In which Marilyn Monroe is compared to a nut

Last night, there was an enormous spider on Ned's wall. It was a major spider. You can imagine my manly response. Ned got rid of it, and agreed it was a giant spider. "I think he was suicidal. He didn't even put up a fight," he said. "I wonder what got him so depressed. Maybe … Continue reading In which Marilyn Monroe is compared to a nut

Apparently, the rhythm got June

The directions to my eyelash curler pads are so small I had to use a magnifying glass to read them. No, we're not back to first-world-problem day. Still! How annoying. I can't read anything anymore, and Ned just last night had on my reading glasses with the leopard print and sparkly sides while he perused … Continue reading Apparently, the rhythm got June

Yogurt, furnaces, the Greeks, bawls

The yogurt I'm eating expires today, so if I begin to die, please tell that to the paramedics so they can treat me for expired-yogurt disease. Thank you. Remember when we all ate Dannon like it was a thing? Stirred the fruit up from the bottom? I never liked doing that--too much effort. When I … Continue reading Yogurt, furnaces, the Greeks, bawls

Nothing a little pineapple Hello Kitty can’t cure

Thank you all for your kind comments yesterday for the 8 minutes that fucking Typepad was up. They're under another attack and working to keep this dang site functioning. I'd like to take that HeartBleed bastard and smack him right in his medulla. Despite the fact that Typepad was up for .00002 seconds yesterday, people … Continue reading Nothing a little pineapple Hello Kitty can’t cure

In which Ned does not wish to kick off his Sunday shoes. Also, FREEEK EEE Friday!

I might have been a little dramatic about the Freaky Friday story, but it will show up at the end of this post. So all you have to do is slog through the crap Ima blog about and then you get a nice creepy story. You're welcome. There are a few Ned stories I've been … Continue reading In which Ned does not wish to kick off his Sunday shoes. Also, FREEEK EEE Friday!

Shower Curtain Rod Stewart

Thanks for the shower-curtain-rod advice yesterday. I don't have drywall, I have tile, and the damn thing fell again yesterday. Ned and his engineering degree say that my shower curtain is too heavy, but believe it or not my shower curtain is not beaded and sequined and fur-lined, although it would be if they made … Continue reading Shower Curtain Rod Stewart

Mostly I just like to say, “Solange.”

Sorry I'm late today. I was super busy beating up my brother-in-law in an elevator. By now I hope you've seen the delightful and riveting video of Beyonce's sister, Solange, beating up poor Jay Z, who always struck me as a normal person but what do I know? I thought Lamar Odom was normal, too, … Continue reading Mostly I just like to say, “Solange.”

Ned does not really wear an orange caftan. I can just see some yahoo taking that seriously.

This weekend, Ned and I schlepped to see his mom, who lives at the beach, which is not too shabby. Ned and his mom stayed up talking till 2:00 in the morning on Friday, and his entire family must think I'm a peanut farmer, what with my going to bed nine hours before everyone else. … Continue reading Ned does not really wear an orange caftan. I can just see some yahoo taking that seriously.