Eye of the Iris

Yesterday I was in the kitchen at work when my phone rang. It was the property manager for that house. "June, I talked to the owner. He's willing to go down on the price AND the pet deposit." You can imagine the pet deposit he wants.

My voice stayed calm while I talked to the property manager, but I was jumping up and down and dancing while we talked. About 86 of the Alexes were eating at the table. "I feel like we should be playing some '80s song, like Eye of the Tiger or Maniac," one of the boy Alexes said, who was a zygote when Eye of the Tiger was a thing.

Ned and I decided that we probably seem like attractive candidate for rental. "I mean, to look at us, you'd say, 'Hey, there are two responsible adults.' You have to get to know us to figure out how wrong that is," Ned said.

So this weekend we're going to list my house for rent, and see how it goes, response-wise. If it's dreadful, we won't apply for the place. That was my idea, and look who's practicing impulse control, when what she really wants to do is start schlepping her couch over there tonight?

Actually, Ned says my dog-covered couch should go, and that no dogs will be allowed on his nice couch. He says he's going to train my dogs to be decent human beings, and I cannot wait to see him try. Does anyone remember the trainer I had come over who said in all her years of working with dogs, she'd never met a dog as obstinate as Talu?

IMG_0704eet lu short, unkkle neds.

It's that time of year again where Lu rolls in the blackberries in the yard. I did not punch her eye.

IMG_0705der be dissaplines? eds love dissaplines.

I wonder if it's possible to have dogs with more opposite personalities.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, my birds left. I had chickadees or wrens or something in my little bird house that's right outside my window, and it was so cute, until it wasn't.

IMG_0339They'd go beep! beep! beep! beep!, the babies would, and I would squeal a little and go back to watching TV or whatever. As the weeks went by, it was more BEEP! BEEP! BEEP EM EFFERS BEEP!

First of all, there must have been 20 of them. And clearly they were all slackers. By last week, they were peeping constantly and were clearly able to leave and get their own damn food. They had a few keggers with the other young birds in the neighborhood, and played their rap music and I was so over those loud birds.

Then day before yesterday I was in here and noticed the silence. And then I missed them. I'll tell you who else missed them.

IMG_0360wat? eyeriss just enjoy sunshyne. dat it. yeah.

She probably scaled the post like Sylvester and sucked them all out of that hole through a straw.

Anyway, that's the latest with my NEW! HOUSE! that I am not at all excited about and decorating in my mind. Oh, and Ned does not want color-coordinated books. I have no idea what's wrong with Ned. Who wouldn't want that?

Would anyone like a house to rent? How about a dog? Would anyone like a dog? You can't have Tallulah. Okay, let me know.

62 Comments

  1. Pine Sol!! Natural cleaners are lovely, but go for the strong stuff if you want to rent out your house. Better living through chemistry!

    Like

  2. I’m making note of all of these cleaning tricks. Thanks, everyone.
    Good luck with your plans, June. Hope everything turns out the way you want.

    Like

  3. Here’s a cleaning tip that sounds crazy, but helps a lot! Swiffer your walls and ceiling. It goes really fast, and you will be astonished and slightly creeped out at the same time.
    Also, change your A/C filter.

    Like

  4. My dog, Penny, is also a terrier-ist! She is perfectly sweet, but when I tell her to “sit,” she doesn’t drop like a Golden Retriever. She has to think it over first. But I’m the same way, so we get along.

    Like

  5. “Waiting” is in the #1 position of my Netflix cue. (I don’t think anyone should be allowed to eat in a restaurant until they have worked in one or at least had a job serving the lovely public.)

    Like

  6. We get gallons of a de-stinkifier called “Out!” at K-Mart. It has a picture of a dog and a cat holding their noses on the label. We had cats peeing all over the place at our last house and even the realtor, who basically told us we would have to remove all of our stuff and our very selves out before she could sell our house, didn’t notice a smell.

    Like

  7. I haven’t been on since May 31st, so I had a lot of catch-up reading to do! Your new home looks gorgeous! And you’re wise to each have some space of your own. Since Ned has already been successful as the Dog Whisperer, I think he will train them to stay off his couch. Just to be safe, though, I’d cover it up when you are both away. And, that pic of you and Ned in the cemetery is my favorite! Besides looking great, I think it perfectly captures the spirit of each of you!!

    Like

  8. Scrub all wood surfaces with Murphy’s Oil Soap, wash all other items with a mixture of vinegar and water. Whatever room the cat’s litter box resides make sure you scrub with vinegar and water with just a drop or two of basil oil. Do this daily and you won’t have that ammonia smell. The other thing is keep your windows open as often as possible. I know it’s summer and it’s the south but really only one way to air out a house and that is to air out the house.

    Like

  9. “She [Iris] probably scaled the post like Sylvester and sucked them all [baby birds] out of that hole through a straw.”
    Oh my God! I am laughing so hard!! I will picture this in my head all day. Giggle! Snort!

