I am berserk · June's stupid life

Three Dog Night

Yesterday started out normally enough. I got hit on. I know. When you look like this:

Photo on 10-6-12 at 7.08 PM #2you have to fight the men away. And that IS how I looked when I got hit on, except I had on my Bye Bye, Pie tshirt and no puppy yet.

I had washed my face, brushed my teeth, put my stupid hair up and headed to the Bog Garden to take Talu for a walk. Edsel couldn't go because of his incision and yes I DID feel like the world's worst dog mom. I felt a lot better about it when I brought home a puppy, though.

Okay, I will get to the point.

-ish.

IMG_2466We bogged, Talu and me, and she got her Gentle Leader in her eye, which she always does. On the way in, we'd seen an older man, and by "older" I mean older than me, which right there is a rarity. I eat a lot of Dannon yogurt. Anyway he looked educated and well-dressed and harmless and I had my tough leash-in-her-eye Pit, so I didn't worry.

Near the end of our stroll we crossed paths and he said, "This park is so wonderful." "Oh, did you just move to Greensboro?" I asked, doing my fake-polite thing. Turns out he'd moved here 30 years ago. He's a professor of the very thing Ned majored in in college (he's a professor of alcohol). My point is, we walked out together and he said, "I'd love to see you again. Can I take you to dinner sometime?"

Naturally as soon as he was gone, I stampeded to call Ned. "You should rest assured your girlfriend has still got it," I told Ned. He feigned interest in the story and we talked about getting together later if I wasn't out sleeping with any professors.

So right after that Lu and I popped in to PetSmart.

IMG_2471We were just getting one thing, so I left the windows down in my car so it wouldn't be a heat box for Lu when we returned. Is "heat box" a thing or did I just make it up? Anyway, we saw Anita, the woman who trained Lu during her puppy school years (Lu majored in alcohol) and just had us a time.

When we got to the car I started putting Talu in the passenger seat, and I thought, "How did she ride in here before with this box on the seat?" Then I thought, wait. I didn't have any box on my seat. Then I looked around my car, worrying I'd opened the wrong car even though I used my key.

I major in quickness.

The box had kind of a polo shirt in it, the kind you'd wear to some job where they make you wear polo shirts. I lifted it trepidatiously.

Something black and moving was in there.

"THERE'S A LIVE ANIMAL IN MY CAR!" I screeched, seeing super extra sane. Two women, probably a mom and daughter, were nearby. "What is it?" they asked. "I'm too scared to look!" I said, backing away. I mean, what if it was a ferret or a snake or something dead? What if the mob was sending me a message as they are wont to do?

IMG_2472"It's a puppy!" the younger woman said, because she had the nerve to look.

Someone had covered her with the tshirt, and left her toy shark. She had on a pink collar with a bell, which is probably a cat collar. How humiliatin'.

IMG_2476We all trooped into PetSmart, and I got the staff to bring us water, which Talu drank. She is a delightful hostess. Soon a huge crowd had gathered and everyone was holding her.

IMG_2475Someone even brought her a bow, which I removed as quickly as possible. A bow. Good god.

In the meantime, I'd called beleaguered Ned, who was trying to work out and do laundry and have his regularly scheduled life. I had him take the puppy to my house while I drove Lu, because I just didn't want any fisticuffs between them while I was driving.

IMG_2479Ned and I got the back room ready, sweeping the floor and gathering towels for a little bed for her.

IMG_2481I brought everyone in one at a time to meet her. All Lilly cared about was that Ned was here. The dogs were pretty indifferent, too.

Iris is appalled. She gathered herself up and huffed out the room, with full intentions to write her congressman.

IMG_2490Mostly it seemed like she was too small to care about. They're all, oh, gee. Another pet. Whatever.

100_1963But, dudes, you know I can't keep her. I can't! I can't have three dogs. I mean, does anyone want Edsel? Because otherwise Ima have to find a home for her. I really do. She seems to be a Border Collie, and she has peed EVERY TIME I take her out. Not that she hasn't had mishaps indoors. But she already knows what outside is for. When Talu was a pup we'd go out–in the winter–and stand there for ages while I said, "GO POTTY! GO POTTY! GO POTTY! like an idiot, then eventually we'd go inside and she'd immediately poop on the floor.

thanks god we go inside so lu can poop in warm, she'd say.

100_1950eds not baybee anymor?

