June's stupid life · OooooooWEEEEEooooooo!!!

Get Your Freak On with June

As I said the other day, and why don't you pay attention to me when I'm talking, on Fridays, I will report for you a freaky story told to me by a reader. Several have rolled in, and here's the first one. I read this LATE AT NIGHT when I was ALONE and thanks a… Continue reading Get Your Freak On with June

June's stupid life · My pets

Yes, Hulk, I talk about this every year. Say, how ’bout you grab a ladder and get over it?

Six years ago today, I was living in TinyTown, North Carolina, and I was headed to Raleigh for a job interview, just like Barney Fife. Remember when Barney and Andy would go there and they'd play the big-city music? It's at 2:33, below.   Perhaps as I tell this story you can have that tune… Continue reading Yes, Hulk, I talk about this every year. Say, how ’bout you grab a ladder and get over it?

Health · June's stupid life

lowercase. and points.

I'm glad you liked yesterday's post about my coworker Bill's near-death experience. It has inspired to me feature a New Thing here on this blog: Freaky Fridays. I know. How did you ever think of such an original name, June? When you have a mind like this... I'll explain Freaky Fridays in a minute, but… Continue reading lowercase. and points.

June's stupid life

June’s coworker dies. Tells us about it. I KNOW, dude.

Not that long ago, a bunch of us here at work went to lunch together, as we are wont to do, and one of my coworkers, Bill, told us the story of his near-death experience and I.was.riveted. So I asked him to tell it to all y'all, and here it is. Fridays are my favorite… Continue reading June’s coworker dies. Tells us about it. I KNOW, dude.

I hate everything · June's stupid life · There's an Arlo & Janis website?

I am feeling blue

What do you do when you feel awful? Do you just carry on and smile and act like a huge phony or do you fall over and moan like Rosie on The Jetsons? I was just trying to find that episode--do you remember it? When Rosie bends over in despair, imitating Judy, and says, "Ahhh-ohhh.… Continue reading I am feeling blue

I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

When Junes attack

As one of Ned's gifts for Christmas, I got him a Sunday delivery of The New York Times, which in case you think is cheap is not. Like everything in New York, it is expensive and ridic. My father once said that eating in New York is like when you try to eat at the… Continue reading When Junes attack

Health · I am high-maintenance · June's stupid life

June. Making the rockin’ world go ’round since 2006.

So we had our first official Weight Watchers meeting at work yesterday. I had a harrowing--HARROWING!!--week at work, so all I was able to do was weigh in and leave. And lemme tell you, that was enough. The sumo wrestlers called. Said once I drop a few pounds they'd like me on their league. Do… Continue reading June. Making the rockin’ world go ’round since 2006.

Health · Hulk's sex life · June's stupid life

Found a peanut. Ate it.

I had the most uncomfortable dream just before I woke up, and don't you hate people who tell you about their dreams? I was back in LA, and it was New Year's Eve, and I was alone on a crowded street. And that's depressing. You go back to the place you lived for more than… Continue reading Found a peanut. Ate it.

...friend/Ned · Books · Friends · June's stupid life

The somnolent powers of Ned

I finally slept last night, thank GOD. You have no idea how grateful you can be for the mere act of sleeping, if you haven't slept. Or maybe you do. I note a lot of middle-of-the-night-I'm-not-sleeping posts on Facebook. Is this a getting-old thing? When I was a kid, I spent every Friday night at… Continue reading The somnolent powers of Ned

I am high-maintenance · I hate everything · June's stupid life

pingpingchingpongpongpingchingchong

Remember yesterday when I told you that I woke up in the middle of the night and my thoughts went pingpingchingpongpongpingchingchong? I know that sounded vaguely Asian, and my thoughts did not go Asian. You know what I mean. They pinged around. All day I was exhaust, as Tallulah would say. I even thought about… Continue reading pingpingchingpongpongpingchingchong

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Because jazz is like the inside of my head, that’s why.

I did that thing where I woke up in the middle of the night and my brain went   for an hour. FYI: I abhor jazz. Would you like to torment me? Play me some jazz. Jazzzzzz. Good Lord. So now I am late, but my mention of jazz (jazzzzzz) (good Lord) reminds me of… Continue reading Because jazz is like the inside of my head, that’s why.

...friend/Ned · Hair · June's stupid life

Shazbot. Nothing’s wrong, I just felt like saying “shazbot.”

I hope all y'all all had good Valentine's Days; I had a lovely time. Because it's my holiday. And I am the gross kind of in love. And all that. Ned sent me beautiful red tulips, and I wonder if he thought of the Sylvia Plath poem about red tulips when he sent them. Heaven… Continue reading Shazbot. Nothing’s wrong, I just felt like saying “shazbot.”

June's stupid life · My pets

Officially over the word “snowpacalypse”

So, hey, it snowed here. If you're Facebook friends with anyone from the South, you probably already know that. You probably know that a LOT. One woman brought her child to work yesterday, a child who was about 18 months to 11 years old. She sat at one of the desks and drew and read… Continue reading Officially over the word “snowpacalypse”

Hulk's sex life · June's stupid life

In which June says “six to ten inches” and tries to stay mature

Every morning here is the same. The stupid annoying alarm goes off and Edsel LEAPS off the bed and runs out, as though someone is ringing shots into the bedroom. Tallulah stays where she is, with her head on the other pillow, sleeping through each time I hit snooze, which is 394994293 times. Occasionally she'll… Continue reading In which June says “six to ten inches” and tries to stay mature

Dooce envy · June's stupid life

Bye-bye, pie

Dooce did a juice cleanse for several days and feels great. I tried to buy an almost-expired blueberry pie on sale at the store last night, but my ATM card was rejected. So I came home and ate Kraft Macaroni and Cheese that I already had on hand. That about sums us up. So what's… Continue reading Bye-bye, pie

June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

Almost parRODise

Am certain you are champing at bit to hear the rest of my shower curtain rod story, which I began yesterday. I'd hate to leave you HANGING. Get it? Do you? Ned and I went to Target to return the damn rod he'd bought me to replace the one I'd thrown out my front door.… Continue reading Almost parRODise

I hate everything · June's stupid life

My rod and my wrath

On Friday night, Ned and I were having a night in, as part of our fiscal responsibility plan. I was making salmon the way I like it (coated in brown sugar, balsamic vinegar and pretentious brown mustard), new potatoes and a big salad with dressing just the way I like it (grapeseed oil, apple cider… Continue reading My rod and my wrath

Ask June · June's stupid life

June manages her lunch.

This morning, I alerted you that I was running late, for a change, because I embrace the morning, and I asked you what I should write about when I come home at lunch. I was expecting more: "Write about THIS topic, Joooon" and I got really sort of more, "Here are some Qs we have… Continue reading June manages her lunch.