Greensboro Medium, or sometimes Large, if it runs small.

You know, every workday morning, the alarm goes off, and I hit snooze, and Lily is on top of me, and I hit snooze again and my POINT is, every time I get here to blog I go, MOTHER OF GOD WHY IS IT SO LATE ALREADY?

Today I figured out my goddamn alarm clock is 10 minutes slow compared to the rest of the, you know, clocks in the house. Son of a BITCH.

Am I the only person in America these things happen to? Doesn't everybody else set their alarm clock a little fast? Did you ever see Same Time Next Year? I love that movie. Alan Alda's watch is really fast, and he never fixes it, and he tells Ellen Burstyn something like, "I knew what time I fell in love with you. It was 11:02 p.m. I know because I looked at my watch and it was 3:15."

In other news, I am pretty sure I am getting a cold. This whole season, with everyone hacking and dying and aching and it sounding like a TB WARD in my office, I have escaped illness. I was just thinking, Maybe this year I have some kind of magical power that wards off colds, even though I have no spleen, which makes me more susceptible to illness, and even though I never got a flu shot this year.

That was some logical thinking. Yeah, that's it. A magical power. And now my throat distinctly hurts.

Which is fine. Ned leaves for ANOTHER GODDAMN BUSINESS TRIP tomorrow morning–I know. A Saturday. That isn't even fair–so as long as I can slog through tonight I can spend the rest of the weekend on the couch with my fixed TV.

I do have plans to see the tsunami movie tomorrow night with a friend but if I get ill those plans will be a wash. I'll be bowled over by the wave of this cold. I'll be drowning in NyQuil.

Tsunami jokes. Why did god see fit to punish me with a cold, do you think?

Ned and I don't really know what we're doing tonight, although what Ned does NOT know is he has a whole night of hearing about my cold up ahead of him, but last night when we were on the phone he said, "We can do whatever you want to do tomorrow, June."

"Makeovers! Long Island Medium marathon on TV and makeovers!" I said.

Since my TV got fixed earlier this week, I've been making up for lost time. Have not sat around looking at television since at least September. And oh! That Long Island Medium! That there is a good show. I've also continued to catch up on my Brady Bunch and my Andy Griffith.

Last night I saw the one where Marcia runs for class hostess at Filmore Junior High. The winner of class hostess gets to escort an astronaut to dinner at school or something. I mean, bitch ALREADY gets to take Davy Jones to the prom. Does she ALSO need to score her an astronaut?

Anyway, just to throw an unpopular girl a bone, Marcia helps this mousy chick run for the position, too, and under her fine tutelage, old Molly the Unpopular gets all pretty and shit and WINS THE COMPETITION.

I mean, the Brady Bunch had some hard-hitting issues. After her loss, Marcia OD and we see the whole family watch her get her stomach pumped. Alice makes some great wisecracks in the emergency room. Oh, Alice.

You know what's sad? Alice probably plays my age in that show. Sam is her Ned. God, that's depressing.

Oh, crap, I have to go. Thank heavens I stopped to write this important post. Talk to you tomorrow, when I will surely be stoic and brave about my cold, as I am wont to be.

86 thoughts on “Greensboro Medium, or sometimes Large, if it runs small.

  1. Letha, we saw these at an outdoor wedding reception in Stillwater, MN last year. They were so cool and colorful. I was explaining them to someone I know and he said that you have to check your local regulations or whatever to see if they can be used where you live…something about the kind of fuel or gas source that is used with them.

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  2. Sitting here waiting for the skim of ice to melt before ‘taking care of elderly mother’ chores. Fortunately in NC that should be by noon. Another reason I LOVE the South. In January, anyway. We won’t talk about July and August right now.

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  3. Dang, can you pick me up a couple of bookshelves and swing on by Nashville? I had to cancel my Cinci Ikea trip due to the ice in Friday. I live smack dab between two Ikeas but my parents live near Cinci, so I always go north. That traffic I can handle. Atlanta traffic = tired braking foot, even in the passenger seat!
    Whatcha gettin’?

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  4. I loved same time next year – saw it about 247 times! Never knew anyone else that did,
    Guess I didn’t discuss widely since infidelity of sorts, was involved.

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  5. Good morning, Letha and 16%. I’ve never heard of the sky lanterns.
    June, hope you are getting your rest today. I’ve got housecleaning and laundry ahead of me today. Don’t I know who to have a good time?

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  6. Ellen Burstyn!!!

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  7. Ellen Burstyn!!!

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  8. Ellen Burstyn!!!

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  9. Can’t wait for you to watch Same Time Next Year, Amish Annie! You’re going to love it. Way better than Four Seasons, though that’s some awesome classical music in Four Seasons. It’s fun to watch the decades go by with what’s her names hair and clothing in STNY. (Oh shoot….now I have to google it to remember her name.) Enjoy!….and report back.

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  10. Can’t wait for you to watch Same Time Next Year, Amish Annie! You’re going to love it. Way better than Four Seasons, though that’s some awesome classical music in Four Seasons. It’s fun to watch the decades go by with what’s her names hair and clothing in STNY. (Oh shoot….now I have to google it to remember her name.) Enjoy!….and report back.

