June at 16

Awhile back, Ned showed me a picture of him at junior prom in high school. He had the same girlfriend throughout high school and even into college some, and she is still a good friend, so he basically has the same sitch with her I got going with my ex-boyfriend Cardinal.

Cardinal and I dated in 10th grade and broke up. In 11th grade I had a new boyfriend, which didn't sit well, so Cardinal swooped back in with his red feathers. Then for heaven only knows what reason, we decided hey! Let's try that again cause it was so much fun the first two times, and we dated from, say, age 19 to maybe 21 or so.

We've been friends ever since then other than when he got a wife and she decided I was the enemy so we didn't talk for years. (She's gone now. Sure do miss her.) There have been multiple times when we've both been single at the same time, including now, technically, but the Cardinal-and-me ship sailed in about 1986.

Which, by the way. If you have a problem with your current man being friends with his ex, ask yourself, Were there multiple opportunities for them to bang before I came along? And did they TAKE those opportunities? If not, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM??

At any rate, this is precisely what Ned has going on with his friend Harriet, whose real name I didn't just throw into the Random Name Generator or anything.

My POINT is, and do I ever ever ever just get to the point without eventually having to say, "My POINT is"? Ned showed me this photo of him with his old girlfriend, and oh they were so young and cute and so on, and then I looked at the back and it was dated May 14, 1982.

"I know exactly where I was on May 14, 1982!" I said, because I am a freak. "I even have PICTURES of me from that day!" That was my Aunt Mary's wedding day, and Cardinal was my date. I had this grand idea that I would put up here on this godforsaken blog the photos of Ned and Harriet and Cardinal and me all from the same day in 1982.

Brilliant!

So I get my Aunt Mary on the horn and ask her to scan me the photo I was imagining, but of course she was flummoxed about how to scan and email a picture and what's with the generational stuff re computers? She did, however, mail me the damn picture sooner than it will take for you to read this stupid post and I only just opened her letter last night. It's probably been sitting on my table for a week.

Good gravy I am sick of working all day and freelancing all night. Tonight I get my hair cut, then after I'm having coffee with one of my friends, and even though that COMPLETELY screws up my work schedule I don't even care.

Aunt Mary sent TWO pictures from that fateful day, and I was so excited to scan them and scream them off to Cardinal that I coulda spit. I also called Ned. "Send me that photo of you and Harriet. I finally got the one of Cardinal and me."

"My scanner's broken," said Ned.

Sighhhhhhhh.

It was all I could do not to drive the hell over there through the rain, in my pajamas, and bring the dang thing back home so I could SHOW YOU THESE DAMN PICTURES ALREADY. Sometimes my blog about my life turns INTO my life, and that is never good.

So, supposedly, Ned is scanning his fine prom picture at work, and TOMORROW I will have for you the famous shots of Ned/Harriet and June/Cardinal. But seeing as I have two pictures from that day, I will show you this one:

May 14, 1981Oh. Kills me.

In case you were thinking, Wow, people in high school looked so much older then, those are my grandparents. You know, attending the wedding. As you do. My grandfather was the absolute bomb and you could not do better in the grandfather department. And there is Grammy, the woman I am turning into. Next time you see me I promise I will have a rose-colored dress on.

Does anyone remember the photos of these same grandparents on my 6th birthday? Cause Grammy had the purse-on-her-lap look then, too. She must've been horrified of snatchers. And this was before my city was even that dangerous.

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Anyway.

The picture of Cardinal and me slays me, is what it does. Here it is again:

May 14, 1981Look how unjaded by time and bad relationships I was. Grammy's over there thinking, "LOVE FADES!" but I had no clue. I just figured Cardinal and I would be happy for the rest of time. And that I'd always be that thin. And that stripy Izod belts would remain cool.

So there's your preview. Stay tuned for Ned Goes to Prom and June Continues to Look Naive photos.

115 thoughts on “June at 16

  1. May 14, 1982, I was probably crying. I had just gotten married the month prior and we moved to Arkansas. I cried a lot when we first moved there. Let me just say it was quite the shock going from Florida to Arkansas. Quite. the. shock.

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  2. May 14, 1982 was my future husband’s and my second date, our having met on a BLIND DATE (OH MY GOD) the week before.

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  3. May 14, 1982 could have been senior skip day. If that was the case, I was skipping school that day. Wait, was that a weekend? Well then, I was drinking Mogen David and eating twinkies and having premarital sex in the back of a 1973 Chevy truck with my now husband. Cause I am c-l-a-s-s-y like that. We still have that truck by the way.

