June reports from her cold. She never drones on when she has a cold. Fortunately.

At least, as a single childless person, when I'm sick like this I really don't have to function. It's not like I have to get up to get some kid off to school. So there's that.

Hey, how're y'all? I have a cold. I know that when I have a cold, I do not carry on dramatically or anything. Are the lights going out? Is that a tunnel?

Yesterday I slept and splayed histrionically on the couch and blew my nose. It is amazing how many Kleenexes I plowed through, but I have them in droves because my Aunt Mary sent me a bunch, thinking she was hilarious. I have always had the theory that only rich people have Kleenex. I mean, you need a tissue? Why can't you just use toilet paper? You don't need a whole FANCY DIFFERENT form. I said this once when Aunt Mary was visiting, or maybe it was my father and he reported it to her, but anyway neither of them have stopped making fun of me since and for Christmas Aunt Mary sent me, like, six boxes of Kleenex.

I feel so rich. And, truthfully, glad to have all this goddamn Kleenex.

I read an entire book yesterday, in my convalescence: Girl in Translation. I highly recommend it. It's the book my book club pal Hibiscus Wilson recommended for February, and I borrowed it from her this weekend. Hibiscus Wilson lives so close to me that if she were choking on something, I could get over there and Heimlich her on time. How she'd let me KNOW she needed Heimliching is beyond me, cause you only need it when you can't talk anymore. Dear Hibiscus: We need some kind of ringing-me-and-hanging-up sign for if this ever happens. Also, am nervous person and will probably flap hands around helplessly for first three minutes once I get there. Hope this is not a problem.

Are the lights going out for Hibiscus?

In the book, which did I mention I liked? Except for at the end. She pissed me off at the end. Anyway, in the book she mentions a song from an opera, and I've always kind of wanted to know more about opera, because some of it's beautiful and I know people enjoy the SHIT out of opera–I mean, look at Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck. He loved him the opera. And he was hot. With his wooden Pinocchio hand–and I feel like if I knew more about it I'd enjoy it.

The point is, she mentions in the book the piece E lucivan le stelle, which means "When the starts were brightly shining," God, who doesn't know that (thanks, Bing), and I got on trusty YouTube and watched some dude sing it. And I was all, okay, eh. Then they also had Pavarotti singing it. You know, that Pavarotti. He can sing. Not as well as me, but…

Plus, Pavarotti kind of looks like if Barry Gibb enjoyed too many carbs. So I like that about him.

Anyway, since I'm just sitting here expiring from a rare and unusual cold, I thought I'd show more pictures of you.

100_2436Oh, wait. These two dicks never read my blog.

100_2441eyeriss CANT reed, mom, she blynd. thanks for bringeeng up.

Image(3)Oh, great. Let's just START OFF with another cute reader. This is Ezra Pound's Mama, who tells me she is receiving a mix tape in this photo. No, it is not 1988. Has anyone seen my Salon Selectives hairspray?

-1

Faithful Reader Amish Annie sent in a picture of Barry Gibb's wife, thinking she was hye-larious.

KimKimberly Hope wants to emphasize she is on the left. Also, HELLLLOO DOGGGIEEEEEE. Wif your tuff Christmas collar on. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU.

-2Here's Lauren, whose daughter had just done her hair and why is my hair never cute like this?

CulpepperHottie hot Culpepper. Many CLAIM to have read me forever, but Culpepper really has. She was with me back when no one read me on Saturdays.

Wait…

I'd asked Culpepper, "Is your HAIR longer?" and she said yes, her husband likes it longer, and I said, "All men like longer hair. Why is that? If it were up to them we'd all
have long straight stripper hair. Which with my face would make me look
like Mr. Ed."

In shocking news, I heart me.

Image(4)Here is Amanda with her husband. Also?