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  11. Can’t wait for you to watch Same Time Next Year, Amish Annie! You’re going to love it. Way better than Four Seasons, though that’s some awesome classical music in Four Seasons. It’s fun to watch the decades go by with what’s her names hair and clothing in STNY. (Oh shoot….now I have to google it to remember her name.) Enjoy!….and report back.

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  12. Oh, yes, Anita! Come back to Atlanta in the spring! I want to meet everyone.

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  13. Oh, yes, Anita! Come back to Atlanta in the spring! I want to meet everyone.

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  14. Oh, yes, Anita! Come back to Atlanta in the spring! I want to meet everyone.

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  15. The power of suggestion is strong, June. We are getting ready to watch Same Time Next Year.

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  16. I was just in Atlanta. Found all my fabric at Forsyth. My cousin told me Ikea was a great place to eat and it’s cheap. I couldn’t believe it.

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  17. Yes, I’ve done that in the past before I found out about checking them out at no charge from our library. Seems as though the ones I rented at Cracker Barrel were abridged although I don’t know if they still are. I prefer the unabridged from the library.

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  18. Have fun in Atlanta! It is cold here today so hope you brought warm clothes. Are you going to an open house tomorrow or strictly visiting family? Please come back when PJ visits the Atlanta Peeps in the spring.

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  19. Thanks for the PSA. We always check out recorded books from our library before any road trips. Listening to them keeps us sane and awake on the interstate. Plus, they make the trip seem faster.

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  20. Our library has videos you can check out for a week….if that helps anyone out…..check your local libraries.

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  21. Our library has videos you can check out for a week….if that helps anyone out…..check your local libraries.

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  22. Our library has videos you can check out for a week….if that helps anyone out…..check your local libraries.

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  23. I went to Ikea yesterday, but here in Sacramento. I hope the Ikea you visit is as cool as the one I went to. They remodeled not too long ago, and they had tons of neat stuff. I had to talk myself out of several things. Enjoy.
    And I’m not sure if we have any video stores left, either.

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  24. Meat tenderizer! Also good for jelly fish stings. Which you may or may not have.
    In the car and on the way to Atlanta. The temperature is dropping. Any Atl peeps going to Ikea this weekend? I may be heading there.

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  25. Yeah, ain’t that weird? It’s called Family Video so it’s a little limited in selection. But I assume there’s no nudity in Same Time Next Year so I bet I can find it there.

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  26. OH! Now I can’t wait to watch STNY, especially if it’s even better than Four Seasons! Must stop at the video store this weekend.
    Special mention of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo who is utilizing Super Bowl hoopla to speak out for two issues close to his heart, anti-bullying and gay marriage equality. He says as a
    bi-racial straight man, he feels it’s important to advocate for those issues. I kinda love Brendon Ayanbadejo and not just because he has ripped abs.

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  27. And I tend to get mad at Alan Alda’s character in The Four Seasons. I keep yelling, “Why must you ALL go on every.single.vacation TOGETHER?”

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  28. We watch both Same Time Next Year and The Four Seasons multiple times since we own both, but I much prefer STNY of the two. I think you will like it, its soundtrack AND the watch scene June mentioned.

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  29. Spin it any way you want, June. But I know the REAL reason you finally fixed your TV. After our fun last year you want to watch the Super Bowl with Hulk again, don’t you…

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  30. ABRACADABRA pshaw! That only has 11 letters.
    Ask any medical expert and they will confirm that a cold with treatment only lasts 2 weeks – BUT a cold without treatment lasts (count em) 14 days !

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  31. Oh I can’t even tell you how major league excited I got thinking you referenced one of my all time favorite movies ever! But then I realized the early 80’s Alan Alda movie I love so much is called The Four Seasons and not Same Time Next year. Now I’m bummed but I’m gonna rent Same Time Next Year soon, it sounds good.

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  32. Okay, so I had to go check it out…
    Ann B. Davis (Alice) was 43 – 48 during the show’s run. What’s worse? Florence Henderson (Mrs. Brady) is only 6 years younger. Poor Ann B., making her look all dowdy. Hope she got paid buckets of money for letting Flo outshine her!

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  33. God DAMNIT Marvin.
    I would like the Long Island Medium to go see a murder so for once the big reveal wouldn’t be, they are okay. They don’t blame you. They want you to be happy. HEY SCOTT PETERSON….

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  34. I love how you have to catch up on Brady Bunch and Andy. It will happen someday.
    Here is a cold remedy:
    1 tsp honey and 1/4 tsp cinnamon twice a day for 3 days. They are both antibacterial, antiviral and antifungal. They may also keep away the antichrist.