    Like

  10. I get these odor neutralizing gel tubs at the Depot. Made by Natural Magic, Bamboo Rain scent. About $3-4. Seem to work pretty well, and not chemical smelling. Also, charcoal (not with lighter fluid), can do wonders, like in the empty fridge, or the basement or porch. Absorbs odors and cheap.
    Now I need to get the cat smell out of my own stuff, closets particularly.

    Like

  11. If you had a GREYHOUND, there would be no doggy smell. True story. They lie about the shedding (this fucker sheds) and they lie about the NO barking (she only barks when we have forgotten to address one of her two needs, so we deserve it) but she does not smell. Wet? No smell. On the other hand, if the temperature goes below 45, I have to dress a 70 lb dog in a coat. So there’s THAT.
    Watch dog story: water meter guy just came to fix/replace/hoocare the meter. Nova picked up her head, looked at him, yawned and put her head back down on her pillow. Ferocious.

    Like

  12. If you had a GREYHOUND, there would be no doggy smell. True story. They lie about the shedding (this fucker sheds) and they lie about the NO barking (she only barks when we have forgotten to address one of her two needs, so we deserve it) but she does not smell. Wet? No smell. On the other hand, if the temperature goes below 45, I have to dress a 70 lb dog in a coat. So there’s THAT.
    Watch dog story: water meter guy just came to fix/replace/hoocare the meter. Nova picked up her head, looked at him, yawned and put her head back down on her pillow. Ferocious.

    Like

  13. If you had a GREYHOUND, there would be no doggy smell. True story. They lie about the shedding (this fucker sheds) and they lie about the NO barking (she only barks when we have forgotten to address one of her two needs, so we deserve it) but she does not smell. Wet? No smell. On the other hand, if the temperature goes below 45, I have to dress a 70 lb dog in a coat. So there’s THAT.
    Watch dog story: water meter guy just came to fix/replace/hoocare the meter. Nova picked up her head, looked at him, yawned and put her head back down on her pillow. Ferocious.

    Like

  14. You think your cheepers are loud? Try baby hawks! Between the babies and the parents, who apparently must broadcast their comings and goings to each other as well as to the babies, oh, they are loud! And the babies are large – Polly came nearly snout to beak with one last week! Luckily, it was sitting just over her invisible fence line. It clearly had a failed fying lesson. Polly bark bark barked for about 30 minutes, then lost interest long enough to allow the baby to hop-flap further from the fence line. I can only assume the parents eventually rescued it as I saw no feather heap in the yard next door.

    Like

  15. http://smile.amazon.com/Purification-Essential-Blend-Young-Living/dp/B0015KQUO4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1402752084&sr=8-2&keywords=essential+oils+purification
    not sure if the link will work. I bought an essential oil by Young Living on Amazon.com called purification. I used it when cleaning my house, some of the cabinets had that old, moldy funk smell to them, i mixed water with this oil and wiped the cabinets with it, took care of the smell. My son got random legos in a bag from a kid at his birthday party that stank to high heaven of smoke. I washed the legos several times with all kinds of cleaners, never worked. I used that oil with water, soaked the legos, and no more smell.

    Like

  16. Can the cushion covers on your sofa come off? I’d throw them in the wash and hang to dry and put back on just slightly damp if they’re hard to get back on.
    Mrs Meyers is great. I have Basil.
    Get some refrigerated cookie dough, try not to eat it raw. Then pop them in the oven prior to showing your house.

    Like

  17. Oh, wowy wow! So excited for you! I am sure your place will rent it is so cute. I don’t know if Ned will pull this off or not. It could go either way, because I know that once you LIVE WITH such cute creatures, they have their way with you.
    Lovely post, June!

    Like

  18. Amish, I second that emotion. Exactly.
    Joooon, here’s the hard part. Once you get the smells out, keep the dogs clean or the smells will just come back. Weekly baths. aaargh.
    Also, Arm and Hammer Litterbox deodorizer is miraculous.

    Like

  19. I have use two products effectively for dual Beagle smell:
    1. Vinegar and water (takes care of odors)
    2. Mrs. Meyers Clean Day (organic cleaner-it is awesome) I usually use the Lemon Verbena scent which seemed to take care of my Beagle’s hairy smells.
    Suggestion: Take smelly furniture out of house temporarily and store somewhere if the smell doesn’t come out with a quick clean.

    Like

  20. Exciting times at the Gardens. I bed Ned won’t have one bit of trouble training those sweet doggies. After all they behaved well for him when he walked them just the other day.
    I do LOVE that house. You will probably not have problems renting your cute bungalow.

    Like

  21. When we boarded Wilbur for a week we decided to use the trainer at the kennel. It was a bit more than we wanted to spend but I thought if we got a mannered dog out of the deal it would be well worth it.
    The day I picked him up the trainer came out into the parking lot to meet me. He looked at me for a long second, kind of shook his head and then said, “well… he’s a challenge. I mean he’s a nice dog, a great dog. Very sweet. Not a mean bone in his body but a challenge.” This man has been training dogs for show, for various helping professions, police dogs for 20+ years. After I got Wilbur and he ran through a few command with me, he patted me on the back and said, “Good luck. He’s the toughest dog I’ve ever worked with. He’s very stubborn.”
    Why, Delilah?