You know what'd be great? Is Pavarotti singing Amanda. Also, I am sorry to report that the first concert Ned saw was Boston. Hulk is over there all, "What's wrong with that?" You know who's probably sick of that song? Amanda, up there. I like the Fancy Feast "ting" they do in that song. Is anyone listening and totally hanging their lighter high right now?

Photo(22)Here's Christyd4, who fortunately I have no YouTube song for. I hear Christyd4 is a real wheat. BAH!!! It's ingrained.

Blog Photo
This is Tami in NV, and see? This is why I did this arduous project. I was all, OHMYGOD! I remember her comments! It's exciting to SEE people.

BlogHere's Helen at the White House. Seriously. I mean, my HOUSE is WHITE, but…

IMG_3338I was so busy being amuuuuuused by this reader's funny email and by her dog, Fisher, that I didn't notice till now that she did not tell me her name. I been through the desert on a reader with no name.

Hulk, I was never actually on this reader. But if it gets you through the day…

-3This is my best friend, Pal from MA. When I suggested we all send our pictures in and 95859339494939 of you listened, I said, "When you send, tell me your commentor name. If you sign in as Depressed Girl, don't send me a pic and sign it Beth." Anyway, Pal from MA wants the moniker Depressed Girl now. She's going through some shit, folks. Send good thoughts to Depressed Girl. Let's get Obnoxious Screechy Older-than-June-by-Six-Weeks-and-Therefore-Cooler Girl back, with her need for tonic soon.

6a00e54f9367fb8834010536997336970c-piHere is Faithful Reader Mother, who also serves as my mother. I was making her point out her Christmas pin, which she had on with a…nother Christmas pin under this jacket. Dying. Who enjoys her the Christmas?

Aimee1I have met Faithful Reader Mary in real life. I have not met her kitty, who looks DEEEEEElighted to be in a blanket.

DanaFaithful Reader D-Lou says she calls herself that because her resemblance to JLo is astonishing. I like D-Lou. And I'm not fooled by the rocks that she's got.

IMG_20120507_180411Kim in Columbus. Another one where I was all, "I remember that name!" It's exciting to be me.

Kim in Columbus looks like some kind of 19th-century painting. Am I the only one who sees that?

Me xmas 2010 yeti heathersRinaldi, who I can tell I'd like, not only sent this photo, but a fine childhood one, as well.

Fashion iconYyyyyep.

Did she tell her mom that day, "Do my hair like Sally from Davey and Goliath"?

13427413_2


Photo(23)Here's CliffClaven. Another total, "I remember that name!!" moment. I mean, of course I remember that name, from Cheers. You know what I mean. Stop it.

6a00e54f9367fb8834017ee7fba0df970d-800wi"Faithful Reader But Not Faithful Commenter Rebekah with your newest reader, Faithful Fetus Madeline." That's what Rebekah wrote, and it killed me. Faithful Fetus. Probably Madeline is all, "I can't WAIT to get out of here and read Dooce instead."

-4Whitley. Being cute. Sigh. EVERYONE STOP BEING CUTE. Have you SEEN me today? In no world am I passing for cute.

-5This reader had one name for her email and another naming this picture, so let's just call her Xeropthalmia. As you do.

ChiefYAY!!! Here's Faithful Reader The Chief, who was editor of our hard-hitting high school newspaper. She was the boss of Hulk and me. I was features editor and Hulk was (sit down) sports editor. Chief rules. In every way. Love her.

Photo(25)We will end with Sully, who looks like she's drinking that kind of beer Ned likes. As in, it has a flavor. Which, blech. But Sully looks fun, don't you think? Now I'm kind of hungry for pub food. Why is no one bringing me pub food? I'm in my final hours on this planet, and NOT ONE OF YOU–

–okay, fine. Don't feel sorry for ME. I'll just go to my grave wanting beef stew or fish and chips. No, I DON'T want to tell you how Project Emiciated is going in prep for my high school reunion.

Talk at you tomorrow. IF I'M STILL HERE.

Mucuously,

June

 

57 thoughts on “June reports from her cold. She never drones on when she has a cold. Fortunately.