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  35. Oh, and Amish Annie and Sadie…..thank you for your kind comments a couple of days ago. Oh, Sadie….I must have mentioned the whole Annette Benning thing here at some time, cause there is no way I hear that anymore! lol. That was in my 30’s. Oh, to have that face and body back. ; )

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  36. June, if you hang the letters ABRACADABRA around your neck and pull off one of the letters each day, by the time you get to the last letter your cold will magically be gone. Works every time. Like a charm. See what I did there?
    This stupid cold that’s going around? i went through 4, count them, 4 Not Small boxes of tissue in 4 days. I nearly legally changed my name to Much Mucus Mary.

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  37. June, if you hang the letters ABRACADABRA around your neck and pull off one of the letters each day, by the time you get to the last letter your cold will magically be gone. Works every time. Like a charm. See what I did there?
    This stupid cold that’s going around? i went through 4, count them, 4 Not Small boxes of tissue in 4 days. I nearly legally changed my name to Much Mucus Mary.

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  38. June, if you hang the letters ABRACADABRA around your neck and pull off one of the letters each day, by the time you get to the last letter your cold will magically be gone. Works every time. Like a charm. See what I did there?
    This stupid cold that’s going around? i went through 4, count them, 4 Not Small boxes of tissue in 4 days. I nearly legally changed my name to Much Mucus Mary.

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  39. …”my office sounds like a TB ward.”……..I hear ya, June. This week I took a couple direct hits from my kindergarteners. Not pleasant. Off to work…..

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  40. I watched the Brady Bunch and was like God Marsha is such a bitch and I creeped out that the astranaut was in his 30’s. Ya, great episode.

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  41. You should run right out and buy some Emergen-C + Immune Support. Mix one packet with 4-6 oz. of water and it has everything you need to fight off the hackers at your job.
    Norovirus is the WORST. I’ve had it once and then shared it with my Mr. then he got it once on his own and I refused to go home until he was done being sick and had Lysoled the entire house. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
    I was thinking about your diet and you could consider a colonoscopy. Mr. Helen had his this week and due to the prep lost 9 pounds overnight.

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  42. Feel better Junie.
    I have been fighting something all week. I thought it might be from all the screaming I did on Monday in D.C. Just a little laryngitis, perhaps. But now it feels like it has travelled from throat to chest. Thankfully, I have had a flu shot. Last year, my kid brought the flu home in March and I caught it. So it is definitely not too late for a shot. Takes 2 weeks to be effective so do it as soon as you feel better.
    Oh, and my radio d.j. friend made a tsunami joke on air in NYC after the tragedy and her contract was not renewed!

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  43. My friends who’ve had the norovirus have not had vomitting, just diarrhea. So that, June, might just be your diet solution. You’re welcome!

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  44. Yeah, everyone do that, please. Everyone tell me Ima get a barf sickness. Cause that isn't my biggest fear or anything.
    Had the norovirus last year. That's what Peg was nice enough to give me at her dinner party. However, there are TWO OTHER STRAINS out there.

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  45. I watched several hours of Andy Griffith recently. I love that show so much!
    Hope you don’t get sick, June. I did get my flu shot and I have had the beginnings of a sore throat and sniffles a couple of times in the past few weeks but thankfully that’s as far as it went.
    I really hope you don’t get that norovirus they’re talking about on the news right now. Since you are so opposed to vomit and all.

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  46. I love the Alka Seltzer Plus cold stuff. A few years ago they changed the formula and now it doesn’t work quite as well as it used to. Evidently it had a drug in it that caused brain hemorrhaging. I would have taken it anyway, that old stuff was awesome.

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  47. I have nothing to add about warding off colds – no, wait! Use one of those sinus rinse thingys! They are da BOMB!
    OK, that’s it for cold advice. My hot news is that SIREN LIVES!!!! I heard from her yesterday, which made me happier than the time I got to watch vultures pick at a dead deer for a whole week.

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  48. LOVES me some Long Island Medium!
    You know what keeps a cold away? Meat tenderizer.

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  49. Long Island Medium! I love her, too. I was telling my husband about her and called her the Long Island Madam. Needless to say, when he watched her show with me, it wasn’t quite what he expected.

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  50. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A COLD. But as a precaution, gargle with salt water, drink the lemon/ginger/garlic concoction and get Ned to apply some Vicks VapoRub to your chesticle area.
    I love Theresa Caputo. Her nails kill me.

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  51. Take some Alka Seltzer cold plus tonight – knocks the cold out for me every single time!

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  52. Because I know you love advice: Take a cold pill or two right away when you feel a cold coming on. When I do that, the cold most often immediately goes away. Also too, you really should get a flu shot. It’s not too late. Ducking now from flying liver.

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  53. So glad your TV is fixed. What would you do with a bunch of little tvs running around?
    Don’t get sick. That movie with Naomi and Ewan and so on sounds really good. A small sore throat will soon be gone, just don’t let a big wave of nausea wash over you.

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  54. Oh, no. I am sorry you have a distinctly hurting throat. Since you have magical powers? Try the “positive thinking” approach that my mom would always encourage me to use. “Just think positive Meg. You’re NOT getting sick!” Yeah. That ALWAYS worked.
    I hope it is just dry in your house and you DON’T get sick. I will have to send Alice right over to tend to you if you do.

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