I just took my first dose of Prednisone and I'm sitting here waiting to bloat up like a tick. I expect I'll have big moon Jerry Lewis face by next week, right?

On Friday–

That reminds me of a story. Who is your most annoying friend? Is it old June, here? But it does. When Marvin and I lived in TinyTown, every Sunday his principal would call with this recorded message for him and for the students and parents and so on. Since pretty much everyone in the world has kids, I guess you are familiar with this.

Anyway, the principal was a wonderful woman, with advanced degrees, but she'd say, "On Tuesday, it's class picture day. And don't forget, on tomorrow, show your school spirit with…"

She'd always say that. "On tomorrow." I think it's a Southern thing.

Now you're wondering how you can show your school spirit, aren't you? I just FAILED to finish that thought. When I ran my marathon, they had a big party for all of us that evening. Stupidly, they had it at this place where you had to walk up all these steps to get there, and Marvin heartily enjoyed watching people go up sideways like crabs. I have no idea why I keep bringing up Marvin today. The point is, this guy had run the race, and he said, "Oh! It was so wonderful to get back to my hotel room after. I took the second-most relaxing shower of my life."

You guys. That was THIRTEEN YEARS AGO, and I am STILL haunted by that. Why didn't I ask him what the MOST refreshing shower was? Because WHAT COULD BE MORE refreshing than a shower after you've run 26.2 miles?

You know what I also enjoyed? I'd tell people "I'm training for a marathon" and they'd say, "How far you gonna run?"

Sigh.

I really wish I knew you all back then, cause that was some good blogging, there, the marathon training.

OH MY GOD, AS I WAS SAYING. On Friday, I schlepped over to Raleigh to see Ned, who is stuck all weekend at a class. The class was in a hotel, so I joined him there after the first day WHICH ENDED AT NINE P.M. Still incensed about how long they make him sit there. Incensed. Put me in a gold dome you bought at the drug store and light me. I am incensed.

Is the Prednisone making me chatty, you think?

OH, it was good to see Ned. You should have seen us. Total Ashley comes back from the war moment, and every single one of you is all, "Is she .EVER. going to get another example of a passionate homecoming? Ever? Are we stuck with Melanie and Ashley for the rest of TIME?"

Answer: Yes.

After we deloused his clothes and sang Dixie, we went out to eat and the moment we walked in, someone knew Ned. He was a bartender in Raleigh for 5595930303 years in college and after, so not only did he bang everyone female, he also got to know many drunk men. Who as far as I know he abstained from banging. But I just recently put the kibosh on "people we've banged" stories cause they were starting to bother me, and maybe we hadn't yet alighted on Ned's experimental years.

Do you do that with your person? Do you tell all your stories or do you leave 'em out? At first I wanted to know just everything about Ned, then I got attached. And now I'd like to think I was his first kiss. At 47. Which would not at all be sad.

Okay, if this is what I'm like on DOSE ONE, you're in for a rocky 12 days. Adrian.

So we had a good time, Ned and I did, and he even got a burrito instead of a salad, given that HIS LAST FOOD BREAK HAD BEEN AT NOON that day.

Incensed. Changing name to Nag Champa.

So everything was wonderful, and oh I adore me the Ned, till I woke up the next day.

Migraine.

Son of a BITCH. And I'll tell you what. This is not the first time he's done this: Ned has some kind of sixth sense about when things are wrong, because my head had not hurt for DAYS, but he was getting ready for his class and he said, "How's your head?" Maybe I had a big flashing red arrow pointing at my temple or something. It FEELS like that, I can assure you.

"Not good," I told him. The plan had been I'd get up and get out of there. I had to come here, get the dogs, clean the damn house for book club, make chili and get my roots done at 2:45, then come home and do my freelance work. Instead? I lay in that bed with ice in a towel until 1:00.

Ned would return to the room on his breaks and there I'd still be. You KNOW he was wondering when that ball of hair and ice was gonna be gone. MAID SERVICE!

