Faithful Readers · Hulk's sex life · I am berserk · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life · Marvin · My pets · Times I Amused My Own Self · Tracy Quartermaine

Goodnight, Gracie

It's the end of the year, and time for my annual here's-everything-that-happened-this-year veeedeo. I hope you like it. I only tormented everyone with it 7,2394,t95945,#(49403 times. "Do you like this version?" "How 'bout this one?" "Is this song good?" And by "everyone" I mean Ned. Happy new year, y'all! Thanks for spending 2012 with me.… Continue reading Goodnight, Gracie

...friend/Ned · Faithful Readers · Friends · June's stupid life

Bourbon Tango Foxtrot

For some reason, Ned and I were in a deep discussion about Evil Knievel today. He asked if I'd ever seen his SON, who apparently does the same asinine leap-over-big-things crap that Evil Knievel did. "So I was watching this show, and there's Stan Knievel or whatever..." Ned began. "Wait. His son didn't go for… Continue reading Bourbon Tango Foxtrot

Health · June's stupid life

Yes, my head still hurts. Thanks. In other news, full of hate and rage.

Would you like to know what did not go down smoothly? Mustaches on the dogs. That's what. I have to go. I gotta take down my Christmas decorations, go to work and fax something to the IRS (stupid Polish work. Don't do any work for Poland. I'm just telling you now), get groceries and then… Continue reading Yes, my head still hurts. Thanks. In other news, full of hate and rage.

Health · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

The post where we all become Mike Stivic.

For those of you who have fluffy cats, this morning Iris had The Problem under her tail. Y'all know what I mean. If you DON'T have a fluffy cat, consider yourself lucky. I had to chase her all over the place with scissors and Kleenex. Now she's huffily cleaning herself under the table. Cats. They… Continue reading The post where we all become Mike Stivic.

Hulk's sex life · June's stupid life · Tracy Quartermaine

In which June brings up whist. And Talu brings up everything else.

Wow. Is it ever busy at fake work. Hope I can get everything done. So far I've had coffee, I've done my makeup, took all that off and did kabuki makeup, took that all off and painted myself silver like C3Po, discussed plastic surgery with Debb who hates margaritas, looked at my checking account, painted… Continue reading In which June brings up whist. And Talu brings up everything else.

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

June Page

I just screamed home for lunch, so I will fill you in on as much "A Very Special Christmas: Bye Bye, Pie" as I can before I have to scream back. I just want you to know I am eating at my computer, sort of multitasking if you will, and Iris is standing with her… Continue reading June Page

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Your good deeds revealed

It's Christmas. Kill me now. Guess who is not in the Christmas spirit? Is it June? Nevertheless, I asked all y'all to go out and do good deeds as you saw fit, and here they are. As for mine, I passed a Salvation Army bucket in front of the store, and despite my grave need… Continue reading Your good deeds revealed

...friend/Ned · Friends · June's stupid life

I know not if it’s dark outside or lights

Yesterday was a busildy kind of a day and then I got a migraine, and yay! I got up with Dick Whitman yesterday so we could exchange gifts, and then he wanted to go to--are you ready?--the outdoor MALL to pick something up. Fortunately he was the only person in America to think of shopping… Continue reading I know not if it’s dark outside or lights

I am berserk · I hate everything · June's stupid life

Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Like I could really NOT put this song up today. Like every yahoo on God's going-out-of-business planet isn't putting this up on their blog or Facebook or your fancy modern Twitter. Are you still there? Did the world end yet? I've been spending my last morning looking for my goddamn slipper. Guess whose last morning… Continue reading Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Food and Drink · Health · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

The big reVEAL. Totally cracked self up with that one.

It's Wednesday night and I'm writing this now, because I have a screamingly busy day Thursday. Because I will be home not at all, really, I have to leave early tomorrow to take the dogs to daycare. In case anyone has NOT seen them at daycare on the webcam, look here. Let me know if… Continue reading The big reVEAL. Totally cracked self up with that one.

Film · June's stupid life

Warped, frustrated old June

I was GOING to say that today is my OTHER uncle's birthday--Uncle Bill, the NEXT guy Aunt Kathy married--but upon looking at my calendar, a thing I never do, I see his birthday is the day BEFORE Uncle Leo's, and hey, sorry I missed your b-day, Uncle Bill. Clearly Aunt Kathy has a type. She… Continue reading Warped, frustrated old June

Family · June's stupid life

Felix Crumpled Papers, Uncle Leo

Today is my Uncle Leo's birthday. For a man who's tried to kill me several times in this life, I still like him. My Uncle Leo started dating my Aunt Kathy in high school, when I was a baby, not that I went to high school as a baby. You know what I mean. Snot… Continue reading Felix Crumpled Papers, Uncle Leo

June's stupid life · Money · Not Grace Kelly

Gale and Dale

Did you enjoy the part where I posted at lunch? I got home and had 29494593959 new Christmas cards, but NO REASSURING LETTER from the mammogram place. Yes, they've told me everything's fine, but if they can't get a LETTER IN THE MAIL, how do I know they're reading my slides well? I called and… Continue reading Gale and Dale

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life

The first noel, the angels did strike

Before I start, I wanted to mention my mother's Beagle, Goldie, died today. She was the sweetest girl. She just WALKED UP to my mother and stepfather in the woods 10 years ago and she's been theirs ever since. At first she was the shyest doggie ever, and skittish, and you could barely pet her.… Continue reading The first noel, the angels did strike

June's stupid life

At Ned’s

Yesterday's events certainly put everything into perspective. Thanks, everyone, for writing yesterday. It helped to know everyone else isn't, "No, I feel great! All the time! JUNE. Nutbar June." Ned and I are on our way to Raleigh to celebrate Christmas with his family in Elmira. See what I did, there? I got all It's… Continue reading At Ned’s

I hate everything · June's stupid life

Am I the only one who feels like this?

Usually I feel like I'm just one bad day from completely plummeting into depression and feeling like everything is worthless in my life. Today happens to be the bad day where I plummeted. Does everyone feel like they're hanging by a thread? Or is that just me?

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · My pets

In which Aristotle Onassis is mentioned. As you do.

Is milk bad for dogs? I ask because Edsel just put his annoying front feet up here and drank my soy milk from my Cheerio bowl. Also, are turkey burgers bad for dogs? Because...my lunch yesterday while my back was turned. Hate. These dogs are trained. TRAINED! I once told Ned that I loved watching… Continue reading In which Aristotle Onassis is mentioned. As you do.