By the way, poor Edsel had to go back to the big cone because the soft one enabled him to lick his injury. And in all the excitement I forgot to say his pathology came back and it wasn't even cancer at all! It's a histo-something! She had been so convinced it was cancer, the vet was. But no! So that's good.

100_1930Anyway. Does anyone want a puppy? I will drive halfway and meet you. If you aren't a regular commenter, if you could provide a reference from your vet that would be great. Because I need to make sure she's going somewhere good.

100_1961Because believe it or not, I have gotten attached to her. I know. It's not like me.

100_1907
100_1939
100_1921
100_1918Perhaps I should name her Nature. She seems to abhor a vacuum.

100_1948Okay. So. That's the story.

Does it seem like this stuff only happens to me?

99 thoughts on “Three Dog Night

  1. oh… how cute! i wish i could take her… but we can’t take on a puppy right now. too bad cause i’m only in raleigh and have always wanted a border collie…

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  2. I know someone who will be going to Denver around Thanksgiving from So. IN.
    If The Zadge has her heart set on Edsel and June could be dear and let her have him……maybe we could work something out along those lines.

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  3. Jan, Have you looked at dog carts(like a doggy wheelchair)..they hold the back end off the ground and there are wheels so she can go like the wind.

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  4. I now have visions of men popping out of the Bog Gardens like in the Thriller video.
    I got hit on this summer on the bike trail by my house by some old dude. Creeped me out. Had he been younger and cuter, that would have been another story!

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  5. Thank goodness our June is safe with Ned. If anyone else meets a stranger asking for a date, Letha has an application they must first complete.

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  6. That has been in the back of my mind through all of this dog glitz. I don’t trust the menses popping up out of bog gardens. I wonder how many women he accidentally runs into at the beginning and again at the end of public gardens. The professor line is a good one, too.
    If anybody out there would like any advice just run it by Paranoid PJ. We’d all be celibate and single. But they wouldn’t be showing our pictures on Unsolved Mysteries or watching ourselves revolve through the Oprah reruns.

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  7. Late to the party, but had to send a “yay Edsel!” He needs a tshirt that says “I survived a near brush with death and all I got was a dang puppy!” Who is even cuter today (well yesterday) BTW.

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  8. Please get that puppy her first Parvo shot ASAP and do not let her out of the house except in the back yard to go potty. We do not want to read a sad (and expensive) Parvo story about this little one!

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  9. She looks a lot like Penny did when she was a pup. Shall we add border collie to my chihuahua-siberian husky-bloodhound mix?
    Let me know if no one claims her. I’m putting an offer on a house today. A house with a yard.

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  10. “June was hit on by a smart stranger!”
    How did we all forget about June’s hit? PUPPY!

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  11. Wonderful news about Edsel. Also, that puppy is so cute. Don’t name her whatever you do. Once you name a dog, it becomes yours. I wish I could take her but I have two dogs and two cats already. Actually I need a human boy to play with Shadow and Sheba and exercise them. I have arthritis and other health problems and I can’t keep up with them anymore, and this makes me feel so guilty.
    I’m sure you won’t have a problem placing the puppy with someone. She is adorable.

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  12. Sadly, Tee, yes I would love a puppy, but I already have FOUR dogs (one of whom I am taking to cancer treatments this morning), an elderly cat, three birds and twenty fish. I might be able to squeeze in some hamsters or a prairie dog, but no. No full size dogs for me right now.
    But I love a border collie. Love because of my Carmen who passed in May.

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  13. That is an effing cute puppy. If I left my windows open near a pet store, the same thing would happen to me. As it is, I still don’t know how a kitten got inside our cat fencing. Probably through the garage but really? The ten minutes I leave the garage open a mother cat hides a kitten in there? Luckily, I found a home for her because unlike your pets, our four cats were like, “You guyz go inside. We takes care o littel thing. We bites it and killz it til it dead.”

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  14. I THINK I JUST PICKED UP WHAT LETHA WAS LAYING DOWN. LAURA LINNEY IS ON THE SHOW THE BIG C OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
    SHOUTING IS GOOD ON SUNDAY EVENING!! I JUST GOT DONE LITERALLY SHOUTING AT STUD MUFFIN THAT HE NEEDS TO GET OVER HIS FREAKING TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD DISLIKE OF PEAS; I CAN’T HELP HIS PARENTS WERE TERRIBLE COOKS. IT IS ANNOYING. SIMILARLY TO THIS SHOUTING FONT.

