God, moving is awful. Talk amongst yourselves. In the meantime, I was perusing all the stupid photos I've taken with this computer through the years. Self-involved much? Christmas last year. Nice. Knife. November of 2011, when I was dating the Tall Boy. Those pajama bottoms are HOT. After my first date with Ned, January 2012. … Continue reading I’m in hell
My nails are a mess and all the emery boards have been packed away, I have a bruise on my shin now, and my left calf is not working. Yesterday was the hardest of all the damn moving days, so far. I painted the front door--it's green on the outside and white inside. Then I … Continue reading Did you know I’m moving?
We were a lot cuter when the day began. I brought the dogs on the porch for a last portrait in front of the house. Ever since Talu had her incident, you have to bribe her with treats or cat intestines or the head of Peg to get her to come out anymore. It's amazing … Continue reading In which June giggles at screws.
I have gotten a few Freaky Friday submissions since Peter's chilling tale. Here's one from Jeanne. __________________________________________________________________________ My mother used to tell a story about me: When I about four, I found my mother weeping and asked her why. She told me it was my late grandmother’s birthday and that she missed her mother. I … Continue reading Freaky Friday: Look what June remembered to do!
Well, I'm ALMOST packed. I know it's taking forever, but I'm going through a whole house and shed and attic and Marvin's stuff and besides, I usually get bored after an hour. There's no light in the living room anymore, hence the dark depressing Sylvia Plath look of my now-empty bookshelves. Shelves are staying here. … Continue reading Livin’ downtown. Driving all the old men crazy. Sadly, I’m probably too old to drive old men crazy.
Ned is sick. If you're Catholic, you might want to go light a candle or something. He emailed me midmorning yesterday. "I am home from work. I have aches, chills, I feel awful." I asked if he needed anything. "Yes. A chicken sandwich from the Iron Hen, and some sauteed okra. I.am.starving." I got him … Continue reading Let me stand next to your fire
Ned and I have been dating for two years, eight months and four days, but who's counting. At some point, we've developed a little routine. This is mostly because Ned is a very routine-y person, whereas we all consider ourselves lucky if I remember to wake up and go to work each day. The point … Continue reading Shag
It's Sunday night and it's raining, which I knew would happen anyway because my hair predicted it. I inevitably get a small but unmistakable curl right in the middle of my forehead--yes, when she was bad she was horrid--before it rains. It is a reliable barometer. Anyway, this is the second-to-last weekend that I will … Continue reading Now there’s me there is no weakness
Just broke the news of my move to my neighbor Peg, of the norovirus Pegs. Despite breaking my 30-year no-barf streak, she's been a good neighbor. She made dinner for me and brought it over the day Marvin left. She had a Kate and William wedding party at 5:00 in the morning. She painted my … Continue reading Officially getting sad
I just heard that stupid Jewel song, from the '90s, where she wishes she could tell the whole world, "We're all okay." She also wishes to tell the world not to worry, because worrying's wasteful and something not good something. Is there anything more annoying than some 21-year-old twit thinking she can tell the rest … Continue reading My hands are small I know. Oh, shut up.
I'm going to have to resort to using the word redonkulous to describe yesterday's workday, and I wouldn't like me, either. I was so busy, without looking up, ever, and then last night I dreamed the thing I was working on ended up being done in Comic Sans, which is a dreadful font, and I … Continue reading What a lot of mermaids say
The other night, Ned and I headed to his house in separate cars. We do that so if one of us dies the entire monarchy won't go to hell. When we get near his house, I always turn on February 1 Street--and yes, there really is a street here called February 1. He likes to … Continue reading Rhinestone Cat Chow
I had a dream that Ned and I offed Julia Roberts last night, but mostly that is because we saw the movie Rope in that old theater we like. But also because Julia Roberts. Dear FBI: I do not wish to actually murder anybody, even annoying Julia Roberts. Please do not come arrest me. Or … Continue reading Q-Tips and other hints from June
I want you to know that as I type this to you, I am also touching up my white roots. June Gardens, multitasker. June Gardens, white-haired old geez. I guess "old geez" is redundant. You'll have to accommodate me. I'm ancient. I'm like that great aunt who says incredibly racist things that you have to … Continue reading In which I am so unfunny that I make a Willem Dafoe joke. You are going to Willem Defriend me.
I have no idea what would compel a cat to get right in the middle of the action of loud, floomping books going floompily into a box many times. But this is why I love Iris so bad.
I haven't done any Freaky Friday tales lately because as far as I know, I'm out of them. If you sent me one and I never published it, tell me in an email and I will look for it. Do you have any idea how many emails I get a day? They get lost, man. … Continue reading Return of Freaky Friday. OooooooWEEEEEEOooooooo!
I came into work yesterday morning, and it turns out a lot of people had been there till 1:30 the night before. The good news is there were doughnuts AND leftover pizza, as well. Honestly, I think the dryer is working TOO well. Shrinks m'clothes. I ended up having a pumpkin doughnut, which I did … Continue reading Pretentious Cat Chow
Why do you guys even let me go to Ned's? You know it makes me show up here late. In three weeks, is EVERY post gonna be late because THERE Ned will be, distracting me? On top of that, so to speak, due to things that happened in the world yesterday, my job is going … Continue reading Dog Gas Day Afternoon
Mondays are always my ridiculous day, as I have an hour-long weekly meeting at work right from 4:00 till 5:00, and then I have my my student--for whom I have to make lesson plans--and finally my Purple Clover articles are always due on Monday. And I want you to know I did ALL THOSE THINGS, … Continue reading CU Now, Tuesday. That never gets old.