Film · June's stupid life · My pets

In which Animal Protective Services should be called. Also, Nedflix.

Because it's been awhile since I've done it, and because I love myself so bad, I made all the pets do Circle of Life last night.   The circllllle of life! Boom! Say, guess who was in no mood for me and my circle? ...Boom! In other news? The cirrrrrclllllle! The circle of Edz's man… Continue reading In which Animal Protective Services should be called. Also, Nedflix.

I hate everything · June's stupid life

The one where June seems kind of crabby

First of all, I want to say to the 12 to 15 people who know me in real life who contacted me to either express their concern or to just blatantly try to find out what was wrong with me the other day, thank you very much. I know that I could have called any… Continue reading The one where June seems kind of crabby

I am berserk · June's stupid life · My pets

June and the Water Tower. Also, “fur.”

How is everybody doing? It's rainy here, and I have a migraine for the FIFTH DANG DAY IN A DANG ROW, and forgive my rough language. A few weeks ago I was at my doctor and he gave me some samples of some new migraine stuff--new to me, and that's who matters, here--called Treximet, so… Continue reading June and the Water Tower. Also, “fur.”

I hate everything · June's stupid life

Dark

Sometimes things happen in real life that I cannot blog about for whatever reason. This is one of those times. Usually, when something has happened and I cannot blog about it, I try to just write about something else, and it's always one of those terrible phony-ass <crickets> posts: June: Blahhhh de blooo bloo blooo!… Continue reading Dark

I hate everything · June's stupid life · Proofreading/Copy editing

June complains. I know! It’s like a unicorn sighting.

See? I knew hearing about everyone's sex life would be riveting. How many of you felt bad because of it? Several people emailed me to say hearing about how often others are having sex made them feel bad. Some wondered if their significant other was happy, now, or is there something wrong with them and… Continue reading June complains. I know! It’s like a unicorn sighting.

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

S Word. Or, “I’ll take Swords for 100, Alex.”

Did you ever see that Celebrity Jeopardy on Saturday Night Live when Sean Connery sees the category "S Words" and says, "I'll take Swords for 100, Alex"? I effing love Celebrity Jeopardy on Saturday Night Live. But that is not why I've gathered you all here today. I have GATHERED you here to ask you… Continue reading S Word. Or, “I’ll take Swords for 100, Alex.”

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life

Shoot shoot shoot

How many pictures like this do you think I will take of Ned? Last night there was a meteor shower. Did you see it? Neither did I. First of all, I have no meteor shower luck. If there's some kind of shooting-star event, I traipse out to some field somewhere, and lie there looking up,… Continue reading Shoot shoot shoot

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life · My pets

100% Natural

I'm trying to eat my delicious Ines Rosales tortas and Tallulah is on her hind legs, being two legs bad, trying to get it. Talu's beggy look. I'm certainly falling for it, too, you manipulative ass. Yes, it's perfectly fine to call your dog an ass. It's in all the best training manuals. Cesar has… Continue reading 100% Natural

June's stupid life · Not Grace Kelly

Blinded by the light

Dude. We totally see you. I have a busy day of freelance to catch up on, and guess who is a barrel of laughs? Is it devil-may-care June, over here? After next weekend I'll be done with all this freelance work, and then I officially become a full-time employee at my job on May 1,… Continue reading Blinded by the light

Health · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

The one where June tells you about her rash. Read on!

Because I know you're going to want every detail--who wouldn't?--I have a rash. It has been there for some time, and naturally I figured "leukemia," and I really have no idea if leukemia presents with a rash, and I did not look it up because even though Marvin left over two years ago, I still… Continue reading The one where June tells you about her rash. Read on!

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Television

Upstream

I have to be at work--work work, not fake work, and yay!--in 20 minutes, so I must hurry. I went out with Ned last night, to the salmon salad place we like. I usually eat half of that giant salad with an enormous piece of salmon on it, but I did Tracy Chapman workout first… Continue reading Upstream

Hair · June's stupid life

If I got yelled at, I’d be upbraided.

Sometimes it's like they're just begging to get on my blog. we not bee on blawg for millyun days, mom. dis kewt enuf? Do you like the nice sheet I have over the couch? I emulated Jackie Kennedy's sheet, from when she had four pets at the White House. How is it other people have… Continue reading If I got yelled at, I’d be upbraided.

June's stupid life · Music

To cheer us. Josie and her lack of pussycats.

I've been meaning to post this for awhile but I keep forgetting. Some of you have asked in the comments to see pictures of my friend Sleeping Beauty's kid, Josie, who is almost two now, and I'm certain my pal Sleeping would tell you the exact number of months she is, as all moms do… Continue reading To cheer us. Josie and her lack of pussycats.

I hate everything · June's stupid life

In which June is thoroughly annoyed at whoever ruined the marathon.

How come whenever my blog post is extra petty, something like this happens? Last time I was depressed and complaining about some stupid-ass thing, and that day there was a school shooting. Talk about putting things into perspective. I said this to Ned last night on the phone. "I blogged about duckface today, and two… Continue reading In which June is thoroughly annoyed at whoever ruined the marathon.

I hate everything · June's stupid life

Ten things that bug me. I know! Sometimes I get bugged!

I got up late today because there is no earthly reason Mad Men needs to end at 11:00 p.m., but it does, and all Mad Men season I am screwed up on Mondays. Last year when it was on I was laid off, which was super convenient. So what I am saying to you is… Continue reading Ten things that bug me. I know! Sometimes I get bugged!

...friend/Ned · Drag Queen envy · Friends · June's stupid life

eh eh eh eh [convulse]

I know it's Saturday and therefore eight people in total wonder why I haven't written yet, and for those eight people I will tell you that I've been working all day. I have freelance up my butt, which may lead you to wonder how I make my extra dollars. Anyway, I sat outside all day… Continue reading eh eh eh eh [convulse]

June's stupid life · Proofreading/Copy editing

June joins the workforce. And comes up with words like “inhibitionslessness.”

Oh thank all that is holy and merciful, I have a job again. My fake workplace, the place that'd laid me off in the first place and for whom I've been freelancing since September, asked me to come back for reals, y'all. YAY!!!!!!! And also "word." I am so street, with my use of "for… Continue reading June joins the workforce. And comes up with words like “inhibitionslessness.”

June's stupid life · Money

Wife of a close friend

I am sitting here waiting for Poland to pay me. Do y'all remember when I did freelance work for Poland? If you don't have your Big Calendar of What June Does, which I guess could also be known as this blog, I did work for them IN SEPTEMBER and I am still waiting to be… Continue reading Wife of a close friend

I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

Here’s looking at you, reader.

Last night, Ned and I went to the old movie theater we like so much and we saw Casablanca. Humphrey Bogart needs to get a new line. He says, "Here's looking at you, kid" FOUR TIMES in that movie. If I were Ingrid Bergman I'd be all, "Yeah yeah, I heard you the first 80… Continue reading Here’s looking at you, reader.