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  15. I so agree. The way she was tucked in with the shirt and toy-someone loved her, really breaks my heart just a little. And I showed my hubby the pictures and Mr. Grouchy(as he is known when it comes to pets) said isn’t that just the cutest, and if I had a job we’d go get her! You could have knocked me over with a feather!

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  16. Oh geez Deb, I’m so embarrassed by my clearly superb reading comprehension, “We were just getting one thing, so I left the windows down…”!
    DUH!
    I can agree with you on the smart stranger bit, but since June+Ned is already in full swing I think we are all easily distracted by, OMG A PUPPY!!

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  17. ANITA, THEY WERE GOING TO DO THAT, BUT LAURA LINNEY SAID IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

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  18. ANITA, THEY WERE GOING TO DO THAT, BUT LAURA LINNEY SAID IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

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  19. ANITA, THEY WERE GOING TO DO THAT, BUT LAURA LINNEY SAID IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

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  20. ANITA, THEY WERE GOING TO DO THAT, BUT LAURA LINNEY SAID IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

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  21. Since I couldn’t convince anyone to take my cat foundling last spring, I doubt I can convince anyone they need a dog, HOWEVER, I will ask around. And dang! She is cute. The roly-polyness of her, and that little puppy mouth! Does she have that sweet puppy smell?

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  22. Yeah Edz! WTG dude!
    I too thought how could someone put a puppy in someone’s car. What if she jumped out and got hit – what if she chewed the car to shreds etc. But. With the little pink collar and toy shark – I think this girl was loved and for whatever reason they sat in that parking lot waiting for someone who looked like they would know what to do or would be able to give her a good home. I can only imagine (and hope) that this was a tough decision for them.
    And those pink pads just kill me dead!

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  23. THE ZADGE, I AM TAKING APPS FOR THE PUPPY, BUT WILL ACCEPT AN APP FOR EDS AS WELL. CALL THE BLUFF!

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  24. THE ZADGE, I AM TAKING APPS FOR THE PUPPY, BUT WILL ACCEPT AN APP FOR EDS AS WELL. CALL THE BLUFF!

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  25. THE ZADGE, I AM TAKING APPS FOR THE PUPPY, BUT WILL ACCEPT AN APP FOR EDS AS WELL. CALL THE BLUFF!

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  26. THE ZADGE, I AM TAKING APPS FOR THE PUPPY, BUT WILL ACCEPT AN APP FOR EDS AS WELL. CALL THE BLUFF!

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  27. totally forgot about dw being allergiv. because this blog is not about dw but about june.
    that still leaves ned.
    and didn’t dw’s mom’s daughter just bring a tear to your eye? sniff.
    ran into a car. eff. broncos lost. baked an apple pie. was all of that bloopedy bloopdy bloo?

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  28. I love snuggy wuggy boo boo bear. And I live on an acreage with 1.5 acres fenced in specifically for blind beagle doggie Mindy Peaches. But a tornado/straight line winds tore through our property two months ago and we are waiting to hear whether our house will be raised up in the air for five weeks while a new foundation is put in or whether we have to rebuild. Neither are condusive at all to current petses and definitely not to acclimating new petses. I do love Letha’s I Have Spoken mandate of the application process though. I think the right person will come along and SWBBB (Snuggy Wuggy Boo Boo Bear) will soon have the best home ever. Also, she will always be SWBBB to me. Cause that’s what she looks like.

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  29. Windows were open, box was deposited.
    And we have totally ignored a very special part of this post – June was hit on by a smart stranger! Always fun to be hit on especially when not wearing any make up. Funny, it never happens to me anymore. I think I have gone over the Rainbow Bridge of attractiveness.

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  30. How in the heck did she get in your car?!
    Love that Edsel is cancer free! Maybe new puppy, Bug (I think that’s her name since she was found in your Volkswagon “Bug”!), is Edsel’s “thank goodness you are all better” present.

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  31. You know this dog is yours. Call it fate, karma, etc…she came into your life for a reason. Listen
    to me….she is yours. Face it.