  1. Oh m’ GOD, Downton breaks my heart and from what I read on their web site, it is going to get worse!
    June if I could, I would bring you a bowl of something – chicken soup maybe. Pub food – I don’t think so. Just hang in there, your 2 weeks will be over soon and drink, drink, drink water &/or juice!

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  2. Years ago I read that Kleenex were originally invented for rich ladies to wipe off their makeup. Good instincts on that one, June!

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  3. I buy six boxes of Kleenex every time I go to the pharmacy. Not always Kleenex brand, sometimes a no name brand. Yes, I am rich. I even have a fork lift full of Costco toilet tissue – you know, the other white tissue. My husband has also on occasion, gasp, bought a Costco pallet of paper towels – the brother from another mother white tissue.

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  4. I hope you are feeling better now June. It has been a long day, and seeing all of the beauties up there made me happy.
    Sending good thoughts to you June for some pub food, and to Pal so she gets over her shit.

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  5. Amanda……
    Everytime I hear a name song, the song Fernando comes to my mind and remains there for days….an aggravating earworm. So, thanks for the name that set June off that set me off.

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  6. Oh, Downton Abbey and Pavaroti! I saw Pavoroti in a Donazetti opera in Chicago back in the 70’s (yes, I was just born)he was amazing!
    Downton Abbey! Crap! It made me cry last night!
    Oh, the sisters!

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  7. Love the opera, myself. It’s so much more awesome though, live. PJ! I’m so jealous that you get to see simulcasts from the Met! I would love that, especially the booger part. HA! Sending good thoughts your way, Pal from MA-Depressed Girl, and hoping that things get better for you. Awww, Iris, we don’t care that you can’t read – we love your cute floofiness anyway. Man, I guess I’ve come out of lurking enough times that I have to get in on the next request for pictures…..that is, if June doesn’t die from colditis, and ever decides to put herself through reader picture hell again.

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  8. Sadly yes, they were serious, they didn’t start making fun of me until I was a teenager. My mother still thinks that there’s nothing wrong with that photo.

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  9. Was that Hulk’s mom up there that made a comment? PJ, your Godchild is so cute! Alex, you are assuming June has some food in her freezer. June, your dizziness could be caused by fluid in your ears from all the congestion in your head.
    OK back to the sewing machine.

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  10. Gorecki’s 3rd Symphony. Premiered in the mid 1970’s and stunned the classical world. He never reached that brilliance again. Well worth the money to download or buy the old school CD. Haunting and moving and brilliant is what it is.
    Welcome new commenters!!! YAY!

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  11. I think I will watch Moonstruck next time I have a cold-hope you feel better soon! I’m enjoying all the pictures; it reminds me to have someone take a picture of me, because I have none.

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  12. OH, no! I must have done it wrong. I haven’t been pictured yet. Crap. I knew I should have included a cat in the photo!!

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  13. I don’t know what to be more excited about–the fact that I amused you or that you said you were “feelin me” in your reply AND have also apparently been on me. Feel better! My name is Beck. (And this is my first comment, so HELLO Pie readers, you guys crack me up daily! Even on Saturdays!)

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  14. Lovely post and beauuuuteeful pictures! When is Ugly Day? Never, i guess.
    Hope you are feeling better soon. But mucousy is better than pukeousy.

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  15. Sadly, there is no somebody to bring me pub food. Ned is out of town, Peg is ill, and Dick Whitman doesn't live here. I guess in a way that's good, cause pub food. Making June look like Pavarotti since 2013.
    Sent from my phone. Which means I'm one of those tools emailing in public somewhere.

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  16. You probably want pub food because it’s salty and your body is craving electrolytes. Or grease. Either way, someone should bring you whatever you want.
    Pavarotti = Barry Gibb enjoying too many carbs!!!!

