Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. You know, it really should be “were,” and why does every song have to torture me with the grammar?

Does anyone have any idea what it means when your air conditioning isn't really working? It wasn't working that well LAST summer, and I'm in here sweltering and doing my Meat Loaf in concert impression. Let me guess. It's gonna be a $950,000 thing, isn't it? Do you ever watch Suzy Orman? I have trouble … Continue reading Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. You know, it really should be “were,” and why does every song have to torture me with the grammar?

Limpadoo goes to the vet. Again.

It's Thursday night as I write this, and as long as something large doesn't come crashing through my roof, rendering me smushed and dead and unable to finish this post, I will have gotten everything done tonight that I wanted. Well. I haven't conceived Barry Gibb's child and given birth to it and named it … Continue reading Limpadoo goes to the vet. Again.

mL

Lately my coffee tastes weird. Clearly I have a brain tumor. Alternatively, maybe I'm making it too strong. It seems like the first cup is good, but after that it really isn't. Too bitter or something. So this morning I decided to actually look on the bag of coffee and, you know, read the directions. … Continue reading mL

Paula, TinyTown, and Ned enjoys food. It’s your one-stop blog, really.

Yesterday my friend Paula came to North Carolina. Paula and I worked together in Seattle. Not long after, we became housemates, and seeing as we were swinging singles in our 20s, we went out together a lot and drank and danced and came home and didn't have sex. We bickered all the time, and kind … Continue reading Paula, TinyTown, and Ned enjoys food. It’s your one-stop blog, really.

Twitter

I will tell you this story, but at least one person is going to write in and say, "You're a terrible person, Joooon." "You aren't fit for this planet, Jooooooooon!" Whenever y'all nag me, my name turns into Jooooon. Yesterday morning I was in the computer room, already showered and in Marvin's nice cowboy robe … Continue reading Twitter

June Takes Wayback Machine, Writes to Self. (Because god forbid she do anything important with wayback machine, like, oh, 9/11 or what have you.)

If somehow we were able to travel around in time--and don't really smart science-y people claim we really can? If so, will someone go back to 1983 and find my dang senior yearbook? Where'd I LEAVE it? Oh, and on your way out of the '80s, please drop me a line about not getting that … Continue reading June Takes Wayback Machine, Writes to Self. (Because god forbid she do anything important with wayback machine, like, oh, 9/11 or what have you.)

June Gardens’ Day Off

Guess who has a day off. Dayyyyyy off! Dayyyyy-yyy-yyy off. Daylight come and me want to go blog. There was a store in Seattle called the Bon Marché. I imagine it's still there; they tried to compete with Nordstrom, which, please. You cannot compete with any Nordstrom. Anyway they were constantly having one-day sales, to … Continue reading June Gardens’ Day Off

June thinks about old boyfriends in the middle of the night

Last night, right when work was coming to a close, I felt a migraine coming on, and THANKS, HEAD. (HEAD! MOVE! That's only funny if you enjoyed the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer, as I did. So bad, I did.)  I came home and took one of my migraine pills, and laid gingerly … Continue reading June thinks about old boyfriends in the middle of the night

Stupid conversations with my friends

Emails with Hulk: Hulk: You are the best chick I know, that I never banged. June: Well. THANKS, Hulk. Hulk: Hey--that’s no small club.  There are literally THOUSANDS of chicks that I never banged…   Phone call with Ned: Ned: How was your day? June: Not to put too fine a point on it, but … Continue reading Stupid conversations with my friends