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  32. GREAT NEWS ABOUT EDSEL (ditto to DB in MD)!!!! AND thank you June for another fabulous day in the life of my favorite local celebrity!
    What an amazingly cute puppy!!! I have serious puppy envy but can still remember (not a) Lady’s puppyhood and am still exhausted….
    On a completely different note, I wanted to thank you June Gardens for inspiring me in several wonderful ways, sincerely! Since you came into our family’s awareness through my dear brother DW finding you through the magic of online dating, your Blog has shown me a delightful way to enjoy, experience, and reflect on life. THANK YOU!
    Your Blog has also stirred within me a deep desire to resume my own writing which stopped a long time ago because my life just got too busy with un-fun stuff that kinda spiraled out of control. Having this window into your world has inspired me to quit my job, start a Blog, and begin a new adventure in my heavily work addicted life. THANK YOU AGAIN!
    In case this writing thing doesn’t work out for me, I won’t be blaming you 😉 I do take complete responsibility for all of my own decisions, choices, and actions. Namaste’

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  33. Great news about Edsel!
    My first thought when I saw that cutie patootie puppy was she’s got to be at least part beagle. I’m sure she’ll find a home in no time.

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  34. Aww. Even if my husband would go for it, I think my cat would literally murder me. Plus I live in the midwest, so that’d be a long halfway drive. Great news about Eds!

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  35. I went to that blog, Becky. Scroll down to Wordless Wednesday and play the video. Talk about Type A and Type B personalities!! I’d be the black dog, sitting there exhausted just watching the other one race around like a loonie. Is that the “herding” thing you all talk about?
    Note: Not only does Sylvia live in Queens, where we lock our cars and never leave our windows open more than one inch, she has never had a dog, in case you couldn’t tell.

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  36. I’m thinking you might have a springer spaniel puppy there. You won’t know for sure until she gets a little older, but they are great dogs! Had one many years ago.

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  37. Okay, whoever left that puppy in your car must have known it was your car. That is just TOO coincidental! Adorable dog, hope you find a good place for it.. What about Chris and Lilly? Border collies need lots of space to run and things to herd..

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  38. Oh, she is so cute…did I say that already? I think so. I am so glad that there is no cancer for Edsel. Whew. Cross that off the worry list. I think Minnesota is farther away than Iowa, isn’t it? Isn’t it???

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  39. Doesn’t Ned lives in an apartment? Not a perfect location for a Border Collie and that white cat would be calling the President, forget her congressman.
    I still keep thinking about your friend, Dot, that lost her dog last week. Does she know you have a puppy?
    Yeah! Good news for the Edz.
    It’s been a l-o-n-g time since you had this many comments on the weekend. Nothing like a cute puppy to bring people out of the woodwork.

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  40. Holy Mother of God on a Unicycle! I am flippin’ in love with that puppy (Pippa or Peggy). If our 20 year-old cat should abruptly shuffle off this mortal coil this evening, I could be home with Pippa/Peggy by the time school let out tomorrow afternoon. And my Christmas shopping would be complete!

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  41. One of the other blogs I look at sometimes (though not regularly like yours) is by a young woman who owns and trains two gorgeous border collies. You may want to think about writing her– who knows, she may even live close by. http://saralovesdogs.blogspot.com/
    I will post a link to your blog on her blog, too.

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  42. June, I was going to remind everyone about DW’s allergies and that Ned is partial to cats, but I see that wasn’t necessary.

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  43. “Perhaps I should name her Nature. She seems to abhor a vacuum.” Dying!
    Fantabulous news about Edsel! How relieved you must be. Sorry the soft cone didn’t work, but at least his ears aren’t hidden.
    As cute as that sweet puppy is, I’m sure he will soon find a good home. Sounds like Megan is tempted. Megan, see if your doggie daycare will give you a special rate for two dogs. And, Letha, the application process is a great idea.

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  44. Good gravy. First off… thank goodness about Edz. Second off… you’re trying to kill me. Our Bailey is still here and it’s a long story I won’t bore anyone with, however, please everyone know whenever I can when she’s 1/2 walking, 1/2 dragging her dead back end behind her, I do yell out, “DEAD DOG WALKING!” My family doesn’t find my humor funny. Don’t they realize I’m trying to conceal my pain? Anyway~~~ Oh. I want that puppy. I do. Good grief. All the reasons I have listed to my children and husband about why we will not be getting another dog in the foreseeable future have gone firmly out the window (and they are all VALID, SOLID reasons) because of her puppy tummy.
    That said… I don’t think my husband would agree to me driving half way to NC to get her. I might make him look at her tummy when he gets home.

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  45. I haven’t even gotten the cat box smell out of my basement yet. Now you want me to deal with dog poop?? As if…

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  46. I wish you could keep her, but I see how you can’t. Hoping you find her a good home soon! Yay for Edsel, very relieved.

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  47. She’s so cute! I love her and would make you drive halfway to TX except we just got a new puppy (dog #3). I’m very happy for Eds good news!

