Have been in bed with a migraine today, and a blind nurse. Who seems to think the only cure is more cowbell. And possibly many pets under her chin. Sent from my iPhone
Whenever my mother and stepfather have an anniversary, my stepfather, who is enormously sappy, says, "Twenty-eight wonderful years" or "Twelve wonderful years" or however long it's been. Marvin and I then started doing the same thing, except when it was our ninth anniversary, for instance, we'd say, "We've had five wonderful years." Troubled marriages. They're … Continue reading Five wonderful years
A few years ago, back when I just had Tallulah and she was my first dog ever, I went online and found a dog IQ test. Since I'd never had a dog before, I had no idea if she was smart or dumb, so I tested her. And it turns out I was a tad … Continue reading Edsel gets a dog IQ test and is not offered a Fulbright. A half-bright, maybe.
I just tried to pet my silver purse, thinking it was one of the cats. What do you mean, I am not allowed to drive without my glasses? Good gravy. I used to have a black fuzzy cat named Ruby and I was constantly petting my black Uggs in the closet, too. Why do I … Continue reading Wouldn’t it be hilarious if one year they presented angry green men in trash cans rather than gold statues? Is that just me who thinks that’d be hilarious? Anyone?
Ima try to scream out this post before we go to a, yes, movie and then go home and watch four hours of a show about...movies. Some of you had wondered what Ned's picks for the Oscars Circle R are, and who cracks herself up every time she writes "Circle R"? The award for most … Continue reading Nedflix: The Oscar Edition
I don't have much to blog about today, because I am uninteresting. Last night I did my Tracy Chapman workout and watched a documentary at Ned's. And yes, I know it's funny I got a divorce from Mr. Documentary, Mr. All-Documentaries-All-the-Time, and then I meet someone else and what the eff do we do with … Continue reading In which June gets out the photo album. Oh, I know. Makes you wanna dive right in, doesn’t it?
They delayed work due to inclement weather and Dear Friends and Family in Michigan, You would die laughing about this "weather." This did not stop me, of course, from going right back to bed and spooning Tallulah, who was down with the return to slumber, as well. She never judges when one wants to have … Continue reading June serves lasagna. Story at 11:00.
Do you know what I bet Ned wishes? Is that he could ever come over here and not be assaulted by pets. My grandfather used to say wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which gets filled up first. Why do grandparents go around saying things that barely make sense like that? Is … Continue reading Despair face
Have you noticed we never get to hear about Dooce's divorce or whether she's dating anyone? I mean, I splayed out all my personal bidness straightaway as soon as there was anything interesting to tell, but she seems to spend all her time around her gay and 12-year-old friends. Come on, Dooce. We know you … Continue reading Sasha Fierce
Last night I had dinner with my friend and coworker The Poet. We've been TRYING to go to tea together, but clearly God is over us and our tea plans. First, we picked Proximity, which is a fancy hotel near me--and how ironic would it be if a place called Proximity were far away from … Continue reading Oh, yes. I certainly DO see a virgin up there in those stars. Freak.
Remember in December, when I gave everyone in my book club a nice moustache? What do you mean, "no"? What do you mean "sometimes I live my life and don't remember your every detail, June"? Whatever with you. At any rate, it's nice to see they're still being used to the fullest. I had book … Continue reading Mica! Broadway Bronze! This is what it sounds like when doves cry. No, I HAVEN’T had a stroke…
I have many plans today, including going to the grocery store for toothpaste because currently I need the strength of 10 men to attempt to squeeze out the dregs of my current tube, but so far all I've done is some laundry and I watched An American in Paris. Oh, and I ate pretty much … Continue reading Lips be poppin’.
My workday looks insane, y'all. And at lunch I have to run to Winston, because my friend Charlie, the one who broke his neck? Is in the hospital with some infections and stuff. Then after work I have dinner plans, so ACK. What I'm saying is no time to post today. Here. Enjoy this vintage … Continue reading I will talk at you tomorrow. Oh, how I miss Henry’s white ear tip.
Well, it's Valentine's Day, which technically is my favorite holiday because I like the colors. And yes, I know I also like April Fool's Day, and you know, a person can have two favorite holidays, persnickety. Where is it WRITTEN, I'd like to know, that you can only have the one favorite holiday? Hmmm? Watch. … Continue reading The Love Post. Soon will be making another round. The Love Post. Promises something for everyone.
You know what I did last night? I humped Edsel. He's always JUMPING on poor Talu and humping her, and she shows her mean teef and then he gets scared and 17 seconds later he does it again. Because Edsel is brilliant. So last night I was lying on the floor doing Tracy Anderson, and … Continue reading In which June humps Edsel and needs relationship advice
By the way, what's this? When Ned was sewing on my buttons, we noted that silver saint-medal-looking thing, and we knew normal domestic people would know what you did with it but we were flummoxed. Is it like a golden ticket, and now Ned has to be Pope? Do tell. And speaking of faithful readers … Continue reading Supposedly faithful readers but really dogs.
Since yesterday I was so busy showering you with more pictures of your own selves, I didn't get a chance to tell you the myriad things that're new, and by "myriad" I mean two. First of all, Ned has insisted that "we" need to not spend so much money going out, and by "we" he … Continue reading Mostly food. That’s what this one is about. Food. I’m kind of like Tallulah right now. You gots food?
It's 12:25 as I sit down to write this, and my plans today are (were) to garden a bit more, and pay some bills, do my yoga DVD because after a week of Tracy Anderson I feel tight as Camilla Parker Bowles' lips whenever Goodbye England's Rose is played, but what I decided to do … Continue reading I’ve been living so long with these pictures of you
I just spent 45 minutes gardening, and the fact that my arms are shaking annoys me. What am I, 73 years old? Don't answer that. Yesterday, I had another harrowing day at work, and then I went to the Target, there, to refill my goddamn migraine meds. The Prednisone I took to stop them from … Continue reading In which Ned becomes my stitchin’ bitch
Yesterday, after a harrowing day at work-- I mean, it WAS kind of busy, but I also took time out to torture the receptionist who is SO OVER ME. We're having window cleaners come in this weekend, and she has sent out messages about it, and whenever she does, I write back. "What a pane." … Continue reading Here’s Where the Story Ends. No, really, who did that song?