Shower Curtain Rod Stewart

Thanks for the shower-curtain-rod advice yesterday. I don't have drywall, I have tile, and the damn thing fell again yesterday. Ned and his engineering degree say that my shower curtain is too heavy, but believe it or not my shower curtain is not beaded and sequined and fur-lined, although it would be if they made such a thing. But now I'm living with just having the liner up, and really they should have some kind of telethon to avert these kinds of tragedies.

But my shower curtain rod is not why I've gathered you all here today. This is.

10295229_10152405730588850_2012390568323934351_oheeeee! My old friend Hometown Horselady, and who even knows why her parents named her that, sent me this photo of us via the Facebook yesterday. This was exactly 20 years ago, and what's sad about that is in this picture, I'm STILL older than most of the people I work with. I was 28.

That photo was in Denver, where my friend Gertrude and her love of sunflowers had moved, and a bunch of us and my hair descended on her for a weekend. It was a bring-your-own-thigh-highs situation. I am fairly certain I topped off that look with some clunky black Doc Martens. Feminine.

Do you see all her CDs? Those were stolen from that ground-floor apartment, hundreds of them. You can't see them all here, but trust me, hundreds of them. A lot of Cure CDs hit a dirty old blanket somewhere, to be sold for the drugs. Or maybe the person just stole them and rocked out to the Cure.

dust my lemon eyes
with powder pink and sweet
the day I stop
is the you change
and fly away from meeeee

Oh, don't you love the Cure?

I remember that my old boyfriend Michael bought me that dress, which had to be taken off the mannequin because all the dresses hanging up were too large. I'm leaving to kill myself now. Talk to you from the Great Beyond. And by "Great Beyond" I mean Old Pitch and I will chat at you later.

Anyway. Moving back to the present, where my friend Hometown Horselady is still that size and I am featured at the circus. My friend Hometown Horselady runs every day. Every. Day. In Michigan. Where it is often below zero. She just straps on her cold-weather gear and goes. Every day. Did I mention she does that daily? And we are pushing 50? She also rides her horse, which I hear is good exercise but I am too busy inspecting Fritos to know that firsthand.

She also has chickens and two cute dogs and many rescue cats, and in summary, bitch stole my look.

MOVING BACK TO THE PRESENT, last night Ned and I saw the Vivian Maier movie, and you should put down the Fritos and go.

23MAIER1-master675 FindingVivianMaier_Vivian_M 009_vivian_maier_verve-magazineVivian Maier was a nanny in Chicago for most of her life, and she didn't like to call attention to herself at all. She was forever taking pictures with her box camera, but no one ever saw them. Then she died, alone and sort of crazy, and after her death her stuff was sold and some young guy found them and said, Hey, what do I have here? And the rest is history.

Now her photos are being shown in London and New York and everyone's all berserk about them. Which is exactly what's going to happen to my photographs, 6a00e54f9367fb88340133ed975e4d970b-800wias you all have told me time and again.

Okay, I'm off. I have to go copy edit things and worry about my shower curtain. And possibly look into a few Fritos.

50 thoughts on “Shower Curtain Rod Stewart

  1. Oh, I MISSSSSSSSEEEEEDDDDD you yesterday. I had a big paper due that I was avoiding and I got done at 1 AM. I began reading this last night and couldn’t get through, I was tired. But all day I kept looking at my tab, thinking all I wanted to do was check in with you, June! I love that picture. That is ’80s hair (or is it ’90s?) if I ever saw it. I LOVED my Doc Martins. And my Birkenstocks. And I still want to wear Birkenstocks, but I know I can’t anymore. I never thought they were cute, but oh, they were so comfy.
    AA~ Your singing was lovely. And that snake story, KILLED ME.
    Lovely post and comments, everyone!

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  2. When I originally read the article, my biggest question was why was she bathing her guinea pigs. And did she say to them, “Guess who’s coming to dinner?”

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  3. Here is my favorite article about this.
    http://news.yahoo.com/python-bathroom-texas-132725962.html
    For one thing, the woman said, “As soon as I turned on the bathroom light, that’s when I saw it.” Sort of along the vein of “Right then I knew….” Then, the responding officer shows up with a paper bag. The woman says, “You’re going to need a bigger bag,”
    Killed me.
    Thanks, Sadie, for pointing this out to us.

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  4. Was this woman composed enough to recognize it as a python? “My word! There’s a reticulated Northern African rock python behind the loo!” Because I’d be all “SWEET PICKLED JESUS THAT’S A BIG FUCKING SNAKE,” and not be at all concerned with correctly identifying its provenance.
    Hmm. I wonder if Jay Z mentioned doing something with his python shortly before someone Went Solange on his ass.

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  5. Irony is finding a python in your bathroom at a time when the sight of it most likely caused an urgent need for the toilet.

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  6. Crissy doll! How neat was it to have long hair at the press of a button? I was enamored with my Christmas Crissy doll.
    And to completely change subject, did anyone read about the woman who found a 12-foot python in her bathroom? Apparently, it escaped from its owner and slithered into her house when she left her backdoor open. Make sure you close your doors!

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  7. Amish Annie beep beep, bad girls sad girls you're such a naughty something something forgot the lyrics

    Other people on the playground now. I’ll go back to lip synching.