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  4. May 14, 1982, I was wrapping up my days in junior high at my teeny tiny private school I had been in since kindergarten. I had NO idea what was ahead of me in my huge public high school. At least I was cute and skinny!

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  5. Being jaded is not fun so I swap “jaded” for “wise” and then I feel much better about my season in life. Works for me. Also, too, on May 14, 1982 I was a newlywed. Awesome. We were 20 and 23 and took the world by storm. Well……our little corner of the world.

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  6. We obviously don’t know what happened between you and Marvin, but I highly doubt it was mostly your fault. Both people change over the course of years and sometimes the change causes people to grow closer, sometimes the opposite.
    Perhaps if Marvin did a little more of this and a little less plaid shirt wearing…

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  7. Dear June:
    Now that Dear Ann and Dear Abbey are both dead, may we come to you for life advice?
    Sincerely,
    Confused in Cali

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  8. well statistically marvin will “rinse and repeat” if he didn’t learn the lesson he needed to learn.
    i stopped needing to be rescued so my ex went off and found someone else to rescue. she reminds me alot of my m-i-l. weird.

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  9. Daniel Boone said Marvin has probably sought out a quiet, safe second marriage. I know zero about who he's marrying, but DB said being married to me was like a ride on The Matterhorn, and now Marvin needs something soothing. This makes total sense.
    That said, The Matterhorn is the bomb.

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  10. Well, really you should be flattered. If he had a horrid relationship there is NO WAY he would be wanting to get hitched again.

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  11. Grandma with her purse around her neck as she went to the buffet. She needed both hands free. One to carry her plate, and the other to point at the lady that “really shouldn’t be taking the second piece of pie” that she whispered oh so loudly.

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  12. Oh, that’s terrible! I despise crazy exes. Why can’t they just go on and get a life. Mine still drunk-dials me sometimes. So sorry for your problems.

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  13. I was referring to the jealous ex… my ex, well no one other than a medical professional can define his issues. But I haven’t had My Ned to my home yet (been dating 7 months) because I still get slashed tires, my house broken into etc on a pretty regular basis. I’ve been divorced over 2 years and we were legally separated 3 years before the divorce was finalized. Our 6 year old has no memory of us every residing in the same house. We will see if My Ned sticks around after the ex starts harrassing him (sad face).

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  14. That is the sweetest photo ever.
    And somebody please find the video and link it. I remember how cute it was, too, but I am much too lazy to look for it.
    Your grandmother and her lap purses are fabulous. My grandma was grouchy, but great for stories like that, too. She once put 10 bucks into the church collection basket. These were in the days that our Catholic church had baskets attached to long poles that the ushers controlled, standing at the end of the pew and sending the baskets down the rows. My grandma put her money in, grabbed the basket as the usher was trying to pass it to the next person and said, “Not so fast, Mister.” And proceeded to make herself change! It was one of the greatest moments I ever had as a kid in church.

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  15. So sorry, Sara with an (h). I was thinking more of his jealous ex-wife as the excess baggage. I had a lot of baggage with my divorce(s) but I was lucky that Wayne loved me enough to overlook it. He was/is my Ned. I think Neds are a special breed. I wish you all the best with yours.

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  16. GAWD! don’t say that… I have more baggage than he does and I have a Ned… I think he’s a Ned anyway. Time will tell. The right person will come along and jump his bones when he least expects it.

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  17. I think Grammy is actually clutching June’s clutch for her there. Because June was busy clutching Cardinal and could care less about her purse.
    Don’t you hate when people say “I could care less”? Doesn’t that mean you do care somewhat and it’s possible for you to care to an even lesser degree? So wouldn’t “I couldn’t care less” be the correct way to express total lack of caring at all?

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  18. maybe she was holding her purse on her lap because she didn’t want anyone to compare her waist to June’s. That’s what I would do. I mean, I do it now. If I can’t find a purse I find a pillow, and if I can’t find a pillow I grab the nearest small child. There are lots of those around, the small children are why I have to hide my waist in photos.
    Darn kids.
    I love that photo June. It’s awesome and funny, in an awesome way.

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  19. And he said it in a falsetto.
    Just sayin’, it also looks like grandmother has 2 purses in her lap – the large brown one and a smaller black clutch. This must have been a formal wedding – multiple bags!

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  20. I am forever tickled by the grandmas who take their purses with them when they receive communion. I guess they think someone’s going to steal a Sucret while they are off being holy.
    Made me giggle just thinking about Cardinal’s girls. I want to say/whine “She’s in my grillllle” every time my daughter asks for a dog. Sigh.