I literally rolled out of bed, put on the clothes I'd worn the night before, and minced to Greensboro for my hair appointment. Nothing but death could keep me from covering these roots. Because did I mention my first batch of meds didn't work? And all I had on me was a DIFFERENT kind of migraine med, and they warn you you will DIE a million DEATHS if you combine prescriptions?

I mean, the incense would be snuffed.

So I get downtown to my appointment, and I'm parallel parking, holding up traffic and so on, and when I get a spot I get out of my car to make sure I'm in the lines of my spot. As soon as I open my car door, there is a CACOPHONY of noise.

"Thou art on the lines!" "Behold, maiden! You will get a ticket!" "Movest thou car!"

Up on the second floor of a building, on the balcony, were these IDOTS, dressed in RENAISSANCE garb, directing my parking.

See.

I hate the theater more than life itself, and the REASON I hate the theater is because I FUCKING HATE THEATER PEOPLE. Now, I go to plays and I even have FRIENDS who participate in the theater, but you know what? They are not the "BEHOLD, MAIDEN!" type.

Behold, maiden. Hold this.

Whenever I complain about how much I abhor dramatic theater people, Ned kind of smirks like there's something he WANTS to say but isn't GOING to say. I cannot imagine what.

They were still up there after my hair appointment. What I wouldn't have given for a power hose filled with lava.

So now I have to go do the cleaning I didn't get to yesterday. I already made the chili using one of the recipes you guys sent, so thank you for that. And I got Fritos like you told me to! I may have…sampled them to ensure they were good. Did you know Fritos have no MSG? I already knew that. Am caught up on safe junk food.

Okay, so maybe talk to you 57 more times today, as the JUNE! ON! PREDNISONE! seems to have turned on my box o'chatter. And Hulk makes a box joke in 3….2….1…

0 thoughts on “In which June burns up and hits the ‘roids. Chatty description to follow. HI, EVERYONE! I’M ON ‘ROIDS!!!

  1. Lisa TPO says:

    I bet he misses it. He’s probably bored out of his mind right now/every day.
    If you ever get married again (I know you’ll be busy blending families and altering beneficiaries on paperwork) keep it in mind?

    Like

  2. June Gardens says:

    Do you know why I don't do that so much? (And technically it's a blueboard.) Is cause there's no one to photograph me holding it. That was more a roping-Marvin activity.

    Like

  3. Randomly and out of the blue, Lisa says:

    I miss when June surveys us and presents the results on her white board.

    Like

  4. Sadie says:

    June must be wearing her FLASH costume!
    Dear June,
    Didn’t you mention a Make June Do It idea? Add me to the list of readers who want you clean their house or windows, but I’d prefer you to clean out our basement.
    Thanking you in advance,
    Sadie
    P.S. If you are already booked, could you share your prednisone with me?

    Like

  5. Kathy F. says:

    I see that the real June is breaking through…..Can’t wait until tomorrow!!

    Like

  6. Amanda says:

    One of my friends used it (the iPhone app) & lost 30+ pounds over 6 months. I used it briefly, but stopped when it yelled at me for my ‘dessert for dinner for the 4th time this week’ problem. I think it works really well to make you aware of what you eat though…

    Like

  7. Bobbi says:

    In reply to Dancer who feels sorta hermit-ish……..
    A few gals at my work started a book group and now quite a few more ladies have joined…we just threw the idea out there and have been meeting once a month ever since. Reading the book is suggested, but not mandatory. We meet at Panera Bread where they do not rush you out if you sit for an hour and a half (or longer). We eat, drink , and discuss the book until the person who picked it and moderates with questions tires of moderating, and then discuss our partners, children, neighbors, NO POLITICS OR RELIGION, and eventually go home. You could start a book group…I am encouraging you, because, I, too have been hermit-ish and am happier when I am out and about.

    Like

  8. Bobbi says:

    Deloused his clothes….dying !
    But continued dying through all the comments.
    June, could you please gather some enthusiasm for the pie peeps, today ? Geesh, you seem uncharacteristically soft spoken and reserved. What gives?

