In which most of you fail to appreciate the healing powers of the Big Mac, a superfood in its own category.

Trying to get you people to answer a simple question is like herding cats. Green or blue? "Well, June, in 1987 I decided to stop believing in colors, so I surgically had that part of my brain removed and now I see only black and white." GREEN OR BLUE? "Are we talking about penises, June?" … Continue reading In which most of you fail to appreciate the healing powers of the Big Mac, a superfood in its own category.

Beaches

Remember in Beaches, when you kept waiting for Barbara Hershey to die, and there she'd be in the next scene? Here I still am! I'm like that Monty Python skit: I'm not dead yet! Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! God, that's funny. Anyway, I know you're all, Why is she still posting? Why isn't she at the beach, … Continue reading Beaches

ROYAL BABY! ROYAL BABYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

THE ROYAL BABY IS ALMOST HERE! SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!! hooo care. Oh, this is so exciting. I gotta get everything ready in case she brings it over right away. ...What? Do you think Kate Middleton reads my blog? I mean, I'm the only person talking about her online, right? What if Paula H&B is really Kate Middleton … Continue reading ROYAL BABY! ROYAL BABYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Birthday wrapup. Oh, and I hate Typepad.

The best thing about my birthday is that Ned got "Ned!"ed while he was buying my birthday cards. Yes, cards, plural, because he is the best boy ever invented. The woman at the store said, "I'm not gonna pretend that I don't know you're Ned." She said she's been reading me since Bye Bye, Buy, … Continue reading Birthday wrapup. Oh, and I hate Typepad.

Today I’m 48. And I didn’t immediately stampede over to Facebook to see who said HBD or anything. Nosir.

I have to go tear open my 4539399393 presents now. (Only child.) (You should have seen my obscene haul when I was also the only grandchild.) I will report on my festivities tomorrow. I know! Lucky.You. In the meantime, what was your very best birthday? What was your dumbest? Do tell.