So here I am, at the house Ned and I share. Shared. Crap. I'm packing some stuff today and taking it to the new place. I half-heartedly tried to schedule movers this week, but when no one called me back, I didn't follow up. I just kind of moped around like Eeyore. I want to … Continue reading If that’s movin’ up then I’m movin’ out
Composing on my phone again, which is sure to be error-free. Last night, the Alexes and I went to a psychic. We each had 20-minute readings. She told me that I needed to calm down (Hah!) and really decide what I want. She told me to make an image board, which is funny because I … Continue reading What the psychic said
I'm composing this verbally, via my phone, and I cannot imagine the travesty it is going to turn out to be. I am at my friend Kay's house, and I cannot wait to see how this phone spells Kay. Please know that she has an E at the end of her name. I usually add … Continue reading At my pal Kaye’s house
My roots just shot clean out my head in the past couple days. "That's cause you're mad," said my student yesterday. She said it with utter confidence, like she was an anger/follicle expert. "When you get mad, your hair comes out." Well, it did come out, with a vengeance, so now I'm writing you while … Continue reading Like Snow White
I've been sleeping with my dogs again, for the first time since September. It's lovely, and also awful. I forgot how they get right on top of me, so I can't move my legs, ever, or roll over. But there is nothing better than when Tallulah rests her chin on your head and sighs, "Hmmmmmmmmm." … Continue reading Crappy thoughts while in the midst of a crappy breakup
Thank you to everyone who texted or emailed or called or whatever. It means a lot to know I am not alone in this hell. I've contacted a few places to see about moving in to them, but do not know how realistic that is given my pets and the fact that I just freaking … Continue reading Alone again, naturally
Am going to try to be dignified about this, like I'm Coretta Scott King or something, but my relationship is over. And I don't mean sort of or maybe or we had a tiff. The damage is irreparable and it's over.
It turns out I'm just fine having needles stuck up in me as long as I have an audience. A barfing audience still counts as an audience. A few weeks back, I went to my regular doctor, and yes she is a doctor, to have my Botox done, and by the way I need a … Continue reading June Gardens, Injection Model
As soon as he gets out the shower, Ima kill Ned. He didn't wake me up till after 7:30! WHY? WHYYYY? Aaaaaand, he didn't get in the shower till after THAT, so now I'm trapped, panicked, waiting for him to be done so I can go in there and did I mention Ima kill Ned? … Continue reading The one where June is kind of berserk
Since I've been felled--FELLED!--by this illness, I've watched approximately 40 episodes of my Sex and the City. Not that I own the franchise to that show; if I did do you really think I'd be sitting around here talking to the likes of your impoverished ass? I mean my box set of the show, is … Continue reading I’m Mr. Bug. I own a mansion and a yacht.
Last night I finally showered, at 8 p.m., and I didn't bother to wash my hair. It got a little wet, though, and that with the combination of my curls being in bed all day resulted in it drying into sort of dreadlocks. "You look like Perry Farrell," said Ned. Then he had the nerve … Continue reading You know I hate to complain
I have been on bed all day. ALL. DAY. When Ned came home, he found me in exactly the same position I'd been in 12 hours before. That is to say prone. IN THE BED. And not in the good way. Pretty. The good news is, excellent shot of all three cats.
I found myself wondering today about Carmine Ragusa. Did he ever marry Shirley? I stopped watching after Laverne and Shirley moved to California, because that was just stupid. Remember how their entire circle moved there, too? Oh, look, Dad's girlfriend is here! I am probably the same age as Laverne's dad's girlfriend. I just looked … Continue reading Three
Our problem is, Ned doesn't get sleepy till, like, 1:00 in the morning, and I don't understand people like him. I mean, when I was 20, sure, I was raring to go at 1:00. Now I get logy at about 10:30. The result of this is that I never go to bed with Ned unless … Continue reading The one where Ned sleeps in
I got a big kick out of everyone's comments yesterday. The poor Guy Who Sits Next To Me had to hear each new what-you'd-find-if-you-cut-me-open comment. Imagine being the poor guy who has to sit next to me all day. His wife is probably sick and tired of hearing about me already. "June again, GodDAMMIT!" Maybe … Continue reading Marvin, please read this one. There are no feet, I promise.
I don't even know what to tell you about the conversations I get into with my boss. Yesterday we somehow started talking about if you'd cut us open, what would be inside. "Well, if you cut me open, you'd find glitter and kittens," I said. Then we decided if you cut open my coworker Griff, … Continue reading Glitter and kittens
We have a work delay due to inclement weather, which by the way is a tenth of an inch of ice. OH MY GOD STAY IN! The Michigan in me giggles. The lazy in me rejoices. Last night I slept for 8 hours and 10 minutes, and I had 43 "restless" minutes, ifyouknowwhatI'msayin'. I wish … Continue reading Royale with Cheese
The photographer came. He was a lovely man, who just got an Australian shepherd puppy named Bo who I saw a picture of and I love Bo so bad. I sneaked in this shot of said photographer in my room; he's the blue blur in the corner that Edsel is falling for, hard. He's Edsel's … Continue reading Apres Photoshoot
Here's what I'm wearing. ("Sometimes I vary it a little." "Which part?" "What I'm wearing.") (Name that movie!) I will alert you as to how it went. I wasn't nervous till I started talking about it just now ohmygod. At least I'm "funny," so if I'm not hot, it's fine. I'm Phyllis Diller. Photographically, Jooooon
I woke Ned up in the middle of the night. According to my Fitbit, it was somewhere between 2:47 and 3:08. "I'm sick," I announced, not at all dramatically. "My stomach is sick." "Oh, no!" Ned jolted up. "Come here! What can I do?" Now, see, there's the difference between Ned and me. I'd have … Continue reading Real Romance