    Like

  9. Anita says:

    Thanks, ClgInAZ. I will give it some time and see how it goes. It’s also helping me see if I’m high in sodium or carbs one day to back off a bit the next. That lasagna soup had a ton of sodium in it!

    Like

  10. Tee says:

    AA/LT, thanks. How did I miss those comments?
    Does anyone remember the Roadrunner cartoon? I have visions of June running around like the Roadrunner.

    Like

  11. Dancer says:

    Are you kidding me? If I lived near June I’d be dragging her ass to my house to clean. Good grief she put a rug in the car people!
    On another note, I really need to know how to get into a book club. I’m sorta feeling hermit-ish. And it doesn’t feel good.

    Like

  12. Karla says:

    I told you that the euphoria was awesome! Also. loving the WILLIAM! SHATNER! TALK!

    Like

  13. ClgInAZ says:

    Anita. I use that app on my phone and its a great way to keep track. I’ve used several different apps and that is my favorite because its NOT a time suck. With the barcode scanner you can quickly add to your diary. It’s a great way to see what adding a piece of cheese or an extra slice of bacon will do to your total. Great app.

    Like

  14. Anita says:

    Wait, let me rephrase that!
    Hush it, Hulk.

    Like

  15. Anita says:

    You don’t have to do the exercise part. I like it so I can keep track of what exactly goes into my mouth.
    Zip it, Hulk.

    Like

  16. Amish Annie/Little Tart says:

    What’s excercise? The food part sounds okay about that website but the excercise part sounds suspect to those of us, meaning me, who hate to excercise.

    Like

  17. B S ...energy .....I could use some says:

    June today reminds me of the episodea of THE BIG BANG THEORY when Sheldon has on his FLASH costume.

    Like

  18. Hulk Well-played says:

    Well-played, Nithya…

    Like

  19. Amish Annie/Little Tart says:

    Tee, Anita called me a little tart last week because I suggested June may want to get the lazy girl’s battery operated tassels so she doesn’t pull a muscle. Anita suggested I just send June mine and then called me a little tart. That is one of the nicest things anybody has ever called me, so I’m adopting it for a while.

    Like

  20. Anita says:

    Slight diversion… has anyone ever used the MyFitnessPal.com site? It’s a food and exercise diary site. I just started and was wondering if it helped anyone or is it just another time suck?
    Back to June’s manic Sunday.

    Like

  21. PJ says:

    Actually oddgoodtrue.blogspot.com but either one will get you there.

    Like

  22. PJ says:

    Doggie people, take a look at Cupcake’s post today, Oddgoodtrue.com.
    I’m not being bad. Jooooon said I could tell you about it.

    Like

  23. B S ...energy .....I could use some says:

    Oh boy , look out. Hurry everyone, make a list of what you need June to do at your house. My house would take all of the days of prednisone she has this time.
    It may not be Ned but his soap or some other product he uses and he can change that or his salads, which he cannot change.
    Didn’t June lose something and thought it was in the attic a couple years ago….I bet she finds it.

    Like

  24. Nithya says:

    This is an amazing post. Hope the press keeps working for you, I’m enjoying manic June. It’s like finding that the volume actually goes up to 11.

    Like

  25. Geeze, Joooon. Take a Zumba class and call me in the morning.

    Like

  26. Deb who wants to remind you toothbrushes are for teeth not for grout says:

    Maybe the best shower that guy ever had was the one he took after his 2nd dose of ‘roids?
    And the banging stories? I told my husband most of my stories while we were still just friends and now they often come back to haunt me when he is in a bad mood. Or we are on the beach. Or in an elevator. Or just about anywhere. Yes. Good move to put the kabash on them now with Ned. Though WE all would like to hear the stories so feel free to share. My husband married young the first time, so his stories would put you to sleep even on drugs. So if you need to be “talked down” give him a shout and ask about his early years love life. It may, in fact, put you in a coma.

