Does anyone have any idea what it means when your air conditioning isn't really working? It wasn't working that well LAST summer, and I'm in here sweltering and doing my Meat Loaf in concert impression. Let me guess. It's gonna be a $950,000 thing, isn't it? Do you ever watch Suzy Orman? I have trouble … Continue reading Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. You know, it really should be “were,” and why does every song have to torture me with the grammar?
Tallulah went to the vet yesterday, where she managed to bark at everyone in the waiting area so how sick can she really be, and it turns out old Bob Barker has dermatitis, which she got from seasonal allergies, which made her skin itch, which led to her chewing her foot 470 hours a day, … Continue reading DIVA
It's Thursday night as I write this, and as long as something large doesn't come crashing through my roof, rendering me smushed and dead and unable to finish this post, I will have gotten everything done tonight that I wanted. Well. I haven't conceived Barry Gibb's child and given birth to it and named it … Continue reading Limpadoo goes to the vet. Again.
Am running late due to Ned-ing yesterday. Here he is using my nice reading glasses, opening his gifts. I got him a radio that he asked for, and ...other things. I got him some stuff that is part of a joke between us. I don't have to tell EVERYTHING on this blog, do I? We … Continue reading June is now dating a much older man
Tallulah is limping and licking her foot, and I DO NOT HAVE TIME for this today. So far I've looked at it and as usual saw nothing and why do I bother, and also I've kissed her head and called her Limpy Limpadoo. So that should pretty much take care of it, don't you think? … Continue reading In which June has to find someone named Fernando
Tomorrow is Ned's birthday, and it's all very exciting over here, with the baking and cooking and so on. Bah! Last year, I tried to make Ned a pie, and disaster struck. This year, we're going out to eat and possibly getting peach cobbler, because he's been bitten by the peach cobbler bug. I am … Continue reading June gets spotted
Lately my coffee tastes weird. Clearly I have a brain tumor. Alternatively, maybe I'm making it too strong. It seems like the first cup is good, but after that it really isn't. Too bitter or something. So this morning I decided to actually look on the bag of coffee and, you know, read the directions. … Continue reading mL
Yesterday my friend Paula came to North Carolina. Paula and I worked together in Seattle. Not long after, we became housemates, and seeing as we were swinging singles in our 20s, we went out together a lot and drank and danced and came home and didn't have sex. We bickered all the time, and kind … Continue reading Paula, TinyTown, and Ned enjoys food. It’s your one-stop blog, really.
Here's Ned in the middle of a story, last night. Let me guess: This came out sideways once I posted. We're headed to Charlotte now because my old roommate Paula is there, following the band Heart around. Yes, she follows the band Heart around. I don't know what to tell you about that. She is … Continue reading Charlotte
I will tell you this story, but at least one person is going to write in and say, "You're a terrible person, Joooon." "You aren't fit for this planet, Jooooooooon!" Whenever y'all nag me, my name turns into Jooooon. Yesterday morning I was in the computer room, already showered and in Marvin's nice cowboy robe … Continue reading Twitter
Embrace life anyway. You gotta hear the very, very last thing she says. Love her.
After perusing your comments from the what-bad-food-do-you-like post, I was relieved to see that so many of you like to eat horrific things. I'd hate to be alone in my poor diet. Yesterday I left here early, which you can imagine is my strong suit, as I am such a morning person. Embracing the morning. … Continue reading Cuff and Link
I have to dash out the door to get my car fixed, because I broke both my side mirrors. Yes, I did. I ran into the driver's side mirror with the garbage can when I was dragging said can to the curb, and when the mirror hung there sadly, I was super careful about dragging … Continue reading White Bread
On Purple Clover. Yay!
If somehow we were able to travel around in time--and don't really smart science-y people claim we really can? If so, will someone go back to 1983 and find my dang senior yearbook? Where'd I LEAVE it? Oh, and on your way out of the '80s, please drop me a line about not getting that … Continue reading June Takes Wayback Machine, Writes to Self. (Because god forbid she do anything important with wayback machine, like, oh, 9/11 or what have you.)
I thought I'd rerun this post, since it's Father's Day and all. Happy Father's Day, y'all! It being Father's Day, I would like to apologize for the following transgressions over the past 43.11 years: I am sorry for the time I called you on April Fool's Day and told you I joined the Army. I … Continue reading Dear Dad,
I am home only briefly, as Ned and I are going to lie by his pool, because we're not aged enough, then go to dinner. Last night I MADE dinner, and I guess I should have warned you before I just blurted that out. All 17 of the people who read me on Saturday just … Continue reading Bite ’em Drink ’em Chew ’em
Guess who has a day off. Dayyyyyy off! Dayyyyy-yyy-yyy off. Daylight come and me want to go blog. There was a store in Seattle called the Bon Marché. I imagine it's still there; they tried to compete with Nordstrom, which, please. You cannot compete with any Nordstrom. Anyway they were constantly having one-day sales, to … Continue reading June Gardens’ Day Off
Last night, right when work was coming to a close, I felt a migraine coming on, and THANKS, HEAD. (HEAD! MOVE! That's only funny if you enjoyed the movie So I Married An Axe Murderer, as I did. So bad, I did.) I came home and took one of my migraine pills, and laid gingerly … Continue reading June thinks about old boyfriends in the middle of the night
Emails with Hulk: Hulk: You are the best chick I know, that I never banged. June: Well. THANKS, Hulk. Hulk: Hey--that’s no small club. There are literally THOUSANDS of chicks that I never banged… Phone call with Ned: Ned: How was your day? June: Not to put too fine a point on it, but … Continue reading Stupid conversations with my friends