know me in real life, I am working there every day. That is why I am not stampeding to answer your calls and emails and so on. Because I'm working. Now everyone has to adjust to my… Continue reading In which everything is stupid

June's stupid life · My pets

The Great Edsel Escape, featuring Michael McDonald

In general, Edsel is kind of a putz. Every person who walks by has to get barked at by him. He stands on the back of the couch and insists, "BARK! BARKBARKBARK! Wrrr--BARK!" Even at the poor drunk guy, who walks by 72 times a day because inexplicably he buys his drinks one at a… Continue reading The Great Edsel Escape, featuring Michael McDonald

Books · June's stupid life

Mince Words with June: The Thorn Birds. A book in which we’re all supposed to get excited about a priest named Ralph.

Like everybody else in tarnation, I read The Thorn Birds by Colleen What's-Her-Name (I can't find the damn book. Why the hell do I put my books on the shelf by color? What the SHIT is wrong with me? It's the only anal retentive thing I've ever done in my life and all it does… Continue reading Mince Words with June: The Thorn Birds. A book in which we’re all supposed to get excited about a priest named Ralph.

...friend/Ned · Friends · June's stupid life · Not Grace Kelly

In which the word pee-hole is used.

Before I forget, ridiculous book club is tonight! I mean, I already HAD forgotten and some organized person in the comments mentioned it and I was all, oh crap. Anyway, bring your deep thoughts on The Thorn Birds back here at 7:00 p.m. Eastern Time. Wear your ashes of roses finest. I would like to… Continue reading In which the word pee-hole is used.