    Like

  22. You have blackberries so abundantly that your dog is rolling in them, and I’m paying $79 for 6 ounces of them at the store? Blah!

    Like

  23. I took my dog-before-this-dog to puppy kindergarten. The instructor called him a Welsh Terrier-ist. In his defense, he was in a class of all golden retrievers who would curl up and die if you looked at them crossly. He eventually graduated, but all his diploma said was “Perfect Attendance.”
    I was so distraught after one class that, when we got home, I sat on the kitchen floor and cried and told him “I don’t care! I love you anyway.” He thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.
    Everybody loved that dog. When I was getting ready to move when he was about a year old, a young woman in the park we went to said “You can’t move. My boyfriend loves your dog!” I guess I was supposed to tie him to a tree and leave him in the park.
    He used to charge into groups of kids playing soccer and steal their hats. (Hence, “the dog that stole Seth’s cap” — which was a step up from terrier-ist.) I always apologized to the kids and they always said “Its OK. He’s having more fun than we are.”

    Like

  24. “I also worked in a cafeteria in college where I fine tuned my hatred of other people.” Loved this here, Maryanne. Loved.

    Like

  25. This is rich, June…this post. Just effing rich. Also and too, “I mean, maybe she hated her name”…dying.

    Like

  26. I waited tables at a busy pizza joint in my teens and then worked in the office at a country club type of place but I liked to hang out with and observe the kitchen staff and their shenanigans. All the stereotypes of wait staff, management, cooks, chef, prep people, dishwashers, all of those stereotypes are true but in such good quirky ways. You can tell the dude who wrote the Waiting…screenplay had schlepped at a restaurant or five.
    Colonial garb made me smile so much my eyes are watering. Colonial garb!

    Like

  27. I forgot I wanted to see that! In high school, I waited tables dressed in full colonial garb in a not remotely revolutionary town. I also worked in a cafeteria in college where I fine tuned my hatred of other people.

    Like

  28. I choose to believe that Penny and Talu are highly intelligent and think to themselves, “Why would a “person” lay on the floor every time someone else says ‘down’?” And, “If a “person”wanted to be walking, she would be walking, bitches. Comprende?”
    I imagine Talu sounding like Gloria in OITNB. Penny is more the old, salt-of-the-earth nun. I am the woman who is always crying on the the public phone with just a dash of Crazy Eyes.

    Like

  29. I know, I would like Joob to fast forward her life a month or two for our benefit, cause we DESERVE it, and just move into that house and get started on blurry pictures and documenting blended household shenanigans.
    The word shenanigans always me of the movie Waiting… with Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris and Justin Long. Oh how that movie killed.me.deaddeaddead. I think only people who schlepped tables at some point in their life would understand how dead-on accurate that movie was.

    Like

  30. OOhhhh! New house! And as a suggestion NOT advice… Since you have four bedrooms, why not make one a dressing room/giant closet like we did? We still have a guest bedroom where the cat lived and an office for the birds to live in. I mean the hamster lives there too.
    Wait. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. Spare bedroom as a closet. It made me love my husband more.

    Like

  31. Will you and Ned be the landlords or are you thinking of using a property management company like the hopefully new house?

    Like

  32. I’m DYING for you to get that house already! Hasten thee to the List of Craig and get yours rented out.

    Like

  33. This ain’t exactly advice, but girl, take your hairy couch! Put it in another room or something. Then those sweet, sweet puppies can still feel deviant around Ned and roll on a couch while he preserves his. Like a den or something.
    Ned wishes he could get your dogs to behave. My husband said the same thing when we moved in together 15 years ago about my fat cats. Get off the counters (yes, it’s gross, but where do you think they bathe when you’re gone?), get off my bed, stop eating my food. Last year before one of those cats died at 18, my husband was feeding that old, crotchety, alzheimers ass cat mint chocolate chip ice cream on the counter.

    Like

  34. Lu’s obstinate personality reminds me of my Miss Maizie Wiggleston. She was the same way. We used to take her for walks-not long walks mind you but when she didn’t want to walk anymore she would just flop down on the sidewalk and refuse to move another step. And our vet said the same thing, that he’d never seen such an obstinate dog. Sending good thoughts for you rent your house.

    Like

  35. I mean, yeah. Do you guys remember? Tallulah got up and walked on two legs so that she wouldn't get pulled by the Gentle Leader that the trainer put on her. She also lay on the road and got pulled. Talu, not the trainer.

    Like

  36. My dog, Penny, was the only dog in a class of 10 or 12, that would *not* lay down. Professionals were crawling around the floor showing her how it was done–but no way! Not for at the bits of cheap, smelly hotdog in the world.
    Good luck to Ned.

    Like

  37. That is very happy news. Hooray and best wishes on the rental of your house, which I am sure will become the home of someone we’ll love to hear all about.

    Like

  38. So excited for you! Someone will rent your house – from what I’ve seen in your pictures, it’s adorable.

    Like

  39. June I have an obstinate Labrador Retriever who would literally dig to China to get a ground squirrel. I too hope you get the house and that Talulah Creed will become a responsible human bean.

    Like

Comments are closed.