    Like

  27. Tee says:

    That should say, will the Prednisone allow you to speed READ like you are speed cleaning?
    If that’s the case, you should have that statistics book done in record time.

    Like

  28. Tee says:

    I’m assuming you no longer have a headache. Will the Prednisone allow you speed like you are speed cleaning?
    AA/P, did I miss something, why has your name changed?

    Like

  29. DW's Southern Mom concerned about her ROIDed sorta daughter. says:

    Someone, anyone who lives near our June – RUSH over and rescue her !!!!!
    Cool cloths to the forehead, slow calm conversation, gentle, slow walk around the yard. (not the block, she’ll start running)finally a sit down where it is calm.

    Like

  30. Does anyone else think June’s pharmacist mixed up Prednisone with Acid?
    Reminds me of an incident back in the day . . . .

    Like

  31. Texas Kari says:

    June, today might be a good day to work on the floor in the back room there. You’ve been wanting to do that!

    Like

  32. Hulk Helluva golfer though... says:

    My most annoying friend? Let’s call him Jimmy Three Chins.
    The guy would rip his own kidney out to give it to you if you needed it. Ten minutes later he would do or say something that would make you want to smash him in the face with a 2 x 4…

    Like

  33. Sadie says:

    Y’all are killing me. JOOOONNNN, come down off the roof. The gutters can be cleaned another day.

    Like

  34. Anita says:

    Don’t forget the piddle pads for the trip. Those pills make it hard to hold your pee.

    Like

  35. Laurie says:

    Buttttttttttttttttt, could we just stop by my house first and let her clean the windows?

    Like

  36. Laurie says:

    Okay, but let’s try and find a pink sparkly one. Maybe a can of new puppy spray to calm her down on the ride.

    Like

  37. June Gardens says:

    DUDE, I just lugged the dining room rug to the car to get it dry cleaned, and now going to the attic but BEFORE I DO, you should know I've eaten THE WORLD so far today and Ned just texted me that he had pistachio baklava and I got physically aroused. Also I took another Prednisone because they told me to. YOU WILL NOT CATCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  38. Laurie says:

    More chili?! Did the voracious appetite kick in and the first batch is gone already??

    Like

  39. Anita says:

    You might need one of those neck noose things that the animal catchers use.

    Like

  40. Should we start calling you, “Sigfreid and Roid?”
    My BIL always refers to theater people as “The Thespians.”
    All this shouting reminds me of Brick in “Anchorman:”
    LOUD NOISES!!!!!
    Ren Faires are THE best events for people watching. Better than Disneyland. Well, okay, it’s a tie.
    I think I need to use a few more quotation marks in this post.

    Like

  41. Laurie says:

    We can just set a new to her little kitty at the base of the stairs. She’ll zero in on the kitty as she dashes down the stairs and we can swoop in.

    Like

  42. Anita says:

    More chili?? I hope you bought some Fabreeze too.

    Like

  43. susan in tha d! says:

    YAY!!! Hope it stays that way for you!!!

    Like

  44. Amish Annie/Little Tart says:

    On the way Laurie. Needs to be a sneak attack, otherwise she’ll bolt. Do you have a ladder, seems we’ll need it to pull her out of the attic.

    Like

  45. susan in tha d! says:

    Thanks Laurie… yeah, I am extremely sensitive to it, so it could be me, but I was always prone to get ALL the effects (including osteopenia at age 32). But I’m done now, so YAY!

    Like

  46. Hulk But your back will get pimple-y says:

    The good news is I hear your balls will shrink, June…

    Like

  47. Laurie says:

    Well. Careful what you wish for, as a potential side effect of the roid is that your facial and arm hair can increase. You may end up being DA man!

    Like

  48. June Gardens says:

    DON’T YOU BRING ME DOWN……TODAYYYYYY!
    OOOOOO! WOAHHHHHHHHHHHH. DON’T YOU BRING ME DOWN TODAY.
    Just washed the vacuum’s filter! Did you know you’re supposed to do that?!!? Ima go straighten the attic.
    Also just texted Ned. “Do you like a sweaty woman, Ned?” Maybe he should experiment with men NOW if he hasn’t before. Maybe a few more doses and I will BE the man he experiments with.

