Beauty products · June's stupid life

I’m Your Venus

Today is payday, which is good, because as of yesterday I had $31 in checking and $67 in savings. And I'd been hacking at myself with a dull razor. I don't mean I was Sylvia Plath-ing out because I'm destitute. I'm pretty resigned to being destitute at this point and it doesn't depress me anymore.… Continue reading I’m Your Venus

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Marvin

What do the crippled folk do?

It "snowed" here. dis it? even edz not impress. Edsel somehow manages to look more dignified when he's outdoors. Maybe it's because his underbite isn't as apparent, or his ears are dwarfed when you compare them to the solar system. I don't know. But can you see he has snow on his snout? There's dignity… Continue reading What do the crippled folk do?

June's stupid life · Weblogs

My Unnatural History

The fun thing about having a blog is the part where I get to take a lot of pictures of myself and pretend it's "for my blog" when you know perfectly well most times I just blow those photos up and stroke them lovingly. The other interesting thing is that I can see what I… Continue reading My Unnatural History

Books · Friends · June's stupid life

Who’s this “Karen”?

I am ridiculous. Hello, everyone. It's Monday. and my blown-out hair is starting to look a little ragged. The whole all-straight look is so foreign to my locks, it's like it's fighting to make its wavy self known again. So piece by piece, the straight parts rebel and kink. It's like how the smart German… Continue reading Who’s this “Karen”?

...friend/Ned · Friends · June's stupid life

FogJune LegJune

I think I've been pretty subtle about this, but Ned has been gone all week and I was vaguely aware that he was gone. YAY! NED IS BACK!!! Here's a picture he sent me from the Natural History museum. Ned loves him some natural history. Nothing about my history is natural. Make no bones about… Continue reading FogJune LegJune

June's stupid life · Ooompa Loompas suck

Winter Storm 2014

We had a pretty dramatic accumulation of less than half an inch of snow, and I was hoping they'd delay work today, but no. Don't even laugh. They closed school early yesterday because it might could snow. "Might could" is one of my favorite Southern phrases. Along with "carry." If someone needs a ride somewhere,… Continue reading Winter Storm 2014

Beauty products · June's stupid life

The splendor of me

As most of you know, I also write for a website called Purple Clover. I know. You can't get the eff away from me. I also edit my company's newsletter. Soon I'll be writing your entire local newspaper (your sports section should be riveting), all the greeting cards at your Hallmark and the Christmas letters… Continue reading The splendor of me

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life

The traditional year-two gift is a sparkly squirrel

In case you were worried that I up and died like Mr. Bojangles' dog, first of all let me give you a hand off the Drama Express, and also let me fill you in on my weekend of working and Ned-ing. On Friday, I went to Sephora with Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life… Continue reading The traditional year-two gift is a sparkly squirrel

June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

Cut soap

Faithful Reader Karla wrote me at one o'clock this morning to say every year, on the third of June, she and her friend call each other to say, "It's the third of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day." I know we need to get over Billy Jo McAllister jumping off the Tallahatchie Briiiidge, but come… Continue reading Cut soap

...friend/Ned · Family · June's stupid life

A long December. An even longer post.

While I'd love to stay and talk about Billie Joe McAllister some more, I thought I'd finally recap for you what I did in December, which was celebrate Christmas and so on. Which I hate. Christmas, I mean. And now I am sharing my time with a man who similarly hates Christmas, so the holiday… Continue reading A long December. An even longer post.

June's stupid life · Music

Ode

The open floor plan they've implemented at work has indeed fostered important conversations. "What exactly DID Billie Joe and his girlfriend throw off the Tallahatchie Bridge?" my boss asked. "I always figured it was a baby," I said. "A BABY? Why? I figured it was flowers," said my boss, as he unceremoniously ripped a whole… Continue reading Ode

...friend/Ned · June's stupid life · Los Angeles

Flap

Yesterday's comments were riveting. I have nothing interesting to ask you today, and I am sorry. I know I still need to tell you about my long December, but telling you about my months that I wasn't here requires me to look at all my photos and download them onto my desktop and then upload… Continue reading Flap

Hair · June's stupid life

Your Cheatin’ Heart

Guess who stayed out too late, going to Charlie's fundraiser and all? Could it be philanthropists Ned and June? Do you count as philanthropists when all you did was buy tickets, buy drinks, buy one of the tshirts and silently auction? I won the facial, though, so wooooo! With my luck it'll be the new… Continue reading Your Cheatin’ Heart

...friend/Ned · I am high-maintenance · I hate everything · June's stupid life

Legend of the Fall

You aren't even going to believe what freaking happened to me today. "NedKitty has a vet appointment first thing Saturday," Ned told me, not remotely using the name "NedKitty" because it's the dumbest name on earth. However, he HAS told me stunning tales of NedKitty's growly anger when she has to go to the vet.… Continue reading Legend of the Fall

...friend/Ned · I hate everything · June's stupid life · Sports

Sweet November

Did you ever see that depressing movie, Sweet November, with Sandy Dennis looking annoyingly perky despite the fact that she is dying? I just ruined the movie for you, and you're welcome. You've had 40 years to see it, so it's not my fault. I watched it on November 1 in 2012, and the whole… Continue reading Sweet November