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  17. More lovely ladies today. Thanks June. Sorry you’re still mucousy. I’m right there with you on the Kleenex. It’s not uncommon when I have a cold to find a roll of toilet paper on the sofa, the dining room table, or on my bed.

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  18. PJ saw Pavarotti live and when he came on stage in his tux, clutching his white man-sized opera handkerchief I was all swoony. One of the musical highlights of my life.

    Oh, do I ever love me some opera. Half my Ipod tunes are from operas.
    June, to see opera at its very very best watch for the live simulcasts from the Met. I think there is a theater in Greensboro that shows them. Saturday afternoons during the season, about once a month or so. In the movie theater. LIVE. From the MET! Comfy clothes, snacks. They show you back stage. Even one time in the opening scene the tenor was alone on the stage seriously belting out some heartfelt, rip your guts out song, and he had a booger hanging from his nose! So I can’t remember the opera because I was all, Look! a booger! That’s pretty live. Had to wait till he was out of the scene before some stagehand or somebody could snatch it up in an expensive Kleenix.

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  19. PJ saw Pavarotti live and when he came on stage in his tux, clutching his white man-sized opera handkerchief I was all swoony. One of the musical highlights of my life.

    Oh, do I ever love me some opera. Half my Ipod tunes are from operas.
    June, to see opera at its very very best watch for the live simulcasts from the Met. I think there is a theater in Greensboro that shows them. Saturday afternoons during the season, about once a month or so. In the movie theater. LIVE. From the MET! Comfy clothes, snacks. They show you back stage. Even one time in the opening scene the tenor was alone on the stage seriously belting out some heartfelt, rip your guts out song, and he had a booger hanging from his nose! So I can’t remember the opera because I was all, Look! a booger! That’s pretty live. Had to wait till he was out of the scene before some stagehand or somebody could snatch it up in an expensive Kleenix.

    Like

  20. PJ saw Pavarotti live and when he came on stage in his tux, clutching his white man-sized opera handkerchief I was all swoony. One of the musical highlights of my life.

    Oh, do I ever love me some opera. Half my Ipod tunes are from operas.
    June, to see opera at its very very best watch for the live simulcasts from the Met. I think there is a theater in Greensboro that shows them. Saturday afternoons during the season, about once a month or so. In the movie theater. LIVE. From the MET! Comfy clothes, snacks. They show you back stage. Even one time in the opening scene the tenor was alone on the stage seriously belting out some heartfelt, rip your guts out song, and he had a booger hanging from his nose! So I can’t remember the opera because I was all, Look! a booger! That’s pretty live. Had to wait till he was out of the scene before some stagehand or somebody could snatch it up in an expensive Kleenix.

    Like

  21. Am super jealous of Sully for (presumably?) living in Portland and getting to enjoy Deschutes’ fine brews (highly recommend them to folks that love tasty beer! =)
    Cheers!

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  22. PJ the trouble with being my Godchild is, oh, the lectures you have to listen to! I'm surprised this girl can still smile.

    That first picture up there? That one of Ezra Pound Puppy’s mama? That’s my Godchild that I speak of, oh, from time to time, occasionally. The one who turned me on to this wonderful blog. I didn’t even know what a blog was until Godchild made me take my first toke and got me hooked. She is totally as much to be with as she looks in this picture.
    And one more thing. I saw this beautiful creature being born. Her mother is my best friend. Seconds after she was born our eyes locked (Yes, this infant COULD see, thank you very much, Doctor who doesn’t know shit) and oh the stories I could tell.

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  23. PJ the trouble with being my Godchild is, oh, the lectures you have to listen to! I'm surprised this girl can still smile.

    That first picture up there? That one of Ezra Pound Puppy’s mama? That’s my Godchild that I speak of, oh, from time to time, occasionally. The one who turned me on to this wonderful blog. I didn’t even know what a blog was until Godchild made me take my first toke and got me hooked. She is totally as much to be with as she looks in this picture.
    And one more thing. I saw this beautiful creature being born. Her mother is my best friend. Seconds after she was born our eyes locked (Yes, this infant COULD see, thank you very much, Doctor who doesn’t know shit) and oh the stories I could tell.

