...friend/Ned · Beauty products · June's stupid life

Natural Woman

"Out of all the peanuts in the world, Mr. Peanut is the only one who makes an effort, with his jaunty hat and monocle and so forth. The other peanuts just lie around," said Ned, while we ate peanuts that he roasted himself, and I don't know what to tell you about The New Cooking… Continue reading Natural Woman

Beauty products · June's stupid life

June Grooms

Two nights ago, I spent $15.50 on a slate-colored eye pencil from Clinique. I was trying to get the free gifts they have, and I always get my facial soap from Clinique (I get the mini bars so I can use them at home AND travel with them) (I know! Brilliant grooming tips from June)… Continue reading June Grooms

Film · June's stupid life · Music

The Birds and the Bees

It is unseasonably cold here and I for one am annoyed. On my home page on my computer, as opposed to my home page I just have in life, I have the local temperature, the temperature of my hometown in Michigan, and for no real reason, the temps in Dublin and Paris. Back when we… Continue reading The Birds and the Bees

June's stupid life · Marvin · My pets

Marvin makes an appearance. As does Henry. (Onnnnreiiii!)

Sometimes Tallulah and I like to play "Heavy Cat," where I lift her up and carry her around the house with her legs all askew in an alarmed fashion. "Are you my Heavy Cat?" I ask her, while she patiently waits for me to be over this game. "Who's my Heavy Cat?" Sometimes I even… Continue reading Marvin makes an appearance. As does Henry. (Onnnnreiiii!)

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Sports

The one where June never ever lets you forget you’re a man.

I was extra busy sleeping this morning, so I didn't blog. I only got in eight-and-a-half hours, and I know you're wondering, "God, how does she do it all?" Cause I mean, after that brief rest, after that if-you-wanna-call-that-SLEEP sleep, I had to flurp some kibble into FOUR BOWLS before my six-minute commute to fake… Continue reading The one where June never ever lets you forget you’re a man.

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Television · Times I Amused My Own Self

Tyrannosaurus Ned

I meant to write sooner today, but apparently MTV feels the need to distract me with retro episodes of The Real World, in particular The Real World Las Vegas from 2002. "Trishelle's hawt." There's this poor awkward kid from the Midwest on Real World LV, and do you like how I've become so familiar with… Continue reading Tyrannosaurus Ned

...friend/Ned · Friends · June's stupid life · My pets


Every day, Monday through Friday, my alarm goes off at the same time, and every day that information stuns me. "What the--? Seriously? The alarm is going off? GOD!" Every day it's all, "The nation was rocked when June's alarm went off at 6:54 a.m." I hate getting up. I have a dumb day planned,… Continue reading MAMFing

Faithful Readers · Friends · June's stupid life

Post Secrets. Get it? Do you?

Wow. So, that was astonishing, wasn't it? Thank you all for telling your secrets. My posts are set up so you can leave comments for the next week or so, so if you get your courage up later, do so then. After reading your comments yesterday, I looked around at the people at work and… Continue reading Post Secrets. Get it? Do you?

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Weveal Wednesday

Last night, Ned and I went to the Post Secret Lecture at Wake Forest, which is a university where you learn all about woods that can't sleep. It's a school where they get you drunk and throw you in the forest, where you wake up lost. It's a school where the trees chatter like magpies,… Continue reading Weveal Wednesday

June's stupid life · Television

The Diary of June Gardens

I just kind of feel like I'm the only one who cares when The Real Housewives comes on. These animals don't understand that it's the most important show of our lifetime. And SEASON FINALE AND REUNION SHOW NEXT WEEK!!!! dyingdyingdying! You notice how I can't direct any attention to Edsel without him perking right up?… Continue reading The Diary of June Gardens

...friend/Ned · Friends · June's stupid life

Stupid conversations I’ve had with Ned

Bulls Ned and I were out the other night on the roof of a pub near his house, and this guy next to us was holding court, telling a whole gaggle of people about his trip to Spain and the bullfights and how cool Spain was and also Spain Spain senoritas Spain. He was STANDING… Continue reading Stupid conversations I’ve had with Ned

...friend/Ned · I am berserk · June's stupid life

With a fine, fresh scent.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! In honor of the Irish, I thought today I might cut soap.   Sorry I didn't write yesterday--I was cleaning my gutters. I KNOW! I was totally getting the older, handsome woman who can do it all vibe from myself. But in fact I COULDN'T do it all myself, because there… Continue reading With a fine, fresh scent.

Food and Drink · Health · June's stupid life

Pour some sugar on me

I felt a little headachy when I woke up today, AND THAT ANNOYS ME, since I'm, you know, desugaring and all. In fact, I may have to abort the eat-no-sugar plan for now. I KNOW. But listen. After paying my delightful COBRA, and if you don't pay him he'll slither up and bite you. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.… Continue reading Pour some sugar on me

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · Money

In which June might have had a taste of chocolate

I survived day two without sugar, except for the part where I had something a...trifle sugary. OKAY SUE ME. I ate everything right until after work, when I went to the H&R Block, there, to get my taxes done. Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass my taxes are, as a… Continue reading In which June might have had a taste of chocolate

June's stupid life · My pets

One day w/o sugar. Am I perfect yet?

I only have a few minutes to write today, as it is 8:14 already and the part where I got up late could be Fault O' Ned, who might decide midnight is an excellent time to be a chattterbox. Someone is a night person. I am too, but I also have to get up at… Continue reading One day w/o sugar. Am I perfect yet?

Health · June's stupid life

Don’t doesn’t.

What're you doing?" asked Ned, when he called last night. "I'm boiling eggs." "WOW!" What's sad is that me boiling eggs is such an exciting and novel occasion. And also that I had to look up how to do it. (You poke a teensy hole in the top, according to my How to Cook Everything… Continue reading Don’t doesn’t.

...friend/Ned · Friends · Health · June's stupid life

The one where June gets all school marm on your arse

For the last few days, I've been either too ill or too busy or, sadly, both to really blog, and I know your life has been poorer for it. Possibly your family members have been after you. "Cheer up, mom. June's blog will be back soon." Also, possibly you are part of the team checking… Continue reading The one where June gets all school marm on your arse