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  21. 1/2 sticks of Wrigley’s gum, Coffee Nips and Lemon Drops always in their purses. My grandmother used to be in a senior club in “FlArida” and all the ladies would have their purses in their laps. And when it was time to serve the coffee they would carry their purses with them while they poured. Wonder what Pal’s grandma had in her purse?
    I would never be able to sleep with someone knowing they recently had sex with someone else. I don’t have enough self esteem to handle that. And several of my friends have husbands who have cheated on them, they found out about it and they have forgiven those dicks. More power to them if they can get past that. I could NEVER handle it. If my husband ever cheated on me I would kick his ass out of the house before he could wash off the stripper glitter- but not before I cut off his balls and put them in a shadow box frame on my living room wall.

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  22. Wait! Stop the presses! I actually have a picture of me at a wedding when I was 16!!! I’m wearing a gold dress with a matching color gold pillbox hat and, wait for it, white gloves!! Very chaste and demur.
    I was in an elevator at the reception and a young man in the elevator told me I looked like Audrey Hepburn and I’m still swooning.

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  23. Bluebird of happiness. Bah! don’t make me fly up your nose. (anybody remember that song?)
    I have a quote I often use: “If at first you don’t succeed, divorce is always an option.”

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  24. I guess I’d have to reply more in terms of what I would have worn to a wedding when I was 16. Which was not in 1982 when I would have been in mother/school teacher clothes. Probably a sensible dress with sensible shoes.
    16? I would have been terribly self-conscious. And tugging at my clothes all the time, and checking on my hair and knowing I wasn’t dressed right and didn’t look right. Now is that a pitiful story or what? And I was cute! Who knew. Not me.
    You’re so…out there and adorable. And Cardinal is giving you one hell of a SEX-FILLED look, there. I wouldn’t trust that boy as far as I could throw him.

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  25. I could see your Grandma in you in the picture when you were 6, but I REALLY see it in the wedding picture. That’s you in 30 years, June of the Good-Gene-Family Junes.
    I can’t wait to see the Ned picture.

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  26. Here’s the thing with my half stick of gum grandma. She smoked. And there were always little bits of tobacco stuck to the end of the gum. Kind of like DIY Nicorette now that I think about it.

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  27. A recipe for disaster there I would think. Good one Amish Annie, who has lost her Paul and Tart.
    Someone dig up that clip of that cute kid. I want to see it again!

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  28. That would be hard owning a nice restaurant and having a super jealous wife. A recipe for disaster there I would think.

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  29. I love “up yours, buddy.” I might have to steal that one from your grandma…at the risk of getting belted with her purse.

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  30. Oh Hulk, we have seen photos of you and you are not in the least repulsive. A fine looking dude ,you are.
    You have had offers from women here and you live too far away….maybe you should invite someone up there. You have a giant heart and keep a clean house and have a job…who could ask for more?
    And June just said if you would’ve tried you could’ve had her.
    Should be a real ego boost right there.

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  31. Aunt Mary didn't have on white. She had a black-and-white patterned dress on and a huge black Squeaky Fromme hat. But yes, in general I think that rule applies. I probably only had that dress. We were poor. "I wonder how Pal fared, econimically, in 1982?" you're all now wondering.

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  32. So cute. All four of you.
    There’s an unwritten rule that only the bride gets to wear white. Is that a black thing? ‘Cause we are known for making up some unwritten rules.

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  33. “Hi, mom. How’d those Free to be You and Me records work, with my self-esteem and all?”
    June, I think you were just highly competitive. “Girrrrll, you just THINK you’ve got Cardinal! I’ll show you who’s BAD!”

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  34. Awwwww, aren’t you two so cute….to think you were having sex then…..well not right then….well, maybe you were working up to it. Takes the bloom right off the ol’ awwww rose.
    Love your stories. Real life.

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  35. I kind of like Hulk’s old recycled jokes. I can’t explain why.
    June, coffee tonight? You have sworn off sleep completely.
    Lovely post!

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  36. He isn't short, no. I think he's average. And no. I mean, I don't think so. Cardinal, you still like you the ladies, technically, even though you are over them at the moment? How about THIS HERE lady, who just told your life story on her blog comments? Did I make you switch over to showtunes?

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  37. Does this mean he switched teams? And is he as short as he seems in this photo? He seems like a little guy.
    My mom was the doler outer of half sticks of gum. All I ever wanted was a whole damn stick. It was such a treat to go to the bank and get that tiny box of chiclets. Then, she’d try and nab one of them.

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  38. And June’s comment at #31 is exactly why I like this blog so much. The words and story seem simple enough but for some reason it punches ya in the gut.