    Like

  49. ruth says:

    I’m scared.

    Like

  50. June Gardens says:

    IN FACT I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE STORE!!! DECIDED TO MAKE ANOTHER BATCH! THEY WERE PLAYING YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BY CHRISTINA AGUI–AGUL–THAT BLONDE CHICK AND OH!!!!! WAS I SINGING ALONG! I DID ALL THE HAND GESTURES AND THE BACKGROUND WOAHS AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! IN EVERY SINGLE WAY!
    http://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM

    Like

  51. June Gardens says:

    I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, LAURIE! DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SHOUTING!

    Like

  52. June Gardens says:

    SO FAR NOT DEPRESSED AT ALL!!!!!!!!

    Like

  53. Texas Kari says:

    Your chili is going to be awesome, June. While you’ve got the extra energy, whip up a batch for me, too. Thanks.

    Like

  54. Sadie says:

    Don’t feel like the only one who thought that!

    Like

  55. Amanda says:

    I agree… As much as I love the Ren Fair, I can NOT stand the talking. I also will not go to a Shakespeare play for the same reason.
    I think I would have found something to throw at the people “critiquing” your parking, June. In my car, I almost always have half empty pop bottles that my husband has “forgotten” to throw away.
    I wish I had some extra energy today… The rain is making me wan to take a nap.

    Like

  56. JG says:

    I think I might need to go back to bed. I read “hit the ‘roids” and immediately thought you were suffering from hemorrhoids. Yikes.

    Like

  57. Natalie says:

    I just completely lost it at the point where the people in Renaissance garb were commenting on your parking. 😀 (It may have had something to do with the fact that I went a Renaissance festival recently and liked it…except for all the people talking like that!) I think I would have thrown something at them, or snarkily demanded that they come park my car for me.

    Like

  58. Laurie says:

    susan, Sorry that you have had to deal with those crappy side effects. Sounds like thus far June has been more fortunate. People react differently to Prednisone. Wouldn’t be uncommon for June to have extra energy. Also, a bonus might be that’ll also improve the pain from her plantar fasciitis.

    Like

  59. Just Paula says:

    June. Working the ‘roid rage since 2013.

    Like

  60. susan in tha d! says:

    Hate to tell you this, but as a long term (12 year) prednisone user, it actually makes you depressed/moody and heat-intolerant.
    Sorry, slap me with the liver now.

    Like

  61. Laurie says:

    Wonder if you’ll experience vividly strange dreams while on the roid. A presently 65 degrees and 75% humidity might have something to do with your glisten?

    Like

  62. Letha says:

    Looks like the 16% is UP today. Maybe we’ll have a dyslexic, steroidal 61%.

    Like

  63. Barbinmilwaukee says:

    chili not Chile

    Like

  64. Barbinmilwaukee says:

    After you serve your wonderful Chile I am making crock pot Taco Soup that is smelling quite delicious.I’ll send you the recipe! Feel better and after you finish cleaning, take a little nap with the kids.

    Like

  65. June Gardens says:

    Dude, that light removal will take FORTY MONTHS. Might as well leave 'em up at this point. Christmas is right around the lighted corner.
    Also, I'M UP! UP UP UP!!! Are you all up? Is it sweaty in here?

    Like

  66. Anita says:

    I may have to read that again. I feel like I missed something. Or you were just hopping, skipping and jumping all over the place. I think that was it.
    And go take a cold shower and cool your clammy self down. Is it as humid there a sit is here? We went for a walk last night and my hair got all poofy. I had June hair!

    Like

  67. Amish Annie/Little Tart says:

    I like Ned’s favorite sister-in-law already, she fits right in. Hey June, if things don’t work out with Ned, keep sister-in-law at least. Kind of like how Ned kept the ex-girlfriend’s cat.

