Today is payday, which is good, because as of yesterday I had $31 in checking and $67 in savings. And I'd been hacking at myself with a dull razor. I don't mean I was Sylvia Plath-ing out because I'm destitute. I'm pretty resigned to being destitute at this point and it doesn't depress me anymore. … Continue reading I’m Your Venus
I am running horrifically late, a fact I blame on Ned and his alluringness. So because I have to be at work in SEVEN MINUTES and here I am blogging, let's have a Very Special Episode of Bye Bye, Pie. Let's have Ask June. What you wanna ask me?
It "snowed" here. dis it? even edz not impress. Edsel somehow manages to look more dignified when he's outdoors. Maybe it's because his underbite isn't as apparent, or his ears are dwarfed when you compare them to the solar system. I don't know. But can you see he has snow on his snout? There's dignity … Continue reading What do the crippled folk do?
The fun thing about having a blog is the part where I get to take a lot of pictures of myself and pretend it's "for my blog" when you know perfectly well most times I just blow those photos up and stroke them lovingly. The other interesting thing is that I can see what I … Continue reading My Unnatural History
I am ridiculous. Hello, everyone. It's Monday. and my blown-out hair is starting to look a little ragged. The whole all-straight look is so foreign to my locks, it's like it's fighting to make its wavy self known again. So piece by piece, the straight parts rebel and kink. It's like how the smart German … Continue reading Who’s this “Karen”?
I think I've been pretty subtle about this, but Ned has been gone all week and I was vaguely aware that he was gone. YAY! NED IS BACK!!! Here's a picture he sent me from the Natural History museum. Ned loves him some natural history. Nothing about my history is natural. Make no bones about … Continue reading FogJune LegJune
Ned comes home today!! Ned comes home today!!!! Did I mention Ned will be back? He won't be back till late late late, though, which annoys. All the work part of his trip is done, so why can't he stampede home tout suite? Maybe I'll find a way to use "tout suite" every day. That'll … Continue reading Rooster
There are many things I've been meaning to tell you, then I get here to my computer and forget. I am doing the same thing with Ned, who is finally in New York, and every time we talk or email I think, "Oh, yeah, I was saving up to tell him..." ??? Why does that … Continue reading Swoop
For some reason, I feel dance-y today, and started thinking about my favorite dance scenes in movies. FLASHDANCE I saw Flashdance when I was 18, and Alex, Jennifer Beals' character in the movie, was 18. Oh, how I wanted to live in a loft and dance and have a butt like this. Please refer … Continue reading Come Dancin’
We had a pretty dramatic accumulation of less than half an inch of snow, and I was hoping they'd delay work today, but no. Don't even laugh. They closed school early yesterday because it might could snow. "Might could" is one of my favorite Southern phrases. Along with "carry." If someone needs a ride somewhere, … Continue reading Winter Storm 2014
As most of you know, I also write for a website called Purple Clover. I know. You can't get the eff away from me. I also edit my company's newsletter. Soon I'll be writing your entire local newspaper (your sports section should be riveting), all the greeting cards at your Hallmark and the Christmas letters … Continue reading The splendor of me
In case you were worried that I up and died like Mr. Bojangles' dog, first of all let me give you a hand off the Drama Express, and also let me fill you in on my weekend of working and Ned-ing. On Friday, I went to Sephora with Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life … Continue reading The traditional year-two gift is a sparkly squirrel
Faithful Reader Karla wrote me at one o'clock this morning to say every year, on the third of June, she and her friend call each other to say, "It's the third of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day." I know we need to get over Billy Jo McAllister jumping off the Tallahatchie Briiiidge, but come … Continue reading Cut soap
While I'd love to stay and talk about Billie Joe McAllister some more, I thought I'd finally recap for you what I did in December, which was celebrate Christmas and so on. Which I hate. Christmas, I mean. And now I am sharing my time with a man who similarly hates Christmas, so the holiday … Continue reading A long December. An even longer post.
The open floor plan they've implemented at work has indeed fostered important conversations. "What exactly DID Billie Joe and his girlfriend throw off the Tallahatchie Bridge?" my boss asked. "I always figured it was a baby," I said. "A BABY? Why? I figured it was flowers," said my boss, as he unceremoniously ripped a whole … Continue reading Ode
Yesterday's comments were riveting. I have nothing interesting to ask you today, and I am sorry. I know I still need to tell you about my long December, but telling you about my months that I wasn't here requires me to look at all my photos and download them onto my desktop and then upload … Continue reading Flap
Guess who stayed out too late, going to Charlie's fundraiser and all? Could it be philanthropists Ned and June? Do you count as philanthropists when all you did was buy tickets, buy drinks, buy one of the tshirts and silently auction? I won the facial, though, so wooooo! With my luck it'll be the new … Continue reading Your Cheatin’ Heart
Today I'm going to a fundraiser for my friend Charlie, who fell in a stupid freak accident in August 2012 and is now paralyzed. Here he is a few years back when he thought orange hair might be an idea. Dear Charlie: It was not. Anyway, he needs a van so he can get out … Continue reading My pal Chas
You aren't even going to believe what freaking happened to me today. "NedKitty has a vet appointment first thing Saturday," Ned told me, not remotely using the name "NedKitty" because it's the dumbest name on earth. However, he HAS told me stunning tales of NedKitty's growly anger when she has to go to the vet. … Continue reading Legend of the Fall
Did you ever see that depressing movie, Sweet November, with Sandy Dennis looking annoyingly perky despite the fact that she is dying? I just ruined the movie for you, and you're welcome. You've had 40 years to see it, so it's not my fault. I watched it on November 1 in 2012, and the whole … Continue reading Sweet November