Ned flosses. Video at 11:00. Or, hello. I’m Doggy Cash.

Some of you suggested yesterday in the comments that if I start putting videos on here of Ned flossing, you were so gone. Who was wildly tempted to do just that, because she is asshole of the week? Speaking of asshole of the week, Cancer Victim Edsel P. Underbite hosted a dog play afternoon at … Continue reading Ned flosses. Video at 11:00. Or, hello. I’m Doggy Cash.

It’s a red-letter day, over here, as none of my pets have managed to fall over dead today! Wooo!

lillee wish to point out she not cawse any troubel this year. lille wish to point out she smug about dis. also she pretty. lillee soupeereer pet.She really is the only pet not causing me trouble this year and now I've cursed myself for saying that out loud. Edsel will have surgery on Tuesday to … Continue reading It’s a red-letter day, over here, as none of my pets have managed to fall over dead today! Wooo!

In which June has the Midas touch, where everything she touches turns into a muffler. (copyright, my friend Jerry)

Yesterday morning I got a text from my boss, who used to be my real boss and now is my kind-of boss since I'm just freelancing. I don't know why I just said all that and I'm becoming one of those terrible storytellers. Maybe I'll start saying, "Wait, let me back up" somewhere in the … Continue reading In which June has the Midas touch, where everything she touches turns into a muffler. (copyright, my friend Jerry)

Haven’t they published letters between famous smart people? Like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir? Why do I feel like Hulk and I will never be published, with our brilliant texts?

HULK: Listening to the radio and the DJ says, "This is the last song of the summer." Then he played Two Tickets to Paradise. Thinking of you! Hulk. JUNE: When we get married, and what a great day that will be, that can be our first dance. It'll set the tone for how pretty that … Continue reading Haven’t they published letters between famous smart people? Like Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir? Why do I feel like Hulk and I will never be published, with our brilliant texts?

Talu giff you the advices. You welcomes. (Another guest post by Tallulah Gardens. Which begs the Q, where the hell is June? Is she Howard Stern, taking eleventy days off every week?)

wate. whuts? lu say she do whut? lu vury bizzy person. not haf time to think about your stoopit problems. when lu say all this? Oh. Yesturday? Lu totlee drunk yesturday. shitz. Okay, heer your stupit advices. Lu, how do I calm the chaos in my life? And what kind of dog food would Radley … Continue reading Talu giff you the advices. You welcomes. (Another guest post by Tallulah Gardens. Which begs the Q, where the hell is June? Is she Howard Stern, taking eleventy days off every week?)

cat poup delish. and other advice. (A Guest Post by Tallulah Gardens.)

lu not no if you aware that she the smart one of this operashun. first, lu gotta live with mom. she not so dum, but there some theengs she maybe culd fix in her lifes. you eber seee lu hair looking like petur framton? you do not. lu keep her hair tydee all time. even … Continue reading cat poup delish. and other advice. (A Guest Post by Tallulah Gardens.)

In which June hopes Ashley Wilkes does not secretly read her blog. Cause he’s totally got his period right now and he’s gonna get emo about this one.

Sorry I did not blop at you this weekend. I was Ned-ing. On Friday, we, um, crap. What the hell did we do Friday? OH! We went to a play. There's a theater right near Ned's house, because he lives downtown and he's near everything, including heroin dealers, no doubt, but we never go in … Continue reading In which June hopes Ashley Wilkes does not secretly read her blog. Cause he’s totally got his period right now and he’s gonna get emo about this one.

One of my stupider posts. Read on! Aren’t you encouraged?

I am in something of a rush today, but fortunately not listening to Rush, so this post will be stupid, as opposed to all the times it is profound. I went out with Ned last night--we had salads. Oh, gee, I guess I should have warned you to sit down first, with the salad unusualness. … Continue reading One of my stupider posts. Read on! Aren’t you encouraged?

The Great Edsel Escape, featuring Michael McDonald

In general, Edsel is kind of a putz. Every person who walks by has to get barked at by him. He stands on the back of the couch and insists, "BARK! BARKBARKBARK! Wrrr--BARK!" Even at the poor drunk guy, who walks by 72 times a day because inexplicably he buys his drinks one at a … Continue reading The Great Edsel Escape, featuring Michael McDonald

Mince Words with June: The Thorn Birds. A book in which we’re all supposed to get excited about a priest named Ralph.

Like everybody else in tarnation, I read The Thorn Birds by Colleen What's-Her-Name (I can't find the damn book. Why the hell do I put my books on the shelf by color? What the SHIT is wrong with me? It's the only anal retentive thing I've ever done in my life and all it does … Continue reading Mince Words with June: The Thorn Birds. A book in which we’re all supposed to get excited about a priest named Ralph.

In which the word pee-hole is used.

Before I forget, ridiculous book club is tonight! I mean, I already HAD forgotten and some organized person in the comments mentioned it and I was all, oh crap. Anyway, bring your deep thoughts on The Thorn Birds back here at 7:00 p.m. Eastern Time. Wear your ashes of roses finest. I would like to … Continue reading In which the word pee-hole is used.