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  39. And now you can all see how incredibly repulsive I am in real life. I mean, I couldn’t even get JUNE to sleep with me…

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  40. Dude, you have NO IDEA how often that fuckstick cheated on me. There was this one girl? She was bad? And after he left my house, with my 9:30 curfew, he'd go to HER house and have sex with her. Gee, I hope he doesn't mind me telling all this. The point is, I ran into her at a party and she told me. She even knew my curfew time.
    Naturally my reaction to this was not to dump Cardinal, but to start sleeping with him so he'd stop sleeping with HER.
    Hi, mom. How'd those Free to be You and Me records work, with my self-esteem and all?

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  41. Well, GEEZ, Leeuna! Aren't you the bluebird of happiness! Although in truth, he seems to be done with wimmins for the time being. Seems a little burnt out on the relationship thing. I guess, then, I should be flattered that I didn't ruin Marvin in that way, seeing as he STAMPEEEEEEEDED for a new fiancee 10 minutes after he moved out.

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  42. Cardinal has still got it. He's single, everyone! Lives in Seattle, owns a restaurant, has three cute kids and an insane, jealous ex-wife. Who's up for that? God, I hope that ex doesn't read me.

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  43. Being from the south, my grandma clutched madly at her pocketbook; no purses for those ladies. Maybe there was some law about them; you will be fined if your pocketbook touches the floor ! And I don’t know if pocketbook is one word or two,(I leave that to you, June), but it was pronounced as one word without the t, in a lazy, slow drawl.
    Could your waist have been any tinier ? Did you have your lowest ribs removed? You and Cardinal turned many heads, I am sure, with your snazziness.

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  44. Love the photo and Grammy. “Up yours, Buddy.” And that purse. It looks like it would be perfect for a good old head beating, Sadie!

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  45. Those pictures are great. You and Cardinal look like you were the perfect beautiful couple. Your Grammy reminds me of myself. I’ve always got my purse nearby, not necessarily on my lap because I favor the big purses, but you can bet it’s on the floor right by my side.

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  46. Love this! You have always been cute as a button. Grammy’s thinking, “Oh, to be sixteen again and in love!”. She’s obviously also worried about the heartache ahead for her little girl. Did she ever hit Cardinal over the head with her purse while saying, “Up yours, Buddy”?

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  47. Why is it word thingying people? Goddammit. Also, must stop talking to y'all. Work to do. Stop being interesting. Maybe your best friend PAL will be along soon and you can all MOON over her some more.

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  48. You don’t have a picture of Pal with her high school boyfriend and grandparents at a wedding do you, cause that would be fun to see too.

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  49. I, too, wonder how Pal is doing today? In fact, I wonder how Pal was doing on May 14, 1982?
    Just kidding June! Lovely lovely post! You were adorable, which is no surprise since it was merely a prelude to the gorgeous that you are now.
    I love love love your Grammy. Her purse clutching is so much a grandma thing – what the hell did they carry in those things anyway? As far as I know mine just had a bunch of used tissues and half sticks of gum. Because really? Who can chew a whole stick at once?

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  50. That was the grandmother who was at the movies very late in her life, and she was laughing so loudly that someone shushed her. "Up yours, Buddy," she said. She was like 80. See. Am totally turning into her.

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  51. In both the pictures, your Gramps was quite the handsome man and I think your Grandmother was like a one man secret service team. Just waiting for anybody to mess with her baby June and she’d go all rogue out her ass with that purse. We haven’t heard a grandma story for a while, isn’t that your job to entertain us with our grandma requests?

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  52. Oh, the way you are gazing up at him…True Love 4-ever-N-Ever! And he looks like he expected as much. True to form of that stage in life I guess. I can’t wait to see the others tomorrow.
    And, isn’t this blog your life? It should be, that is why we all hang out here day in and day out.
    *Lovely Post June*
    I wonder how Pal is doing today?

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  53. Ahhhhh there’s nothing like young love. Until you realize that old love is better, and more comfortable.
    At least you know what you’ll look like as you age. Except for the hair.

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  54. LOVE that photo!! You look so sweet, and he looks like he knows he’s hot stuff. And the grandparents just make it that much sweeter. Can’t wait to see the other pics.

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  55. I saw this picture on Facebook last night and giggled at the whole “double-dating with your grandparents” connotation and wanted to tell you this story. My brother and his wife spent their WEDDING NIGHT with our grandparents! The travel agent screwed up their hotel reservation and there was not a single open hotel room in Columbus.
    They didn’t find this out until almost midnight and their flight left for their honeymoon at 6am, so off to our grandparents’ house they went. It was too far for them to drive back home, which was filled with the wedding party and their spouses anyway. It’s one of our favorite stories to tell at family gatherings.

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