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  8. And solitaire’s the ONLY GAME IN TOOOOOWWWNNNN
    And every road that takes him, takes him doooooowwwwwn
    And by himself it’s easy to pretend
    He’ll never looooooove agaaaaaaaaaaain
    And keeping to himself HE PLAYS THE GAAAAAAAME
    Withooooout her love it always ends the saaaaaame
    While life goes on around him everywherrrrrree
    He’s playing solitaire

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  9. Was I the only one who thought of Crissy dolls when looking at June and her girlfriend? Probably. Yet I cannot help but wonder, if you press on June’s belly, does more hair come out on top of her head?
    Oh, what I wouldn’t do for all that hair now that I am losing so much of mine. *Wistful Sigh*

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  10. So farrrrrrrr away
    Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore…..
    It would be so fine to see your face at my door
    And it doesn’t help to know, you’re so faaaaaar away

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  11. Did I shut down comments? Was it because you all heard me singing OhOh I need youuuuuuuu by meeeeee, beside meeeeeee, to guiiiiide meeeeeee, to hoooold me, to scold me, cause when I’m bad, I’m so, so baaaaaaad….
    I can not carry a tune to save my life. I lip synch in church because it would be a sin to force other people to hear me sing. Doesn’t stop me from torturing people at home or in the office though.

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  12. I actually laughed out loud at Paula’s joke. I worked years at a domestic violence shelter. Almost all the staff were funny or in my case, super appreciative of the funny. Can’t imagine doing that work without laughing as much as I did.
    Jooooon, you had Donna Summer hair! So cute! And now I have Last Dance stuck in my head.

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  13. Paula, I would have giggled indiscriminately. Unappreciative bastards.
    Great post, June! Very funny.

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  14. Paula, I would have giggled indiscriminately. Unappreciative bastards.
    Great post, June! Very funny.

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  15. Paula, I would have giggled indiscriminately. Unappreciative bastards.
    Great post, June! Very funny.

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  16. Paula, either you gots the funny or you don’t gots the funny. How sad to work with funnyfree folks.
    And Jooon, you gotta work on the body image. You are a stunning, beautiful woman….TODAY !!! Get over it. Ducking the liver.

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  17. The I am featured at the circus comment about killed me, but the Fritos inspector finished the job. Plunk. You must add Frito inspector to your resume.
    Paula, I thought your comment was hilarious. They don’t know you yet. Hopefully, they will catch on soon.

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  18. Where is everybody? Now I’ll look like a serial poster.
    June, I would love to see a photo documentary of your life.

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  19. You’re right, Paula, it wasn’t given proper appreciation. I’d have giggled.
    And Anita is right, too, screw in rod is still the way to go. Have Ned get a drill big meant for ceramics, then put painters’ tape over the tile he’ll be drilling through. This will keep the tile from chipping. After he drills, remove the tape, et voila!
    I know, I know, bloop de bloo de bloo….

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  20. Dear June,
    If you get a furry shower curtain be sure the fur is on the outside not the, you know, Lining, because wet fur.
    You’re welcome.

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  21. Sorry for the sidebar but I can’t resist this gift for all those who work in soul-sucking offices and have to endure long meetings. The Writer’s Almanac

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  22. Paula, doesn’t June have an app for that?
    June, you look adorable and it looks like it was a good time. I can’t remember when I have had fun like that. Been too long.
    You can still screw into that tile. Your curtain will never fall again. And to Ned’s, it’s too heavy, that’s just crazy talk.

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  23. Twenty years ago thigh-highs and Doc Martens were IN – no shame there, you were [and still are] hot. Looks like a grand time was had by all and that is the point, right?
    Paula, love the quick retort – your colleagues just can’t keep up.
    Lovely post, June – thank you for the morning humor!

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  24. Funny? Right! I’m still laughing.
    Lovely post, June. Sadly, no one will make a fortune off any of my pictures. But you have real earning potential when you publish a book of Edsel’s poems.

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  25. Your mentioning that Hometown Horselady runs every day reminded me of what I think was one of my best and TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATED quips ever and I will share it here because YOU PEOPLE have a sense of humor, not like the attorneys I first said it to. (Am I the only one who is offended when people don’t think something I KNOW is funny is funny? Just me? FINE.)
    Bunch of lawyers and lawyer-types. Making small talk before the closing. Blah de bloo, urp de bing, hoo hah bladgett.
    So Andrea says that she swims three miles every morning. AND I SAID: “Boy, and I thought MY commute was bad.”
    Funny, right? JERKS.

    Like

  26. Your mentioning that Hometown Horselady runs every day reminded me of what I think was one of my best and TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATED quips ever and I will share it here because YOU PEOPLE have a sense of humor, not like the attorneys I first said it to. (Am I the only one who is offended when people don’t think something I KNOW is funny is funny? Just me? FINE.)
    Bunch of lawyers and lawyer-types. Making small talk before the closing. Blah de bloo, urp de bing, hoo hah bladgett.
    So Andrea says that she swims three miles every morning. AND I SAID: “Boy, and I thought MY commute was bad.”
    Funny, right? JERKS.

    Like

  27. Your mentioning that Hometown Horselady runs every day reminded me of what I think was one of my best and TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATED quips ever and I will share it here because YOU PEOPLE have a sense of humor, not like the attorneys I first said it to. (Am I the only one who is offended when people don’t think something I KNOW is funny is funny? Just me? FINE.)
    Bunch of lawyers and lawyer-types. Making small talk before the closing. Blah de bloo, urp de bing, hoo hah bladgett.
    So Andrea says that she swims three miles every morning. AND I SAID: “Boy, and I thought MY commute was bad.”
    Funny, right? JERKS.

    Like

  28. Writer/Copy editor/Frito inspector.
    I could copy and paste multiple excerpts here with !, but will just say lovely, hilarious post, Joob!

    Like

  29. Your lovely self looks great in those pictures, knee-high whatevers and all. And Joon, they do make shower curtains with sequins (or sequence, as I’ve seen it spelled). I have one with purple sequins on it.

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