    Like

  68. Ned's favorite sister-in-law says:

    I am the only, but feel confident that I would be the favorite if for no other reason than longevity! After 20 years or so, I grow on you!
    I wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of your mania to take down my lights. And yes, they are still up, thank you for just assuming that!
    Feel better.

    Like

  69. June Gardens says:

    Aw, thanks, Ned's favorite and possibly only sister-in-law. All those Christmas lights would've killed me had I gone to your house. Say, do you need help taking them down? Cause I! HAVE! ENERGY!!!

    Like

  70. Leeuna says:

    “ball of hair and ice” Killed me stone dead! You’re even funnier on the roids. (if that is possible)

    Like

  71. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Ned’s SIL has a point. Kids today don’t suffer. They medicate. They can hook a sister up.

    Like

  72. Ned's favorite sister-in-law says:

    Next time you are suffering in the vicinity, please consider letting us help you out. I know there wasn’t much we could do about the migraine, although we do have two kids in high school that could have found whatever drug you could need, but I know how to make chili that doesn’t suck and would have at least as much animal hair in it as yours would have. 😉

    Like

  73. Hulk NOW I am impressed, June... says:

    Holy Shit!!
    Barry Bonds reads this blog???

    Like

  74. Barry Bonds says:

    Keep taking PEDs and you’ll never make the Hall Of Fame…
    Rat bastard judgemental writers…

    Like

  75. Hulk Sound it out... says:

    I’m still flummuxterated on the boob picture you texted me…

    Like

  76. June Gardens says:

    ground beef. black beans. AND FRITOS!!!!!! God, I'm sweaty.

    Like

  77. June Gardens says:

    We "read" The Language of Flowers. Which I actually read, but someone who reads me whose initials might be Laura, NEVER READS THE BOOK. What she needs to do is shag that pesky job, husband pets and kids.

    Like

  78. Helen who is waiting for her mother to get her to go to brunch and is hungry, evidently says:

    What kind of chili? White Chicken? Regular? With beans or not? With ground beef or hunks o’ beef? Must have answers.

    Like

  79. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Rocky 12 days. Adrian.
    Oh my ho, you are in the funny zone today!
    Happy chili and fritos night! What book did y’all “read” for book club? (Or is that just my lame club?)

    Like

  80. Sadie says:

    Oh, your poor head. May it be completely healed before housecleaning and book club, not to return.

    Like

  81. June Gardens says:

    "Chatting, blogging and running around." Kills me.
    I! LIKE! LOUD MUSIC!!!!!!

    Like

  82. Have a cat on prednisone. He only starts chatting, blogging, and running around like a mad thing when he’s coming down off the stuff. Right before his next dose.
    I think it’s the thought of housework that’s giving you pain. It’s one my triggers. 😉

    Like

  83. June Gardens says:

    I! AM! SWEATY!! WOW!

    Like

  84. Amish Annie/Little Tart says:

    A hot cup of coffee, a comfy couch and a super long frenetic post by June. Steroid June, loving it already.

    Like

  85. June Gardens says:

    I'm glad you SAID something so I could fix it.

    Like

  86. Letha says:

    Well, crap.

    Like

  87. June Gardens says:

    Oh, dude, he didn't say "our." That was a typo. Blech. I'd have killed him if he'd said that. Fixing now.

    Like

  88. Kristi says:

    Nag Champa. Incensed. Dying.

    Like

  89. June Gardens says:

    Ned thinks my migraines are an allergy to him. But does anyone remember how I got migraines before I met him? Anyway, Letha. We aren't married. We do not have sex. Geez.

    Like

  90. Letha says:

    OUR HEAD! Very sweet. I hope the sex is not the migraine maker. That would be awful. Also, YO, acquire thyself some fresh asparagus, maiden. It will lessen the bloat.
    Feel better soon. Lovely post, June!

    Like

  91. Karen in VB says:

    Oh, I love June on Prednisone. I can’t wait until the second dose. Hilarious post this morning.

    Like

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