The Diary of June Gardens

IMG_0343I just kind of feel like I'm the only one who cares when The Real
Housewives comes on. These animals don't understand that it's the most
important show of our lifetime. And SEASON FINALE AND REUNION SHOW NEXT
WEEK!!!! dyingdyingdying!

You notice how I can't direct any attention to Edsel without him perking right up? she look at me? most excelint gurl look at edz? love edz? kizz edz? oh most excelint girl, pleeeeese love edz.

We
could also accuse Iris of looking at me, but she can't look at
anything, smartie. Just just over there swinging her head and singing
Isn't She Lovely.

IMG_0346Before I start getting concerned emails and comments, she was right above me, Lily was. Far from the maddening crowd. Similarly ignoring The Most Important Show of Our Lifetime.

Speaking of shows, tonight Ned and I are going to see the guy who invented Post Secret. Every Sunday I get excited because it's another week of post secrets, where people mail in post cards with their deepest, you know, secrets. They should also have Post Sucrets, where you mail in about your cold. I'd have sent $12 worth of post cards this winter. And you'd have all known it was my cold, because my cold was The Most Important Cold of Our Lifetime.

At any rate, the guy who came up with the whole idea is going to speak, and we are v.v. excited to go, and we figure if we can't get in because of the crowds, we'll just go to the homes of all the people present and read their diaries.

Have you ever read anyone's diary? Once an old boyfriend read mine then had the nerve to get mad about what was in there. When Marvin came to my house a few months back, after his dentist appointment in my neighborhood, he was here for an hour or so before I came home, and knowing this would be the case I cleared my browsing history on my computer, put away cards from Ned, looked around for anything incriminating, then LEFT MY DIARY RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. I have no idea if he read it or not, other than the part where he loves to do things like snoop through people's things, often with hilarious results. So.

I must go, as it is late AGAIN and I KNOW. I never start writing my blog until it's one minute before work anymore. Last night I was up late on Facebook, IMing with Miss Doxie AND Ned. I was bi-texting. I went both ways.

Photo(31)I leave you with this, which a faithful reader sent me. Apparently there are people out there with our blog names. Or they really, really like this blog and my romance with Ned. Which would be not at all creepy.

June, not needing to tell secrets to a website because she tells them all here.

P.S. I really like that new housewife, the one who thinks her husband is king. Okay, that part is luducrous but other than that she's sort of real. As real as those women get. I also continue to like Brandi despite her name.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

127 thoughts on “The Diary of June Gardens”

  1. MTM, Oh, you simply must come join PSS#2 and me at the tell-a-thon.
    I don’t care what you did, PSS#2, I forgive you. I’m sure even God was stupid when s/he was young. I mean look at some of the crazy shit s/he created! Now that’s something to be embarrassed about.

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  2. Thanks, PJ!
    Like June said, H/she DID create that horrid GOOP Girl.
    (Lord forgive me)

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  3. Takes damn near forever to read all the comments via an I-phone! But it’s better than none at all. POST SECRET! Like catholic confession only with less guilt, more relief. That web site serves a good purpose, I think. But the lonely/sad admissions are heart breaking. I couldn’t participate in fess-up Friday. I’m too dull. I think god made me simply because my parents had their hands more than full with my older siblings. (Suicide attempts, etc….serious stuff). Aside from eating a whole row of Oreos in one sitting, I got nothin’….oh…I don’t like my MIL….but *thats* not a secret!. Keep us posted on the baby, please, June! Babies are good news.

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  4. Phone book . . . you do have a much more active social life than I do. My phone book is buried in a drawer.

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  5. “My husband lost his job six weaks ago…” I just read this in “Ladies’ Home Journal”. What happen to their proofreader. They need June Gardens.

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  6. SBS. Why do I feel dirty after viewing that? Like I witnessed some private moment between them?
    Oh, well. At least she sings better than Kim, who’s always tardy for her party because her ring don’t mean a thing.

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  7. I have never kept a journal. If I did, it would just turn into To Do lists. Like someone else up there, I do have very detailed calendars and have ever since high school. No secret codes for sex though. I still have them all! Do you think my descendants will care when I had a history test? Now it’s just my mundane life, my daughter’s activities, and my husband’s occasional business travel. ho hum.
    Fess up day sounds fascinating. I got nothin’.

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  8. I abhor that trash Brandi. Although she is very pretty. And, apparently, so is her vagina as she said she got it “reconstructed”. Did I mention trash? And I love Kyle, and Lisa, and really love Yolanda.
    BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE THOSE EARS UP THERE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE POST!

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  9. OH MY GOD IT’S NOT REAL Y’ALL. THEY ALL KNOW THEY’RE ON CAMERA. THEY ALL AUDITIONED. THEY ALL HAVE AGENTS. THE DRAMA IS PRE-CONSTRUCTED. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER SHE’S SOBER BECAUSE SHE IS ACTING.
    God I hate “reality” shows.
    Anyway. Love all y’all, though! And look forward to totally anonymous Fess Up Friday!

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  10. Am I the only one who wants to pet Laurie (Lucy’s mom)’s head and tell her everything will be alright?

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  11. My friend got RV surgery after 3 kids. She claimed her lady bits were falling out of her shorts after the third one. Though I wanted to look before she went under the knife (can you imagine a KNIFE down there?!) I was too freaked out. She claims to be much happier now, though I will never be able to look at her in shorts again just on general principle.

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  12. It could be worse. It could have said “six week’s ago”… Ugh, how I hate the misplaced possessive.

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  13. Well, I’ve heard of the sling for a prolapsed bladder but never a reconstruction for a vagina. Wow. And stretching it over her head, she totally could find work in a circus.

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  14. Housewives! Giddy up! I must have missed a bunch of episodes if it’s reunion time already, but I saw the latest one so I now am current on all issues.
    1. Brandi. Me likey. She is a conundrum wrapped up in a paradox. How can a woman be so brash and arrogant with such an undercurrent of desperation and insecurity? Pretty, though.
    2. Kim is wiggity whack but her hair is so fabulous that I sometimes forget.
    3. Oh, it is real. At least the divorces are…so far. I’m sure it’s like any “reality” show but the kicker is that they take themselves and their issues so seriously! And then they pull me in and I start taking them seriously. And I somehow feel qualified to referee the whole thing. ? What ? I LOVE IT AND I DON’T CARE!

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  15. Where did you find that video of Yolanda?!!!
    I mean I know where, but HOW?!!!
    Furry is right…it does look like something she did for his eyes only!
    Wow.
    I do love watching all of the housewives and their shenanigans.
    It is total escapism.
    I especially love seeing how they live. The Vanderpumps truly live well. The best of all. Of the Beverly Hills crew, I like Yolanda, Brandi and Lisa.
    Kyle is horrible. Kim is bat-shit crazy. Camille is a non-factor. Taylor is a mess.
    Adrienne is horrible. Morally Corrupted Fay Resnick is horrible. Marissa needs to appreciate her seemingly good catch of a husband. But otherwise the jury is still out on her. I’ve got to catch up on yesterday’s episode…

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  16. Nice to know I’m in the Pre-Hot 100 era category on Wikipedia! Like that doesn’t make me feel older than dirt.
    “Why Don’t You Believe Me” by Joni James was the #1 single in Nov. 1952.
    But my favorite for the week of my birthday was a popular comedy skit “It’s in the Book” by Johnny Standley. The recording can be heard in the background in the final scene of the 1971 film, The Last Picture Show.
    Funny that 1971 is the year I graduated for high school.

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