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  48. And YAY about the Edsel lump being just a lump! Hope that wasn’t his brain they took out.

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  49. That pink part on her nose! That face! I love how Lu just takes her role as a puppy pillow in stride. Poor Eds looks like he is beyond miserable about the whole situation.
    I know no one in the South under the age of 89 and picturing that little pup herding elderly at the Senior Center probably isn’t the right venue for making her happy.

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  50. Good to hear edz doesn’t have the big c.
    Ima still voting for Ned or Whitman to take her.
    And yes, June, this stuff only happens to you. But it’s because the universe loves you.

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  51. I am so tempted, so tempted. My daughter is begging me. She just said, “Mom, we even have four dog food bowls!” Because that’s a reason to get a dog.
    But my husband would likely kill me and my neighbors have a border collie and wouldn’t you know that ding-dang dog knocks over my garbage can all the time with her fine sense of smell. And my ducks freely roam about the back yard during the day. I’m sure they would not appreciate being herded constantly. So, *sniff* I will have to say no.
    Having said that, if a dog in a box appeared on the front seat of my car, I would be forced to take her.
    (I’ll leave the cars outside for the next few days with the windows unrolled. You can find my house on Google maps. Turn right at the two reflector posts and bear to the left down the long driveway.) Or ask Hulk, he’s been to my house.

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  52. Gah. I hate that I’m highly allergic to dogs. That little thing is so cute!!!!! I wish I could take her but I’d be sick for the rest of my life. And my cat would hate my guts.

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  53. Happy about Edz and the fact that you don’t leave your car doors unlocked!
    Very nice of Ned to help instead of trying to “reason” with you.
    She is a sweetie, and she must be named “June.”

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  54. Yay! Good news for the Edz. And puppy will be in a new home by the end of the week, I’ll bet.
    Someone cared enough to dress her up and give her a toy and blankie before putting her in your car. I’ll bet they watched you get out of your car and saw a good person who would do what they couldn’t, for whatever reason.

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  55. Yay for Edsel! So glad our boy is okay.
    That puppy sure looks like she is holding her own at the zoo. Please keep her.

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  56. If anyone is interested in this puppy, please go to http://www.sohfga.com and click on Dog Application. Use June’s Puppy for the name of the desired dog. Fill out completely and submit, and I will forward to June for screening. The application will be a great tool for her in choosing the right home.
    I have spoken.

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  57. I told my husband about her, and he (jokingly?) reminded me that he’ll be down in Langley VA for a work thing this week. He says he’d just go get her after. Gah! Not sure we could afford another dog right now, as we currently take ours (1 dog) to doggie daycare everyday since we both work. That would be incredibly expensive for two dogs!

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  58. Oh, those little pink feetses! She is a cutie. But, alas, I live in California and already have three dogs. I’ve found that three is a good number. Add one more, and it really does make a difference. Not that I’d care.
    So happy about Eds’ good news!

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  59. If you’re willing to drive halfway to Saskatchewan, I’m willing to risk the wrath of the husband 😉
    She is adorable. I hope she finds a great home.
    Why not offer her to Hulk? Seems like a good match; low maintenance, she’s beautiful (!), obviously smart (!), loves long walks on the beach (no one likes medium walks on the beach, ever notice that?)….

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  60. Holy crap that sad picture of little her in the box kille me. And as the owner of twelve pets (12!!!) please stop take cute pics because I’d love to take her. I’ll even help you drive her somewhere if you need it.
    Damn she’s cute and I love the name Violet.

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  61. Iris is writing her congressman! BAH!
    She is even cuter today! My son, the one on a job hunt, really wants his own dog. And if he was settled someplace we’d go get her in a heartbeat! He actually is flying out for a job interview next week. To KS. And if Honeywell would call back he could be right near you in NC. But I know you need to find her a home soon. She won’t be hard to place I’m sure.

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  62. Oh! She’s adorable!
    I lefty he roof onmy car open and someone put an empty beer bottle in my seat. But you? You get left a PUPPY! Life is so not fair.

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  63. As tempted as I am to make you drive halfway to Spokane, I must decline. I have put my foot down recently in the Can I Have A Dog debate with my 18 year old son, and the foot landed on the No We Can’t side.
    But damn that puppy is cute!!!

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  64. Oh. Em. Gee! She is the cutest! We have a 9 month old Boston Terrier, they’d make magnificent playmates. We also have two cats…I fear that’d be a lot of pets! But oh so tempting as we live in Maryland and NC isn’t too far…

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