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  24. PJ the trouble with being my Godchild is, oh, the lectures you have to listen to! I'm surprised this girl can still smile.

    That first picture up there? That one of Ezra Pound Puppy’s mama? That’s my Godchild that I speak of, oh, from time to time, occasionally. The one who turned me on to this wonderful blog. I didn’t even know what a blog was until Godchild made me take my first toke and got me hooked. She is totally as much to be with as she looks in this picture.
    And one more thing. I saw this beautiful creature being born. Her mother is my best friend. Seconds after she was born our eyes locked (Yes, this infant COULD see, thank you very much, Doctor who doesn’t know shit) and oh the stories I could tell.

    Like

  25. Perhaps you are blowing your nose too hard. I do that sometimes and throw off my already unstable equilibrium.
    And again with the Beautiful People! Which by the way? June? Your mother? She’s cute!
    Sending hearts and rainbows and unicorns to Pal…

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  26. More lovely readers, yay! You do have the best and without doubt, best looking readers.
    Sorry you’re feeling like crap. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you.

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  27. If I wasn’t so concerned about your fall and your injured knee, I’d tell you “Dizzy, I’m so dizzy, my head is spinning” just popped into my head when I read your comment. But, I’m too concerned to mention it. Be careful and climb back into bed or onto the couch.

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  28. Although I am NOT high on cold medicine, as cold medicine gives me (wait for it) migraines, I DID just get dizzy and fall down. I mean, it was a spectacular fall. I knocked 78 things over with me and hurt my knee. Goddammit.

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  29. June, are you high on cold medicine over there today? Cause you’re
    even funnier than usual, being sick and all. Hope you feel better soon.

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  30. Perhaps the not so cute readers are intimidated by June’s loveliness and super finely focused photo’s that they can’t stay long enough to be called Faithful Readers? Your readers can send one into a fit of OMG I wish I looked like that.
    Hope you feel better soon.

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  31. I was 11 when that horrible song – which I detest with every fiber of my being – came out. Also hated? Barry Manilow’s “Mandy”. I have never been called Mandy in my life, but it never stops (evil) people from singing to me. Thankfully, most people don’t remember Boston or the horrible song. (Thanks June with your legendary song memory…)

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  32. I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing all these pictures and have enjoyed even more your splaining of the pictures! Hahahaha or lol! Only you would remember the girl’s name from Davey and Goliath. Hilarious! Thank you!

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  33. Were Rinaldi’s parents serious about that picture? Or were they making fun of her? I ask this because when my son was 4 his best friend’s parents dressed him up in a little suit and bow tie and called him Pee Wee Herman and took pictures and laughed like hyenas!
    Before that, it had never occurred to me that I could make fun of my own children.

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  34. Wow! Every.single.reader is Attractive with a capital A! Thanks for sharing readers and kitties. Now I think you need to take some sage to Depressed Girl Pal’s life to drive out the shit. Sending good thought and positive vibes her way.
    Hope you are feeling better.

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  35. THAT IS NOT BARRY GIBB’S WIFE, THAT IS ME!



    after I lose weight, get big eyes and boobs, sculpt out some cheekbones and live in monetary luxury. Other than that…THAT IS ME!

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  36. Be glad you don’t have kiddos, they get sick as mine are right now with a cough that rattles your brain. If we lived closer, I would bring you some home made soup.

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  37. Ezra Pound’s Mama, LOVE her hair. Am thinking of copying her, soon. Gah! June, do you HAVE any non attractive readers?!

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  38. Faithful Reader AND cat pictures – we hit the jackpot today! Thanks, June, for hauling your mucilaginous self to the computer for us. Now, go squirt Zicam up your nose, drink a HOTHOTHOT cup of peppermint tea with a shot of gin in it, and get those cats to scan you again.

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