It's the end of the year, FYI, and time for my end-of-year veedeo, and you've been around a long time if you know why I say "veedeo." So long, 2014! You weren't all bad. (Click on the white "2014 Be Done" title at the top of the video, so it'll take you to YouTube, where … Continue reading I have the feeling Ima be just as annoying in 2015.
All if ever does is rain here. I mean, Christmas day was sunny, but that was like 49 days ago, right? I don't even know what day it is, other than we're at that weird purgatory between Christmas and Dick Clark. What do you mean? The point is, it feels like it's rained for 140 … Continue reading Crap. Forgot a Title.
Usually, I purchase some iteration of Secret, any scent but baby powder scent because why do I want to smell like a child molester, but this time I decided to mix it up and get another brand and boy, was that a mistake. So many of my problems in this life are connected to the … Continue reading Hey! I have a Dry Idea!
Somehow this morning I got on the topic my my gramma's Real Romance magazines and now I'm obsessed. My grandmother had a relatively large house--I mean, it was four bedrooms, and it had an upstairs and a downstairs and a large dining room with really cool open-in-with-a-latch windows that I failed to appreciate till I … Continue reading True Confessions
Okay, so Christmas wasn't so bad, after all. Shaddap. I never had time to list more of your good deeds yesterday, as I was, you know, Christmasing, and I think if we do these next year I won't even TRY to list 'em. There're just so many now, which is good. But if you want … Continue reading Our national nightmare it over! It’s Dec. 26!!
My hatred for this holiday has not improved one iota since I experienced World's Busiest Day at Work yesterday ohmygod. We got out of work early, though, and Ryan came and hung out after, and I know you all envy old Mrs. Robinson/Pamela Smart/Dinah Shore, over here. In unrelated news, Edsel has a new One … Continue reading Sleigh Bells Ring, They’re Annoying
A few weeks ago, my friend Jo borrowed my sari and my wig for a party, and no, I DON'T know what kind of freak-ass parties she goes to. It's my Dress Like an Eastern Indian party! Later, we'll take calls from American customers! Was that racist? MERRY CHRISTMAS! The point is, this bedroom is … Continue reading The one where June mentions how she likes it when people say Christmas Eve day
A few weeks ago, I asked you all to give me a story that ended, "And THAT is why I don't like corn." It's an old family joke with Ned's people, in which Ned's brother-in-law just burst out with that line one day, with no context whatsoever. I promised that the best "and that is … Continue reading And THAT is why I don’t like Jan
I really meant to type "hi," and my nails have grown too long. I've had a gel manicure on them since Thanksgiving and all of a sudden I'm Cher. Remember how she had the nails? God, I wanted nails like that in the worst way. I had no idea in 1975, when I was lusting … Continue reading Screaming in to say ho. Which is not at all polite and who needs to type better, do you think?
You're going to be mighty impressed, but at my work bowling event last night, I rolled a 66 and a 69. When I got a 69, Ryan said, "That's hot." Mature. My team was named Pinterest and so we all wore a pin. WOOOO! You'll be stunned to hear we did not win for best … Continue reading Countdown to January 2
I went to bed kind of late last night after my office party, not that it went on forever, really, but I got home around 9:00 and then wanted to watch the rest of this old movie I recorded. Dear Mom: I figured out I could record movies on our TV. It's like we're The … Continue reading The one where June does her makeup and blogs at the same time. The one where June NEEDS BOTOX SO BAD OHMYGOD.
Yesterday, we had our ugly sweater party.brunch at work, and I meant to put a slash there, but that period between the words seems so modern, like I'm creating one of those really stark websites everyone thinks is so cool now. What's the word everyone uses now? Clean. Let's have a clean design. No one … Continue reading /
That's a line from The Way We Were: The only David X Cohen in the book. It's who Barbra Streisand marries after Robert Redford, and really, how do you follow up Robert Redford, especially when you're a stumpy chubby Jewish schlub, which is how I picture David X Cohen. The point is, Talu has a … Continue reading The only David X Cohen in the book
You know I don't believe in soulmates, but that is because I had yet to meet J. We work together, and she is on the newsletter staff, and I am the proud editor of said staff, so that is how we met and fell in love. Somehow one day we got to talking about makeup, … Continue reading Soulmate
Last weekend, when Ned and I were at that on-the-streets Christmas celebration, we went to a store that sells vintage, and right here I'd like to apologize to my friend Kit, because I bought a vintage coat for $45. It's dark blue wool with big cool buttons and a cream fur collar. Yesterday, at my … Continue reading Refridge
Funky Cold Medina was playing while they did my recent biopsy. I mentioned it to the doctor, who said they have an interesting selection of music there. I mean, Funky Cold Medina. Is this really how I want to thin out in this life, to Funky Cold Medina? Speaking of which, is anyone keeping track … Continue reading Things I forgot to tell you
How do you know if you have a sinus infection?
Once Ned's sister was riding in the car with her husband, in relative silence, when all of a sudden he said, "And that's why I don't like corn." "...You were just having a conversation with me in your mind, weren't you?" she asked. He admitted he kinda was. Today's assignment is, in the comments, give … Continue reading And that’s why I don’t like corn.
Normal people's hair grows a quarter of an inch per month. Knowing that I had my color done just last month and now there's a considerable white line striping down the center of me like I'm some sort of Dolly Madison dessert, I decided to measure. How long was that white strip that was not … Continue reading June blogs while she waits for her root dye to work
Last night, two people who abhor Christmas got into the car, drove around for 47 hours to find parking, and made their way through a giant, unmoving, germ-infested crowd to see a Christmas tree being lit downtown. "Why did we do this?" I asked Ned, as a photographer from the Greensboro News & Record shoved … Continue reading Boy, do we heart Christmas